Category Archives: Family Dynamics

The Wowrkings of a Family

The Irony, of a Family Portrait of All of Us, as a Big, & Happy, Family…

This is, the portrait, of, D-Y-S-F-U-N-C-T-I-O-N!!!

And, here, comes, that, P-U-N-C-H LINE: we are not now, nor had we, EVER, been, a big, and happy, family, and yet, you wanted to, paint us out like that, why???  Oh, to satisfy your own, little, delusions, that nothing had happened, that everything, was, peachy-dandy, is that right???

Well, got a, NEWSFLASH for ya: it ain’t, NEVER, EVER, happenin’, ‘cuz, just as you’d, suggested from a long, long, long time ago, he wouldn’t have that photo of us all, as a big and happy, family, without HIS WHORE, and his, illegit, now it’s only, his illegit, ‘cuz he’d, split up with his ho already!

And so, what hung on that, god damn wall, of the second-floor living room, of the CASTLE of COUNT DRACULA, was still that photo of me, in that red skirt (yeah, I know, weird, right!!!), standing, beside his parents, with that little mother-FUCKER, stupid son of his, still DROOLING too, I might add! On his, DEAD mama’s, lap, and where were my cousins back then???  Oh yeah, they were both still on their ways, to get, “made”, nowhere to be found!

The irony, of us as a big, and happy family?  You wish!  And now, here’s, the NEWEST family photo “makeup” for me, and my, big and happy family: me, with this DEAD, nonexistent, daughter in my lap, with her two older brothers (still on the way to getting adopted by me, so I really can’t tell you their names yet!), one on the left, the other, on my right (kinda like how those two DEAD doggy uncles of Emily had sat!!!), with this, DEAD, nonexistent, EMILY, with the cute head of curls (Which I’m still unsure if that, would be what she would have???  But hey, that was, what I saw, back in, ’08-ish???), on my lap, and all SIX of us (with those two angel boys???) would be, looking, AT that camera, and saying, C-H-E-E-S-E!

and here’s, what that might, look like, in a, painting, found online…

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TADA!!!

That, would be, our big and happy, family, greetings, for all of you guys, on Christmas, and, have a happy new year too, ‘k???

Yeah, uh-huh, uh-huh, uh…………hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm (this is the “shrink”, looking down at her watch!) time’s up, see you next week, same time???

Oh, and don’t forget, to pay my secretaries (I don’t need to reintroduce the three of those, “ladies” to you guys now, do I???), and, I’m currently charging, FOUR cents per article, per “client”, instead of the TWO shiny pennies I’d been charging, for the past, decade or so, time for a raise, for us all here!

Yay, raise for us all!!!

Yeah, right…

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Family Dynamics, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

How Do You Make Up for Missing the Coming of Age of the Children?  In the Custody Battles, Do Not Make the Damages Even Harder

How family relations is too important to overlook for all you parents who are, too busy, making ends meet, and NOT spending enough time, with your own young, borrowing from the failed marriage of the singer, Wang, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The marriage of the singer, Wang and his wife, Lee went bust, the woman stayed silent for two whole days, then, started on the offensive, quoted the female blogger, “the one who’s absentee always has a valid excuse”, mentioned how Wang missed all the important milestones of their children’s lives.  The experts told, that the “false” single families are increasing by the numbers today, that there would need to have the “high concentration” of family interactions, to make up for it.

Lee believed, that if you cared, then, you will make the time for it, that love is reflected on the behaviors, not on what is being said, but she’d forgiven, backed down, and Wang stayed absentee, and his children had been disappointed repeatedly, and cried over, over, and over again.  A lot of the middle school and elementary school instructor stated that their story is a great example of “family education” and “emotional education”.

The associate professor of World Journalism University, Jeng stated, whether it be single-parent families or falsified single parenthood, there are, many stories of children coming out of these families well-rounded, the forefront is that the parents need to give the children what they needed the most.  Jeng told, if it’s a false single-parent family, the couple need to explain why they’re absent in the children’s lives; if it’s a single parent family, then, the parents must consider what’s best for the child, when fighting over the parental and custody rights.

