The Riots Against the Orders to Close Down the Cities in China Different than Tiananmen, the Chinese Dreams Got Beaten by Livelihood of the People, Now the People Demand Freedom

The A-4 revolution of the people, caused by the dictatorship of Xi of China, and how the people of China finally, got FED up, being controlled by the, government, with the growing pandemic as the fuel to this fire that’s starting, to burn right now, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The fires in Ürümchi shehiri leading to the national riots all around, not only did it prove Mao’s “a tiny spark can causes a huge forest fire”, it’d also, caused a serious impact on Communist rule of China, this is the largest scale riot in thirty years in modern China.

Some of the commentators compared this to the Tiananmen Square massacre in 1989, this was, improperly stated.  Research showed, as people get trapped in poverty long-term, they are less likely to riot and rise up, but, as the living standards are improved, to a certain degree, there would be the anti-government activities that start to happen all around.  In the nineties, the communist government of U.S.S.R. and Eastern Europe quickly got taken over after the reforms happened, the backgrounds of Tiananmen too, is quite similar, it’s just that it got, suppressed by the forces.  In political science, the anger of the people that came into being due to this oppression, is “the relative sense of being deprived.”

This current incident however, is a crumbling of the contract of societal functioning between the person in power and the people.  In Thoreau’s philosophy, he’d believed, that the people are willing to give up certain freedoms if the person or party in power put up an equated quality or ideal, and once the social contract crumbled, then the relations of both became led by tension.  This, applied to China, the Communists are able to gain totalitarian control because after the reforms, the economic is taking off, as the speed of development entered into the plateau stage, then, the government must come up with alternative plans to help the system progress.

From the western cultures, the reforms in economics brings about the reforms of the governing systems, Korea and Taiwan are examples of this.  In 2001, in WTO approving China as its members, without the country’s being up to standards in international trades, is due to this ideal of the western world’s
“the evolution of peace”, hoping, that through the involvements, it can cause China to participate in the multivariate politics.  And yet, it’d not worked out, although the Chinese economics is steadily on the rise, and the political environment turned to more open in Hu and Wen’s terms as leaders of the country, but, in 2012, since Xi took power, it’d, shifted back into authoritarianism.

 Before Wen stepped down, he’d stated, with a heavy heart: if we don’t push for the reforms, we may eventually, lose the results of the economical reforms as well.  But unfortunately, Xi didn’t heed Wen’s advice, instead, he’d convinced the people, using another means to make sure the people followed and obeyed his rule: the Chinese dreams.  Simply put, tapping into people’s patriotism, to replace the needs, the demands of the reform toward a more democratic government.  This emotional appeal, normally, can be enforced by reaching out to the law enforcement authorities, to keep the people in check, however, this means of control stop working, as soon as the people can’t even fulfill their most basic needs for staying alive, and losing their personal, freedoms.

What Communist China is currently faced with, is exactly as described, and, comparing to the goals of reform of more politically-oriented from the Tiananmen riots, what the people are demanding, is their living needs be, fulfilled, and if the Communist government doesn’t consider it, then, the riots will get out of control soon.

As the most basic needs of food, shelter, what we need to live our daily lives became, unfulfilled, we are, driven to revolt, because these are the most basic needs of us as humans, to live, to survive on the planet, and as China stayed TOUGH on its plan to clear ALL the cases of MERS-CoV, life gets harder for the people in the country, they’re, running out of their basic living needs, foods, water, etc., etc., etc., and naturally they are, going to, revolt, and, it will in turn, lead to the changes of the formations of the government, because people are now, banding together, to fight against the dictatorship, the authoritarianism of the man who’d called the shots way too long in the country.

First Time Abroad

Translated…

Every time I’d read articles on the papers about how parents let go of their young, so their young to go off abroad, I’d felt especially moved.  Because I too, am among those who were blessed, to have this sort of wonderful parents.

