Tag Archives: Double-Standards

Why Couldn’t She Care For Her Own Mother & Older Sister Back Home?

Because we’re already married, and, it’s NO longer our responsibilities to, but we’re still asked to, because we are, daughters!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Mr. C felt taken for his good friend, Madam A’s situation…

The sixty-year-old Madam A since she retired from a teaching post in a public school, she’d gotten the monthly retirement pensions.  Her eighty-five year-old elderly demented mother who had a stroke was left in the care of her never-married, eldest sister, who’d helped put A through her schooling to handle.  But now, her eldest sister is getting older too, and was without a job, and could no longer care for their mother.  A was grateful toward her older sister for her kindness, and thought, that the caretaking of the mother, they should shoulder together, and so, asked her husband if she could use a part of her monthly retirement pension, to put into helping her eldest sister and mother, but, the husband was strong and forceful in denying her the rights, and, put strict restrictions on her accounts.

Later on, A couldn’t put up with how her husband had insulted her own families, left her own home, and, used the money she’d earned to help make the ends of her, her eldest sister, and her mother’s livelihoods meet, but the husband said horrible things about her endlessly.  A wanted to divorce, but she couldn’t abandon her only daughter who is living and working overseas, what, is she to do?

A My Advice…

All the earnings that A brings in, was allotted by her husband, and, the husband treated his own family of origin with generosity, but, his in-laws with stingy, he’d used double-standards.  Her husband had put up the money for his own younger brother during the holidays for a very long time, and even covered the expenses of his trips abroad, and A had never said anything about it.

Four years ago, when A’s mother had surgery on her uterus, she’d put up the medical bills of $50,000N.T. herself, back then, her husband was abroad, and, he’d thrown a FIT after he’d returned, claimed that when his mother-in-law sells the house, he will get the medical expenses back.  And now, her mother became demented and had a stroke, her husband had used even harsher words, “Your mother and eldest sister are the TUMORS of our marriage!  BAGGAGE!”

This never-ending insult, caused A to be on the verge of a mental breakdown, she’d wanted divorced, but worried about the effects it would have on her grown daughter, she couldn’t make up her mind about it.

If A really wanted to divorce, her grown daughter is not the issue here, the important thing is, is there nothing left between her and her spouse.  A must make up her mind, and, making up her mind is: collect the evidence, find an attorney, to protect her own assets, to NOT end up with nothing in old age, after working hard her whole life.

And, I’d imagined that this is still a build up, the husband’s behavior toward her side of the family, and maybe, because the husband was NOT a direct member of her family, meaning that he didn’t HAVE a parent with dementia, or siblings that needed the economic supports, that, was why he was not at all understanding to his own wife’s doing things the way she’d done, and, the money she’d earned, was her, what RIGHT has her husband, to put it into a joint account?  And plus, the husband covers for his own younger brother’s living expenses, even travel fees too, so that, is double-standards that this LOSER is holding!

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Filed under Being Alone, Betrayals, Broken Promises, Choices, Decision-Making, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Enmeshment, Excuses, Expectations, Issues on Gender, Life, Loss, Marriages, Messed Up Values, Obstacles in a Relationship, Old Age, Perspectives, Planning for the Future, Professional Opinions, Rationalization, Relationship, Socialization, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Declarations of Independence, The Fate of a Woman, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

The Infidelities of Her Man

She’d put up with it, because there’s NOTHING else she can do, to STOP him from cheating on her, and plus, he’d always come back to her bed, eventually, and so, she’d put up with his infidelities.

The infidelities of her man, we’d often wondered, WHY, she wouldn’t just divorce him, perhaps, she enjoys seeing how guilt-ridden he would become after each and every time he’d cheated on her, and how she would have control over HIS wages, and spend it, listlessly, and there’s NOTHING he could do about that, because he knew, he’d OWED her that much!

The infidelities of her man, it’d taken her, a very long time, to finally overcome, and, even though, when he’d not come home to her, she’d still felt somewhat uneasy, now she tells herself, so long as he’s still giving me his paycheck, I’ll be fine.