The associate professor of Human Development and Family major of the Taiwan National Education University, Wei said, whether it be single parent families or not, the focus should be on having high-quality interactions.  Liking taking an hour of your days, to just spend time with your young, to sit down for a meal together, to exercise together, to stroll together, otherwise, the family interactions, lacking in high quality time together, will eventually, crack, wide open.

And so, this still showed, how very important it is, for you, stupid (b/c that is what you all are???) parents, to MAKE the time, to spend it with your own young, because, they are only young for a very brief moment in your lives, and, if you don’t take advantage of the time with them when they were little, do NOT expect them to be closer to you when they’re older, and, there’s just, NO making up for lost time, with your children IF you had missed out on their younger years, do NOT think, that you can make up for it because you can’t, and that, is the lesson to be taken away, from this.

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Filed under "Professional" Opinions, Adult Children, Child Development/Education of Children, Children in Mindset, Divorces, Family Dynamics, Lessons, Life, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Values

Giving Up the Inherited

A matter of what our families give to us, in the intangible forms of, “assets”, translated…

After the death of my stepbrother, my mother and I quickly set up the paperwork for disinheriting anything, fearing, that we may, end up with a whole lot of extra debts up our asses.  But, there are, always some things, that the paperwork can’t, make us, disinherit, the secrets of the childhood years, among, one of the, hardest to disinherit.

Born in Taipei, grown in Sanchong, I’d inherited that scent of nostalgia from my elders: my father’s etched in rolling wheat waves of Shandong, Chen’s trekking across the shores with the willows on the banks of Zhejiang and Hangzhou, naturally, there’s, also that grand garden estate of my mother’s home back in Jakarta too.

My very first memories are related to them, and, what’s interesting was, even though, my father and older uncle and aunts all lived together in that big house, but, had their, separate thoughts that they were, calculating on.

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how the household are split up, by secrets of the families…illustration found online

My late father loved that he’d viewed Uncle Chen as an older brother, but, he’d kept waiting on the timing to be right, to buy up half of the apartment, to split up the household with him, so he could, fix up a bride-to-be boudoir for me; while Uncle Chen had always took me to the park to play chess with his older friends, and to visit the home he and my father shared from before when I was young, to have that feel of having an offspring, and he’d, stuffed my hands with the treats, and, he was also the one, who’d, disclosed to me first, that my older stepbrother wasn’t related to me by blood, which had, exceeded my level of understanding of the matter when I was younger; as my older stepbrother went to the toilets, he’d called me along, so we can, make that, “X” in the toilet together, then, we’d, played the video games, beat the levels, and, he’d invited me plan along on his thought of, escaping home; while my mother taught me the words in Indonesian, and the two of us, mother and son, planned things out, in language that my father and older uncle couldn’t understand, and we’d felt, that we were, superior to them.

There are, multiple sides to everyone we encounter, that, was what I’d, come to understand when I’m grown, and only love, is able, to make us take off these masks we put on in front of one another.  That feeling of being loved so deeply, and hated so deeply, are all in my mind, I can’t, disown, it’s something, that I must, inherit, of my self, my heritage, my, inheritance.

And so, this boy grows up, and learned about his own family, and understood, that nothing IS as the surfaces showed, that there are, a ton of thing going on deep down, underneath (like those quickly moving feet of that duck underwater that we can’t see???), that sometimes, things are just, not as we perceived, and because  of how young we were, we didn’t have any clues of the goings on in our adult counterparts’ lives, but as we are older, we’d, learned, of the inner workings of our own, separate, families.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Values

A Mother’s Delusions

The lovers, of a, past time, a mother’s interactions with her sons…translated…

My set of, delusions, I suppose, it got started as MERS-CoV started spreading across Taiwan.

“Dad, mom, I will have classes starting tomorrow afternoon, in the morning, I will be picking up my living necessities, are there things you need me to pick up for you, do write it down for me.”  After school started back in February this year, MERS took over the world, and, Taiwan had been tightened on keeping the virus out.  My husband and I are usually busy at work, and my youngest son still stays in school, and, for my son, who’s doing research more than being in the lecturers, naturally, shouldered up the house’s defenses against MERS-CoV.

