The three nanosecond’s worth of everybody’s attention surely is, short-lived, and you’d had to, adapt to not being in the center of everyone’s attention now that there’s, that other, new, kid in the, class…translated…
In childhood, when the soaps or the movies played, the plot always circled around the protagonist and developed. At the time, I also believed, that so long as I’m at the right spot, I will get, noted, to get arranged to go where I’m supposed to, to be treated with gentleness.
Later I’d come to understand, that the hardest thing in life, is not how to become the protagonist, is how I’m no longer the one the spotlight, shone, on.
from this…illustration from online
As I entered into a group, this is, especially, apparent. The teacher would pay a little more attention to you, the other students would talk with you, and, every time class starts, I’d felt that I was, caught by the gentleness, the kind wills of others. During that period of time, the motives for learning came naturally, with my interests getting, ignited. I expected the weekly sessions, and showed up on time, it seemed, that so long as I stand right there, doing what I’m, supposed to be doing, then the world would, respond, back to, me.
Until one day, a new student entered into the group. The teacher started remember the other new student’s, name, with the new attention on the person. At break, the rest of the class started, circling around the new student. I’d, sat right where I’d been, assigned to sit, but that was the very first time I’d, become aware, that I wasn’t, called in the roll, I’d lowered my head to the books, but, I just, couldn’t, concentrate.
The original familiar passions toward me started, fazing out. I’d not gotten the needed attention anymore, and learning became, harder too, and I’d, lost, interest in learning then. The loss didn’t come suddenly, but, it’d felt like in a place I was home in, and suddenly, I’d lost my place to, stand.
I’d started understanding, there are, different faces of the protagonists in the stories. Sometimes, in the middle, with everyone’s attention on you; sometimes, quietly, with oneself at the center of, one’s own, world. The disposition outside is different, but the longing inside is, the same—that need to be affirmed, to be, needed by, others.
I’d thought about backing out of the group to cope with this feeling of loss, like all I needed to do, was to turn myself around, then, I get to, dodge all the feelings of getting ignored, and loss too. But I also knew, in a, subconscious, way, that this is bound to happen, repeatedly, again, and again, and, again.
And so, I chose to, stay. Staying, it doesn’t mean that I will work hard to fight for the spotlight attention, but to learn to adjust my own positions. I’d begun trying to show concerns for others more actively, and started, keeping my concentration even when I’m not, the focal point of the, entire, group. And slowly, I’d found, that the other students and the teacher weren’t the ones who’d changed, what’s changed was, the way I, treat and see my own, self.
I’d stopped insisted on being the very front of the class, but learned to, find my own place to settle in in the, group. It wasn’t conceding, but, a growing closer to, maturity.
to this, because there’s that other, new, kid now…photo from online
Must we all become the star of our day-to-day life? I think, the answer is still, affirmative. It’s just, that this protagonist, isn’t appointed by any one else, nor need to get noted at all, times, but, assigned by oneself, shouldered by, our own, selves.
All the emotions we experience in our lives, we are, in charge, of. Waking up every single day, everything is gone from yesterday, the world before us now, we can choose, our attitude on.
When I stopped being the center of attention, I’d finally learned, to find my own spot, and stand on it, fittingly.
And so, this must be, hard, one minute you’re everybody’s attention, the next, you’re, not, and that’s how it often is, because, we can’t all be popular all the, time, it fazes out, and if you seek out the attention of others, need it to affirm yourselves, then, you will feel let down all the time, because you weighed your own self-importance based off of others’ beliefs, interactions towards, you, which will cause you to have an external unstable locus of, control, but if you centered on your own self, build yourself up, focus on doing WHAT you’re supposed to, when you’re supposed to, then, what’s on the outside wouldn’t matter as much, because you know, that you’d done YOU, the best you know how, and that’s all that, matters…
Mirroring the World 