Category Archives: The Declarations of Independence

First Time Abroad

Translated…

Every time I’d read articles on the papers about how parents let go of their young, so their young to go off abroad, I’d felt especially moved.  Because I too, am among those who were blessed, to have this sort of wonderful parents.

Remembering how when I’d hauled out my luggage, and was about to take that trip abroad, I was only a freshman from college.  I’d just gotten approved for the foreign exchange program, and, I’d started getting anxious.  I’d thought to myself: this would be BAD, a “strawberry” was about to head out on her own?  Can I do it?  Comparing, my parents had full confidences toward my abilities, from the application process, to the moment I was about to depart, they’d given me complete support.  And so, with an unsettled heart, I’d left the familiar Taiwan.

But, the moment I’d set out, it was trouble.  On the transfer flights, all the flights were grounded, because of a snowstorm.  In an unfamiliar place, and, it was, a non-English speaking nation, what, am I to do?  Seeing how the time on the monitor keep on delaying, the transfer time for my flight had slid right past.  This, is truly bad!  I’d hauled my luggage, and started panicking, I’d dialed home subconsciously.  The moment my father picked up, I’d started crying.  “Can I come home?”, I’d said, with this nasally voice.  On the other end of the line, my father encouraged me, “don’t worry, be strong, you CAN do it!”

And so, I’d put up my tears, and started thinking of ways, to contact the counter of the airlines, and charade with my broken English, confirmed that latest status of the flights.  With the courage from my father’s words, through the difficult trials, I’d finally arrived at the nation, and, successfully, finished my coursework as a foreign exchange student.

Many years later, it’d dawned on me, my parents were very worried about me being a foreign exchange student, especially my father.  But seeing how I’d gone on my dumb force, with the urge of striking out on my own, he could only put up his worries, and became my strong backup, gave me complete support.  And, even later, did I realize, that that phone call from the airport had caused my father to stay worried for several days afterwards, he couldn’t eat, or sleep because of it.

Actually, as children of my generation, we didn’t have to worry about anything economically, which caused us to doubt our own abilities when we’re about to leave home, and to the point of panicky and helpless.  But, thanks to the parents, who had given us their warm and steady shoulders to lean on, to bravely, push the kids forward, and only took up that safe harbor to their kids.

It’s so nice to have you guys!

So, this is from the support of her father, and the father didn’t SHOW that he was worried about the daughter, just kept being the strong support for her, and that, is how a good father shows support for his offspring.

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Filed under Letting Go, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Declarations of Independence

Why Couldn’t She Care For Her Own Mother & Older Sister Back Home?

Because we’re already married, and, it’s NO longer our responsibilities to, but we’re still asked to, because we are, daughters!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Mr. C felt taken for his good friend, Madam A’s situation…

The sixty-year-old Madam A since she retired from a teaching post in a public school, she’d gotten the monthly retirement pensions.  Her eighty-five year-old elderly demented mother who had a stroke was left in the care of her never-married, eldest sister, who’d helped put A through her schooling to handle.  But now, her eldest sister is getting older too, and was without a job, and could no longer care for their mother.  A was grateful toward her older sister for her kindness, and thought, that the caretaking of the mother, they should shoulder together, and so, asked her husband if she could use a part of her monthly retirement pension, to put into helping her eldest sister and mother, but, the husband was strong and forceful in denying her the rights, and, put strict restrictions on her accounts.

Later on, A couldn’t put up with how her husband had insulted her own families, left her own home, and, used the money she’d earned to help make the ends of her, her eldest sister, and her mother’s livelihoods meet, but the husband said horrible things about her endlessly.  A wanted to divorce, but she couldn’t abandon her only daughter who is living and working overseas, what, is she to do?

A My Advice…

All the earnings that A brings in, was allotted by her husband, and, the husband treated his own family of origin with generosity, but, his in-laws with stingy, he’d used double-standards.  Her husband had put up the money for his own younger brother during the holidays for a very long time, and even covered the expenses of his trips abroad, and A had never said anything about it.

Four years ago, when A’s mother had surgery on her uterus, she’d put up the medical bills of $50,000N.T. herself, back then, her husband was abroad, and, he’d thrown a FIT after he’d returned, claimed that when his mother-in-law sells the house, he will get the medical expenses back.  And now, her mother became demented and had a stroke, her husband had used even harsher words, “Your mother and eldest sister are the TUMORS of our marriage!  BAGGAGE!”

This never-ending insult, caused A to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, she’d wanted divorced, but worried about the effects it would have on her grown daughter, she couldn’t make up her mind about it.

