Category Archives: On Death & Dying

Dealing with Death, Feelings Associated with Death

Crossing the River Styx

There was, a huge group of “us”, who’d been lost, up there, and now, we’d, followed this, long, long line, one leading before the other, journeyed down into, the underground.

I’d not noted this, but, those “souls” whom I’d originally, set out with, are all, gone, as my companions.  And now, I’m about to, travel across, this, final threshold…

Crossing the River Styx, as soon as my feet touched the waters, I’d, gotten that thrilling feel, suddenly, the air was, no longer inside my lungs, and I’d, fought, really hard, to keep this, final breath within my lungs (forgot that I was already, D-E-A-D???).

look on the bright side, at least, THIS guy’s going to be with me, for a, little, bit…

illustration from online

Crossing the River Styx, I know what’s, on the other side (heaven, or hell???), at LEAST, it’s not this state of, LIMBO, so it’s, a lot, better…but, soon as my feet touched the water, I got that feeling of death, entering into me, and, it’d, thrilled me: I’m not ready to die yet, I don’t belong here!!!

Crossing the River Styx, just one more step, and I’ll be, underground, but I can’t, I just, can’t, let go, of this, final breath, because I’m scared (of what???)………

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Filed under On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values

A Ghost that’s, Led Me, Home…

A Ghost that’s, led me, home, no, I’m not, kidding, I’d, followed Casper, and, he got, a little too, “friendly” for my liking there, home…

A ghost that’s, led me, home, never thought, that it would be the way, it, went.  A ghost that’s, led me, home, and now, I’m, falling asleep, in this, cemetery of, dreams that I found me in.

A ghost that’s, led me, home, that is, how it sometimes go, isn’t it?  I mean, we followed this road, not knowing where it might, lead, and surely, we became, scared, as the road continued to wind, twist and turn ahead.

following that road that leads us, home…photo from online

A ghost  that’s, led me, home, that, is how it goes, and I will, keep on, following you, my little ghost, home, and, when I’m finally done with time here, then, we will, finally, become those, ghosts that’s been, led, home, and turn into, ghosts, that lead, others, home too…

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Filed under Letting Go, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, the Finality of Life

Do I Let You Go, or Do I, Not???

Seeing you, growing weaker, weaker, becoming, less and less, than what (instead of a who now???) you were from before, I’d caught between letting you go and making you stay.

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  And, I gotta say, it makes me feel powerful (muah-haha, my EVIL laugh!), to have your lives in my hands.  But, do I let you go, or do I, not???  I mean, I can, just, pull that tube off of your oxygen mask, and put you out, of both our, miseries, but I really don’t want to get charged with, murder, but, that means, that you would have to, keep on, living with that, dying breath of yours, not yet, “expired”.

and that would be what that, looked, like…photo from online

So, what do I do, huh???

Do I let you go, or do I not???  It’s really, not up to me here, ‘cuz I am NOT G-O-D, nor would I, want to be, I’m just, an “innocent bystander” (am I now???) to your life, watching all of this, circle ‘round, flashing by, in a, huge, B-L-U-R…

Do I let you go, or do I, not???  Can I get back to you on that, I’m still, thinking about the “right” answer here, ‘cuz I wouldn’t want that SOLID F on my “grade report”.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Awareness, Euthanasia, Life, Observations, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Right to Die, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, the Finality of Life, The Observer Effect, White Picket Fence

Returning the Morphine Patches

She’s no longer in pain now, and naturally, these painkilling patches are no longer, needed, so he’d, decided to, return the unused patches to the oncologist, to see if someone else who may need them can have them to use, translated…

As he’d gone to pick up after his mother’s room, he’d found some of the unused morphine patches.

She’d been gone several months now, and he’d, finally decided, made the decision to, return the morphine patches back, to the doctor who’d, prescribed them.

If this world, everything in the universe is, eternal, and quantifiable, then, perhaps, the only thing that keeps on increasing is, “pain”, he’d thought.

His mother in her terminal stage of cancer, he never forgot, he looked up his mother, moaning and groaning from pain, weakened, he’d thought once, that as his mother passed, the entire world will, collapse.

But it didn’t, instead, it’d, kept on, turning, in a way that he couldn’t, notice, couldn’t, comprehend, continuing onward.

