Category Archives: Being Alone

Lonelier than Alone

I’m, lonelier than alone, wrapped myself, in your, loneliness here.

Lonelier than alone, this, was how you’d, left me, and, I HATED it, being so, disconnected, so separated, from the rest of what’s, formerly, known to me, and now, reconnecting won’t be, so easy, been, too out of touch.

Lonelier than alone, you’d, kept me, wrapped me in your, misery, as, misery LOVED, company!  Lonelier than alone, this is, what you’d, given to me, since we wed, I thought I found someone to share my heart with, someone who’s, willing to, give ME his heart too, turned out, he was only looking to TAKE, and NOT give!

查看來源圖片like, this???  Photo from online

Lonelier than alone, I don’t want to be, but, I’d been kept, by this man who said he loved me, inside, this, gilded cage, the confines, of these, four-walled, high-end, white-picket fence prison.  Lonelier than alone, I want to, break free from this, but, I got kids, and I can’t, leave them, NOT when they’re, so little, and still need their mommy to care for, to love them…

Lonelier than alone, I will, always be, with you around, and I still, would choose to be, lonely by myself, but what I got was, lonely with Y-O-U!!!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Excuses, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

On an Unknown Early Morning

On an unknown early morning, she woke up, not knowing, what’s up ahead in her day, she got dressed for school, as she’d done from before…

She got out at six thirty, walked on that small road between the fields, like she’d, always done in the mornings, getting to school, then, she can’t remember, what happened afterwards.

She woke, in a room, full of, bright light, with voices, so sharp, so loud it’d, made her ears ache.  She’d, blinked her eyes, tried to get things into focus, but it’s like, something’s, obstructing her view, she’d, rubbed her eyes, to try to clear it, it didn’t work.  It took her, a very long time, to realize, that the white room she was in, wasn’t her class, where she was, supposed to be.

Then, a woman’s voice started speaking, she tried to follow where the sound came from, but, she couldn’t see!!!  The woman’s voices told her, “Ms. You’d been, attacked, we just did a rape kit on you!”  A rape what???   That wasn’t supposed to happen, I was on my way to school, then, for some unknown reasons, I ended up, here…

The woman’s voice continued, “is there someone you’d like us to call for you, an adult, maybe?  Your parents, perhaps?  Do you have their numbers???”

On an unknown early morning, nothing was supposed to happen, it was, just like any other day, she got up, got into the shower, to wake herself up, brushed her teeth, put on her clothes, dressed herself for school, and, sat at the breakfast table, as her mother worked in and out of the kitchen, her father, sitting in his chair, with his paper, reading…

Nothing was supposed to happen, on an, ordinary, unknown, early morning, but something did, something that made her wish she was, dead, but she wasn’t, she’d, survived through the physical and sexual assault, and now, she’s, broken!!!

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Filed under Abuse, Abusing Someone's Trust, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Bullying, Cost of Living, Growing Up Too Fast, Improper Behaviors of an Adult, Improper Misconducts, Innocence Lost, Miscelaneous, Rapes, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Unsafe Neighborhoods, Violence in the Media, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

Outside the Abortion Clinic…

Outside of the abortion clinic, you see people, holding those, pro-life, and pro-choice signs, and your bodies are still, NOT yours, it was, NEVER yours to begin with!!!

Outside of the abortion clinic, the crowd gathers, to protest the clinic’s god-defying action, with, absolutely, NO sense, of how this FUCKED up matters are, caused by M-E-N.  And you’re, protesting G-O-D???

this, is what you’ll, see…查看來源圖片photo from online

Outside the abortion clinic, the crowd parted like the Red Sea, on one side, was the men who are, PRO-LIFE (you mother fuckers aren’t the ones going through the FUCKING pregnancies, what right have you to say, huh???), and on the opposite, there are, the PRO-CHOICE women (it’s our bodies, our rights!!!).  But, do we really, have a right over, our bodies?  I mean, think about it………

Outside the abortion clinic, the crowds are, getting rowdy, and then, in an instant, windows shattered, death took over the air, and there’s, still NOTHING that anybody CAN do, because a woman has the right, over HER body, doesn’t she?  Or, must we women, be ruled by, M-E-N???

Outside the abortion clinic, pamphlets are, flying, fires started everywhere, it looked like, Armageddon, the world, on the verge of, destruction, and yet, where is, G-O-D, in all of this, huh?  If God exists, why didn’t he, stop this, atrocity, tell me!

