The Pages of My Forgotten Childhood

I’d stumbled upon a book, with my full name on it (wow, cool!!!), I’d flipped through it very quickly, but, the first few pages in, I felt so very scared, and, I’d put it out of my mind.

The pages of my forgotten childhood, they’d all come back, to haunt me now, I don’t know how this could’ve happened, I mean, I’d distinctively remembered I’d totally erased those pages.  The pages of my forgotten childhood, how did that happen?

The pages of my forgotten childhood, it’s so freakin’ hard, to recall that book now, the pages are just too mixed up, mingled together, the words, too jumbled up for me to read too.  The pages of my forgotten childhood, how could this even BE possible, I distinctively put a “sticky” (note???) on those pages of my childhood, to help me recall, and now, I just can’t.

The truth is written, on the pages of my forgotten childhood, I just can’t find the keys, to unlock that book, so my childhood can come back UP into my consciousness again…






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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Carelessness of Parents, Childhood, Early Exposures, feelings, The Education of Children, The Observer Effect, Trends, White Picket Fence

An “Unclaimed” Child

There you are, kiddo, STUCK, in the Lost & Found, aye???  An “unclaimed” child, how can that be?  I thought, that ALL children belonged to someone, anyone!!!

An “unclaimed” child, s/he must’ve gotten separated with her/his parents, or worse, maybe, the parents took her/him to this place and just left her/him, abandoned her/him, perhaps?  An “unclaimed” child, what am I to do with you now?  I had NEVER been “handed” one of “those” before…

An “unclaimed” child, who does s/he belong to?  Anyone?  Anyone?  Guess that we’ll just have to put her/him on “auction” then?  Let’s start the bidding, shall we?  Do I hear, a thousand dollars?  Two grand?  Three?  Three fifty?  Four?

An “unclaimed” child, s/he will NEVER feel fully safe and sound, for even IF s/he managed to find a good home (not that that’s a guarantee), s/he will still always and forever, carry that insecurity about her/him, about being once, an “unclaimed” child.

An unclaimed child, this, is where you, kiddo, end up, in the TRASH CANS, because nobody wanted you, your parents they didn’t want you, that, was why they’d left you here with us, and now, you’d gotten too freakin’ big, and, I just don’t want to keep you anymore, so, you’re now, on your own, all alone, in, this big, cruel, COLD world!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Being Alone, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Growing Up Too Fast, Innocence Lost, Kids Raising Kids, Negligence, Nowhere Is Safe, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, The Observer Effect, Values, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls, Writing

Understanding Why I’m Alone…

Been trying hard, real hard, draining out my brain juice, making sense, understanding why I’m alone, and the result, you ask? I’d come up, empty, I’m afraid…

Why am I so alone, with nobody to love and nobody who’ll love me back? I looked to the pages of my forgotten childhood for answers, nope, no help there, and, looking AT those pages of my forgotten childhood.

So, I’d searched all around, for this one, solitary answer that can set my mind at ease, and, I had absolutely NO luck!!! It is, just so very hard, for me to understand why I’m so alone, all I ever wanted in life, was someone who’ll love me, and yet, NOBODY was kind enough to give me the love I needed, and, because I wasn’t loved, how can I love?

I’m WRECKING my brains here, trying to figure out, W-H-Y, I’m so alone, I’d felt so very alone, ever since I could possibly recall, I remembered staying up, all night long, fearing that the Boogeyman will come and take me away from those I loved, and I had school the next morning too!!!

I’m still on this long-winding search, trying to figure out, why, I’m so alone, why I feel so little love, and, I’d finally realized, that the problem is NOT with me, it was with the two most important attachment figures in my life (and that would still be my parents, hello, hello, hello?), they’re the ones who were taught right, the CORRECT way to love, and that, is why I feel so very along, and with that, I’d set my own freakin’ mind to ease (which is a rarity…) now.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Awareness, Carelessness of Parents, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Despair, Interpersonal Relations, Karma, Lessons Learned, Life, loneliness, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Self-Images, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Suppressed Memories, Values, Wake Up Calls

Needing Someone to Fill in the Gaps

You are now, needing someone to fill in the gaps, because you could NO longer remember things as well as you should.  Needing someone to fill in the gaps, but who is available?  All your kids have to work, and ALL of your grandkids are going to school, and, they ALL have their separate lives to live.  Needing someone to fill in the gaps, it shall be hard, because you’d never really needed anybody else’s help in anything before, and now, you can’t even manage to go to the toilet on your own.

Needing someone to fill in the gaps, how can this be?  I was just this capable, able-bodied person before, and now, look at me, I’m a handicapped, wheelchair-bound, how can I possibly adapt, to the fact, that I’m always in need to be watched over, as I was the one, watching over other people from before?

Needing someone to fill in the gaps, but W-H-O?  Who will be patient enough, to stay with me, to help me through the many repetitions that I’m trapped by, during these years of my elderly life?  My kids?  Of course N-O-T, they all have their separate families to care for, my spouse?  Not really, I can feel her/his level of stress sky-rocketing even BEFORE I opened up my mouth and asked for something.