If A really wanted to divorce, her grown daughter is not the issue here, the important thing is, is there nothing left between her and her spouse.  A must make up her mind, and, making up her mind is: collect the evidence, find an attorney, to protect her own assets, to NOT end up with nothing in old age, after working hard her whole life.

And, I’d imagined that this is still a build up, the husband’s behavior toward her side of the family, and maybe, because the husband was NOT a direct member of her family, meaning that he didn’t HAVE a parent with dementia, or siblings that needed the economic supports, that, was why he was not at all understanding to his own wife’s doing things the way she’d done, and, the money she’d earned, was her, what RIGHT has her husband, to put it into a joint account?  And plus, the husband covers for his own younger brother’s living expenses, even travel fees too, so that, is double-standards that this LOSER is holding!

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Cutting Off the Father-Daughter Relationship? On the Scene of the Wedding

A father, expecting his baby girl to become independent after she is wed, translated…

Yu is approaching forty, with a higher degree, with the belief, that he could achieve greatness, other than changing jobs constantly, he’d also, made a ton of investments, in the end, he’d lost more and earned even less.  In the decade’s time, we can only describe him as “barely getting by”, so, having a family, marrying, having children, buying a house became an unachievable dream for him.

Juan was Yu’s coworker when he’d first started working, maybe, she had the eyes for how willing he was able to take the challenges head on, she’d dated him, for over a decade.  And because they’re both getting older, and, with the pressings from both their families, they’d finally decided, to march down the aisles together.

In actuality, Juan who’s quite good looking, was from a well-to-do family, her parents owned a small-scaled company, and, they’re making an honest living.

On Sunday, I was invited to Yu’s wedding ceremony.  At first, it didn’t seem any different than all the other wedding ceremonies I had been invited to, most of the guests didn’t arrive until the time specified, and, after a little over thirty minutes as everybody sat down.  Followed by the ushering in of the newlyweds, parents of the groom and the bride, as well as the person holding the ceremony, getting onto the podium.

Although we’re all getting hungry, we’d still smiled, and heard the blessings; the person holding the ceremony counted out the ins and outs of his daughter’s growth processes, with the laughter, the sounds of well-wishing, applauses, and our stomachs, churning, it’s so very rowdy indeed.  Right before Juan’s father was about to be finished with his speech, he’d asked everybody to pipe down, that he had something important to announce.

Everybody thought, that it was the usual stuff, wanted his son-in-law to take good care of his daughter, and the like.  Without realizing, that he’d spoken, in a strict tone of voice, “on some levels, I’m going to, cut off relations with my daughter and my son-in-law from now on.”

All of a sudden, everybody who was there fell silent, a few seconds later, he’d continued, “After the children grow up and married, they will become self-reliant, and can no longer depend on the parents, and relied on the parents for monetary support.”

At first, I felt a bit shocked, but later on, as I thought about what the father of the bride had said, Juan’s father used an alternative method, to teach the children to learn to become “self-reliant”, he’d put his heart into making his speech, and that should be, commended.

And so, this, is quite odd, isn’t it?  Because you’d expect a father, on a wedding, to give out the well-wishes, and not how I’m going to cut you off from here on out, but, this father DOES have a point, his daughter is a grown woman, and married now, and, so, him by saying that he is cutting off relations with her is saying how she will become self-reliant, and can’t depend on him on everything like she was always able to, to resolve the difficulties in her life, and so, this father actually had the benefits of his own offspring in mind when he spoke those words.

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Filed under Expectations, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life, The Declarations of Independence, The Education of Children, Translated Work, Values, Wake Up Calls

From a Military School to Working as a Manager at a Clothing Store

On her son’s choice, translated…

Many years ago, my eldest son chose to study in military school, I understood, that my understanding and very mature son knew of the household income issues, and wanted to help save us the money, which was why he’d chosen the path.

Two weeks after he’d reported to the military school, he’d called me, and asked, if I could get him dropped from the schools.

With a heart of unease, I’d arrived at school, to get to understand the situation better, my eldest son told me that after he’d gone into training, he realized that military school doesn’t fit with his personality profiles.  Seeing his young and childish face, I’d helped him get packed up, left the military school.

The very next year, my son tested into a private university, he’d told me, that he could get financial aid for his tuitions, and he can part-time for his own living expenses, that I needed not worry about him.

My son had given his class schedule to the owner of the buffet, when he didn’t have classes, he’d gone to work; on the academic front, he’d done all he could, never arrive late to his classes or leave early from them, worked hard, studying, kept a high grade all the way through.  From his freshman year, when his professor gave the students an oral presentation, he’d collected the data completely, then, drafted up his speeches, then, rehearsed the speeches with his group, to the point that he didn’t need to look at his note when he gave his presentations, and could give an animated presentation to his class, and maintained eye contacts with his professor and other students.

