See How the Colors Have Faded…

With the passing of time, everything eventually becomes grayed out…

See how the colors have faded?  From life, as people grow older, they seemed to be losing more and more each and every day, and, no matter how hard they’d desperately tried to hold on to things, they simply couldn’t!

See how the colors have faded, how after so many washes (even IF you’d used those detergents that “promised” to keep the colors bright), things have a tendency to fade out?  See how the colors have faded, as time progresses, you’re losing a bit more each and every day, and soon, you will wake up one morning, and forget who I am, and yourselves as well.

See how the colors have faded, and, there’s NOTHING you can do, to get those faded colors back again, because that, is just NOT how things work here in this world!  See how the colors have fades, you may feel sad (that’s normal!), or angered at how God had taken away so much precious time from you, but hey, what CAN you do???  Absolutely NOTHING!!!

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Filed under Expectations, Letting Go, Life, Maturation, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Why Confess to that Age-Old Sin Now???

Because you’re getting older by the day, and, as each day passes, you’d feel that grip of fate, tighten, ‘round your necks, and that you’d been gnawed by your GUILTY CONSCIENCE ever since you’d done the bad deed, and it’s tortured your minds for your lives?

Why confess to that age-old sin now?  Perhaps, you’re looking for some redemption, to get that forgiveness, from God, so He don’t send you to HELL “afterwards”?  Why confess to that age-old sin now?  Because, perhaps you wanted to start off on a clean SLATE the next time go ‘round?  Or, because that EVIL thing you did so very long ago, you couldn’t shake it all off your shoulders, and now, as you’re about to die, you got NOTHING LEFT to lose, save for your lives?  Is that it???

Why confess to that age-old sin now?  Why didn’t you think of coming out before?  Is it some sort of final redemption you seek from those whose family member you’d murdered?  What, exactly, is it, that drives you to confess now?  Why confess to that age-old sin now?  It’s been so many years since, and, if you had the sense of regret, or any INKLING of REMORSE, wouldn’t you give those family members closure earlier?  So, you’re confessing to that age-old sin, because you want absolution, because you want to be forgiven, by God (read it backwards!!!), so you can find that peace of mind you desperately searched for………

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Filed under Bad Behaviors, Life, Messed Up Values, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Perspectives

When You Reach Out for Me

When you reach out for me, you will only, keep on, coming up empty, because I’m not gonna be there for ya!!!  When you reach out for me???  Get real, you were NEVER there for me before, so what makes YOU think that when you need me now, I’ll be there for you?  It’s only logical, that if you’d treated me kind, then I shall too, treat you with the same kind of kindness, but if you didn’t, then, why the FUCK must I, be kind to you?

When you reach out for me, you will never be able to touch my big hands, because my parents were never there, as I was a child, reaching out to them, so, naturally, I wouldn’t KNOW how to be a fitting mother to my brand new child either.  When you reach out for me, guess what’ll happen?  You will just keep reaching on, and get lured, in that false sense of security, that one day, I will eventually, reciprocate, but I won’t, because I’m already gone, and besides, what am I???  Stupid???  Uh, HECK no!!!

When you reach out for me, get real here, I will NEVER answer to your cries, because???  Ain’t NOBODY ever gave a FUCKING SHIT ‘bout me growin’ up, and so, why the FUCK should I care about you now???  It’s not like I need you, NOT anymore…………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abusing Someone's Trust, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Excuses, Expectations, Lessons Learned, Life, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Philosophies of Life, Trends, Vicious Cycle

Why Do You Keep on etting Him Back in???

From a friend’s angle…

Why do you keep on letting him back in???  You DO realize that he’s NOT good to you, right?  So, why, do you keep on letting him back in???  Because you got so used to being victimized in your relationship, because that, was how your parents interacted with one another, and, now it’s happened to you too, you don’t want to, nor are you willing to, make a change, to help yourselves out.

Why do you keep on letting him back in???  Because he’d always looked so remorseful, so sorrowful, after he’d hit you?  Is that it?  Do you NOT know, that he’s appeasing to your maternal instincts, and this, is where you got screwed over, by your own maternal instincts!

Why do you keep on letting him back in?  Oh, I know, because you’re still totally STUCK, in your own Electra Complexes, and, by allowing your children to watch you get beaten up over, over, and over again, guess what those little Johnnys will learn?  That it’s okay to BEAT up on members of the opposite sex, because mama lets daddy do it to her!  And for those Little Janes???  They are going to learn, that it’s okay, if the guys I’m with, HURT me, because that, is what you’d exposed them to, growing up, and in the end, you’d become the culprits who’d murdered your own offspring!!! Why do you keep on letting him back in???  Because he’d always apologized, for losing his temper, for hurting you and the kids, because he’d always showered you with gifts after he’d beaten the SHIT out of you???  Are you FUCKING retarded!!!

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Carelessness of Adults, Observations, Perspectives, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

So We Both Work Hard, to Convince Ourselves

So we both work hard, to convince ourselves, that this love of ours, is worth saving, all the while, we’re both, slowly, suffocated, in this already FUCKED up marriage.

Because we falsely believed, that there is still something (feelings, perhaps???) that’s still worth something, in this marriage of ours, so, we both work hard, to convince ourselves, that staying together, is the right thing to do, besides, don’t ALL divorcees go to hell too?

Because neither of us is willing to let this love finally die, we’d kept it on life support, dragged it out, watched it suffer, for our sins, and in the end, it still couldn’t withstand our torturous ways, and so, it’d finally, let out, of its final breath, and died, and, we’d prolonged its sufferings, so, we worked hard, to convince ourselves, that we did all we could for it (the marriage), and now that it’s gone, there’s nothing keeping us tied up and bound, and finally, we’re both FREE!!!

