Sending My Only Son to Save the World and Watch Him Die

I know that would make me an unfit father, but I’d put my country’s needs ahead of my parental duties here…

Sending my only son to save the world and watch him die, how could I have done that?  When he told me he wanted to enlist to head off overseas, had I persisted on telling him “no”, maybe, maybe he would be alive today, but I didn’t fight hard enough with him on that, and so, he’s lost, and, all we got was that thirteen shots (it was thirteen, wasn’t it???), along with that folded American flag that’s now on our mantle, which served as the painful reminder of how my son is NEVER coming back to us.

Sending my only son to save the world and watch him die, I know, I know, it makes me sound like an unfit parent, but, it was his own free will, plus, he’s over eighteen, an adult, and so, I’d allowed him to make the decisions of his own life for himself, and, unfortunately, in his first tour of duty, he just, never made it back home to us…

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Filed under Cost of Living, Current Events, Family Matters, feelings, Hindsight, Letting Go, Life, Lives Lost, Observations

Talking to Your Headstone

This, is the closet to CLOSURE I will EVER get that’s for sure!!!

Talking to your headstone, I just LASHED out at that icy cold slab, with your name, printed, along with the dates of your birth and death on it.

Talking to your headstone, but W-H-Y?  I’d said EVERYTHING I needed to say, and, just because you’d chosen to be DEAF to what I have to say, doesn’t mean that I’m the one with the faults here.  Talking to your headstone, yeah, as if, you’re LUCKY that I don’t SPIT on it, and no, that’s still NOT considered blasphemy OR disrespectful toward the D-E-A-D!  For I have ENOUGH respects for the dead, it’s just that the people who are DECEASED don’t really deserve MY respect, and, if that offends anybody, because I’m speaking ill of the dead (so sue me, why don’t ya!!!), so be it!

Talking to your headstone, I can finally LASH out, all those years of anger, of betrayals, of pains, of sufferings you’d imposed upon me when I was younger, I no longer needed to carry THAT around, oh no, I’d unloaded, RIGHT in front of YOUR headstone, and, I feel a thousand pounds (at LEAST!!!) lighter right away too!

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Broken Promises, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Letting Go, Life, Observations, Social Awareness, Socialization, Values

Rose to Fame Too Early in Life

Rose to fame too early in life, guess what this means?  That when they fall, they’re gonna fall quick too.

Just like how things are supposed to “go” in life, slow, step-by-step, and, when you have a quick rise to fame, then, you can be sure of JUST one thing, that the quicker they’d climbed, the quicker they will FALL through the roofs, and BREAK all the bones in their bodies too.

There are so many examples out there, don’t believe me?  Try searching it on line, and, you’d know, that I am NOT lying about this either.  Rose to fame too early in life, they’d never had a proper childhood, oh no, instead, they’d started acting, and getting those paying commercial gigs, and, their parents became their agents, and had only the “what’s in it for me” mindset, instead of what’s good for my kid in mind, and, the kids who were raised like this are going to be very bad…

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Cost of Living, Expectations, Fate, Lessons Learned, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Trends, Wake Up Calls

The Sudden Onset of the Empty Nest

The “inner workings” of a housewife, translated…

I’m an ordinary housewife, in the past, the focus of my life had been on my three babies, but since last summer when my youngest daughter became a foreign exchange student to the Eastern coast of the United States, and at the start of the year, my son went on a business trip to western U.S., and my eldest daughter took the government exams and started working away from where I lived, I’d gotten a lot of spare time on my hands.

Without the three noisy sparrows fighting now, it seemed, that the quality of my life is on the decline.  And now, on the dinner tables, it’s just me, and my retired husband, staring at each other in the silence.  I originally thought, that my children had gone off to college close to home, that when they’d just entered into the working world, they can find work closer to home too, I didn’t expect my empty nest to hit me so suddenly.

At first, the two of us expected and expected, waiting for the time when our kids had agreed upon as the time to webcam with us.  I felt, that my life has no meaning, that it was no fun, and I feel that sense of loss.

But gladly for my husband’s encouragements, he’d taken me out hiking a lot, being closer to nature, and we’d gone to the temples at the places we’d arrived to to ask for blessings and offer the incenses, hoping that the gods will look after our young.

And, my neighbor was kind and generous enough, to teach me quilting, along with beads too.  I’d started from the basics, threading of a needle.  And every time when I’d shown off a finished piece to my children, their look of awe had given me a TON of zest, and I’d found my motivation slowly from all the activities I’m now involved in; and I’d played games such as Sudoku, to help myself in not aging as fast too.

Slowly, I’m no longer stressed out, I look forward to a brand new tomorrow every single day.  We are the owners of our own lives, and, any kind of a change can mean a brand new beginning, don’t keep yourselves tied up.  I believe, that NOT only the younger generations, we, the elders, can also have a colorful life too.

