Category Archives: Family Dynamics

The Wowrkings of a Family

Using the Soaps with the Idols to Teach the Children, on Parent-Child Relations

The parents need to think hard, on WHY it is, that the kids wouldn’t DARE tell them something that’s important that’s happened with them, what this mother learned, from the soap operas, translated…

A short while ago, my daughter and I got into a soap with the idols, with a scene where the female main character accidentally lost the bracelet that was given to her by her fiancée’s grandmother, although she’d found one that looked like it online, but it’d cost $200,000. And, she was pressed for the time to get it, and she saw an ad posted by loan sharks, and called in for the amount to buy the bracelet. In order to pay up the debts, she’d started part-timing like crazy after her regular job, and, other than stressing herself out, she’d started playing that game of spies with her families too.

As I’d watched, I’d frowned, asked my daughter, “Do you think she’d handled it well?” “She needed to take responsibilities for her own losing that bracelet!” “Or perhaps, she could go to her families to discuss the matter.” “She’s not a mama’s girl, she’s already working, and, if she’d told her families, her families will probably, grill her for being careless and stupid!” “Family will always be your pillar of support, and even if her family members scolded her, it’s from the perspectives of care and concerns! Being truthful with the family, that, is showing trust to one another, and, after you’d lied once, you’d needed to, make up even more lies to cover them all up, how tiring would that be, can you imagine?”

On that day, I saw a note on the entrance at our house by my daughter, she’d come clean, that she’d lost the cell phone I gave to her two days ago at cram school. She was flustered and scared, and didn’t dare to tell me, but after she’d seen the conversations of the woman in the soap, she’d, decided to, admit to her own mistakes, and reported her cell phone missing to the police already, and stopped the services.

As my daughter came home, and mentioned what happened to me, she’d started crying, and, she must’ve been feeling so bad these past couple of days. I think, perhaps, there’s, that fragile heart that’s, underneath the seemingly tough exteriors, that are, in need of the families’ love and support.

And, from this, it’d, reminded me, that it is truly difficult, balancing between the disciplining and loving our own young. The kind of education I’d received from my own parents are, “the more harshly we’d treated you, it’d showed how much we cared for you”, and, I’d been, quite strict with my children, and, had I know about this as it’d just happened, naturally, I would’ve, blown up, and not only that, I’d, probably, nagged my daughter about it incessantly too, it’s a wonder, that she’d not dared tell me what had happened, right after it’d, happened. Thankfully, my daughter listened to what I’d, told her, and, that soap opera, became, the role model for us both accidentally.

And so, this still showed, how there’s a lesson to learn everywhere, so long as, you’re willing to, keep your minds open, and take the lessons that the world is, teaching to you.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Lessons, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

Changing a Thought, Your World Opens Right Up

Found something that kept her calm, through her husband’s temporary “fix”, translated…

As I accompanied my child to off the island to school, other than helping him settle in, I’d also taken the opportunity, to visit locally, and enjoy this little peaceful time I have. In the embrace of Mother Nature, having been stressed out too long in the nitty-gritties of the day-to-day, I’d, broken free, like a bird from a cage, I’d felt, so very free.

After a few days, although I’m now, recharged spiritually, but my body was having the fatigues from the travels. There’s a saying, “There’s NO place like home”, it’s, so very, true, as I’d reached out, and touched the doorknob of my own house, I’d finally felt, that I can, finally rest easy. But, as I’d, pushed open the doors, my steps, as well as my smiles, froze solid, and, the luggage I had in my other hand fell.

The lanai in front was a huge mess, and, the table and chair where I usually sat leisurely to read, was pushed to the side, the cardboard boxes, the plastic baskets, everywhere, the originally cleaned tile flooring, covered in muddy footprints. There’s, that awful feeling from the pit of my stomach, I’d trembled, as I’d, turned on the lights, I’d, stood there, with my jaws, dropped, in shock, couldn’t make a single sound.