He took the bus, transferred on the subway, then, walked a short while, then, got to the hospital which treated his mother before she died.

the unused patches which the oncologist presecribed his mother…

which he’d returned to give back to the oncologist…photo from online

Everything was like it was yesterday, as he took his mother, waiting out by the doctor’s clinic, and had, gazed inside the door every now and then.

He saw the oncologist busying about as usual.

He’d snuck into the room, as the last patient got up to leave, and the nurse had her head lowered, busying on something, then, pulled out that plastic bag’s worth or morphine patches, handed it to the oncologist.

The oncologist was surprised as he’d lifted his head, the moment the looked into one another’s eyes, he knew, that the oncologist knew.

“Yes, my mother is dead……….”, he’d worked up his courage to speak, “there’s no more use for these patches, so I want to return them back to you, maybe, it can go to someone else who needs them……….”

Thank you, sir, he’d stated in his mind, for caring for my mother, even though she’s no longer here anymore.

Thank you.  He knew the oncologist was stating in his mind as well.

But the two of them were only sharing that silence for about a second.

In this treatment clinic that’s always, quite busy, he’d suddenly felt, that the second lasted, into, eternity.

And so, this was the closure you’d desperately need, to finally say goodbye to your own mother who’d passed on, and you’d, returned the morphine patches that your mother used to control the pains that the oncologist had, prescribed.

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Filed under Observations, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Stashed His Deceased Mother’s Body in the Freezer Bins, and Continued Getting the Assistance Money, He Got Indicted for Scamming the Social Welfare Programs

Scamming the social welfare systems here, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The elderly woman, Chiang died from illness, the son got the body back, and, put her corpse into the freezer bins, and, used his mother’s stamps to continue receiving the assistance paid to the elderly woman, and he’d received the funds for five whole years without getting caught, until last year he’d been reported for abusing his own daughter, as the social workers showed care and concerns, the daughter disclosed, “grandma is stashed in the freezer”, then, this shocking case of hiding the corpse inside the freezers got out; the Shihlin District Attorney’s Office indicted the man on forgery, and scamming the system.

The indictment pointed out, that in October of 2017, Chiang had vascular problems, and was taken to the hospital, where she’d not come out alive, her son got the body returned to the family, then, stashed the corpse in the freezer bins of his own, not gone to get the death certificate filed, nor gotten his mother taken off of the household registries, instead, he’d, continued using his mother’s stamps to continue to receive the welfare assistance.

The D.A. investigated, the man from 2017 to 2022, received a total of $750,000N.T.s in funds from the low-income support, the lesser of the community assistance, rent assistance, the elderly care for the holidays, the elderly health insurance, and he also received the local living assistance amount, the refund back to the community from recycled waste water, over $750,000N.T.s.; and he’d also used his mother’s name to take out a rental place.

Based off of understanding, the adolescent got addicted in the cell phone games, and her father could not get her to stop play, he’d beaten her, the school found the girl with bruises on her, and visited her home, and the adolescent blurted out, “Grandma’s in the freezers”, the police were notified and went to check, and confirmed, that the elderly woman, Chiang’s body WAS, stashed in the lower ice storage units of the refrigerator, that was when the case went bust.

The man claimed, he’d spent all of his money caring for his own mother, and couldn’t afford to bury her that was why he’d put her into the ice bin, and admitted to fraudulently receiving the assistance from social welfare.

And so, this is really bad, you’d NOT given your mother a proper burial, just put her inside the ice bins, not given her a final place of rest, simply because you wanted to keep on claiming her social welfare benefits, what kind of a son are you!

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Filed under Abuse, Bad Behaviors, Crime & Punishment, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, Scams, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Using the Article of an Old Friend to Remember Him, Who’d Been, Gone

Ways to keep those whom we loved and lost with us, at all, times…the way this individual commemorate her/his friend who’d passed on, translated…

After a friend passes away, what means would you use, to, remember her/him?