Remembered, how at first, none of us is familiar with the protocols of the measures.  Every time my husband or I got off work, dragging our steps, set foot into our home, my son could always quickly pick up that spritzer bottle, to sanitize us, and reminded us the steps, the measures to take for our own, protections, until all the details of the steps became routinized.  And we always felt comforted when we saw our son.  When he is energetic, he’d prepared the suppers; when he’s tired, we’d, broiled up some dumplings.  Luckily, he’s more often energetic than he wasn’t, and, most of times, neither one of us is picky with food.

“Mom, don’t worry about it, I’ll take out the leftovers in a bit.  The recycling materials, I’ll sort through them before class tomorrow.”

Often, by the time I got home, the leftover, the recycle materials, are all sorted out, and the clothes hung outside are all, taken in, and folded too, placed inside our room, like how I’d, normally done it.

For me, these simple days are, romantic; being with my family, safe and sound, that is, a huge, blessing.

illustration from UDN.com

身為老媽的癡心妄想。圖/蔡侑玲

After the alerts got elevated in May, school pulled its session, and the offices shut down, my sons and I, stayed at home, shopping, cooking, cleaning, and other household chores, no need to assign anyone to, they all got, done.

It was Father’s Day, the weather is sunny, and the outbreaks slowed down a bit, the family decided to go to the outside of the gym for a five to six laps outside, to allow that sun we hadn’t seen in a long while to shine on us.

Just as usually, we’d started walking, and started chatting, I’d recalled, how it’ll be Chinese Valentine’s in a few more days, I’d blurted out, “boys, you are my lovers from a past life, stay by my side, and don’t get married!”, their father looked at me and smiled, “You have me, an old love, am I not enough for you!”, I’d looked at my lovers, “come on, can’t I just, have some fun here!”, my sons used that exorcist’s gestures, waved over my head, “mom, you can, get back to normal now!”

I think, my sons are, already, used to their mother’s, crazy thoughts and words every now and then.

I knew, that this is, only, a mother’s delusions.  Actually, my sons are just like any children, with their, stubborn sides, had their rebellious stages during their younger years too.  But I’m still, moved by their, many actions often, especially toward me, their mother.

a mother and her sons…

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photo from online

And, it’s no wonder, I would, carry this sort of a, delusion then.

And so, this is, the closeness of a mother and her sons, and, her sons are, very gentle, very kind, caring, and concerned toward their parents, and it’s still due to how connected this family is regularly, because these sorts of interactions, just don’t happen out of the blue one day, they must be set up, and they must become, a sort of a, ritual for everybody to get used to.

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

More than a Friend

A friend to her child, that was, what she’d, become, a safe place where her children can go, when they need to go, like her own, mother was, to her, translated…

That day after supper, as I was, clearing off the tables, my nine-year-old daughter suddenly blurted out, “mom, I think, you feel more like, my friend!”, I stopped what I was doing, and, felt the emotions, taking my heart over, only because, I’d not, tried, in any way, to become her friend all these years.

I recalled how it was, when I was, only ten years old, when my mother gave me a small notebook, the sort of an exchange diary kind, with the writing, “mom is willing to be your, best friend”.

Thinking back now, my mother’s behaviors, were, way ahead of the rest in the realms of, education, and to this very day, I still recalled, that when I saw that line on the diary, I’d felt, that corner within my heart, collapsing, that was, once safe and secure.  At ten years of age, I only wanted my mom to be, my mom, not my friend.  But back then, I’d not dared, speak of my worries to her, only because, that crying little girl within me, is since, taken care of, by only, me.

