Allow the Children to Resolve the Conflicts on Their Own

How the kids will, find a way to interact with one another, nicely, without fighting, when we’re not, looking, because they’d, internalized what we’d taught them in interacting with one another daily already…translated…

A lot of parenting volumes said, to let the children sort out their own differences, that parents should not intervene.  I’d worked very hard and long on this, but, it’d been, too hard for me, because the children can’t fully keep their emotions in check, they aren’t, reasonable enough either, lacked empathy too, if I’d allowed my kids to sort things out on their, own, the end result is usually that one of them felt that s/he got picked on, and wailed, or they’d simply, start to, brawl.  And yet, being their mediator every single day, it’s, tiring too.

One day, I was lying on the couch, just resting, my seven-year-old eldest son told me, “mom, you go into the bedroom to nap, I will stay outside here with my younger brother.”, I’d become confused, and he’d told me, that he didn’t want me to watch over them.

I’d told him, that if he’d picked on his younger brother, then, he will be, punished, he’d told me he’d understood, and so, I’d, gone into the bedroom, with doubt in my, mind, and closed my eyes, lying on the bed, while, still kept attention on my children who were, playing, outside.  Suddenly, the two of them started, fighting, my younger screamed at his older brother, as he got angry, and, my older didn’t act like he normally had, mocked his younger brother, or, took advantage of him, instead, he’d, started, comforting his younger brother, and, allowed his brother to have what he wanted.

Then, I’d heard my sons heading into the shower, my younger started, yelling again, turns out, my older was, washing my younger son’s head; he’d done what we did, told his younger brother to tilt his head back, then, soothed him patiently.  I’d, held back my thought of wanting to go see what was going on, wanted to know, how far can my older son go in caring for his younger brother, and how compliant my younger son can, get.

During those two hours, although there were the small fights that came into my ears, but, they’d found ways, that worked with them both.  I was, quite, surprised, and understood, that it wasn’t, that they’d, matured, suddenly, but of how they’d, internalized what we’d, taught them in how to interact with one another every single day.

Later, I’d stopped, needing to, intervene into their, arguments, they would, try and work things out on their, own, and from time to time, they would come to me to “tattle”, then, the “judge” is, needed to oversee the cases.  Maturation is by progression, not achieved in a day’s work. I hope, that all moms and dads can have enough wisdoms, to take their children in getting them to learn to get along on their own.

So, this still showed, how parents would, often, intervene too quick, when a fight is about to start, the parents would, put an end to the fight that’s, about to happen, telling the older kid to give whatever toy or whatever it is the young kid wanted from the older, instead, of allowing them, to resolve things, their own, way, whether it be fighting over the toys or whatever, or to learn to compromise on their own, and, by stepping in as parents, we took away the chances of them, learning how to resolve things by themselves, because mommy and daddy will always step in, and solve the arguments FOR us, and one of us gets, punished, because we took the other one’s toys, because we wouldn’t allow our younger siblings to play with our, toys, and, the kids still, don’t learn a thing!