Remembering how when I’d hauled out my luggage, and was about to take that trip abroad, I was only a freshman from college.  I’d just gotten approved for the foreign exchange program, and, I’d started getting anxious.  I’d thought to myself: this would be BAD, a “strawberry” was about to head out on her own?  Can I do it?  Comparing, my parents had full confidences toward my abilities, from the application process, to the moment I was about to depart, they’d given me complete support.  And so, with an unsettled heart, I’d left the familiar Taiwan.

But, the moment I’d set out, it was trouble.  On the transfer flights, all the flights were grounded, because of a snowstorm.  In an unfamiliar place, and, it was, a non-English speaking nation, what, am I to do?  Seeing how the time on the monitor keep on delaying, the transfer time for my flight had slid right past.  This, is truly bad!  I’d hauled my luggage, and started panicking, I’d dialed home subconsciously.  The moment my father picked up, I’d started crying.  “Can I come home?”, I’d said, with this nasally voice.  On the other end of the line, my father encouraged me, “don’t worry, be strong, you CAN do it!”

And so, I’d put up my tears, and started thinking of ways, to contact the counter of the airlines, and charade with my broken English, confirmed that latest status of the flights.  With the courage from my father’s words, through the difficult trials, I’d finally arrived at the nation, and, successfully, finished my coursework as a foreign exchange student.

Many years later, it’d dawned on me, my parents were very worried about me being a foreign exchange student, especially my father.  But seeing how I’d gone on my dumb force, with the urge of striking out on my own, he could only put up his worries, and became my strong backup, gave me complete support.  And, even later, did I realize, that that phone call from the airport had caused my father to stay worried for several days afterwards, he couldn’t eat, or sleep because of it.

Actually, as children of my generation, we didn’t have to worry about anything economically, which caused us to doubt our own abilities when we’re about to leave home, and to the point of panicky and helpless.  But, thanks to the parents, who had given us their warm and steady shoulders to lean on, to bravely, push the kids forward, and only took up that safe harbor to their kids.

It’s so nice to have you guys!

So, this is from the support of her father, and the father didn’t SHOW that he was worried about the daughter, just kept being the strong support for her, and that, is how a good father shows support for his offspring.

Why Couldn’t She Care For Her Own Mother & Older Sister Back Home?

Because we’re already married, and, it’s NO longer our responsibilities to, but we’re still asked to, because we are, daughters!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Mr. C felt taken for his good friend, Madam A’s situation…

The sixty-year-old Madam A since she retired from a teaching post in a public school, she’d gotten the monthly retirement pensions.  Her eighty-five year-old elderly demented mother who had a stroke was left in the care of her never-married, eldest sister, who’d helped put A through her schooling to handle.  But now, her eldest sister is getting older too, and was without a job, and could no longer care for their mother.  A was grateful toward her older sister for her kindness, and thought, that the caretaking of the mother, they should shoulder together, and so, asked her husband if she could use a part of her monthly retirement pension, to put into helping her eldest sister and mother, but, the husband was strong and forceful in denying her the rights, and, put strict restrictions on her accounts.

Later on, A couldn’t put up with how her husband had insulted her own families, left her own home, and, used the money she’d earned to help make the ends of her, her eldest sister, and her mother’s livelihoods meet, but the husband said horrible things about her endlessly.  A wanted to divorce, but she couldn’t abandon her only daughter who is living and working overseas, what, is she to do?

A My Advice…

All the earnings that A brings in, was allotted by her husband, and, the husband treated his own family of origin with generosity, but, his in-laws with stingy, he’d used double-standards.  Her husband had put up the money for his own younger brother during the holidays for a very long time, and even covered the expenses of his trips abroad, and A had never said anything about it.

Four years ago, when A’s mother had surgery on her uterus, she’d put up the medical bills of $50,000N.T. herself, back then, her husband was abroad, and, he’d thrown a FIT after he’d returned, claimed that when his mother-in-law sells the house, he will get the medical expenses back.  And now, her mother became demented and had a stroke, her husband had used even harsher words, “Your mother and eldest sister are the TUMORS of our marriage!  BAGGAGE!”