This hurt of my childhood, it’d, made me, kept at the role of a mother, after I have two children, even if I’d, derailed from the normal ways of, behaving every now and then, but I’d, still, insisted on, only being, a mother to my children, because I’m worried over the “mother is the children’s best friend” belief, how it might, make my own children feel, helpless as I did.  Like how I’d felt then, that I couldn’t, understand how my mother was, showing me more respect, and just felt, like she’d, elevated me to her equal, whether or not I was, ready to be, an “adult”.  And, I’d, carried that mind of “no matter how old-school I get called as, I will, always be, just mother to my, children”, on the smaller matters, I’d let them slide, but, firm on the bigger, the more important, things, playing with my kids, but, NEVER tell them, that I shall be, their, friend.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/PPAN

As I finished wiping the tabletops, I’d come back, and half-jokingly asked my daughter, “Do you think I am your friend, because I’d, pulled you, into, watching the soaps with me lately?”, as she’d helped carried up the dishes and bowls, she shook her head said, “I just feel, that you will, listen to me, to tell me those things I wanted to know, and let me tell you what I need to, get off my chest.”

As I’d heard my daughter’s replies, I’d suddenly noted, that the kids are in need of, being, treated as equals, in genuine treatments of them, and honest conversations, so long as, I’m interacting friendly with her young soul, it don’t matter even if I am, in the limited status of a mother, I’d still, made myself as, someone like her friend, making her feel, respected.  And I’d finally, admitted to myself, that I am, on the road set forth by my own mother, only because she was too eager, to get close to me, it’d made me feel I was, abandoned, but actually, she’s, always, my mom.

As I entered into the kitchen, twisted on the knob on the faucet, in the pouring out of the water, I’d lightly told that little girl inside, “hey, don’t cry anymore, your mother had, never treated you like, just, a friend”, just like, I can’t, ever be, my kids’ mother simply either.

And so, this writer’s mother wanted to get closer to her, wanted her to feel safe with her, that’s why she’d told the writer, that she is willing to be, her friend, and the writer, being as young as she was, she’d, misinterpreted her mother, and forced herself, to grow up too fast, because she needed her mother to be her mother, but didn’t know how to tell her mother that, until she became, a mother herself, she’d, realized that her mother was not trying to be her friend, that she was, always, her mother, always giving her emotional support, like she’s doing, for her own young too right now.

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If You Can’t Even, Get Along Well Enough with Your Mother-in-Law, How the HELL Do You Expect to Get Along with Your Daughters-in-Law???

Uh, this is what I call, a STUPID QUESTION, so, SCRATCH that “last statement” on how there are, NO stupid questions as I’d, stated, previously…

If you can’t even, get along well enough with your mother-in-law, and how the HELL do you expect to get along with your daughters-in-law?  You can’t, and, no matter how you say, that you won’t repeat what your @#$%ED up mothers-in-law DID to you when you married those, mother @$#%ERS (still NOT name calling here!), you will still, fall, into, that vicious cycle, even IF you do have, enough, awareness, ‘cuz, it takes, more than awareness, to map out that, brand new course.

And yet, what the @$%# (maxed out) would I know?  I’m still, unmarried, with NO children (not physically!), but heck, I still, know my SHIT ‘round this subject, so, don’t doubt me.

The thing is, we will all, pass down how we were, mistreated, by our own, mothers-in-law to our own, daughters-in-law, because that, is just how humans behave, and, there’s, NO way, of, snapping, OUT of this, vicious cycle, unless, you have, that extra-sensitive perception (not like clairvoyance, I’m afraid…), and is, super, duper aware, of, everything that’s, currently, happening all around you, otherwise, you will, NEVER break out of that, vicious cycle, and I got NO need to worry ‘bout getting STUCK, inside, that “vortex” cuz???  Oh yeah, I got, ZERO plans of getting married (just bring that GUN to my wedding, as I’d stated previously???), got NO need to have this, already DEAD daughter of mine, and yes, I still, endured through, a whole lot of, abuse AND neglect, along with, other forms, versions, of BULLSHIT you can, or can’t, ever, imagine, so, do NOT, question my authority on here, ‘k???

Mommy is in need of her F-I-V-E, so, class is, no longer in session, ‘til next time, my “children”…

Uh, you have GOT to be, shitting me on here and, I do apologize (N-O-T!) for my, condescending, tone of voice…for this one, N-O-T!

