Tag Archives: Trapped

For Better or For Worse, Forever, a Husband & Wife

DAMN, so, we’re BOUND, for life???  How’d THIS happen!!!

For better or for worse, forever, a husband, and wife, that, was the promise we’d, “signed on” for, well, that was before, either one of us realized, that life was going to get in the way of love, that life was going to, RUIN the love we felt for one another…

For better or for worse, forever, a husband and wife, doesn’t that make you want to KILL yourselves?  I mean, doesn’t the THOUGHT of serving LIFETIME in P-R-I-S-O-N, with THIS other person, as your permanent CELL mate gets you CRAZY?  For better or for worse, forever, a husband and wife, but WHY?  I thought, I was only, playing HOUSE, that I still get to go back to my mom’s place to live after the game of house was over.

For better or for worse, forever, a husband and wife, this, was NOT how long I’d expected marriages to last, after all, wasn’t marriage an “institution”?  Well, I may be going NUTS, but, I’m still NOT NUTS enough, to be “institutionalized” yet that’s for certain!

For better or for worse, forever, a husband and wife, but WHY?  What if, I don’t love you anymore one day, and just wanted out?  Am I still bound, by the law, or even, a higher order of things, to you???

4 Comments

Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

You Became a Memory I Can No Longer Suppress

Is that???  Oh, never mind, it’s someone’s GUILTY CONSCIENCE, GNAWING her/him…

You became a memory I can NO longer suppress, and, I’d felt the layers of regrets piled on top, like that mille-feuille (French dessert???), every single time I’d thought about you now, and that feeling would, drape over my head, like the lowered pressure atmosphere of the weather, slowly, but surely, making ME suffocate.

You became a memory I can no longer suppress, but, this, is really, actually, quite odd, because, from before, I was always, able, to PUT you OUT of my mind, and now, you’re everywhere I am, and I, just can’t seem, to get away from you for some unknown reasons.

You became a memory I can no longer suppress, and that, is something, I’m gonna have to live with, for the remaining years of my long, long, long, long, L-O-N-G life, because I still don’t feel that I’d done you wrong, but, I actually DID you wrong.  You became a memory I can no longer suppress, and so, you will, become that ghost, at the last STRUCK (from that cuckoo clock out in the hall???) of midnight, to pay me a visit, but, you won’t go away, like all those “normal” midnight hour guests…

You became a memory I can no longer suppress, and so, I’ll be constantly wondering about, getting reminded of, you, never endingly, until the day, I stopped, breathing, and, that, is the consequences I must live with, but, I still don’t believe that I’d done anything AWFUL to you, because, the same things that I did to you, had happened to me too, and, I took it to be what’s considered “normal”.

Leave a comment

Filed under Cost of Living, Life, My Thoughts on Various Issues, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Values, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

The Confines of Your Guilty Conscience

You are now, living, in A-L-C-A-T-R-A-Z!!!

The confines of your guilty conscience, you will be living within, you WILL feel tied up AND bound, and, you would feel that strong urge to run, to work hard, to MAKE your escape from it, but, you won’t be able to, because it’s IMPOSSIBLE for you to escape.

The confines of your guilty conscience, you had, built up that steel cage yourselves, singlehandedly, by doing the assortment of evil, to someone whom you should love instead, and that, is the greatest kind, and the MOST unforgivable sin of all!

The confines of your guilty conscience, you are now, trapped, and, no matter how hard you’d cried, or how loudly you’d screamed, even IF you screeched out in PAIN, nobody’s ever gonna hear your cries, because the walls of your guilty conscience are sound-proof, and, you will hear that echo of your own cries, driving you into THE deep end!

The confines of your guilty conscience, I have NO reasons, to pay the place a visit, after all, I still have a MORE than C-L-E-A-R, a GOOD conscience, because I’d never done anything, to HURT anyone, unintentionally, and when I HURT someone, I will always AND forever MEAN it.

Leave a comment

Filed under Cause & Effect, Karma, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Two Shadows, Blending

Two shadows, blending, and you wouldn’t be able to make them out at all, they’re now, totally, and completely, merged together, and enmeshed completely.