This never-ending insult, caused A to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, she’d wanted divorced, but worried about the effects it would have on her grown daughter, she couldn’t make up her mind about it.

If A really wanted to divorce, her grown daughter is not the issue here, the important thing is, is there nothing left between her and her spouse.  A must make up her mind, and, making up her mind is: collect the evidence, find an attorney, to protect her own assets, to NOT end up with nothing in old age, after working hard her whole life.

And, I’d imagined that this is still a build up, the husband’s behavior toward her side of the family, and maybe, because the husband was NOT a direct member of her family, meaning that he didn’t HAVE a parent with dementia, or siblings that needed the economic supports, that, was why he was not at all understanding to his own wife’s doing things the way she’d done, and, the money she’d earned, was her, what RIGHT has her husband, to put it into a joint account?  And plus, the husband covers for his own younger brother’s living expenses, even travel fees too, so that, is double-standards that this LOSER is holding!

Cutting Off the Father-Daughter Relationship? On the Scene of the Wedding

A father, expecting his baby girl to become independent after she is wed, translated…

Yu is approaching forty, with a higher degree, with the belief, that he could achieve greatness, other than changing jobs constantly, he’d also, made a ton of investments, in the end, he’d lost more and earned even less.  In the decade’s time, we can only describe him as “barely getting by”, so, having a family, marrying, having children, buying a house became an unachievable dream for him.

Juan was Yu’s coworker when he’d first started working, maybe, she had the eyes for how willing he was able to take the challenges head on, she’d dated him, for over a decade.  And because they’re both getting older, and, with the pressings from both their families, they’d finally decided, to march down the aisles together.

In actuality, Juan who’s quite good looking, was from a well-to-do family, her parents owned a small-scaled company, and, they’re making an honest living.

On Sunday, I was invited to Yu’s wedding ceremony.  At first, it didn’t seem any different than all the other wedding ceremonies I had been invited to, most of the guests didn’t arrive until the time specified, and, after a little over thirty minutes as everybody sat down.  Followed by the ushering in of the newlyweds, parents of the groom and the bride, as well as the person holding the ceremony, getting onto the podium.

Although we’re all getting hungry, we’d still smiled, and heard the blessings; the person holding the ceremony counted out the ins and outs of his daughter’s growth processes, with the laughter, the sounds of well-wishing, applauses, and our stomachs, churning, it’s so very rowdy indeed.  Right before Juan’s father was about to be finished with his speech, he’d asked everybody to pipe down, that he had something important to announce.

Everybody thought, that it was the usual stuff, wanted his son-in-law to take good care of his daughter, and the like.  Without realizing, that he’d spoken, in a strict tone of voice, “on some levels, I’m going to, cut off relations with my daughter and my son-in-law from now on.”

All of a sudden, everybody who was there fell silent, a few seconds later, he’d continued, “After the children grow up and married, they will become self-reliant, and can no longer depend on the parents, and relied on the parents for monetary support.”

At first, I felt a bit shocked, but later on, as I thought about what the father of the bride had said, Juan’s father used an alternative method, to teach the children to learn to become “self-reliant”, he’d put his heart into making his speech, and that should be, commended.

And so, this, is quite odd, isn’t it?  Because you’d expect a father, on a wedding, to give out the well-wishes, and not how I’m going to cut you off from here on out, but, this father DOES have a point, his daughter is a grown woman, and married now, and, so, him by saying that he is cutting off relations with her is saying how she will become self-reliant, and can’t depend on him on everything like she was always able to, to resolve the difficulties in her life, and so, this father actually had the benefits of his own offspring in mind when he spoke those words.

From a Military School to Working as a Manager at a Clothing Store

On her son’s choice, translated…

Many years ago, my eldest son chose to study in military school, I understood, that my understanding and very mature son knew of the household income issues, and wanted to help save us the money, which was why he’d chosen the path.

Two weeks after he’d reported to the military school, he’d called me, and asked, if I could get him dropped from the schools.

