The Woman Who Helps Take Care of My Mother-in-Law, the Features of a Woman

The kindness is, reciprocated, if you treat the hired help kind, then, they will, treat those whom you’d hired them to look after kind as well…translated…

“I can expect, that you found a good nurse’s aide.”, as I’d gone to get my facial, I’d started the conversation with my beautician, H, she’d mentioned, “my clients would come here, to tell about the goings on of their families, those who had nothing but complaints, we’d called them difficult customers amongst ourselves, they’d not found good enough caretakers that they’re in need of, and how the clients who were easy to get along, who were too picky, they all found good caretakers for their, loved ones.”

“Is that so?”, my personal belief is, how can you find an around-the-clock caretaker with only a little over $20,000N.T. of monthly wages?  Only those migrant workers who’d left their home, are willing to take these, hot potatoes, and so, being able to find a caretaker to help look after my mother-in-law, other than feeling glad, I’m also, more than, grateful.

the day of work of these, household caretakers…helping to look after our aging parents…photo from online

H continued, “some of the customers believed, that they’d HIRED these caretakers, that naturally, these hired help would have to work around the clock, nonstop, even if the hired help were only taking a few minutes off to take a breath, the employers felt that they got cheated out of their, money.  We’d not dared tell these clients how we’d felt about that truthfully, after all, their mindset was, “I paid for you, you need to work your hands to the bones for me”.

Thankful, I’d never carried this way of thoughts, instead I’d felt for Anna, our hired caretaker, that she couldn’t be with her, families; no matter who it is, we all need the spare times, the breathers, so when the harder times come, we will have the needed strengths, to help ourselves, through.

Anna who’s over forty came from Indonesia, with two sons, worked here for many years.  She’s a devout Muslim, other than using her spare time from work during the daytime to read the Quran, she would also use the communication apps to have facetime with her loved ones and friends back home.

Although most would use their own experiences, warned us, “you can’t spoil the help”, and yet, we only, gave her the respect, the space she needed, and we’d still given her the reminders as she was in need, we’d, demonstrated for her, and would tell Anna, that my mother-in-law needed her to be more understanding toward her.

helping to take care of our aging parents, because we have to work, we rely on their being there! Photo from online

In February of this year, my mother-in-law just recovered from falling ill, with her feeding tube in, she’d still felt hungry for foods, and in her gulfing down the foods, we’d had to, reinstall her feeding tubes twice because she’d eaten too fast, and the food got clamped in the tube, it’d caused my mother-in-law enormous discomfort, and after that, Anna only used the tube to feed the foods to her.  Seeing how my mother-in-law’s gazes showed of her longing to taste food, I’d, blended the cooked items into goo, and fed it to her, and had Anna made sure that the feeding tube wasn’t clogged up by giving water to my mother-in-law through the feeding tube, seeing the water level dropping down, Anna and I high fived each other.  The following day, Anna copied what I did on the previous day, blended the foods in her spare time.

Seeing how happy my mother-in-law was enjoying the foods, I’d felt ever the more grateful for Anna from the largest island country in the world, helping me with caring for my mother-in-law.

And so, this, is the kindness shown to the hired help, and this is important, because a lot of people here still held the values of “I hired you to work, so I can, work you to your bones”, and these families mistreats those whom they’d hired top look after their loved ones, and if you don’t treat those whom you’d hired to help with caring for your elderly family members enough, then you can’t expect that those hired by you will treat your elders kind enough, because everything IS, reciprocated.  If you treat them kindly, then they will love your elders, like they’re their own, next-of-kin too!

Wena, Terima kasih

Kindness that’s a give and take, if you’re kind to these foreign hired nurses, then, they will, give you the assistance you needed, in helping to care for those that you loved too, because everything is, reciprocated, if you treated them with kindness, then, they will, surely, return the “favor” back, because that, is how we are, socialized to interact with the world…translated…

Three and a half years ago, the agent took the Indonesian hired nurse, Wena to my home, he’d explained to me, that she only had, three-and-a-half years of work visa here.  At the time, I’d thought, that that was, too far away, and yet, the days flew by very quickly, in a blink of an eye, her visa is, expiring soon.

Wena, like most of the migrant workers, had a hard life, born to a poverty stricken family, with too many children, married young, had a daughter, and her husband died, and so she could, only, sent her daughter back to her own parents’ home, and followed the neighbor ladies to Taiwan to work.  Before she came here, they would go through the basic trainings, learn our language, and our daily living rituals and routines, hoping to assimilate into our culture soon.

what these foreign hired nurses are here to do…helping us take care of our loved ones…photo from online

Because of the burdens of her house economics, she’d always asked us to pay her for the next months’ work.  And, every time she’d, lowered her head, clenching to her shirt, walked to me, saying, “I’m sorry”, it’d made my heart ached for her, and I’d, patted her on the shoulders, told her, to hold her head up higher, that the money was from her hard work, that she had nothing to, apologize, for!

Wena was very fitting, took good care of my husband, so I didn’t have to worry, and she’d, cherished all the resources, she’d used her towel until it’d become thin as a piece of paper, and, as the soles of her shoes are about to, fall off, she’d still not bought a, brand new pair for herself, and as I’d bought her a new pair, she’d felt unwilling to wear  them, told, that she was going to bring them back to Indonesia then wear them.  Sometimes I’d encouraged her to go out to hang with her own friends, to give herself a day off, she’d showed that hard face, and I’d known her hardships, and stuffed a couple of hundred dollar bills into her hand, hoping that she will go visit the fun places in Taipei.

She’d told me, that she’d loved it here, there are, always a full refrigerator’s worth of food available, and everybody is kind and helpful to her, from when she was hospitalized, there are strangers who’d given her the red envelopes to hopefully ward off her bad luck, buying her the foods she needed; and, at election time, she’d gotten a ton of masks, and shopping bags, although she couldn’t read what’s on them, but, they’d looked pretty and practical for her to use, she wanted to, bring them all back to Indonesia to share them with her friends and families.

Knowing she’s heading home, although it was hard to part with her, but, thinking about how Wena finally finished her life working as a migrant worker for a whole of fourteen years, that she finally got to go home to her families, I’d, wished her the best.

and we appreciated them…photo from online

Awhile a go, I’d given her a golden necklace with the diamonds as a parting present, she’d cried and told me, that she’d never imagined, that she could have something, so, precious as a gift.  She will never take it off, and will, forever, remember everything that’s good about, Taiwan.

The moment of parting finally, came, before Wena got on the shuttle, I’d hugged her tight, and, bowed toward her, told her, “Wena, Terrima kasih (thank you).”

And so, this is, a wonderful relation between the employer and the employee because they have mutual respects for one another, the person who’d hired the foreign nurse’s aide was grateful toward her being there to help her take care of her husband, and, the woman kept her husband clean, so she’d not had to worry over her husband, taken the burdens of being the sole care provider off of her shoulders, and, that is what these foreign nurses are here for, to HELP make our lives a whole lot easier, and yet, we still hear the cases of the foreign hired help mistreating the ones they were hired to look after, and the bosses abusing the workers too often.