Category Archives: The Fate of a Woman

Opening Up that Locked Window Inside Your Heart, the Features of a Woman

Translated…

In my impressions, Mei-Yun is a person who’s very strict, never smiled, never talked, always carried this seriousness about her.  With her hair tied up in a bun, wearing a simple suit, with a pair of black flat shoes, that, was the “Professor’s wife” that I knew.

Two days ago, I’d gotten this hard-to-come-by call from Mei-Yun, she’d asked us, a group of friend to go over to her place for tea, to catch up.  As we arrived in her place, I, being sharp in the eyes, immediately noticed that the colors of the wallpapers, the freshly picked roses in the vase, to the few oil paintings on the walls, are not the same as the ones that were there from before.  She, who always kept herself the same, what had made her change so much? Mei-Yun said, that before marriage, she was an upbeat, outgoing young woman, not only did she love dancing, literature, she’d always hung out with her friends too.  Later on, she’d married her husband who is a doctor, and so, ever since, the title of “doctor’s wife” and “Mrs. Professor” tagged along, it’d made her wrap her original personality up.

Toward the outside world, she’d kept this strict impression of herself, and to her family, she’d followed the strict rules of being a good wife and a fitting mother.  But, these couple of years, she’d become more and more unhappy, fearing every single mistake, and also, cared too much about other people’s views of her.

She was diagnosed with mild depression, didn’t know how she can face up to her friends and relatives.  The meds, the visits to the therapists only worked for the time being, until one day, she’d met up with her classmate, Jade, then, everything started turning around.

Jade is naturally optimistic, encouraged her to TOSS away the restraints of how she feared the outside world would perceive her, to just let go, and do what makes her happy.  After Jade’s accompaniment and guidance, she’d picked up her painter’s brush, and got everything she was keeping locked up on the inside onto her canvas.  She slowly realized, that “red”, “yellow”, and “green”, these bright colors, are like her best friends, helping her out from the abyss of her own depression, pulling her into a brighter world.

Seeing how in Mei-Yun’s house, there hung her latest work of art: a little girl, stepping into the sun, with a bundle of colorful roses, violets and daisies, pushing open a window, and finding a deep blue ocean outside, looking very satisfied, that seemed to describe her state of mind right now.

So, keeping UP with this perfectionist façade is too hard, so much so, that it’d made this woman depressed, severely too, and so, she’d made a change to her own attitude, learned to relax, and learned that she should NOT carry and live UP to everybody else’s expectations of her, all she needed, was to live her life, and BE herself.

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The Older We Are, the More Colorful Life Becomes

A step-by-step guide to aging gracefully, you CAN see it as that if you want to, translated…

Before my mother started going to senior community college, she’d focused her life around the family, and, the activities are interrelated with the family as well, her point of view is that so long as she’d taken care of everybody in the house, then, she’d done enough.

My mother who’d saved up every last penny and is strictly traditional in thought, puts her family first, but, since she’d had an extra “identity” of a “student”, her life started taking on a new face.

At first, it’s Shu-Mei who’s in charge of the religious activities in her class, she’d often asked my mother to go along with her, and, even though, traveling to and from places is sometimes tiresome, but, you’d get that spiritual growth.  At the same time, my mother had promised to be the volunteer of the class, and, she’d offered her services once a week, it’d not only allowed her to feel that it’s better to give, it had also made her social circle grow larger.  And, the groups from her class would head out on outings, to make their own specialty dishes, to take on picnics; or to go sing karaoke, to spend a wonderful afternoon together.  The life after retirement, because learning had filled up her spare time, it’d made her life more colorful.

Last year my mother went to the office of the man in charge of her borough, and, just so, that the person in charge of our neighborhood moved to another place, and, the man in charge of the borough couldn’t find anybody to fill the position.  And, because of serendipity, the man in charge of the borough had gotten the okay from my mom, and my dad became the man in charge of our street, and the two of them started assisting with everything big and small in the neighborhood, the workload wasn’t heavy, the most important task was make sure that the neighbors communicated well.  One day, my mother was in the office, having a conversations with the wife of the man in charge of her borough, she’d recommended her to become a volunteer at the police subprecinct.  And, as she’d come home and asked our opinions, I was supportive completely, after all, at the age that my mother’s at, she can still give back to the world, I’m truly happy for her.

Because of my mother’s entering the field of learning, she’d gotten colors in her life, and it’d boosted her confidence too, and now, she’d busied herself about from a day to day.

And so, this, would be ONE way to prevent deterioration, staying ACTIVE, and, the woman had only a small social circle from before (her family) she’d gone to community college to take her classes, and that just shows you how IMPORTANT it is, to remain ACTIVE throughout your elderly years.