With a heart of unease, I’d arrived at school, to get to understand the situation better, my eldest son told me that after he’d gone into training, he realized that military school doesn’t fit with his personality profiles.  Seeing his young and childish face, I’d helped him get packed up, left the military school.

The very next year, my son tested into a private university, he’d told me, that he could get financial aid for his tuitions, and he can part-time for his own living expenses, that I needed not worry about him.

My son had given his class schedule to the owner of the buffet, when he didn’t have classes, he’d gone to work; on the academic front, he’d done all he could, never arrive late to his classes or leave early from them, worked hard, studying, kept a high grade all the way through.  From his freshman year, when his professor gave the students an oral presentation, he’d collected the data completely, then, drafted up his speeches, then, rehearsed the speeches with his group, to the point that he didn’t need to look at his note when he gave his presentations, and could give an animated presentation to his class, and maintained eye contacts with his professor and other students.

My son showed a strong interest toward clothing and accessories, started in his freshman year in college to not, he’d set up an online shop to sell clothing items, and had gotten great reviews from his shoppers. He is a careful person, because he feared that there are scams online, so, starting the very first day he’d set up shop online, he’d handled every single transactions carefully himself.

I’d also gone with him, to get replenished on his stock, and to pick up the items he’d ordered from somewhere else, several years later, I believed, that he’d gotten his own sense of style.  And, just so, my son continued working at the buffet place, along with running his own online clothes shop, managed to put himself through college, completed his studies from the universities.

After he’d gotten out of the armed services, he’d tried to find a job in the clothing, accessories industries.  Several times he’d gone to the malls to help out during the semi-annual sales, I’d walked in as a pretend customer, heard how he’d used an even tone of voice, as he’d introduced his products, with such professionalism, it made me feel proud and moved, that weak childish scared little boy had find his own interests; through the years of accumulation of experiences and his own hard work, he’d started absorbing the newest information on the clothing and accessories fields.  After several times of him, being the highest selling newcomer for the month or for the day, the main store sent him into a new branch, and made him the store manager.

My son said, he didn’t have the help from home, nor did he have outstanding grades, nor does he have the tall and handsome looks, so he must work even harder.  The sales may be high or low, he’d accepted the challenges from day to day, because he believes, that he can alter his own destiny, if he works hard to try to change himself for the better.

This, is very inspirational, to see a young man who’d chosen a career path for himself, and just kept going, and, it’s his attitude at his jobs that made him so successful, and that just shows, that having the right attitude is very important, it’s a key to one’s success!

The Son Took His Girlfriend, Part-Timing Abroad, on Parent-Child Interactions

Translated…

My close friend, Xiao-Ching’s son, took his girlfriend abroad to part-time.

I asked her, “Did you meet the girl’s parents?  Are they comfortable, letting their child go off abroad with her boyfriend?”

Xiao-Ching said, “we’d met them twice once, was the courtesy visit before they headed aboard, another, as we all took the kids to the airports.  The girl’s parents are very understanding, they said that they support their daughter’s decisions one-hundred percent, believed that their daughter would have the wisdom, to make the right choices, and, we are worried too much.”

Think back to before, when Xiao-Ching’s son, being considerate toward his girlfriend’s work, took her home to live for awhile. She’d asked the girl, “Did you tell your parents where you’ll be living?”

The girl replied, “Yes, I had!  They knew, that I was staying at the house of a classmate.” Xiao-Ching said, “Next time, when you’re on the phones with your mom, let me talk to her.” The second day, the mothers got to talk, the girl’s mother thanked Xiao-Ching over and over again, for taking care of her daughter.

Xiao-Ching intentionally stressed, “Sure, don’t worry about it, I don’t have a daughter, only two sons, so, I treated her as my daughter.”

And so, the parents should KNOW, that their daughter was staying at a male classmate’s house!

On weekends, her son would, from time to time, go with his girlfriend home to visit her parents, and, they’re not strangers at all.

After getting along for awhile, Xiao-Ching started liking the girl more and more, because she’d made her son more responsible, and the two of them planned out their futures too, they planned to work hard for a short while, to save the money for travels, then, head abroad to work, before they’re thirty, they wanted to make more money aboard, so they can have money to start their own business together.