Looking around me, there was, a huge pile of dirt the size of a small mount, and the bamboo had, grown taller than I am, blocking the screen doors; the other bamboos, grown too large out of proportions; and, the gardenia with the branches like the antlers of deer, lying to the side. The piles of fertilized soils, the granite pieces, all, scattered, across the ground…………it’d, looked like, a BOMB had been, dropped here.

About a week ago, my husband looked around on the lanai, and, he’d, measured the space, with his calculating gazes, I’d caught a glance, at his usual act, I’d called out, “oh no!” to myself, I’d, rushed up to him, to ask him what was up. Just as I’d suspected, he’d started, getting so enthusiastic, describing what his plans were, of having a small garden on our lanai, and, I’d, rained down on his parade, “Please, stop your delusions, you just wanted to be the frontiersman, and I’d needed to, clean up after you, like from before when we kept the birds, and the dogs too…………”

He knew he wasn’t going to win the arguments, he’d, fallen silent, and not mentioned it again, I mistakenly thought, that he’d, stopped pondering about it, without knowing, that this, was, only the calm before the storms.

That very night, one of us carried the sour face, the other, scrubbed up the mats, and there’s, this awful tropical depression visiting our home, followed by the days of silent treatments, the air, froze up.

like this???  Not my photograph…查看來源圖片

Every day I’d waken up, pulled back the drapes, and, I was, face-to-face, with this withered garden, it was, truly, depressing. And, I just couldn’t deal with it anymore, rolled up my sleeves, tidied it up out there.

I’d first, trimmed the branches off the bamboos, remove the stems of the dying bamboo, the yellowed leaves as well, them, made the space, for the gardenias. After half a day of sweating it all way, I’d, gotten rid of my displease. And, I’d, taken a look at the scene, and, it was, breathable, and finally, I’d, rid myself, of the dark clouds that loomed over me these past couple of days.

More importantly, I’d put the fruit trees I’d especially loved which I’d planted inside a pot from before into the ground. And, in this garden which I’d once fought not to have, I’d, placed in some of my most cherished plants. Because, knowing my husband, my husband, who only has very short attention span, will soon forget the existence of this garden, and, I will be, the faithful gardener, who will always be looking after this small patch of my own dreams.

So, this, is how this woman changed her mind, to pull herself out of that tropical depression that she’d been in because of her husband’s temporary fix of having a small garden on their lanai, and this still showed, just how powerful the thought is, change a thought, your world lights up!

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Filed under Expectations, Family Dynamics, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work

Brought Up that Way

“You can’t blame him”, she’d told, all her friends, as they all showed their condolences toward how she got that shiner on her eye, along with those bruised cheeks, again!

Brought up that way, that, was the sorry excuse that she’d used, to rationalize why he would take the downs of his life out on her!  Brought up that way, excusing his bad behaviors, how long, can you keep on, lying to yourself?  I know how much you wanted to believe in his FALSE promises of how he’ll change, how he will NEVER lay a hand on you, but, by NOT taking actions against HIS abuse, you’re only, getting yourself deeper…

Brought up that way, you’d been, using that, to EXCUSE his bad behaviors, and how many times had he hit you?  Gosh, I dunno, let me C-O-U-N-T………Brought up that way, yeah, so, let’s, examine the situations, shall we?  So, based off of that way of logic, shouldn’t ALL men who were raised under abuse, BE abusive?  But, NOT all MEN raised by abuse are abusive to their spouses (although the occurrences of abuse is higher, than the occurrences of not!).

Brought up that way?  So, I can BEAT the SHIT out of someone, when I feel awful about me, if I saw my father, beating on my mother every single night of my childhood?  Or, can I say those “accidental” hurtful words to you, because I heard daddy, yelling those mean things to mommy, and, they actually thought, that I was, already, asleep, as their arguments occurred, LATE in the nights?

