Should I Get a Divorce When My Husband Has an Affair?

Marital difficulties here, a Q&A, translated…

Q: L whose marriage is in the MUCK wrote…

Having known her husband for seven years, married for ten, has a daughter and a son, Mrs. L wrote several letters describing how her marriage is sinking: when L was pregnant with her firstborn, her husband became addicted to porn sites, and was about to head off to a motel with an unknown woman, and was stopped dead in his tracks by L.

In the seven years’ time, disregarding L’s words, her husband used the accuse of getting closer to god, became a spokesperson of god, to help others resolve the issues in their lives; and ever since, he’d given less and less time to his families, and, the two of them are slowly drifting apart.

Last November, she’d found out that her husband had an affair with a married female coworker, not only did her husband NOT admit to wrongdoing, instead, he’d blamed her, for not making him happy, causing him to need to find someone else, believed that it was, ALL L’s fault.

During this time, a lot had happened, L told the female coworker’s husband that she was cheating on him, the husband started becoming verbally abusive, and stated that he wanted a divorce; and, L felt, that her husband had become possessed, since he “became” closer to god.

And now what was phasing L was that the in-laws hoped, that they wouldn’t divorce, for the sakes of their young children; but her husband said, that after they’d split, they will each take a child, but, both children wanted to live with L.  Although she has work, however, she’d feared, that after the divorce, her husband won’t pay her alimony, she won’t be able to keep her kids in school, although the counselor had suggested that L gave the custody rights to her husband, but L didn’t want to, and, everything became stagnant.

A My Opinion

I don’t believe, that L really wants a divorce.  In her letter, she talked of how much the Valentine’s Day present her husband gave to her meant so much, that it wasn’t that he went out of his way to buy it, but it was a gift from the company he has business with, and, she is also hesitant, because of the issues of her children.

L can first, think about what’s LEFT in her marriage, half a dinner roll?  Or, just some, breadcrumbs?  Meaning that she needed to figure out, HOW much there is, left in the marriage, WORTH her working hard over?  And, if working hard can really make her marriage improve?  And, what are both of their attitudes?  And their shared beliefs?

Based off of what I’d read, L’s husband is someone who does as he pleases, and, when he’d done wrong, he’d wanted her apologies, and, that, was NOT his first affair either, and clearly, he’d shown, a LACK of self-control, with a total LACK of disrespect for the marriage.  But L must think thoroughly, is she was willing to give her husband another chance?  Or to get divorce, so she could have a brand new life?  If you continue to engage in the silent treatments, you’ll only end up, draining yourselves dry.

And so, for the sakes of her children, and the words of her in-laws, this woman was STUMPED on whether or not she should divorce the husband who cheated on her, and, apparently this woman CARED a LOT about the marriage, and yet, her husband’s behaviors had let her down, time, and time again, and, this, is clear to see, from an outsider’s angle, but, because this woman is involved in the play of things, that, was why she couldn’t see the truth, that, is why she felt troubled…

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Betrayals, Choices, Cost of Living, Decision-Making, Despair, Divorces, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Letting Go, Life, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Unrequited Love, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

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