Loneliness, Kept, Like a, Cat

Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, you only need to, give it its daily feeds, water source, and a, litter, box, and it takes care of itself.

It doesn’t bother you, doesn’t play with you, doesn’t demand any attention from you.  Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, independent, relying on no one but itself to keep itself, entertained…

like this, locked, inside, that, jar…photo from online

Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, but, it’s still, NOT, feral, for it knows, when it needed you, and will, come and ask you for something that it needed.  Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, it will, go off on its own, gone for days on end, but you can, always, count on, that it will, eventually, return “home” again.

Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, and, you’d kept my loneliness, like that adopted cat, but you still, don’t, OWN it, it OWNS, its own, self!

Loneliness, kept, like a, cat, it will, wander off, and it will, always be, there, but out of sight, existing, in its own, quietness and, silence…………

The Silhouette of, Lonely

The silhouette of, lonely, it looked like a, man, or rather, someone (or something!) that’s, no longer, whole, like the puzzles with the pieces gone missing…

The silhouette of, lonely, it doesn’t look good, does it?  Nope, but, what can you do?  Once loneliness, settled in your lives?  There’s no way you gave, hand it that, eviction notice, you think it’s just gonna, go that easily, without a fight?  Think, again!

The silhouette of, lonely, like that beautiful woman, untouchable, so high and mighty, with so many suitors down below, looking up at how beautiful she is, and yet, she’s, not interested (no, she’s still, NOT a “lesbian” either!), she has set her mind’s eyes on something else, way, way, W-A-Y more important, than the, earthly…

with nobody else, but the, self…photo from online

The silhouette of, lonely, that, is what you will have, every single night, when you go to bed at night, and, I’m still not going to, tuck you in, give you that kiss, good night, like I had, with my two!

The silhouette of, lonely, you better get used to it, ‘cuz lonely is all you’re ever gonna get, in your, company, there’s no way out for ya, lonely’s got you, cornered there…………

Every Child is Happy in the Amusement Parks

On how cruel the parents can be, without themselves, knowing it, abandoning US, their own FLESH-and-BLOOD!  And yet, we still all, grew, UP…translated…

I still loved taking my children to the Children’s Amusement Park.

As my father was younger, he too, might have understood this also.

It was mildly cooler on that day, thinking back, I suppose that it was at the time when autumn is about to, head into, winter.  The reasons for it, unknown, to me then.  One day as I got up, my father and my mother discussed something in a quiet voice, then, he’d told me to come with him.

That was a day of school, as I recalled, so, why didn’t he bring my younger brother too?

I was staying quiet, and focused on staying quiet, uncurious, but, I was, secretly worrying, that my father was, taking me to sell me off to someone.

what the, amusement park ride looked like to this man when he was only a young boy…photo from online

The drive wasn’t a short one, I’d no longer recalled if I’d shared conversations with my father or not, and, even if I had, I’m sure, I’d only spoken, a few, words, back when my father was younger, he’d not known how to talk to his children.

And finally, we got off the freeway ramps, and it was surprising to me as he’d pulled into the parking lot, the colors of the rainbow came into sight, it was, the rambunctious, loud, Children’s Amusement Park.

Don’t know if anybody recalled the “Tien-Yuan Villa of Doliou”.

My father bought us the fares, and, stuffed a hundred or was it two hundred dollars in my hand (back then, that was, a whole lot of money), told me to go into the park to play, to get myself something to eat if I get hungry.

He’d told me, “before the park closes in the afternoon, I will come, and pick you up.”

And at that moment, I’d understood, that my father took me to get babysat at the Children’s Amusement Park on the day.

How grand was that, I tried hard, to hold back my grin, as my father looked, very serious then.

Shortly, my father sped off, and the old woman who was watching the gates close by, didn’t say a single word.

I’d entered into the park, recalled how I had a ton of, fun, gone on every single right, it was cool, the weather, but I’d, sweated a whole lot on the day.

When I suddenly felt hunger, it was past noon, I bought a corndog, had an orange soda, burped a few times, I felt more than, happy and, satisfied.

what childhood is like, for most of us…photo from online

I’d stuffed myself then, time for the Haunted House, I’d not dared entered since I got there in the early morn.

I saw a couple, who were, smiling very radiantly as I was standing in line, looked like they were, checking into a motel or something.

Thinking back, it was, quite, metaphorical, that a couple entered into a haunted mansion together.

They may get married in the future, and, maybe, they will become, someone’s parents, and, bumped into a ton of, scarier things than ghosts, and some of which will probably be too hard for them to handle, but, so long as they still shared the love, they will probably be able to, laugh, about it.