My son showed a strong interest toward clothing and accessories, started in his freshman year in college to not, he’d set up an online shop to sell clothing items, and had gotten great reviews from his shoppers. He is a careful person, because he feared that there are scams online, so, starting the very first day he’d set up shop online, he’d handled every single transactions carefully himself.

I’d also gone with him, to get replenished on his stock, and to pick up the items he’d ordered from somewhere else, several years later, I believed, that he’d gotten his own sense of style.  And, just so, my son continued working at the buffet place, along with running his own online clothes shop, managed to put himself through college, completed his studies from the universities.

After he’d gotten out of the armed services, he’d tried to find a job in the clothing, accessories industries.  Several times he’d gone to the malls to help out during the semi-annual sales, I’d walked in as a pretend customer, heard how he’d used an even tone of voice, as he’d introduced his products, with such professionalism, it made me feel proud and moved, that weak childish scared little boy had find his own interests; through the years of accumulation of experiences and his own hard work, he’d started absorbing the newest information on the clothing and accessories fields.  After several times of him, being the highest selling newcomer for the month or for the day, the main store sent him into a new branch, and made him the store manager.

My son said, he didn’t have the help from home, nor did he have outstanding grades, nor does he have the tall and handsome looks, so he must work even harder.  The sales may be high or low, he’d accepted the challenges from day to day, because he believes, that he can alter his own destiny, if he works hard to try to change himself for the better.

This, is very inspirational, to see a young man who’d chosen a career path for himself, and just kept going, and, it’s his attitude at his jobs that made him so successful, and that just shows, that having the right attitude is very important, it’s a key to one’s success!

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Filed under Expectations, Observations, Occupational Outlook, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization, Story-Telling, The Declarations of Independence, Translated Work, Work Ethics

The Son Took His Girlfriend, Part-Timing Abroad, on Parent-Child Interactions

Translated…

My close friend, Xiao-Ching’s son, took his girlfriend abroad to part-time.

I asked her, “Did you meet the girl’s parents?  Are they comfortable, letting their child go off abroad with her boyfriend?”

Xiao-Ching said, “we’d met them twice once, was the courtesy visit before they headed aboard, another, as we all took the kids to the airports.  The girl’s parents are very understanding, they said that they support their daughter’s decisions one-hundred percent, believed that their daughter would have the wisdom, to make the right choices, and, we are worried too much.”

Think back to before, when Xiao-Ching’s son, being considerate toward his girlfriend’s work, took her home to live for awhile. She’d asked the girl, “Did you tell your parents where you’ll be living?”

The girl replied, “Yes, I had!  They knew, that I was staying at the house of a classmate.” Xiao-Ching said, “Next time, when you’re on the phones with your mom, let me talk to her.” The second day, the mothers got to talk, the girl’s mother thanked Xiao-Ching over and over again, for taking care of her daughter.

Xiao-Ching intentionally stressed, “Sure, don’t worry about it, I don’t have a daughter, only two sons, so, I treated her as my daughter.”

And so, the parents should KNOW, that their daughter was staying at a male classmate’s house!

On weekends, her son would, from time to time, go with his girlfriend home to visit her parents, and, they’re not strangers at all.

After getting along for awhile, Xiao-Ching started liking the girl more and more, because she’d made her son more responsible, and the two of them planned out their futures too, they planned to work hard for a short while, to save the money for travels, then, head abroad to work, before they’re thirty, they wanted to make more money aboard, so they can have money to start their own business together.

Turns out, that after a year of working, they’d saved enough for their travels, they’d bought the tickets, and started filling out the paper works for travel, to book their flights and hotels, didn’t need their parents’ help at all.

The two can talk to one another as they’d gone abroad, took care of one another, and they’d still LINED their families to keep in touch, like where they’re living, what they had for the meals, what they did, and how they rode the bicycles instead of walked, and it’d given their families a piece of mind.

As parents, we’d often told our kids, “No”, that’s “no good”, so many “no’s”.  Actually, if you can think on the brighter side, and believe in your child, support them, it will surely help them grow even more.

And so, this, is what trust looks like in a family, and the mother was worried at first, but the son and his girlfriend proved to her, that her worries are excessive, and that they could take good care of themselves.

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Wanting to Keep Her Dignity, She’d Filed for Divorce at the Age of Ninety

Imagine the SHITS that this woman MUST’VE put up with, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The ninety-year-old woman, Yu stated that her husband is authoritarian, must have things his ways, and that they’d lived separately for over twenty years now, and she wanted to fight for own freedom, to end their sixty-six years of marriage together; on the first trial, the judge allowed for the divorce, but the Highest Courts used the rule of “nothing majorly wrong with the marriage”, to toss out the previous rulings.  The elderly woman held a press conferences and cried, “When I’m still alive, I will NOT be his widow; and when I’m dead, I will NOT be buried alongside his family”, hoped that for the rest of her life, she could “live as a free and a dignified woman”.