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The Empty Nest of a Single Mother

This, would be especially hard, I imagine, translated…

I was way too young and didn’t know any better, married because I had a daughter at the age of twenty-two, in two short years, I’d become a single mother, even though, I was quite young, I’d still worked hard, to raise my daughter, and, during the time when she was growing up, I’d felt strained a lot.

And now, my daughter is out of college, and she’d decided to move to Taipei, and, looking at how enthusiastic she was, I’d said yes to her verbally, but deep down, I didn’t want to let go.  I’d used the excuse of no longer under economic stress and health difficulties, to declare my retirement.  The house that the two of us, mother and daughter had shared for twenty-four years, was like my heart, all of a sudden, turned cold, and becoming lifeless now.

Recalling the happenings of these over twenty years’ time, I’d focused solely on my daughter, rarely done anything for myself, without friends, OR hobbies, and, the people I saw, other than family, there’s NOT a friend I can share my thoughts with, I’m like a caveman, living alone, deep, in the woods.  At first, I’d felt that the society had little kindness and support toward us, single mothers, to the point of keeping us outside the circles, and so, I’d been forced to keep my marital status hidden, to lock down my social circle, and kept making excuses for myself, to not go out to socializing, and, slowly, I’d come to discover, that I’d spent more and more time at home.

I’d know clearly, that I still have hopes and dreams for my own future, what I lacked, was the courage, how did I miss, that there are so many fears, worries when I was younger?

Turns out, that in the over-twenty-year’s time, I’d had my daughter with me, and now, she’s grown, and found her own set of skies to soar, and I, stood still, I can’t adapt myself, to walking this path alone now.

In an early morning filled with sunshine, I’d cleaned myself up, then, put on workout clothes, with a backpack behind me, in my sneakers, guess I’ll be on a journey around the island, a trip for one then!

I’d written this article at the hotel and resort in Hualien, that day, I’d gone on the high speed trains, took the bus, passed through the Shue-Shan Tunnel, saw the Pacific Ocean, saw the other side of the Central Mountain Ranges, it’s been a really long time, since I’d stopped, and enjoyed the great views in Taiwan.

The road is up ahead all this time, and I need not plan anything, I just had to get up, and walk out.  Life is filled with endless possibilities, just take it as it come then! So, here, we have the adjustment to empty nest, because her daughter is grown and flown from the nest, and, she being a single mother, it was harder for her to adapt, but, she refused to get depressed for long, she took actions, to make her own life better.

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Burning on Both Ends, the Sorrows of a Daughter-in-Law

This still isn’t at all good here, translated…

Last July, I got married, and gotten me brand new “roles” too quickly that I didn’t know how to adapt.  I’m a student, worked at home, and have a baby, regularly after work I’d gotten home, I needed to cook, to breastfeed, to do the dishes, to take out the trash, to work on my thesis statement, and in the middle of the nights, I’d also have to get up to change the diapers, and to breastfeed.

Living with my mother-in-law, even though I have a helping hand, but I’d also gained me an extra “identity” of a daughter-in-law.  One evening, I’d gotten home late, my husband bought something from a shop for my mother-in-law, and she’d told me how store-bought food are so very awful, she’d nagged on for TWO weeks.  I got it, I must cook, so, my family wouldn’t have to eat out.

The government said that children should be on breast milk, but, other than having to find a secretive space to pump myself, I’d also have to get my work colleagues to handle my workload; when I got home, if I got too loud, pumping my milk, I’d gotten called to the corner of the living room to do it.  If my child is thinner, then, I’d be nagged about how I’m not eating right, that there’s NOT enough nutrition in my breast milk that gets transferred to him, causing my child to NOT grow as fast; if I didn’t have enough volume, and had to mix some with the formulas, then, I’d get grilled for not taking my lecithin, that how could I not have enough volume?

All of this happened after the marriage, I’d originally though, that after I wed, I’d have a helping hand to care for my mother, and I would treat my husband’s parents with kindness too, but, living with the in-laws had me pressured so.  From before, I’d never cooked a single meal for my family members, and now, as I got off work, I needed to hurry home, and after they’d all eaten, I needed to clean everything up, and I’d also have to chase down the garbage truck too.  Sometimes, I saw how my husband leaves everything at the dinner table after he finishes and heads to the couch to watch television, or to play video games in the bedrooms, I’d wondered WHY it was that I got married in the first place?