Turns out, that after a year of working, they’d saved enough for their travels, they’d bought the tickets, and started filling out the paper works for travel, to book their flights and hotels, didn’t need their parents’ help at all.

The two can talk to one another as they’d gone abroad, took care of one another, and they’d still LINED their families to keep in touch, like where they’re living, what they had for the meals, what they did, and how they rode the bicycles instead of walked, and it’d given their families a piece of mind.

As parents, we’d often told our kids, “No”, that’s “no good”, so many “no’s”.  Actually, if you can think on the brighter side, and believe in your child, support them, it will surely help them grow even more.

And so, this, is what trust looks like in a family, and the mother was worried at first, but the son and his girlfriend proved to her, that her worries are excessive, and that they could take good care of themselves.

Wanting to Keep Her Dignity, She’d Filed for Divorce at the Age of Ninety

Imagine the SHITS that this woman MUST’VE put up with, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The ninety-year-old woman, Yu stated that her husband is authoritarian, must have things his ways, and that they’d lived separately for over twenty years now, and she wanted to fight for own freedom, to end their sixty-six years of marriage together; on the first trial, the judge allowed for the divorce, but the Highest Courts used the rule of “nothing majorly wrong with the marriage”, to toss out the previous rulings.  The elderly woman held a press conferences and cried, “When I’m still alive, I will NOT be his widow; and when I’m dead, I will NOT be buried alongside his family”, hoped that for the rest of her life, she could “live as a free and a dignified woman”.

The elderly woman already appealed, and now the case is being reviewed by the highest court, she’d had her walker yesterday, with a mask, accompanied by the women’s activist group, along with her two daughters-in-law to a press conference, and, she started shaking uncontrollably and cried as she got so moved when she told them what had happened.

Mrs. Yu said, that a lot of people asked her, why at her age, she’d insisted on divorcing?  Because her husband is a very traditional Taiwanese macho man, and, when she didn’t comply with him, he would verbally abuse her; in her household, she’s a woman without her own voice, and when they’d gone on outings together, she can “only follow behind him like a dog”.  Later she’d moved into the residence of her eldest son, and during the separations, she’d wanted to divorce, but the husband would NOT allow for it, he’d even torn up the divorce papers and flushed it down to the toilet, which forced her to go to court.

Mrs. Yu stated, that even though the first trial approved of the divorce, but the highest court ruled that “after the separation, they’d still met up or gone out together, and during which time, there had been arguments, but there’s nothing so major in the marriage that it couldn’t be continued”.  She’d claimed, that during her separation, she’d only gone with her husband to her grandson’s graduation, and another time was because he’d signed up for a tour, but when they met, they’d had an argument, which proved that there was NO more love left.

But the high courts stated, that eve3n though Mrs. Yu could NOT stand how her husband threw away the gift she’d given him and abused her dog, cussing her out, etc., etc., etc., but since 1990 when they’d separated, they’d still gone together to hang out with their children on holidays or weekends, and would give each other items, help each other out in daily living, and call one another up to show care and concerns, and back in 1990, 1992, and 2005, they’d gone abroad together, that the courts can’t rule that the marriage is beyond repair that there’s still hope.

And so, why can’t they just get divorced, under the rules of “irreconcilably difference”, after all, this woman HAD put up with this man’s BULLSHIT her whole life, and now, she wanted to do something FOR herself, and the courts do NOT allow for it, and that, would be a breach of HER basic human rights, wouldn’t it???

 

 

The Allowance of Half a Million Dollars

On marriage, translated…

My close friend, Ling, ever since she’d married rich, she’d officially became one of the “well-to-do ladies”.  Other than living in a huge mansion, enjoying the services of the maids, after having a son for her mother-in-law’s household, every month, she’d gotten an extra half a million dollars in allowance too.  But, out of all our expectations, just last month, Ling and her husband signed the divorce settlements.