The elderly woman already appealed, and now the case is being reviewed by the highest court, she’d had her walker yesterday, with a mask, accompanied by the women’s activist group, along with her two daughters-in-law to a press conference, and, she started shaking uncontrollably and cried as she got so moved when she told them what had happened.

Mrs. Yu said, that a lot of people asked her, why at her age, she’d insisted on divorcing?  Because her husband is a very traditional Taiwanese macho man, and, when she didn’t comply with him, he would verbally abuse her; in her household, she’s a woman without her own voice, and when they’d gone on outings together, she can “only follow behind him like a dog”.  Later she’d moved into the residence of her eldest son, and during the separations, she’d wanted to divorce, but the husband would NOT allow for it, he’d even torn up the divorce papers and flushed it down to the toilet, which forced her to go to court.

Mrs. Yu stated, that even though the first trial approved of the divorce, but the highest court ruled that “after the separation, they’d still met up or gone out together, and during which time, there had been arguments, but there’s nothing so major in the marriage that it couldn’t be continued”.  She’d claimed, that during her separation, she’d only gone with her husband to her grandson’s graduation, and another time was because he’d signed up for a tour, but when they met, they’d had an argument, which proved that there was NO more love left.

But the high courts stated, that eve3n though Mrs. Yu could NOT stand how her husband threw away the gift she’d given him and abused her dog, cussing her out, etc., etc., etc., but since 1990 when they’d separated, they’d still gone together to hang out with their children on holidays or weekends, and would give each other items, help each other out in daily living, and call one another up to show care and concerns, and back in 1990, 1992, and 2005, they’d gone abroad together, that the courts can’t rule that the marriage is beyond repair that there’s still hope.

And so, why can’t they just get divorced, under the rules of “irreconcilably difference”, after all, this woman HAD put up with this man’s BULLSHIT her whole life, and now, she wanted to do something FOR herself, and the courts do NOT allow for it, and that, would be a breach of HER basic human rights, wouldn’t it???

 

 

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The Allowance of Half a Million Dollars

On marriage, translated…

My close friend, Ling, ever since she’d married rich, she’d officially became one of the “well-to-do ladies”.  Other than living in a huge mansion, enjoying the services of the maids, after having a son for her mother-in-law’s household, every month, she’d gotten an extra half a million dollars in allowance too.  But, out of all our expectations, just last month, Ling and her husband signed the divorce settlements.

“Why?  Had it been me, with half a million coming into my accounts every month, I’d put up with it no matter what!”, our friend, A said.

“Half a million dollar is NO small amount, it’s hard for me, to get just $5,000N.T. from my husband, did Ling BUMP her head and get a concussion?”, B chimed in.

As the friends started wondering, this gift that dropped into her laps, how can she just let it go so easily?

One day, I’d bumped into Ling whom I hadn’t seen for a very long time on the streets, after a conversation, I’d learned, that it wasn’t easy, marrying into a rich family after all.

Ling told me, that everything that happened in the house, she MUST report to her mother-in-law on.  And that she must behave in accordance to how the high end lifestyle requires of her, that if she doesn’t, then, the outside world will shun on her; she couldn’t even call up her own parents anymore, along with her former classmates and friends too.

What’s more outrageous, was that within six months of getting married, Ling’s husband had affairs, and, at home, he’d use verbal abuse and hit her too, but, as they’d gone out into the public, he’d acted all kind and all that toward her, pretended that they’re happily married, as for her children, the elders in the house stepped in to “take care”, and after their spoiling them rotten, they’d become too spoiled, and they’re NOT afraid of any adults at all.

And all of this, had broken Ling, she’d taken her beaten up body and her shattered mind, asked for a divorce.  For Ling, the monthly payment of half a million dollars in alimony is NOTHING, she’d rather have just FIVE minutes of time when she can breathe freely.

As someone’s wife too, I saw Ling, I got reminded of how easily I lived, that even though, I didn’t have the flashy titles, without the wealth, but my family is very tightly-knit, and we’d understood one another, encouraged each other too, and all of this, you can’t buy with money, and I was, all of a sudden, filled with a TON of gratitude.

I hope, that after the divorce, Ling can find what truly makes her happy.

And so, this woman, even though she’s married rich, she’s NOT happy, and that just shows you, that you should not just LOOK at the surface of things, and, that half a million dollar in allowance or spending cash is still WORTHLESS to this woman here.

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