What We Need from Others When We are Recovering from Our Illnesses

How these common courtesies of showing our concerns for those whom we know who’d fallen ill, is actually, a HUGE imposition to them, but we only consider things from our own perspective, and not theirs, and that makes it more difficult for them in their, recovery…translated…

The first time I got socialized for the “culture” of visiting someone in the hospital, was when my father suffered a minor stroke.  At the time, the words that came out of his mouth became, nonsense, the random words, strung together into, sentences, he also, couldn’t, read anymore, he was well-read from before, but now, he’d become, illiterate, without his memories, and speaking in gibberish that don’t make, sense.

He was still working in the school at the, time, the news of his hospitalization shocked the school.  In that time without the availability of the internet, this sort of amnesia only happens in the T.V. shows, it’d, drawn the attention of his coworkers, they came in huge groups to the hospital to visit him, everybody lined up, and took turns, asking my father, pointing to themselves, “Who am I?”, or that they would take the newspaper, point to the title of an article and asked, “what does this say?”, as my father was just, in recovery, with his caring coworkers, ushering him, he was under the enormous pressures to recognize their faces, and what the papers said, he’d become, hypertensive immediately, thankful the doctor who’s making the rounds made the requests, “don’t give him a hard time”, and my father finally got his, needed, break from all of it.

Comparing to dad, the attention on mom when she’d fallen ill was, roughly equal to the attention my dad got when he’d fallen, ill.  A couple of years ago, she’d grown weak and frail due to old age, hadn’t gone to the retired coworkers’ banquet for many years, and only maintained her connections through the calls.  One day, a coworker struck up the “hospital visit”, and everybody was onboard, as mom learned, she’d, immediately turned them all, away, said that she’d appreciated their care and concerns for her, but everybody is older, and we live in the fifth floor, without the elevators that she feels bad, making everyone hiked up five flights of stairs.  But I knew, that the reason for her turning everyone away, was actually because she didn’t want those whom she’d worked with to see her the way she is right now, frail, old, and weakened, but, the visiting crew still made their way to my home.  I was, working as fast as I could in the, kitchens, with my mother, dragging her frail, ailing body, to welcome the, guests, offering them the teas, setting the place settings on the table, and it was an odd sight, seeing how an ailing person was, tailoring to the needs of, a room full of, people who are, agile and, healthy.  What my mother couldn’t let go of, was how there were, the rumors of how she “grew too thin, became so ugly, and probably wouldn’t live for too long a time”, spreading amongst her coworkers, to the rumors of how I’d ordered my mother who’s ailing, to cook, to do the household chores.

I had minor surgery and was hospitalized last year, because of my parents’ experiences of having people visit them in their illness, I’d, kept my situation hushed, and passed three peaceful days in the hospital.  The real care and concern shown for someone whom we know who’d fallen ill, is simply, not disturbing them in their, recovery, to not force the person who’d fallen ill, to feel that s/he has to, socialize with those who visited them.

This is, how it goes, we think, that we are, being kind, visiting someone whom we knew who’d, fallen ill at the hospital, because that was how we were, socialized, but, we don’t realize, that maybe, the person who’s having her/his hospital stay would rather have some, peace and quiet in their, recovery, and so, our overt expressions of care and concern for those whom we know became, burdensome to, them, because we only think from our own, perspectives, based off of how we’re socialized, and what we understand.

People Standing in Line

And no, it’s still NOT lunch hour at the cafeteria!

People standing in line, and, they’re all waiting, holding their breaths, to see, if we fall, but that’s not right, you say, well, that, is just how the world works, don’t you know?  People are constantly, trying to see, who FUCKS up one’s own life, so they don’t feel that awful about themselves, that, is what people do, do you NOT know that yet?

People standing in line, but, what for?  Because that, is the order of things, and, you are not supposed to save a spot for anybody, or, CUT in front of anybody, if you arrive late, then, GET to the BACK of the line, that, would be the SOCIAL ORDER of things, and, whoever that breaks these rules shall, get PUNISHED, or, shunned!

People standing in line, but W-H-Y?  Because we’re supposed to, because that, is how we’re socialized to act!  But mama, I need to pee, right NOW, or, I’ll WET myself!  Well, go to the front of the row, and ask the nice lady there, if she will allow you to go before her then…

People standing in line, and, they’re all, watching, as onlookers, of this BIG freak show, and, the performers became like animals in cages, or, those microscopic living organisms, getting examined closely, surely, it would make you feel, self-conscious, don’t it?  People standing in line, but why?  Because it’s courtesy, says W-H-O?  Because it’s the NORM!  Mandated by whom?  Sometimes, we just take things as norm, without questioning why, and that happens because?  We’d done it like so since the beginning of time, and, nobody EVER thought about challenging the rules………