“Why?  Had it been me, with half a million coming into my accounts every month, I’d put up with it no matter what!”, our friend, A said.

“Half a million dollar is NO small amount, it’s hard for me, to get just $5,000N.T. from my husband, did Ling BUMP her head and get a concussion?”, B chimed in.

As the friends started wondering, this gift that dropped into her laps, how can she just let it go so easily?

One day, I’d bumped into Ling whom I hadn’t seen for a very long time on the streets, after a conversation, I’d learned, that it wasn’t easy, marrying into a rich family after all.

Ling told me, that everything that happened in the house, she MUST report to her mother-in-law on.  And that she must behave in accordance to how the high end lifestyle requires of her, that if she doesn’t, then, the outside world will shun on her; she couldn’t even call up her own parents anymore, along with her former classmates and friends too.

What’s more outrageous, was that within six months of getting married, Ling’s husband had affairs, and, at home, he’d use verbal abuse and hit her too, but, as they’d gone out into the public, he’d acted all kind and all that toward her, pretended that they’re happily married, as for her children, the elders in the house stepped in to “take care”, and after their spoiling them rotten, they’d become too spoiled, and they’re NOT afraid of any adults at all.

And all of this, had broken Ling, she’d taken her beaten up body and her shattered mind, asked for a divorce.  For Ling, the monthly payment of half a million dollars in alimony is NOTHING, she’d rather have just FIVE minutes of time when she can breathe freely.

As someone’s wife too, I saw Ling, I got reminded of how easily I lived, that even though, I didn’t have the flashy titles, without the wealth, but my family is very tightly-knit, and we’d understood one another, encouraged each other too, and all of this, you can’t buy with money, and I was, all of a sudden, filled with a TON of gratitude.

I hope, that after the divorce, Ling can find what truly makes her happy.

And so, this woman, even though she’s married rich, she’s NOT happy, and that just shows you, that you should not just LOOK at the surface of things, and, that half a million dollar in allowance or spending cash is still WORTHLESS to this woman here.

My Daughter is Leaving Home for College

On parent-child interactions, translated…

My friend’s daughter got into one of the universities up north, and she’d phoned me, to ask about the room and board.  She said that she wanted her child to come home at least once a month.  After I heard, I couldn’t help but smile, I’d told her, “Your daughter had left home, just let her fly then!”

My daughter last year got into college, and even IF the dormitory is based off of a lottery, we’d thought, that she would’ve gotten a spot, but, she was on the 486^th spot of the waiting list, what were we to do?

The ve4ry next day, my husband and I dropped work, and drove up north to where she lived.  The reason why we were so nervous, first, my daughter went up north to go to school, she didn’t know anybody, secondly, we’re totally unsure of the environment close to her school, and so, we must go up to see it, in order for us to become more secure.

Before I’d gone up north, I’d done my homework online, researched, the school had provided information for renting places away from the school, but, we are unfamiliar with the environments.  We’d packed along the ton of renting information, the two of us decided to go look on foot, and we didn’t drive, because we feared that there’s NOT enough parking space, and, walking, we can know the rough distance from the school.

After we’d gone to see many properties, we’d finally decided on a place, it was quiet and nice, and the landlady lived next door, and that was more than convenient.  After we’d settled on the place, we’d started training our daughter to live away.  At home, I’d teach her some simple household chores, from before when she’d studied too hard, I’d spared her the chores, and now, she’d going to fly out on her own, she will be getting herself that cup of water.  And, we’d told her over, over, and over again, we just wanted her to know how to care for herself.

After she’d started university, there are TONS of homework, projects, and extracurricular activities.  But, thanks to modern day technology, LINE had pulled us closer, and, through LINE, I’d gotten to know how she’d gone about her days, I felt, that she’d been through a lot.  And, because there’s a distance between her school and home, she doesn’t want to come back often either.

That day off, I’d asked my daughter using LINE, “Where do you go to get happy on the weekends?”  She’d returned, “Nowhere, stuck in the dorms all day to study, and to put my quilt out to get some sun, the sun came out, finally, so, naturally, I’m putting my quilt outside.”