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Awareness, Basic Human Rights, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Choices, Decision-Making, Government, Policies, & Politics, Issues of Morality, Issues of the Society, Issues on Gender, Life, Moral Responsibilities, Observations, Perspectives, Pro Life vs. Pro Choice, Properties of Life, Right to Life, Soup of the Day, Values, Women's Issues

Seeing the Love without Boundaries from a Foreign Spouse

How the kindness cycled around, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Last week, I’d gone to a free clinic session for the foreign worker fishermen, because most of the fishermen were from Indonesia, so there was a translator alongside me all the way; I’d had the spare time, and struck up a conversation with her.

“I’d seen you every single time in the free clinics, you’re always smiling, very kind and gentle, you’re, a rare gem!”, I’d commended her.  “Doctor, you thought too much of me, they’re my countrymen, floated across to Taiwan to work, I’m glad, that I can, be of some sort of minute assistance.”

I’d asked her where she came from, “I lived in Jakarta originally, my father is a catering chef, with an unstable income, and there are, too many mouths to feed, and so, in my high school years, I’d, married to Kaohsiung, hoping, to make some extra money, to wire it back home, to help with my family, but………”, she’d taken a very long inhale, continued, “not long after we were wed, my husband was diagnosed with oral cancer, after three surgeries, countless electrotherapy sessions, he could no longer work”.  What made her situation worse was, as her kids rode together on a scooter to visit their father at the hospital, they were hit by a car, her daughter was injured severely, in the I.C.U., her son with fractures, and needing surgery.

Back then, she was looking after her elderly in-laws on her own, her sick husband, and her injured children, she felt hopeless.  But thankfully, her parents in Indonesia wired some money for her, and her eldest sister who’d married to Malaysia flew over especially to help her out too for three months; more importantly, the national health insurance coverages, it’d, helped her out with the costs of the treatments; she’d worked as a translator at the agency during the daytime, at night, she’d gone to school, to hone up on her Chinese skills, her son part-timed through school, they were, just, getting by.

“Actually, the Taiwanese people are quite helpful, I’d met a ton of those who were willing to go out of their ways to assist me, by just being there for emotional support, or those who’d, offered to help me with my finances.  I’m grateful, and in order to pay them back, I’d, signed on these sorts of voluntary work, to make what I can do useful and helpful, and this time, I’d, brought along my children who’d healed from their injuries to volunteer also, to make sure they will note, the love that’s, without the borders in Taiwan.”

Her husband may not be well-educated, or made a lot of money, but she’d, loved Taiwan like it was her home country, as the trials came, she’d, taken them all in, no complaints, no regrets, she’d, utilized her spare time, to hone up on her skills, to acculturate herself into the local communities, and knew to give back, she is, the model citizen for all of the foreign spouses that’s for sure!

And, this, is how this woman was, driven by the cycle of kindness, she was shown kindness when she was in need, when her family had problems, she’d received help from all around her, and that was what drove her, to give back now.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Because of Love, Being Alone, Connections, Cost of Living, Getting Treatment, Helping Behaviors, Kindness Shown, Lessons, News Stories, Observations, Overcoming Obstacles, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Social Issues, Socialization, Values

A Child without Christmas

A child without Christmas, because s/he is orphaned, without love of anybody, left abandoned, in those drop boxes outside of those age-old churches…

A child without Christmas grows up, experiencing nothing BUT the icy cold weather, the coldness of other people’s stares, because s/he is unloved and unwanted.

here’s someone who probably wouldn’t experience Christmas as something wonderful, photo from online…

A child without Christmas, becomes lost around the holidays, and, everywhere s/he looks, there’s, so much love flowing from others’ lives, and, s/he grew even more resentful of life and fate!  A child without Christmas, how, does a child grow up without Christmas?  How can a child, NOT know ANY love, and still live to grow up into adulthood?  Or, maybe, the child without Christmas, had died, a long, long, long time ago, and, s/he became, another Ghost of Christmases Past?

A child without Christmas, feels the pain, creeping up, as the Christmas season draws near, and, s/he stopped, heading outdoors by mid to late-November, because the “scent” of the season grows stronger, as the year nears end………

how can you possibly think about what you’re getting for X’mas IF you can’t even have your most basic needs filled from day to day?  Photo from online…

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Filed under Being Alone, Cause & Effect, Childhood, Connections, Early Exposures, Interactions Shared with the World, Observations, Things Left Behind

Being Different…

I’m like you all, my classmates, but, not exactly, I have a mom, who’s from a foreign world as opposed to the one I’m currently “staying in”…

When I first entered into class, I spoke the mainstream languages with a perfect tone, absolutely NO weird accents, but, the other kids, they’d still, made fun of me.

not my drawing.