The infidelities of her man, why must we women, put UP with your infidelities, and, think about it, L-O-S-E-R-S (b/c that, is what you ALL are!!!), IF the thought of us, women, with someone else, when it’s NOT even T-R-U-E, makes you turn G-R-E-E-N, then, why the FUCK (no, I don’t need to be “pardoned” this time ‘round) should WE put UP with you, humping on ALL your whores?  Exactly, so, the next time that double-standard comes back up, DO suppress it down!

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Gender Inequality, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Messed Up Values, White Picket Fence

The Thought of You, with Another Man

Uh, are you FUCKING shitting me here!!!

The thought of you, with another man, god DAMN it, it just BURNS me up, thinking that you’re in HIS arms, instead of mine.  The thought of you, with another man, it causes my blood to boil, make me want to kill something.

The thought of you, with another man, if the thought of me, with another man (yeah right, still NOT into men, and that, is still NOT to say, that I LOVE women either!!!), makes you green with jealousy, how do you think I should BE reacting, when I found your DICK inside of HER V-A-G-I-N-A!

The thought of you, with another man, that’s just NOT right, you were mine, we’d made a promise of forever with each other, it’s just that once, that I’d allowed my DICK to overrule my brains, that’s it, and, you’re PUNISHING me like this?  C’mon, woman!

The thought of you, with another man, you can imagine me in his arms tonight, and know, that you will NEVER have a hold on me, ever again.  The thought of you, with another man, it just hurts, real bad, you used to love me that way, but, you don’t anymore, and I just can’t figure out why………uh, are you FUCKING (DON’T pardon me this time!) SHITTING me here!

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Filed under Issues on Gender, Life, Messed Up Values, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

My Husband Doesn’t Accompany Me to Visit My Family’s Household, a Story on Marriage

Translated…

Even though, my husband is not too close with my family, but, on the major holidays, he’d surely shown up, it’s just that on the normal weekends, I’d taken into considerations that he’d busied all week long, and I’d certainly allowed him to stay at home to rest up, or to do things he’d enjoyed.  Otherwise, if he followed me back to visit my parents, he’d just be there, with a book, he doesn’t feel free, and, the things he’d wanted to do on the weekends don’t get done at all.

I believe, that on the time to visit one’s own household, one needs to consider the rest patterns of one’s own spouse, and, if you don’t, then, you’d put restrictions on one another, and, you two would lose both your freedoms.  And so, other than right after we got married, the first few years, he’d often accompanied back to visit my parents, in the two decades of our marriage, I’d be the one, taking my kids home to visit my parents.

At first, my mother would think of it as weird, but, after awhile, she’d gotten used to it too.

Then, how about going back to my mother-in-law’s?  My mother-in-law is a traditional country woman, and my husband is a good son, and so, on the days of the weekend he’d gone back, I’d accompanied him too.

Seemingly, this, is an unfair arrangement in marriage, but I have NO complaints.  Maybe some people believe that I’d sacrificed too much, or maybe, I kept the traditional values too.  And still, the reason why I was willing to do this is because my husband doesn’t place restrictions on my life, we have mutual respects toward one another, and we’d treated each other kindly, and often consider one another’s perspectives.

And, even though he doesn’t accompany me home that much, but, he’s very kind to my parents, and would think of everything, so, my mother has nothing but good things to say about her son-in-law, and my mother doesn’t feel unhappy because he doesn’t visit her often.

My husband’s kindness, and how well he’d taken care of my parents, is already more than enough, to make up for the lax of him, not accompanying me to head home enough.

And so, this, is still very traditional Chinese, the man doesn’t have to go to the woman’s family’s house to visit, but the woman often needs to make the trip back to her mother-in-law’s household, and that, is just how MACHO this society still is, but, at least, this man treated his wife kindly, so, she still has NO complaints.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Connections, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Marriages, Properties of Life, Women's Issues