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Filed under Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Family Dynamics, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Obstacles in a Relationship, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

A Family, Together, in the Defense Against MERS-CoV

What the lockdowns made people realize about their family and how they’re, relating and interacting with their, loved ones, something good that came out of the outbreaks of MERS-CoV, I suppose…translated…

Started on May 17th, I’d sent the slips in for my first grade and first year preschool daughters’ for their absences.  And, the following day, the Department of Education quickly announced that school’s out for the whole island, and suddenly, the complaints came from all the parents around; and yet, I’d been fighting one to two since my children were born for more than seven years, this didn’t, faze me one bit.

Other than preparing the three meals regular, clean our home, disinfect everything, sitting with my children as they studied and corrected their assignments, I’d even stood in as the art instructor, the piano tutor, the P.E. coach, the master baker, etc., etc., etc., etc.……………, all of these, seemingly, unnoticeable, real-life experiences all became, too precious to me.

I was once, crushed by the nitty-gritties of every day life, and gotten taken for granted, and I was so angry at my husband and children to the point I wanted to run away from home in the past, and yet, as the outbreaks are hitting us all too hard, I saw, that break of dawn.

Staying safe at home with the children, gone according to schedule in helping them in their studies (photographing all their work, leave the messages on the boards, shooting the videos of doing the assignments, and streaming it online, including the exercise training sessions too), we’d become, comrade in war here!  By the time I got through everything my children needed to get completed for school, it’d, spent up all the time we usually had, for arguing with one another, to the point of how the coaches came up with their own diet plans on the menus, that was when I’d realized, that life in the first-grade, is nothing easy, and so, I’d become, even more tolerant of my eldest, for her, scatterbrain, and given her more encouragements now.

I took the kids to bake the breads, pizzas, help them know the foods we consume, giving my youngest daughter some easy problems she can solve, so she can feel the challenges of school.  We also turned on the Podcasts to learn English, to listen to the stories, watched YouTube to see how the outbreaks are going currently, learned the proper way to wear a mask, along with how COVID-19 can spread, originally, we got ticked off by each other quite a lot, but in the defense against the outbreaks, we’d, stood together on the same side.  What’s magical was, my youngest in her first year of preschool also gained some scientific knowledge, “so or spit can stay for so long, we can’t touch everything now!”  because we are all locked in, we’d found a ton of time to learn on our own at home, and we’d watched the movies after supper, and share the thoughts of what we saw in the movies, then, we’d said goodnight to one another, satisfactorily, our lives are now, simplified, but, quite blissful.

the family is now like this…

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closer to each other than before the outbreaks…photo from online

Even though, there are the leftover housework for tomorrow, the outbreaks that are, making us all on edge, the nitty-gritties of the homework assignments, along with what are we having for our next meals, when we’re still eating this one, but being able to closely, observe our own loved ones, to understand them, to reduce the needs to go out, and our wants in life, it’s a sort of an introspection; grooming thoroughly through how I’m feeling, finding comfort, and soothing that fatigue.  Seeing how bad it is for other countries, we are better able to, cherish the hard work, the kindness of this island.  Seeing how hard the medical care professionals are at work, seeing how we as a people work hard to stop the spread of the virus, seeing the wonderful natures of our own loved ones—because our lives can be gone any second, naturally, we’d, treated them with that gentle kindness.

I’m really grateful for my role as a housewife, everybody keeping one’s own loved ones safe and sound, this is, the best contribution we can, give to the world now.  I’m grateful for COVID-19, even though, I’d wish that you get, eradicated from the planet, but, I’m grateful, that you’d, given the opportunity to be closer to one another, to learn together, to learn to be, more tolerant toward each other.

And so, this, is the lessons from MERS-CoV, and, normally, you wouldn’t have the opportunity to learn it, because, if the world is “normal”, we wouldn’t have to, lock our selves up in our homes, and maintain that social distance when we go out, but because of the outbreaks, we’re, changing the way we’re, relating to everyone we come into contact with, and because we can’t go out that much (only three times for shopping for groceries now), we learn to, adapt ourselves, to getting along better with our families.