Stop making excuses already, brought up that way?  Yeah, I too, WAS raised up by VERBAL, EMOTIONAL/PSYCHOLOGICAL abuses, as well as SEXUAL molestations, and for that, I’d taken it all out, on my D-O-L-L-S, ‘cuz they can’t fight BACK, so, don’t tell me I don’t know SHIT ‘bout scapegoating here!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Excuses, Family Dynamics, Lives Lost, Loss, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

My Turn to Take Care of You This Time

From the mind of a son, translated…

The year that I’d interned at the emergency room, I’d always feared that my father would become one of the patients, every time I’d heard on the announcement system, that there was an unknown male patient, I’d always gone to check.  My father had been ill a long time, one morning, he had a stroke, was found by a neighbor, to be lying at the park, having a seizure, but after being treated, he’d gotten stabilized, and can now, live on his own.

I can’t believe, that my father who’d always been so strong, how he’d missed the signs of him growing weaker, back then, I’d spent all of my waking hours on my post, learned to ask the patients what was the matter, and how to treat their difficulties, and, in this busyness, I’d gotten a call, as I’d dialed back, it was, a stranger, telling me about my father’s conditions, how ironic!  My heart became twitched and tangled, I’d immediately rushed to the other hospital, saw my father, panting hard, at a corner of the emergency room; what’s worse was, I’d worked through the days and the nights, and neglected to ask him how he was, and was completely clueless about his mental and physical health.

I should’ve known, that my father had concealed his condition from me, because he didn’t want me to worry, I should’ve gotten that something wasn’t right from how fatigued he looked, all those knowledge I’d learned from medical school allowed me to look at every patient’s situations subjectively, but, I couldn’t see clearly what was going on with those I loved………I’d started doubting my love toward my father now, compared to those who’d kept me up all night long, thinking over their conditions, I don’t even know when was the last time my dad went to his doctor’s appointment, must there be a give and take between a greater kind of love and the love you have for those who are close to you?

There was a time, when I’d gotten trapped in the emotions of self-blame, before my father’s bed, I’d looked over his charts hard, trying to find a way, to make this love I have for him complete; but, what surfaced into my mind was not the medical knowledge, but the days my father and I spent together.  The tears of regrets stained my white robe, and, it was, as if my father heard my helpless cries, he’d worked hard, opened up his eyes, and told me, to not worry so much, word by word.

My father couldn’t control his drool, and, it’d slowly overflowed from the corner of his lips, I’d wiped it up lightly, I didn’t want someone else to look after him again, even as my father ushered me to head back to work, I’d still told him no.  This time, I want to, keep watch over my father, as his son.

And this, is how someone had become too focused on his job, that he’d forgotten about how important family is, but gladly, he’d gotten that wake up call just in time.

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Filed under Despair, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, On Death & Dying, Parent-Child Interactions, Professional Opinions, Properties of Life, Socialization

The Teddy Bear at My House

Translated…

My daughter had always wanted a cat for a pet, but, because neither one of us wanted to, she’d let that thought go.  Back in high school, one day, she saw a Rilakkuma, she’d bought it, with glee, it was, about eighty centimeters in height, with light brown coat, a square head, short and fat limbs, very cute, my daughter called it “Bear”, the three of us all loved it so.  The bear would usually stay in my daughter’s room, and accompanied my daughter to dreams at night; during the cold winter nights, my daughter would make sure, that her bear is warm, but when she wakes in the morn, the bear would usually have made its escape out, and would be on its side or with its head into the bed, making my daughter laugh.

At meal time, my daughter would carry the bear to the tables and sat with us, it’d stood, on the long chair, with its two, short arms on the table, like a kid, standing up, to eat at the table.  After meal, my daughter would carry her Teddy bear back into her bedroom, and would from time to time, nag it, out of fun, “Everybody’s finished already, only you, still here, you glutton.”