Before my friend died from his illness, he’d, already, exhausted all the treatment options, the doctor suggested that he check into the hospice, to help him go through this final passage of his life.  The day before he passed on, he’d texted me while he’s still lucid, “I’m not crying wolf this time, this time it’s for real!”, I’d felt unwilling, and asked, “Are you afraid?”, he’d responded without any hesitations, “no!”, I’m thinking that it was heaven who’d given him that extra a year and a half to prepare himself, so during the time when he was diagnosed to this, final passage, I’d felt, that he’d, accepted his own, fate.

I was like a companion who saw him off on a ride, stood by the platforms with the steam engines running, watching that train about to depart, giving off the steams.  And, just as it’d happened, the conductor finally called aloud using that whistle, told all the travelers, to, get, onboard.  His final message was, “The time is here, do take care, god speed!”, I’d read these words of his right before I got o work, not greeted him like I usually had, “You still alive?”.  And although, I’d gotten used to his not writing me back, it’d still, worried me a little bit.

in memoriam of…

photo from online

Before I head home, a friend told me sorrowfully, that he’d already, gone on that ride.  I got home at night, sat at my desk, sorting through my own, emotions.

He’d submitted the articles regularly, I’d used his pseudonym, found the article’s he’d written online, read the passages of how tried he’d been eight years ago raising his children up, also read up on how his mindset altered as he got diagnosed……and it was like I was holding that conversation again with him then.

Ever since, I’d always looked forward to the half an hour on Friday before I got off work, as I’d started using that thirty minutes, make a cup of coffee for myself, then, head online, to find an article written by him, like he was still in the office, chatting with me, right before we were to, clock out, quietly, I’d, heard him share the goings on of his life, to review over the connection we once shared.

The world does not stop turning as someone we know dies, but, we are able, to use our own ways, to make sure those who cared about who’d passed, are still with us every day of our lives.  And, every week, the half an hour I have with my friend on Friday, always brought the surprises to me, not knowing which article of his I was going to read up on, would I smile, or, sigh.  No matter, this thirty minutes before I clock out from work, is that setting sun, full of the warmth of the radiant colors of sunset.

And so, this is how we can, keep someone whom we cared a whole lot about, after s/he is gone in our lives, by finding ways to remember them, the things that reminded us of those whom we cared about who are, already, gone, to keep those we loved and cared about a whole lot still with us, even after they’re, gone.

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Filed under Connections, Lessons, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

He’d Wheeled His Mother Who’d Died to the Park to Dispose of Her Body, Didn’t Get Caught Until a Year Later

He should’ve known better, after all, it was, her mother, who’d, passed, and yet, instead of giving her a proper burial or have her cremated, he’d, left her body at a children’s playground…off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

Lee in Taichung found his eighty-five-year-old mother dead at home, didn’t call it in, instead, in the depth of the nights, he’d wheeled her out on her wheelchair to a children’s playground a kilometer away to dispose of her body, left her corpse on the slides, then left, the police caught Lee a week later, but because he wasn’t caught in the act, they’d not taken him into custody, and Lee ran, and got an arrest warrant on him, he’d not gotten caught until recently, the district attorney’s office charged him on disposing of his mother’s body illegally.

The investigators found, Lee (age 55) originally lived with his own mother, on the evening of March 22nd of last year, Lee found his mother dead of illness at home, he’d not called up the paramedics, nor the police, instead, he’d used the wheelchair left by his landlord on the first floor, then, put his mother’s body on it, wheeled her out.

At around eleven late in the evening, he’d wheeled her body to a children’s playground locally, Lee left the body on the slides, then, left, the following morn, as the locals were exercising, they’d found the elderly woman leaning against the slide, with her head hung, not moving, they’d gotten close to check, and found that she was dead, the locals were thrilled, they’d notified the police.

The police arrived at the playground, because the elderly woman had no identification on her, they’d treated her as a jane doe first, and, after the coroner’s autopsy, they’d found that she didn’t have any external injuries, and there wasn’t any toxins in her blood, the police sorted through the surveillance footages, and found that it was Lee who’d, dumped the elderly woman’s, body, Lee was called in.

Lee claimed at first, that he was wheeling his mother out for a walk, back then, his mother was still breathing, then he’d changed his statement to how she’d died at home, and not known what he was to do, that was why he’d, wheeled his mother to the park, he wasn’t consistent in his statements.