If you’re a husband, DO love your wife more; if you’re an elder, DO remember, that your daughters-in-law are someone else’s baby too; if you’re a couple getting married, DO think of the life you’re about to embark on; if you’re like me, faced with multiple pressures in life, you can only hope, that one day, your husband will see the stress, and the hard work you’d been putting in.

But what IF he doesn’t, I mean, he won’t, he will always and FOREVER have HIS mama, wiping up the messes he’s made, and, he will NEVER know H-O-W hard it is for you, and, you’re just going to have to put up with that, unless you want to get a divorce, and, I’m quite certain, that NOBODY wants that on her/his “permanent record”…

 

 

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The Second Spring for May

Finding the love that’s right for you, after the last one had gone wrong, learning to love again, translated…

Hsien got married after he’d fallen in love with a woman, after they wed, they lived happily, but, after his wife, May had given birth to FOUR daughters consecutively, the marriage started going downhill.

Hsien is the eldest grandson from a huge family, his grandfather was a namely landowner of his area. The grandfather told him, that if they had a son, then, this eldest grandson from Hsien will get an extra share of his assets, and so, he’d decided to have another son, and May was under the risk of being an older pregnant woman, and had gotten pregnant with a fifth, but, after the prenatal checks, the doctors told her that the fetus was abnormal, and so, she painstakingly got an abortion, and the doctor also warned May, that with her health conditions, she should NOT be fitting, to get pregnant again.

After the dreams of having a son shattered, Hsien turned cold toward May, and had gone to across the straits for business. He’d brought some money, gone alone there, and quickly, he’d met up with a bar girl there, after the two started cohabiting together, he’d followed her back to her hometown to invest, and opened up a hotpot shop. He’d falsely claimed to his family members in Taiwan, that it was a business venture with another person from Taiwan, and had used the excuse of needing more funding, to have May wire money to China from time to time too.

Until Hsien managed to have a son with this other woman, did the whole thing blow wide open. And Hsien thought, that he now had the ACE of having a son, that his family would be behind him, without realizing, that his family members got ANGERED at how badly Hsien had misbehaved, they’d ALL sided with May instead. His grandfather, due to anger, openly denounced Hsien’s right to inherit his money.

At which time, the hotpot shop that Hsien helped started in China bankrupted because of bad management, the bar girl sold the shop, kicked Hsien out, and went back to her own mother’s house with her son. Hsien had lost everything, money, and love, and he’d returned to Taiwan, like he’d just awaken from a dream, because he was too ashamed of his own behaviors, he couldn’t face his own ex-wife and his daughter, he’d left a signed divorced agreement, and, disappeared.

As for May, who was heartbroken by Hsien’s betrayals, gladly, she’d gained the support of her family members, slowly gotten out of the gloom, she’d found a job again, and on her ride to work every morning, she’d met up with a single bus driver, and the bus driver showed empathy and compassion toward her predicament, and started pursuing her, and May had finally found a man who really DO love her now. Awhile ago, I’d met up with May, she couldn’t hide her happiness, as she’d told me that they’re about to get wed. Seeing how she glowed, I truly wish her nothing BUT the best.

And here, as you CAN see, payback (or karma, if you want to call it that!!!) is still a B-I-T-C-H!!! And, the man had it coming, because he’d left HIS wife who couldn’t give him a son (once again, this, is still the traditional sexist views working!!!), he’d dumped his wife, and shacked UP with a WHORE in China, and, after the whore in China used him up, well, she’d tossed him out, just as he’d abandoned HIS own wife, and, if that’s not karma, I don’t know what is!!!

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Her Husband had a Bastard with His Ex, and the Mother-in-Law Helped Take Care, Everybody ELSE Knows, Save for Her

And so, how can this WIFE be SO blind AND stupid, I wonder???  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

The married man, Lee had an affair four years ago with his ex-girlfriend, and Lee had adopted his own son, and asked his own mother to take care of him.  When Lee’s wife came home, the mother-in-law lied to her, said that she was helping to babysit for someone, until last year when the couple had a fight, did the husband let the truth slip out.  The wife immediately checked the household registry, and found that there was “an extra member” of the family, she’d gotten angry and SUED her husband and Hsieh for adultery.

Lee claimed, that “she’d already known about it, that the date to sue was way passed”, but the D.A.’s office based off of the LINE messages that Lee’s wife received which showed that she had no clue, and so, the D.A. prosecuted them both for adultery.

Lee (age 38) was married eleven years ago, and had a son and a daughter with his own wife; Hsieh (age 43) works in the beauty industry, was originally an ex of Lee’s, she’s still single.  The google+ friendship circle that they both had only had each other as contact, and Hsieh had even used their son’s picture as her display picture.