Needing someone to fill in the gaps, you will, but, don’t CALL on me, because I’m always working, too busy, because I need to make more money, so my kids will be well-provided for, does that sound familiar?  Of course, I am, the PAST version of you, and your lifestyle had led you to where you currently are, and, I’m going down that SAME road…



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Filed under Awareness, Connections, Interpersonal Relations, Issues of the Society, Life, Loss, Old Age, Properties of Life, Self-Images, The Observer Effect, Values

Waited for Four Years to Hear Her Grandson Call Her “Grandma”, the Child Was Mentally Delayed, But Was Mistaken for a Slow Developer

Prevention is still, WAY, WAY, W-A-Y better than treatment if you ask me, but, the families just thought that this kid was a slow-developer, that eventually he will catch up with the rest of his age group, from the Newspapers, translated…

The Hsinbei City’s Department of Sanitations scanned over 200,000 children from newborn to six years of age, and there were 2,700 confirmed diagnoses of developmentally delayed. The occupational therapist, Lu stated, that so long as interventions happen earlier on, with the current medical developments, children’s conditions will improve.

“Grand…am”, the sixty-six year old grandmother had waited for FOUR years for her grandson “Guan-Guan” to call her out. At age three, “Guan-Guan” had still yet learned to speak, and to play with other kids, the grandmother thought, that he was a “late bloomer”, but the mother felt that it was quite odd, and, brought him into the clinic for an examination just last year, and she was given the diagnosis of “autism” for her son.

And, this year, Guan-Guan can finally look at his grandmother and tell her, “Grandma bye-bye”, even though, he’d still stuttered a bit, but, the grandmother was so ecstatic hearing the child talk, she’d held him tightly, said, “I’m already sixty-six, and finally, my Guan-Guan can call me ‘grandma’”

Lu stated, that there are the misconceptions of “late bloomers”, but this view can easily have the kids, miss the deadline for treatment to become effective, but gladly, after consulting with the professionals, Guan-Guan’s grandma finally accepted that her grandson is autistic, and put him into three month’s worth of occupational therapy, and now, he can go on the swings alone, and walk the balance beams too.

And so, this merely shows, that you should NOT brush aside the small stuff, even though children will have their separate developmental milestones at various ages, but, if that five year old still can’t say complete sentences fluently, then, there might BE a problem, so, DO pay attention to your children, but, don’t compare how the next-door-neighbor’s kid was already on a two-wheel at age five and your six-year-old still can’t run well, or whatever, as each and every kid has her/his “clock” to follow…




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A Man Chained His Own Mother to the Walls, Two Days Later, the Mother Died…the Judge Gave the Man Two Years

Letting the circumstances guide the sentencing here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man in Hsinbei City, because his mentally ill mother would often eat things she should not be eating, he’d chained his own mother to the showerhead with a bicycle lock in the bathroom; because she was left standing up, two days later, her body couldn’t withstand the fatigue, she ended up, hung to death, the District Court in Taipei believed, that the man’s reason for chaining his mother to the bathroom was understandable, and that he’d turned himself in, so, it’d fitted the criteria for a reduced sentencing, and so he was sentenced to two years in prison.

The verdict stated that Chang (age 41)’s sixty-five year old mother was under limited cognitive capacity, couldn’t know if she’d done anything illegal, two years ago in November and last year in January, she’d committed theft twice, and would often throw trash all over her residence, and eaten unknown powdery substances too.

Chang’s mother originally stayed with her daughter, later, she’d moved in with her husband, her son, and her own mother-in-law in Shindian, in order to restrict his mother’s movements, Chang had used a motorcycle lock, wrapped it around his own mother’s neck, and locked her up in front of the steel window inside the bathrooms; Chang’s mother couldn’t break free, and could only rest on the faucets below the window, the meals were delivered and fed to her by her husband, and she’d urinated, defecated inside the tub. On September 10, she was found dead, and the medical examiners ruled that she died of hanging, because she was too fatigued that she’d fallen down.

Chang turned himself in, and his attorney used how he was the sole economic provider of his house, wanted to get him a delayed sentence. The judge pointed out, that before Chang locked his mother up, he should’ve sought out assistance from social services but didn’t, to help his mother feel better, but he didn’t, and he also didn’t loosen up the rope and the chains, to allow his mother to have time to rest, which had, in turn, caused the tragedy, that he should still be punished accordingly. The case can still be appealed.

And so, take this as an accident, or, a case of negligence homicide, or, you can see it as how this man failed to get enough support from the outside world, maybe he lacked the resources to, or he didn’t know WHERE he could get some help with his mother’s conditions, that had attributed to this tragic event.






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Kept Her Childhood in the Woods

She thought it’d be safe, because nobody (at least, NO grown-ups) EVER dared ventured into the Woods, after the discovery of the BLOOD-SUCKING werewolf that was out on the prowl when there’s a full moon, and so, she thought that her childhood would be safe, buried, deep, into the woods.

Kept her childhood in the woods, and, for a while (a very short while, at least) her childhood stayed hidden, from the predators of the world, but then, the predators started thinkin’ ‘bout where they hadn’t searched, and, the woods was the next place they went to HUNT down her childhood.

So now, her childhood is NO longer safe in the woods, and, she failed to realize this, just blindly believed, that it would be there, waiting for her whenever she’d come back for a short visit, but, this latest trip back “home”, she’d gone into the woods, to search for her childhood, and, to her surprise, it wasn’t waiting there for her like it was previously.

Turns out that the woods isn’t at all, that safe a place for her, to keep her childhood, she was just misled (as in “misleading the witness”???) by something, or, someone, into believing, that her childhood would be safe AND sound there, in the woods, but, it actually wasn’t, and now, she’s an incomplete person, because she’d lost her childhood in the woods…







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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Children Murdered, Children that Didn't Have to Die, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Innocence Lost, Moral Responsibilities, Queen Tina's Fables, Right to Life, Suppressed Memories, Uncategorized, Wake Up Calls, Writing