I’m scared of ghosts, and couldn’t even, open my eyes, and just, clung on to that older girl’s shirttail all the way, thankfully, she’d not found me a nuisance, she was like a mother, held me close, gently.

Don’t worry, it’s all, fake, she’d, told me.

Exiting the Haunted Mansion, I’d passed the couple by, don’t know why, I’d started, feeling, something weird.

I’d felt, very, alone, so suddenly.

Lost my sense of play then, just, sat on the benches, by the, trash can, watching the people go to and from, envied how they were laughing, and crying too.

As the evening came, I’d not noted that it had, until the song “Goodnight” by the singer came on, chasing the visitors, out.  As the skies grew dark, everybody was then, exiting, I’d started worrying then, worried over time, and, I’d, waited and waited, and waited, until, there was, absolutely, NOBODY else around, then, I’d, stumped, outside.

The elderly woman who was watching the gates, smiled and saw me off, still, without a single, word.

I’d turned around for one last look, the amusement park was then, taken over by darkness, without the sounds of joys, or the, color, and I’d felt, that the amusement park is also, lonely, that what she wanted, wasn’t to say goodbye to me, but for me, to go in again, to be with her.

Maybe, the Children’s Amusement Park WAS, the loneliest place on earth, so, that’s why, people always go there, together.

I’d waited for my father outside, tired, and cold too, the skies was completely, darkened, to the color of the blood, red, the car drove off one by one, the crowds, left, to the point, that I could, no longer, see my own, self anymore.

As my father’s headlights showed, the skies had, lost color completely then, even the elderly woman who kept the gates had gone home already.

Ahhhhhh!  Closed so soon!  He’d gotten out, and, blurted out this, lie.

I’d, believed him.

At the time, I still had two younger brother, and could understand it, the every parent had a different mode of making their, marriage work, but, they were all like, the Children’s Amusement Park, bitter, lonely, and in pain on the inside.

Until I became all grown up, with children of my own, I’d still prayed, that every child, when they were taken to the Children’s Amusement Parks, they are, happy.

And so, this, is how we all, grew up, being, abandoned by our parents, physically, and/or, psychologically/emotionally, because, our parents are all, ill-fitted, unequipped, to “handle” their own young, US, and that, is how children lose their, innocence, in their, younger years, without them ever, realizing that they had already been, “stolen”…

The Solitary of Your, Confinement

These four walls, the solitary of your, confinement, you can’t, EVER, break out of that, you’re now, trapped for L-I-F-E!  You will long to, reach out, but, nobody’s “out there”, as you’d, “off-the-grid” living in an, undisclosed, location (kinda like the “address” of my ivory tower???).

The solitary of your, confinement, you got nobody ELSE to blame for that but you.  As you’d been the one, keeping everybody who tried to reach out to you, out, and eventually, every one of us out there, stopped trying to reach you, ‘cuz???  Lights are on, phone’s ringin’ off the HOOK, but, nobody’s, H-O-M-E!

and this, is how you’ll, live!

photo from online…

The solitary of your, confinement, with fate as the, warden, and, you ain’t NEVER gonna be released on “good behavior”, ‘cuz you ain’t NO good, and, besides, where you gonna go, if you do eventually, get released?  Got NOBODY to love you, to care for you, so you might as well, just rot, in that hell of your own, loneliness then!

The solitary of your, confinement, that’s all your own, making, and I can’t help you, as, “the number you have reached, hadn’t been in service since LAST century!”, and you will keep on, reaching out, and guess what, “honey” (still sarcastic here!), I’m no longer “available”, ‘cuz I’d been, DEAD, since………when was that again???  Oh yeah, ’08!

Hiked that Trail Paved with Lonely…

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, we both had, or rather, I had already, finished “trekking”, while you’re still on it!

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, we learned to make lonely our constant companions, and because this is a one-way street, from start to finish, ain’t NO turnin’ back where we’d come, there’s no way we can, track backwards…

like this song by Celine Dion & Il Divo, off of YouTube…

I Believe in You – Il Divo and Celine Dion – YouTube

(and yes, the link works!)

Hiked that trail paved with lonely, I had, and, I heard the wind howl so loud, and didn’t bring a warm enough coat, because it, sunny, too bright away from this trail I didn’t anticipate that I’d gone to hike up.  And so, as I’d walked farther into, the woods of lonely, I’d felt, colder, and, eventually, had to, stop to make a fire.

Hiked that trail, paved with lonely, and now, you will be on that “journey” to discover what loneliness is truly about, and you still won’t come to the same conclusions as I had about lonely either, oh no, lonely hurt you through your childhood, while it’d, accompanied me, became my best companions in childhood.