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The Most, Unforgettable, Words

Because you’d, spent some time with your own mother, you have, NO regrets, after she’d, died, translated…

“The North Wind Blow/the Snow Falls/Underneath that Lonely Light/Only My Mother………” that folk song came, from the radio, and it’d, roused up the feelings of missing my own mom, along with our very last, conversation.  The lucid memories are like the wind, taking me, to that old mansion, so suddenly.

It was February that year, the weather, a bit, colder, my father-in-law was in critical condition, hospitalized, and, I had another worry, my mother, who’s not, doing at all, that well.  I’d called home during that time, my mom who’s, weakened was always, too drowsy, only spoke a few short words, then, passed out.

One day I received a call from the hired caretaker, said that my mother’s oxygen level was low in her blood, my heart tightened, and I took the high-speed rail, southbound immediately.

The afternoon sunshine, slanted in to the vacant living room, passed through that long hallway, I’d arrived at the bedroom on the first floor, where my mother was, fast, asleep.  I walked to the bed, saw her slender face, the room was filled with the sound of the blood-oxygen machine and her heavy breathing.

I’d called to her light, “Mom, I’m home!”, she’d opened up her eyes, “Why are you home?  Have you eaten yet?”, then, she told me she wanted to get out of bed, and I’d, helped her onto the wheelchair with the homecare nurse, and took her to the living room.

on her, deathbed…

like this??? Artwork from online

My mother’s weakened body can’t sit up straight, she’d told me weakly, that her mouth tasted, bitter, I told the nurse, to get some plum pieces, that was from two weeks ago when I’d come home, it was my mother’s, favorite.  The nurse broke off a small piece to give to her, she’d looked at the nurse, told, “Give some to second eldest too.”  Her words was this surge of warmth, entered into my body, that was my mother’s love for me, I knew she was sharing it because she loved it so.

Not long thereafter, she’d told us she was short of breath, wanted to return back to bed to lie.  So we’d, wheeled her back to her bedroom, put her to bed, then, she fell into a comatose, slurred her speech, until the end.

As I’d lost my father and my eldest sister, they’d not had the opportunities to have a final word with us, and so, my mother’s, “give a piece to second eldest” became something cherished, it was the love overflowing for me from my mother, and it’s, also, something that was, unforgettable, as I’d, remembered my mother since.

And so, this, is on life and death, of how important it is, to BE with, one’s own parents, of how important those moments that you will NEVER get a chance to live again means, after the loved ones, passed on, to leave, NO words of love unsaid, to have, NO regrets, left behind!

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

Sharing Underneath the Starry Night Skies

A good way, to put that cadence on the past year, and start off fresh, on a, new note for this year!  Translated…

For the New Year’s in the past, we’d, gone by tradition, passed it day after day, gathered at the round table for the New Year’s Eve meals, gone to the relatives’ to wish everybody there a happy New Year, to the hot tourist attractions to visit……….it’s, a holiday, that “gathered” us all up.

But thinking back, that was, more like a, sort of, formality.  And, the protocol of that was, watching T.V., sliding on our cell phones, or, saying the words that don’t show any, real care or concerns.

illustration that came with this article, courtesy of UDN.com

圖/蛋妹

My ideal New Year’s, is to, REDUCE this sort of a vacant interaction, but with more conversation, communication.  Turn off the T.V., put up those cell phones, on the day like New Year’s, get out of the house, to sort through what’s on our minds.  Go to a place where you see your stars, lifting up your heads, sharing your thoughts with one another.  Everybody sit in a circle with leisure, and take turns, telling about what one gained in this past year, what touched us in the last year, to get rid of those formalities of how we are, supposed to, show our cares and concerns, and truly, listen to what one another is, sharing.  Becoming an audience, also, a part of the group that shared everything.

And so, this, is something that’s, needed, in this day and age, because, we don’t talk with each other in depth regularly, that’s why, we’d become, so, disconnected through the entire year, and, the New Year’s is a good time, to restart that connection, to share with one another, what we’d, endured through during the past year, to find closure to the year before, so we can, start off on another year, on a, clean, slate!