The police called up the family to the morgue to identify the body, the elderly woman’s other sons positively confirmed it was her, but Lee didn’t show, he’d lost contact, the police went to his home, his rental place to find him, but they weren’t able to, and there was an active warrant for his arrest signed by the D.A.’s office.

Lee was out on the run for close to a whole year, and it wasn’t until recently, did he, finally, get caught by the police, and the D.A.’s office asked the courts to mandate him into police custody, which the courts signed off on, the coroner’s believed, that the elderly was dead before she was disposed of by her own son, that he’d not leave her to die in the park.

Yeah, that made it, a whole lot, better, right?  I mean, at least this LOSESR did NOT leave his own elderly mother to D-I-E, in the park.  This just showed, how easy you can, dispose of a body, and yet, in the end, you still, get, caught.

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Improper Misconducts, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Messed Up Values, On Death & Dying, On the Wrong Side of the Law, the Finality of Life, White Picket Fence

Leaving the Good Financial Sense for the Children is Better than the Inheritances

The absolute necessity of a living will, so nobody can fight over what we leave behind after we’re, dead, and gone!  Translated…

My parents never told us, just how much assets are in their, possessions, but we’d, never cared too much over it.  Awhile ago, mom considered her own conditions, started forgetting things, and decided to tell us the financial situations.  My parents are genuine, honest people, didn’t make much, didn’t save much, I’d not cared about how much they would be leaving for us, but, I’d hoped, that they could use all the money they’d saved up, to live out the rest of their lives, with ease.

The most ideal would be, spending all the money we make up completely, at the moment we swallowed our, final, breaths.  I deeply believe, that passing the good financial senses is way more important, than leaving a summed, inheritances for them.  I’m really blessed, for having parents who knew the values of saving up, using when they needed, saving as they saw fitting.  Every month, they’d deposited a sum from their pays first, then, use the leftover sums as daily spending, that way, they wouldn’t spend all they made before the month was up, and had more to do the good deeds via donations and such.

like this!

found online

Actually, even if we didn’t tell our children how much was in our savings before we died, the inherited can always check through the tax office, it’s quite convenient, and, the living will will, prevent that if there are, conflicts, then, it can’t be, contested, because the living will was already written, signed, and, dated.  My parents passed to us, the values of honesty, they’d only verbally told us that we should, split everything up among us evenly.  And, all of us daughters, kept to our work posts, although we didn’t strike it rich, but we’d never felt, that our parents’ savings would be, ours.  And every time I saw the siblings fighting over the inheritance, I’d thought it was, quite abnormal.

And, if you have inheritance, you can decide if to save it and give it to your own children.  Or maybe, you should, consider donating it to charity, that way, it wouldn’t give the unfitting offspring a chance, to fight over it.

And so, this is on the matter of what we should do with our assets when we’re gone, and, the best way is to set up that living will, and get a notary public, and however many witnesses the laws required to be there, to sign for the papers, that way, that living will will then be validated, and, if your children fight over what you leave behind, then, the living will will be there, and they can’t contest it, because you’d, drafted it, and had a notary public to sign for you, and the witnesses too.

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Filed under On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Things Left Behind, Values

In Those Piles of, Autumn Leaves…

In those piles of, autumn leaves, lay the already DEAD!  In those piles of, autumn leaves, there’s, only the remains of our, yesterdays, rotting away, little, by little.

And, by the time we searched for what’d been lost, in those piles of, autumn leaves, there would be, nothing, but the invisible bones that we can’t, even touch anymore!

In those piles of, autumn leaves, those dreams of our yesterdays got covered up, and we’d dug, into the ground, to try to, recover them, got all the dirt under our, fingernails, and we still, can’t reach them, they got, buried too deep, in those piles, autumn leaves now.

in places, underneath here…

photo from online

In those piles of, autumn leaves, you’ll, find the dead bodies (or maybe, they’re all just, sleeping, yeah, that’s it!!!) of those, insects, deep, into the ground, they’re, hibernating from the coming of the cold, harsh winters, guess we should be, getting ready for that too, huh???