Hiked that trail, paved with lonely, we are all lonely, no matter if we got tons of friends, loved ones, families who love us like crazy, we are still, all alone, solitary, individuals………

Companionship at Old Age

GET a D-O-G, that’s my ADVICE!!!

Companionship at old age, someone who can, take care of me, as I age, someone with whom, I can, connect with intimate (not SEX!!!), someone with whom I can, share my innermost feelings with, someone who will, accept me for who I am…………

Companionship at old age?  Yeah, be your own companion, because if you can’t even, get alone with yourselves from before, and if you’d, failed to set up that tight-knit connection to your own loved ones, what the #$%@ (maxed!) makes you think, that your next-of-kin will, want to, stay close to you?  After all, it is, too important, that we surround ourselves with those whom we are, related to by blood (our offspring, next-of-kin, relatives, spouse, etc., etc., etc.), right?

how nobody wants to end up with…

living alone, in the, darkness…photo from online

Companionship at old age, very important, because, the lack of socialization, can make your brains deteriorate more quickly, than the original speed that your brains, deteriorate at.  Companionship at old age, not just anybody at random, but those that you cared for, raised when they were children, and, because you’d taken care of them, put clothes on their backs, foods into their stomachs, provided for their school tuitions, there’s, NO reason why they wouldn’t want to be near you, when you’re, old and gray, right???

WRONG! Despite how much you think you’d, given to your children, if you can’t make them feel the love you have for them, who’s to say, that they won’t turn out as ingrate like I became one, huh???

And yes, this is still, from the life and times, of a total INGRATE: ME!!!

The Elderly Father Took Care of His Own Ill Daughter for Fifty Years, Finally Suffocated Her to Death, the Judge Gave the Man a Pardon

As the burdens of caretaking became too great…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Sentenced to Two-and-a-Half Year “Never Received the Social Resources, Understandable Circumstances………Suggested that the President Issue a Pardon”

The man, took care of his own youngest daughter who was born with cerebral palsy for fifty years, last February saw his youngest having a major toothache, plus the outbreaks of MERS-CoV, saw that the pain killers couldn’t alleviate her pians, he’d, smothered her to death with a quilt, and attempted suicide but was, saved, the Taipei District Court took into considerations that he took care of his own daughter long-term, and not received enough social resources to help him out, and, reduced his sentence twice on how he’d turned himself in, how his situations was what made him commit the murder, yesterday, Chen was sentenced to two years six months on domestic violence and murder. This can still be appealed.

The Collectivist Courts on the verdict, specifically noted that Chen (age 78) is a loving father, for the benefit of his own daughter, for fifty years on end, he’d, taken care of her himself, had it not been the outbreaks, he would’ve, continued, caring for his own daughter.  Seeing how much he’d loved her, and, how he’d, terminated her life himself, in the futures, he would be, imprisoned, by his own conscience, and, there’s, room for discussions on whether or not the country should, enforce, a jail sentence for him, and, suggested that the D.A. examine if Chen would be fitted to serve his prison terms, and suggested to the president, to issue a special pardon for him.

Chen’s youngest daughter because of severe cerebral palsy, couldn’t take care of her own life, is bedridden long-term, her body became, malformed, last February, she had a tooth ache, Chen wanted to take her to the hospital to get her tooth extracted out, the eldest daughter voiced her concerns, Chen worried that it would be hard for his youngest to get sedated for the procedures, and the outbreaks were, getting, more and more serious, he couldn’t take her to the hospital.  On the evening of February 29^th, he’d heard his youngest moaning out of pain again, believed, that even if he’d fed her the painkillers, it still won’t help her reduce the pains, and he’d, smothered his youngest daughter to death with a quilt.

After Chen murdered his own daughter, he’d started becoming, suicidal too, took a huge dose of sleeping pill, fell into a coma, his wife found him the following morn, reported to the fire department, as the paramedics arrived, they’d found that the youngest daughter was, already, dead, rushed Chen to the E.R., as Chen regained consciousness, he’d turned himself in, for murdering his own, youngest daughter.

The Collectivist Court pointed out, that Chen was really close with his daughter, but could not receive the social resources he’d needed to give her the needed care, and he’d not received the social supports of the caretakers on time, it’d made the caretaking process even harder for him to endure, to the point that he’d started showing signs of depression, anxiety, as well as, insomnia too, and seeing how his youngest was in pain, and couldn’t help her feel better, he’d decided, to put her out of her misery.

Chen’s wife and eldest daughter both testified in court, that they’d hoped that Chen can be found not guilty, that if he was sent to prison, then, it will, try the family even harder.  Even the district attorney who argued on the behalf of the victim spoke on his behalf, suggested that the judge sentenced him to only two years.