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Filed under Because of Love, Connections, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Story-Telling, Values

No Worries

Can’t set our minds at ease, no matter what, because we cared too much about each other!  Translated…

My son has, absolutely NO faith, that his scatterbrained mother can take care of his young by herself, and I can’t feel secure, that he’s riding out late at night, making the deliveries, it’s, a looped around cycle of worrying, between parents and children.

The sudden onset of the outbreak of MERS-CoV, it’d, impacted the industries across the world, being on the front lines in the tourism industries, you can’t imagine it.  And, even though, we’re, going into, the post-outbreak times, the tourist industries tried to make it, by, proposing the trips within the country, but my daughter-in-law is responsible for the tour groups abroad, and, it’s going to take a while, until that start back up again.  In this very hard time, those who worked in her office took the pay cuts, some got laid off, everybody was on high alert, some quickly, transferred to alternative industries of work, to take the baseline minimum monthly wages to make ends meet.  And at this time, my young granddaughter came, and, other than the basic living needs, there’s, this extra expense, and so, my son had to, start making the deliveries after his regular work hours.

Canceling the nannies, and I’d become, the temp nanny, and I, naturally, supported my son’s methods of saving the money.  Actually, I’d, longed to have a grandchild a very long time, and, as I was gloating on it, my son handed me the Holy Bible of childcare that the nurses made from the hospital for the new parents, reiterated, “When you make the milk, first the water in the bottle, then the formula, make sure that the formula is melted completely, to the left and right, don’t shake the bottle up and down then, place it under the sink to get it cooled off, it can’t be too hot.” “Pour the unfinished amount out, don’t save it for the next feeding time.”  “Now the diapers have the signals of if it’s wet, when the signal turned from yellow to blue, time to change.” “Newborns shouldn’t sleep on their tummy, it would cause sudden infant death.”  “oh, and don’t feed her any water!”

I nodded, like a good student, listening to the words of the school teacher, thought: this first-time grandma, is an excellent master back when, it’s just, I hadn’t, be in the realms a long time, I’d just, lost, all of my childrearing methods.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/黃鼻子

And, even though he’s away at work, he was, ill at ease, my LINE kept ringing nonstop.  “Mom, nothing’s going on, I just want to check in.”  “Did you put her down to a nap yet?”  “She cries a lot these few days, can you manage it?”, and, to stop him from flash-messaging, I’d sent him the photos of my young granddaughter, even though it was over forty years since I took care of a baby, but I still got it, I can, so totally, handle, a baby.

And, I’d, finally set my son’s mind to ease, but he’d, gotten me worried, I’d told him as he was getting out, “If you bump into a gambler, a drunk, or a drug dealer, if something feels like it’s, going south, RUN like the wind!” my son laughed at me, “it don’t matter who’s calling the deliveries, so long as they pay up.”  He’d not come home late in the night, and I’d not dared, sat in the living room and wait up, and, as I heard the key turn the lock outside, my unsettled heart calmed, and suddenly, by the following second, I was, able to, drift off into dreams.

Recalling how forty years back, I’d worked night and day, to help pay up the debts accumulated by my in-law’s family, my son were given to my ill mother-in-law and my chain-smoking father-in-law, I’d often snuck back home during work, to check out my eldest with two snots rolling down from his nostrils, getting held too tight, by my mother-in-law, whose bones had been malformed from arthritis; and my youngest son was often burned by accident by my father-in-law who had a cigarette in his mouth, dozed off to sleep, and yet, as I saw how sorry my in-laws looked, I couldn’t blame them.  And, no matter how awful, how insecure I’d felt, I still needed to believe, that these grandparents who may not be able to handle them, have the best intentions in mind, and will do their best, to care for my young sons.

Let go.  Set your heart at ease.  I’d, warned myself: the outbreaks shall pass soon, and everything will become normal, I just need to take care of my granddaughter well, so my son won’t have any worries, working, we both, need to, have that ease of mind here.

And so, this showed, just how, intertwined the parents and children are, from before, you worried about your own young, and now, he worries about his own young, and you too, and this, is just how parents and children are, we all worry too much!

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