In those piles of autumn leaves, you will find, me, you, us, this dead child I would’ve caried for you (uh dude, you gotta be, DELUSIONAL here!!!), and none of that is, in existence now, because you mother @#%$ING (so???), murdered ME, and I’d, BURIED my SELF down, TEN-feet underground (‘cuz six feet’s still, too shallow, as I will, CLAW my way out!) already, and right beside me lay, my DEAD ghost of a baby girl, my darling, EMILY!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Children Murdered, Life, Love Became Murder, Murder, Observations, On Death & Dying, White Picket Fence, Wrongful Deaths

The Worth of Illness

Lessons in dying, what these terminal illnesses, teaches us about time, about love, and, about, life too, translated…

There were, the swellings on my grandfather’s tongue that popped up, they’d, spread and grown very quickly.

My ninety-eight-year-old grandfather and ninety-three year-old grandmother decided, that so long when it’d not hurt, then, they wouldn’t go to the hospitals to get checked out.  A very long time ago, they’d, signed the “Do-Not-Resuscitate” orders, hoping, that toward the end of their lives, they can, continue to stay as comfortable as they possibly can, and so, this time, as the unknown lump came, everybody knew, that it was, the angels, calling their names.

“Dad, younger brother and I will take care of mom, there are your parents, and your younger brother who’d died before in the living room, waiting for you, you should feel happy, that you’re, seeing them, soon.”  My seventy-three-year-old mother patted my grandfather, with his hair all white.  My grandfather’s originally black head of hair turned white overnight, as my uncle died of illness.  At that time, he was younger than my mother is right now, he’d done everything himself, playing the sports, keeping up with his vegetable garden, raising the chickens too, at thirty-nine, my youngest uncle, due to his improper diet, died too young.  And, as he’d lain in my grandmother’s arms as he’d swallowed his final breath, my grandfather sat in that darkened corner of the living room by himself, and, the next morn, his hair became, all white.

giving us the chance, the opportunity, to say goodbye to the ones we love

photo from online

My grandfather’s life had been rough, he grew up in poverty, sent to Okinawa to work the fields; and, as he was at the marrying age, because of his poverty-stricken means, he’d, married into my grandmother’s family, until his midlife, to old age, he’d finally, found the most peaceful years of his life, he’d played croquet and written calligraphy, eaten the meals with us often, and, loved to stay under his temperature-stable quilt and watch the shows in his bedroom.  They are, the only couple who’d been married over seventy years, who are still able to live on their own, and take care of themselves, the model elderly.

As he’d found that lump on his tongue, my grandfather slowly adjusted his mindset, in the means of the pains being bearable to him, other than taking his medications, and eating the foods that don’t require too much chewing, he’d lived like his old self: cleaning, collecting the items around the house, taking out the trash, slowly reducing the clutters in his home, slowly, ridding himself of the materials that are excess in his life, and we, the younger generations slowly, accepted the fact that he has, cancer too.

If there’s life, there will be, death, but, as we were younger, we hadn’t comprehended the meaning of it yet, and, there’s the aging, growing old, the illnesses, that are, used to remind us, that life is a journey with an, end.  And yet, the advances in medicine had made “old” into an extension of our births, with a ton of possibilities, to the point that we don’t realize, that the angels are, close by, with the periods all around us, and so, the only thing that reminded us of our, limits are, the “illnesses”.

“Illnesses” are the gently gifts from God, He’d reminded us, that our lives will be, over one day, but it’d not, shoved us off the trains of life we’re on immediately; it’d given the limited amount of time to us, so we can, set up our final passages, to cry, so we can, head on, towards our next, stop.

“Illness” made those around the person who has it have the time to grieve through it all.  As the moment of the angels, pushing through that door came, you would NOT see the messy room, or the shock from not yet ready to bid the ones we love farewell; what the angels would see, would be the room, with the light shining in, the tears of those “guests” who’d, come to, say goodbye.

“Illness” helped us gain the time to get ready for death, it’d given us time to ready ourselves, to change tracks into the next passage; it’d made us humbled over our limits, and we’re, fulfilled, in this, limit of time that we’re, given.

And so, this is the lessons that death teaches us, that we all, have our termination point, that it’s just, a matter of time, that we all, die, but how we choose to say goodbye to each other, that’s, what’s important, and how not to leave any inkling of regret behind, for the ones we loved, is a lesson that we all, must learn.

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Filed under Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life