See!  The child DOES know how to care for herself, as adults, we feel safer over it.  And, asking the child to come back however often seemed to be something unworthy of mentioning now.

And so, the adults’ worries are still UNWARANTTED, because kids will take care o themselves, they WILL find a way to adapt themselves well, so, STOP worrying, parents!!!

Mamas’ Boys & Daddies’ Girls are Feared by All?

I wonder W-H-Y this is, tips on parenting, translated…

All the Mamas’ Boys and Daddies’ Girls are created equal—by the parents.

In recent years, “mamas’ boys” not only appeared in kindergarten, elementary schools, there are mamas’ boys in colleges and in the workforce as well, and, even when the issue of dating surfaced, people are worried that they might fall for a “mama’s boy” or a “daddy’s girl”.  But, the parenting expert advisor, Mom Mee stated it so clearly, that “mamas’ boys and daddies’ girls’ are made by the parents, that the problem is NOT with the kids.

The Lack of Trust Doesn’t Come Overnight

“Back then, we’d said, that children are too reliant on the parents, and now, the parents are overrelying on the kids”.  Mom Mee said, that because people are having less kids these days, they’re more prone to get too involved in their kids’ lives, and become too controlling, and would want to make the kids’ life decisions FOR them.

And, after the kids got the sweetness from letting the parents handle every single one of their affairs, they’d become lazy too easily, and thus, became more irresponsible too.  And, based off of how this vicious cycle is going, from kindergarten to the workforce, no matter what sort of trouble one gets in, there would be a “mommy” handling it, and so, mama’s boys aren’t made overnight.

Actually, the “birth” of mama’s boys also showed a serious problem in the interactions of parents and children.  Mom Mee, who has a teenager at home stated, that when the parents wouldn’t let the kids decide on their own, that meant that they do NOT trust the kids’ ability to make decisions for themselves, “the weight of the trust is the weight of the relationship.”

Tolerating Their Mistakes, Make the Children Take Responsibilities

Mom Mee used her own childrearing experiences, before kindergarten, parents can make decisions for their offspring, including helping them establish a set routine, good eating habits, and the rules should NOT change easily because the parents wanted to suck up to the kids.  But, after elementary age, the parents should start to let go, “tolerate that the kids will trip and fall, or to make mistakes on their own.”  Mom Mee said, that parents MUST allow the kids to have the chance for making the decisions.

Mom Mee stressed, that parents can use listening, to help the kids sort out their decisions.  Every time before bedtime, Mom Mee would accompany her son, to hear him talk about the goings on at his school, just listening, and NO advising.  For instance, use “Why do you think that is?”, or, “why did you want to handle it like that?”, to replace, “You should have done this or that”, like giving commends.

Taking Care of Everything, Leaving Children with Nothing to Learn

The clinical psychologist, Yi-Chong Wang stated, that “mamas’ boys” came from parent-child interactions, maybe the parents feel that they’re willing to give, and the kids willing to take, and that what goes on in one’s own house is nobody else’s business.  But in truth, this sort of a codependence can reduce the children’s worldly experiences to ZERO.

Wang used the example of online gaming, if the parents kept “beating up the monsters” for the kids, and the accumulation of experience and gold coins are on the parents, in growing up, the kids have ZERO experience in defeating the monsters, and this is very BAD for the kids’ futures.

Wang said, that in her office, there are more and more cases of mamas’ boys, and the parents who helped “beat the monsters” for the children are very insecure about ones’ own methods of education used toward their young.  The parents should establish the confidences themselves, and trust the kids, that way, they can break this unhealthy, codependent interaction.

And so, this, is from the LIPS of the experts: STOP taking care of everything for your children, and I KNOW how hard it is for you, mommies and daddies to LET go, but, you have to, after all, you WILL die before your kids (under normal circumstances, that is), and, IF you don’t TRAIN them to take responsibilities for their own lives, how do you think they will fare, after you are NO longer there, to WIPE up their SHITS???