I tried to fit in, tried to engage myself into their discussions, but, every time they saw me approaching, they’d all just, scattered and dissipate, as if, they’re avoiding me, like I’m the plague or something!  And, it’d, hurt.

I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being different, but, the feedbacks from my external environment seemed to prove otherwise.  I keep on, getting the signals, that I should be thankful, being different from everybody else, and yet, in my day-to-day interactions, that “theory”, it just, can’t seem to work out that well at all!

not my picture.

And now, after being casted away, singled out by my cohort, I’m starting to feel ashamed of my difference, and eventually, I’d become, so scared of being different, that I’d do anything, to blend in with the rest of the crowd………

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Bullying, Discriminations, Life, Perspectives, Violence in Schools

The Air, My Friend

taken from the papers here…

Translated…

They all thought I was playing, actually, I’m, crying.

This, is the mindset of loneliness, that lack of understanding from the outside world, that longing to be, accepted, by the group…

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Loneliness/Solitude, Self-Images, Socialization, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Getting Out from Postpartum Depression

Translated…

Upon hearing recently, that a woman committed suicide due to postpartum depression, after work, my husband inquired, if I’d felt okay lately?  If something’s up, I needed to let him know.

Compared to three years ago when my firstborn got here, my husband had metamorphosed from that self-centered big boy, into a man who puts his family first.  That year, my first child came, my husband’s “living life his way” made me feel so very helpless and alone, the “active participations” from my in-laws made me feel even MORE pressures; plus the economical burdens, I’d washed my face with my tears every single day.

Even after my month long recuperation is up, the anxieties, the self-mutilations, even the thought of taking my child with me to suicide, still circled around my mind again and again.  I’d told my husband of it, and, he’d blamed me for being too anal.  What’s most impressive was, when I’d told him I’d wanted to get professional medical help, he’d replied, “You should go to Africa instead, fighting to survive there every single day, that’ll keep your mind away from feeling depressed!”

Whether or not it was a joke, I’d still can’t believe, that someone who’d educated as he, a dentist, graduated from a public university, can say something so awful.  And, if my husband, who had medical trainings behaved as such, then, what trials must the other women who are also dealing with postpartum depression be faced with, would they be able to, receive the understandings of their separate families?

Thankfully, I have a supportive group of church friends, they’d helped take care of my child, took me to the free counseling sessions offered by the church; the counselor, after knowing my situation, encouraged me to see a professional.  In the seeing of the psychiatrist, I’d found, that other than the medications, the national health insurances also covered the talk therapy sessions as well.

Through the talking therapy session, I’d slowly felt better, learned to introspect and gotten some techniques to help me get along better with my husband.  From the three to four times fight a day, to one fight every three to four months, and now, we have two babies, and are expecting a third.  My friends joked about how intimate I must be getting with my husband, driving us to have so many children.  Yeah, certainly, compared to the postpartum depression experiences, we are now, interacting, so much better.  Postpartum depression may be a crisis of a marriage, but it can also be a chance, to better your interactions with your partners too.

And so, this woman worked, very hard, to get herself OUT of her own postpartum troubles, and, postpartum depression is still NOT a myth, you LOSERS, it’s real, and so, the next time your separate ladies start showing signs after they gave birth to YOUR young, DO show us some kindness!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Family Matters, Healing Process, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Obstacles in a Relationship, Postpartum Depression/Postpartum Psychosis & Other Problems from After Birth, Properties of Life

Attire

A short prose, translated…

There was the label, “Made by the Universe” on my shirt collar, the style was Galatic, the material was of ordinary values, every Wednesday, I’d worn it to the nightclubs, and, drank down my own loneliness.

And, that just shows, how ALONE we are all feeling, in this VAST universe, because we’re desperately longing, for that connection with someone else, and that, is still because, we are all, too caught up in the pursuits of things that are of NO value whatsoever, the emptiness of modern man’s soul is seen here.

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Writing

Finding Refuge in the Silence

I’d found refuge in the silence, it was so loud before that it disturbed me in my thoughts, but now, it sounded very peaceful, and I have NO clue what brought about this change.

Finding refuge in the silence, this, usually takes some time to achieve, because nobody’s used to the silence that quickly, but, eventually, you’d learn that no matter how hard you’d scream, how loud you cried, after all that passes, it’s still the DEAD silence, accompanying you, and so, you learned to deal with it.

And soon, you will discover that hey, silence isn’t at all that bad, in fact, it’s kinda comforting, with just ME and me alone.  Finding refuge in the silence, is what you must learn to do, so, SILENCE yourselves, and, at first, the silence might get too loud for you to handle, but hey, that’s the FIRST step to dealing with it.

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Filed under Being Alone, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Philosophies of Life, Socialization