The rest time before bedtime, we’d all lain on the bed, sharing conversations, naturally, the bear would also, be there too.

The bear is naturally, my daughter’s number one fan when she plays the piano, whenever my daughter would practice, she’d placed the bear close by; and from time to time, she would have me, hold on to the bear, and listen to her play, after she’s done performing, I would pull the bear’s hands together, to give her the applause, and hollered, “Encore!  Encore!”, and my daughter would be filled with glee.  Whenever my daughter felt off, she’d told her sorrows to her bear too, she felt, that the bear had great healing powers.

Whenever it’s sunny, my daughter would put the bear onto the couch in the living room, to give it a sunbath, and, after the bear was warmed, she’d then, carry it back into her bedroom, and stated, “the bear had already gotten the essence of the sun and the moon now, it’d become, an energy bear!”

Sometimes, when my daughter heads off abroad to travel or to perform, she’d lain her bear on her bed, pull the covers over her, told it, “You must behave yourself, and wait, for my return.”

What’s more classic was, when she’d started grad school, and was going to her orientation, she’d brought the bear with her to her dorm; and when she’d called home regularly, she’d told me of how the bear was doing; and, waited until the summer or winter vacations, she’d bring the bear home with her.

Being an only daughter is really lonely, but, with her bear accompanying her, as parents, we feel, better about her not having a sibling.

And so, this, is how FAR someone’s attachment objects can go, this young woman didn’t have ANY siblings, as she’s an only child, and so, she’d found herself an attachment object, in this case, a Teddy bear, to accompany her, now, I’m not saying, that having an attachment object is a bad thing, but, this, is just, going WAY too far here, in MY opinion, that is.

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Filed under Awareness, Family Dynamics, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Self-Images, Socialization, Values

The Father Who’d Called Using the Red Public Phone

Translated…

My father walked in the door, with a bad face, he’d kept that same expression, as my mother cussed him out, “We’re already very poor, and you’d squandered ALL your wages away at the whore house, and the bars?”

“Go, go, go, follow that DEADBEAT, no good father of yours out, see what he’d been doing?”  my mother, who’d working hard as a manual laborer, to keep the household of eight, must also track down her lazy husband, there’s NO way she’ll have anything nice to say, at age nine, I’d stealthily followed behind my father, feeling scared, passed through the dark and ghostly and haunted bamboo forests, my father stopped at the phone booth at the entrance of our village, placed a few coins in, and, the smiles started crawling up his face, that, was a kind of bliss I’d never seen at home.

If I could get on a time machine, I’d love to return to that day, get closer to my father, to see who he was talking to?  What are the difficulties in his life?  Because he’d lacked the money, he’d had to carry the bad name my mother gave to him, and, be disrespected by six of his kids, and getting sculpted, into a bad man, by my mother’s words daily.

And so, this, is a memory from the childhood years, the narrator saw how her parents fought like hell, and it surely must’ve affected her, and, she’d become a spy, by her mother’s orders, to keep an eye for her mother, on her father’s whereabouts.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Properties of Life

She’d Murdered Her Own Mother, Gotten High on Drugs, in a Daze for Five Hours…Then, Turned Herself in, to the Police

From the Front Page Sections, a tragedy of a family, translated…

She was displeased at her mother’s words, “You had dragged me and your younger sister down with you”, after she’d murdered her mother, she’d told her younger sister, “You’re finally free”, her younger sister told, “We had a very unhappy childhood…”

A thirty-one year-old woman Pan in Kaohsiung, because she hadn’t gotten along with her own mother for long period of time, two afternoons, she’d bought a fruit knife, gone to her mother’s place, to confront her, Pan started stabbing her mother using the fruit knife twice on the right side of her mother’s neck, the fifty-three year-old mother died, had her throat slit.