And so, this woman filled up her empty nest with a TON of hobbies, and that, is the right way to do it, after all, your lives had circled around the kids, the family, and now, the kids are all grown, and you start to feel that you’re not needed, and thus, you will be somewhat depressed, but, if you’d kept up with hobbies, then, those things you’d kept up with can help occupy your mind and your time too.

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Filed under Aging Gracefully, Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Empty Nest, Hobbies, Letting Go, Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Trends

Blue

You know, like the mood, NOT the color???  Translated…

Saturday had wasted me, and Sunday continued wasting me too, I have no fears, and filled with this authoritarian flair!  Until Monday when I went to work, what’s left of me faced the grueling work, my face, at the start, was a light shade of green, then, it’d turned into reddish purple, in the end, it became ripened like the color of a blueberry.

And so, comes the Monday blues, after all, you’d had too short a weekend, I mean, when is weekend EVER long enough?  N-E-V-E-R, that, is why by Monday morn when you woke up for your work, your feet feel like dragging, and you have NO zest or energy left.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Trends, Vicious Cycle

Keywords

Translated…

I’m getting more and more uncomfortable, jotting down the word, “life” now, when I wrote it, its face was bashfully red, while my face turned white.  And, there are also other terms, for instance, “lifespan”, when I wrote it, it screamed so loud, and I didn’t even hear it.  There is a word, “death”, as I was writing it, it wasn’t dead yet, the way I wrote it made it want to die.  There was a word that I’d written over and over, too many times, “love”, and it’s getting tired, and, both me and my lover are too tired to try to understand its real meaning.  The last word, “dream”, as I was writing it, it felt NOTHING, but I couldn’t help but get HIGH over it nonstop.

And so, that, would be the human lifespan in a N-U-T-S-H-E-L-L then???  The reason why the world “life” is getting harder and harder to write, is probably because of all the experiences that you’d had, it made life more complicated than ever, and it just became too hard, for you to try to understand the meanings of your own life, and there’s dealing with the fact of one’s own timely or untimely demise that need to be paid attention to, after all, NO one escapes death, and, you MUST come to accept it, or you will keep on running, and, by the time you’d finally stopped running, you’d be OUT of time!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Cost of Living, Lessons Learned, Life, Observations, Translated Work, Values

The Birthday Party in Heaven

The love of the family, translated…

Today is the birthday of my father who’s now, up in the heavens, we’d heard, that the first day of arrival into heaven would be the person’s birthday in heaven.  And on this day, down here on earth, we call it the day of his untimely demise.

In order to commemorate our dearly beloved father’s fifth birthday, my mother made abalone salad, stewed pork’s feet, fried chicken legs, etc., etc., etc., all of these, my father’s favorite dishes.  And, my aunt who enjoyed a good smoke had told us to get three packs of Davidoff, so my father can have a cigarette after his meal and be as ecstatic as an angel.  And still, I was extremely certain, that these three packs of cigarettes are going to end up into my aunt’s possession after we’d offered it to my father.

The owner of the convenience store had amazing memory, when my mother and I gone to buy three packs of cigarettes from her, she’d understood, and not taken any money from us for it, said it was a gift for my father.

Then, my mother took me to opposite of where we live, to buy some gold papers, she said, that the daughter who’s married out must prepare extra.  The shop owner suggested me not buy the gold papers, but by the gold sticks made with papers.

When every single food item, the cigarettes, the alcohol, and the offerings are set up, everybody offered her/his respects, then we’d have three rounds of drinking, then, it was, the end of the birthday party—burning of the offering papers.  My youngest uncle took the lead, my husband came to help out too, my eldest sister came over, what’s more importantly, my mother too, must be there as well.  And, the one who’d bought the gold bricks made with paper, the youngest daughter, me, I was responsible for throwing it into the offering can.

Then, the shop owner from the store came to give us some technical tips.  She said, that the golden bricks are made from the Chinese gold nuggets, and that we must separate them back into the gold nuggets’ shapes, then, toss them all into the urn to burn, that way, the amount of gold would increase.  To tell the truth, none of us knew of this “secret”!

My youngest uncle stated all of a sudden, “Hoo!  One, two, three!”, he’d copied the way that my dad counted, he’d also said, that so many pieces of gold nuggets, his eldest brother would have a hard time, keeping track.  I couldn’t help but start chuckling, my father’s expressions, his tone of voice, his way of speaking, all of a sudden, came back before my eyes.

“Dad, I miss everything about you, on the day you were born into the heavens, the fifth year, I hope, you’re truly living your afterlife happily!”

And so, instead of facing their losses of a father, of a husband, of a brother, a friend with sorrows and sadness, this family chooses to celebrate the man’s death, a good way to remember someone’s life.

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Filed under Expectations, Family Matters, feelings, Letting Go, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Values