Last year in July, Lee asked her husband, “I’d heard rumors that you have another woman, and kid too?”, they’d started arguing, after Lee got mad, he’d claimed, “Had you known about it, we’d fight even harder”, “Of course I lied about it”, Lee was so furious that she’d flipped open the household registry, and found, that her husband had, indeed, adopted a child.

Lee accused, that her mother-in-law was enjoying playing with the grandchild, and that her husband’s side of the family all knew about this, and had allowed her own children to play with their “different mother” younger brother.  She’d said, that once she’d gone back to her mother-in-law’s and heard the child call her husband “dad”, that, was when she started getting suspicious, and the mother-in-law claimed, “This, is a child I am looking after for a friend, he’d called him wrong!”

Hsieh said, that she knew her boyfriend was already married, and that in 2008, they’d gone to a motel for the third time, and the next year, she’d given birth.  But Hsieh and Lee both claimed, that Lee’s wife had already “condoned” to their bastard child; and when Lee was brought into the police station, he’d told them, “She’d already forgiven me”, he couldn’t understand W-H-Y he was being sued.

The D.A. checked the LINE message provided by Lee’s wife, found that last year when they’d fought, Lee returned, “I’d worked up the courage to tell you the truth, I don’t want you to leave me”, along with other statements, and the judge ruled that the wife had NO idea of her husband’s infidelity, and the child that he’d had outside of their marriage.

And here, we still have a “good example” (yeah right) of a PERFECT L-O-S-E-R, who still tried (but unsuccessfully) to WEASEL his way out of trouble, well, he didn’t do it successfully that’s for sure, and, the mother-in-law should ALSO get charged for covering for the son too.

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Finding an Alternative Version of Oneself

Time for growth, people!!! Translated…

After my children are born, I’d become like the regular working ladies, a candle, burning on both ends, at work, and at home. Because my child got sick a lot, I feel very bad about it, thinking, that if I’d taken care of him, then, maybe, his health would be better.

And so, I’d sent in my resignation, but my boss and coworkers all warned me kindly, said that after taking care of my child for two to three years’ time, I’d be at age forty, and by then, it would NOT at all be that easy, for me to find a good job as the one that I have, plus, my son is only one, he is surely NEVER to remember everything that happened when he was still a baby.

And so, I’d started struggling, but in the end, I’d still given up my work, because I believed, that my child has only ONE childhood, and plus, a child this young would need his mom’s accompaniment. That year, I’d quit, and became a full-time mom. And still, there’s a LOT to be learned from the job of being a full-time mom too, from how to sterilize the bottles, making baby foods, and to tell if my child was crying because of anger, or to get my attention. To tell you the truth, being a full-time mom is comparable to the hardships of being a career woman, but, being able to be there as my son took his very first step, and hearing his first word of “mama”, and being there for many of his firsts, it’s so very rewarding.

One day, I watched, as my son played on his own, I was amazed, at how he could get happy by the smallest details he’d encountered, and I started question myself, “Where had MY happiness gone?”, after I’d let things “slow-cook” inside, I’d realized, that when I left work, it wasn’t for my son at all, the real reason behind me leaving the workforce was because of how unhappy work was making me.

It took me forever, to find myself, to ask myself, what I wanted in life? What can I do? I’d kept searching, confirming, and reconfirming, in the end, I’d believed, that the path of artistry, of writing, of designing, etc., etc., etc., IS the path I should be on.

When my child was kindergarten age, I’d started taking classes like crazy, to learn all I can, about designing, and, there would be other voices, “You’re NOT a designs major, and you don’t have ANY work experiences in this area, and you’re older, there’s NO purpose in your learning this trade.” And still, I’d believed, that there would be a road opening up for me, plus, my passions toward designing is comparable to that of the younger generations too.

And so, in a chance encounter, I’d opened up a workshop with a friend. Slowly, we’d gotten cases, and, after three months, we’d gotten a place in the government held animations competition too, even though, it’s just a small award, but we believe, that it is a step in the right direction.

Mr. Chang-Shou Yen was absolutely right, after meeting yourselves, then, you can become “an angel to yourselves and to someone else”. I’m truly glad, that I have the opportunity to combine my work and my areas of interests, I am really living, a fulfilled life right now!

And so, this, is a woman’s path to discover herself, and, it still wasn’t at all easy, like how she was told by the schools, that she’s too old, and yet, she sought out the resources, and kept persisting in her dreams, and in the end, she was able to become the woman she’d always wanted to become, she had, self-actualized, and all of this was made possible, by her own unwavering nature, her persistence, and her strength.

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