After Pan had murdered her mother, she’d started using ketamine, and fell into a daze next to her mother’s corpse, and five hours later, she’d told her younger sister what she’d done, told her younger sister, “You’re now, delivered from pain”, and was accompanied by her sister, to turn herself in.  After the D.A.s interrogated her, they’d asked her to be taken into custody, which was approved.

The police investigated, that Pan had medical history of being diagnosed with bipolar, is currently unemployed, and got into a drug habit, lived with her mother, who has a mildly mental illness manual, also diagnosed with bipolar mother, and the two of them would argue a lot, over the smallest matters.  A week ago, after Pan had a verbal altercation with her mother, her mother kicked her out of the house, and changed the lock on the door, and so, Pan could only move in with her younger sister.

When the police interrogated her, Pan told them, that lately, her mother had come to her younger sister’s place to harass her, she’d gotten more and more furious, as she thought about it, two afternoons ago at five in the afternoon, she’d gone to the marketplace, bought a fruit knife, at close to six in the evening, she ran back to her mother’s house, after the mother opened the door, they’d started fighting again shortly; the mother just kept putting her down over, and over, and over, and cussed at her, “You are the one who was dragging both me and your younger sister down!”, in a moment of heated anger, she took out the knife, SLASHED her mother on the right side of her neck twice hard, her mother fell, and, blood came pouring out of her neck.

In the process of hacking up her own mother, she’d accidentally cut herself on the left side of her own palm, she’d dressed her own wound, and washed the knife off, sat on the chair next to her mother’s dead body, started using ketamine; she left, at around a little past ten in the evening, rode her motorcycle to her younger sister’s, she’d accompanied her mother’s corpse for almost five hours after she’d killed her.

The moment Pan saw her younger sister, she’d told her, “I’d saved you from your miseries!”, the sister became confused at what she meant, and, after she’d forced the truth out of her sister, she’d learned that her older sister had murdered her mother; after the younger sister consoled with her for an hour, Pan finally turned herself in to the police in the early morning hours.

The police investigated, that Pan had two prior records of domestic violence, four years ago, she’d injured her own mother with a knife, after the police were called, they’d reported the incident to the Department of Social Services; last year in September, Pan became verbally abusive toward her mother, the mother notified the police, but never got a restraining order.

The man in charge of the local borough said, that Pan’s parents were divorced when she was young, eleven years ago, her mother moved into the borough with her, and back then, Pan still had a job, but five years ago, she got fired, and took to drug abuse, and, that, was when everything started going south; because neither the mother and her had work, they’d lived off of the mother’s handicap payments by the government, as well as her younger sister’s support, and the two of them would often argue about money, and, every time when the mother was unhappy, she’d kicked her daughter out.

The police disclosed, that because Pan didn’t have any money, she’d often starved, in the first half of March, she’d once taken a knife, to rob a super convenience store, called, “I’m going to ROB you!”, begged the cashiers to call it in, because she wanted to be on the “free meal plans of jail”.

After the incident, Pan’s younger sister didn’t blame her, and, toward the inquiries of the outside, she’d started crying, told, that her mother had been emotionally unstable for long term, would kick the doors down, and use verbal insults on the two of them a lot, that they had a very unhappy childhood, “Nobody would kill her/his mother without reasons at all.”, this was all too painful, for her older sister too.

The coroner examined, that the cause of Pan’s mother’s death was from the loss of too much blood of the severing of her right carotid, as well as her windpipes.

And so, she finally CRACKED, and, this, is still a BUILD-UP over time, and, because the woman was high on drugs, she’d become impulsive, and, unable to judge her own behaviors, and this, could’ve been avoided, had someone STEP in earlier, but, it wasn’t, because this had gone on, for WAY too long, and this time, the woman finally CRACKED!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Domestic Violence, Downward Spiral, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Hindsight, Issues of the Society, Knowing the Law and Breaking It, Lives Lost, Mental Health Issues, Murder, My Thoughts on Various Issues, News Stories, Observations, Rationalization, Social Awareness, Social Issues, White Picket Fence