But the Collectivist Courts considered, that the defendant had loved his own daughter son, and ended her life himself, that in the future days to come, he will get tortured by his own conscience, that there’s considerations on whether or not sending him to prison would be absolutely necessary, the courts suggested that the president sign a pardon for him.

And so, due to these, trying circumstances in life, this man had, decided, to END his own daughter’s life, out of mercy, but, this is still, MURDER, and it’s still, due to how this man didn’t alleviate the stress of caretaking soon enough, that this tragedy occurred, and now, the courts is planning to not punish him, based off of the trying circumstances of the family’s conditions.  And yes, this is still MURDER!

Lonelier than Alone

I’m, lonelier than alone, wrapped myself, in your, loneliness here.

Lonelier than alone, this, was how you’d, left me, and, I HATED it, being so, disconnected, so separated, from the rest of what’s, formerly, known to me, and now, reconnecting won’t be, so easy, been, too out of touch.

Lonelier than alone, you’d, kept me, wrapped me in your, misery, as, misery LOVED, company!  Lonelier than alone, this is, what you’d, given to me, since we wed, I thought I found someone to share my heart with, someone who’s, willing to, give ME his heart too, turned out, he was only looking to TAKE, and NOT give!

like, this???  Photo from online

Lonelier than alone, I don’t want to be, but, I’d been kept, by this man who said he loved me, inside, this, gilded cage, the confines, of these, four-walled, high-end, white-picket fence prison.  Lonelier than alone, I want to, break free from this, but, I got kids, and I can’t, leave them, NOT when they’re, so little, and still need their mommy to care for, to love them…

Lonelier than alone, I will, always be, with you around, and I still, would choose to be, lonely by myself, but what I got was, lonely with Y-O-U!!!

On an Unknown Early Morning

On an unknown early morning, she woke up, not knowing, what’s up ahead in her day, she got dressed for school, as she’d done from before…

She got out at six thirty, walked on that small road between the fields, like she’d, always done in the mornings, getting to school, then, she can’t remember, what happened afterwards.

She woke, in a room, full of, bright light, with voices, so sharp, so loud it’d, made her ears ache.  She’d, blinked her eyes, tried to get things into focus, but it’s like, something’s, obstructing her view, she’d, rubbed her eyes, to try to clear it, it didn’t work.  It took her, a very long time, to realize, that the white room she was in, wasn’t her class, where she was, supposed to be.

Then, a woman’s voice started speaking, she tried to follow where the sound came from, but, she couldn’t see!!!  The woman’s voices told her, “Ms. You’d been, attacked, we just did a rape kit on you!”  A rape what???   That wasn’t supposed to happen, I was on my way to school, then, for some unknown reasons, I ended up, here…

The woman’s voice continued, “is there someone you’d like us to call for you, an adult, maybe?  Your parents, perhaps?  Do you have their numbers???”

On an unknown early morning, nothing was supposed to happen, it was, just like any other day, she got up, got into the shower, to wake herself up, brushed her teeth, put on her clothes, dressed herself for school, and, sat at the breakfast table, as her mother worked in and out of the kitchen, her father, sitting in his chair, with his paper, reading…

Nothing was supposed to happen, on an, ordinary, unknown, early morning, but something did, something that made her wish she was, dead, but she wasn’t, she’d, survived through the physical and sexual assault, and now, she’s, broken!!!

Outside the Abortion Clinic…

Outside of the abortion clinic, you see people, holding those, pro-life, and pro-choice signs, and your bodies are still, NOT yours, it was, NEVER yours to begin with!!!

Outside of the abortion clinic, the crowd gathers, to protest the clinic’s god-defying action, with, absolutely, NO sense, of how this FUCKED up matters are, caused by M-E-N.  And you’re, protesting G-O-D???

this, is what you’ll, see…photo from online

Outside the abortion clinic, the crowd parted like the Red Sea, on one side, was the men who are, PRO-LIFE (you mother fuckers aren’t the ones going through the FUCKING pregnancies, what right have you to say, huh???), and on the opposite, there are, the PRO-CHOICE women (it’s our bodies, our rights!!!).  But, do we really, have a right over, our bodies?  I mean, think about it………

Outside the abortion clinic, the crowds are, getting rowdy, and then, in an instant, windows shattered, death took over the air, and there’s, still NOTHING that anybody CAN do, because a woman has the right, over HER body, doesn’t she?  Or, must we women, be ruled by, M-E-N???

Outside the abortion clinic, pamphlets are, flying, fires started everywhere, it looked like, Armageddon, the world, on the verge of, destruction, and yet, where is, G-O-D, in all of this, huh?  If God exists, why didn’t he, stop this, atrocity, tell me!