So we both worked hard, to convince ourselves, that this affair we’d started was because our separate spouses couldn’t give us what we needed, that, was what made us seek one another out, we’re NOT the ones to blame, we’re the VICTIMS of our unhappy marriages, we just took matters into our own hands, and sought out another who can keep us happy…

So we both work hard, to convince ourselves what we’re doing is justified, after all, this late in this losing game, that, is ALL that we can afford!

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Filed under Awareness, Because of Love, Coping Mechanisms, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationships

Kindness Returned, in the Workplace

Translated…

When the city of Tainan was about to merge, Hsiu-Fang remained in the original unit she worked in, but her good friend, Ru got transferred, and must work at the main office, she’d rode her motorcycle to the train stations at six in the morning, and, after she arrived, she’d taken the bus to the office, and gets off work at five, by the time she’d gotten home it’s already seven in the evenings.

Hsiu-Feng felt blessed that because she has her family, that, was why she wasn’t transferred, but Ru was single, and an only child, her father had died many years ago, she lived I with her blind mother, and so, she feared being transferred.

When Ru received the notice that she was to be transferred, she’d cried and begged Hsiu-Feng to look after her mother, in the one and a half hour lunch break, she usually needed buy her mother’s lunch for her, and now she’s transfer to the main stations, she doesn’t know how she will be able to take care of her mom, as she’d be leaving the house early in the morning, and returning home late in the nights.

None of the coworkers wanted to get transferred, and Ru can only talk to Hsiu-Feng, who’s like a sister to her, it’s just that Hsiu-Feng lives in the countryside, and if she moves to the city, she must buy or rent a new place, and her husband would naturally not want to go through the process, after all, moving is a huge and troublesome business.

But, seeing how worried, Ru became, how she’d become dumbfounded and would cry often.  Hsiu-Feng empathized with her, and told the personnel offices that she was willing to take Ru’s place in the transfer, so she could stay in the original unit.

Hsiu-Feng’s husband, on the weekends, took her to the main offices with the kids, to look at properties, and, there was a mansion on the market, that’s not too expensive and at the right locations, going to work, school, shopping for groceries would be very easy, and so, the entire family moved into the cities.

And, after she’d moved away, a TON of people fought to rent Hsiu-Feng’s original home, and, the place they’d bought is right next to the future MRT stations, and the price of the land rose a lot, none of this was in her plans, she thought she’d just wanted to help her friend out, that she’d never dreamed of making money, and everybody told her, that it’s her good karma that’s caused all the good things to happen to her.

And so, this still proves that good things come to those who do good, because this woman was kind enough to switch with her coworkers, and she’d given up her original life, and moved into the city, and, because of her kindness, the heavens shined down on her.

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Cause & Effect, Decision-Making, Expectations, Helping Behaviors, Karma, Kindness Shown, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Values

Marrying Over to Malaysia

Adapting to her foreign mother-in-law’s ways, let’s see how this woman is doing, translated…

I’d become a Malay daughter-in-law for three months now, in mid-July, I’d moved in with my mother-in-law, in September, I’d started working locally, “Relations with the In-Laws” became a hot topic for the friends and relatives.

“Jia Po” (the Chinese in Malaysia called the mother-in-laws as “house elderly”), has a thick Malay accent, and, she mixed four different languages and dialect in one conversation (English, Malay, Mandarin, and dialects of Fujian).  Fujianese is similar to Taiwanese, but the accent seemed a bit thicker, and, there are a few words that weren’t used the same ways.  I’d half guessed, and could understand the meanings.

The first two months as I’d just moved into my husband’s family’s house, I’d lived on eggshells, my husband too, became a bit psychotic because of me too.  I’d observed my mother-in-law’s every single moves, when she stood up, I’d guessed at what chores she’s going to do, I’d worried that I didn’t help her out enough.  But gladly, I did okay in areas such as hanging up the laundry, folding the laundry, broiling water, sweeping the floor, and mopping, as for cooking, I couldn’t intervene yet.  And gladly, my mother-in-law and my husband didn’t expect anything of me, never ordered me to perform any single tasks.

A month ago, after I’d started working again, I’d returned to my former state of mind, of being able to survive on my own income.  Getting away from the constant interactions with my mother-in-law is a good thing, it’d allowed us to keep our distances.  Gladly, I’d gotten to have my mother-in-law’s home cooked meals for supper, even though, it differs from my own mother’s cooking back in Taiwan, but, the scent of home is just the same.

One day, I was just about to mop the floors, my mother-in-law took it upon her shoulders to do, at the moment, I’d suspected, that could it be, that I couldn’t clean it enough, and I’d started to cry in silent, in my own room, later on, I’d found out, that my mother-in-law was having her annual cleaning, she’d even taken the fans off and washed them one by one, and, that, was when I’d realized, that I’d still carried the mindset of the traditional daughter-in-law with me.

The ladies who are married to Penang, had set up a social support group, and it’d made me feel more secure, of having people from my “family” as backups.

Up to hear, I feel all too lucky, that I’m not a well-bodied, but a comfortable-anywhere daughter-in-law.

Getting married IS hard enough, marrying to a person from a totally different culture is even harder, but gladly, this woman’s mother-in-law didn’t expect anything of her, that, was why she was able to feel more at ease, plus, she’d found a social support network locally too.

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Filed under Family Matters, Life, Marriages, Observations, Socialization, Values