Two shadows, blending, they were, originally, dancing on their own on the separate corners, but, somehow, they’d touched, and, they became one, and whilst one is struggling, to break free from the other, the other kept holding the one, struggling to break free, tight.

Two shadows, blending, can you imagine, how those two very different shadows can end up together? Me neither, but, they still merged.  Two shadows, blending, and now, one shadow felt trapped by the other, and, the other worked even H-A-R-D-E-R, to keep the one that felt trapped under control.

Two shadows, blending, why would shadows blend together in the first place? And, wouldn’t they be better off, on their own separately?  Of course they would, but, they don’t know that, and by the time they both realized this, it’s too late to separate, they’re already E-N-M-E-S-H-E-D!

Leave a comment

Filed under Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Enmeshment, Life, Perspectives, Vicious Cycle

The Years of My Adolescence Became My Life Sentence

We ALL know how those TEENAGE years can haunt us all now, don’t we???

The years of my adolescence became my life sentence, even though, I’m WAY, WAY, and I do mean, W-A-Y over that period of life, physically speakin’, however, I’m mentally forever STUCK in those days.  The years of my adolescence became my life sentence, and, NO matter how well I behaved, I can’t seem to get my P-A-R-O-L-E for some unknown reason.

The years of my adolescence became my life sentence, I just can’t get OVER those hard-as-hell years, I worked hard to put them all behind, and I thought I had too, but, they just won’t leave, like that squatting tenant that took UP your space, and, there’s NO way you can SUE them out either!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, The Teenage Years

Should an Unsure Teenager Go on a Trip Abroad Alone?

We ALL want the answer to THAT one, don’t we???  A Q&A, translated…

Q: I have tiger parents, but unfortunately, I’m NOT at all studious, my parents spent a LOT of money, sent me to a far away private high school, and, my grades slipped even lower, my highest score in math is only 15.  I’m pretty good in Chinese, I’d even gotten commends for my essays in Chinese, but, this, to my parents who’s solely focused on me, in the fields of maths and science, meant nothing, they’d told me, “what USE is a language degree”?

I am so stressed out that I’m an insomniac, and whenever I’d sat down at the desk to study, I’d gotten a stomach ache, but my parents thought that I was slacking off.  And because my classmates would laugh at me, I’d become singled out, and I’d only be happy when I’m reading up on novels.  Naturally, I’d do very poorly on my examinations, and my parents couldn’t afford to lose face, insisted that I re-take the examinations, and that, was when I’d had a mental breakdown!  And now, everyday, I’d lived like a zombie, I wanted to SHUT my parents out, don’t even want to talk with them anymore.

I’d gotten to know about the work-vacation, that even IF I didn’t have any money, I can still travel abroad, I thought, why not, after careful thought, I became unconfident of myself.  My parents, naturally, were against the idea, said that if I don’t take the examinations again, then, I should enlist, but I wanted to have a chance to live for myself, even IF I go back to school, or enlisted, it would be for my own sake.  What do I do?

A: Only you can make your own decisions, I can only help you clarify things.

First, most people, after they’d started on their first jobs, and gotten out of college, have NO clue of what they’d wanted to do with their lives, but, the good schools can offer you a good environment with the resources you need, to help you map out the blueprints of your own life.  Your parents are right in working you heart, but, they don’t know, that the desire to learn should be innate, that they didn’t give you the encouragements when you needed, and so, you’d lost the chance, to study for you, and to learn a viable skill.

Secondly, any kind of learning comes hand-in-hand with grueling practices, most people who’d become outstanding in their areas of expertise are NOT geniuses, but they’d all have the attitudes of self-learning, and the ability to withstand any kind of pressures.

Third, your parents are right, in that being an engineering major would have a better outlook, but they’d forgotten, that NOT everyone has the talent to study in those majors.  There are experts in every field, even if you didn’t make good grades, they should still encourage you, to study for your own sake, to learn for yourself, that, would be the key to your success.

You don’t necessarily need to transfer to study abroad, try putting yourself in your parents’ shoes, how would you feel, what would you do?  You are, a very good writer, why don’t you use what you’re good at, writing, to get through to your parents, let them know, that you understood their heart, but hoping that at the same time, they can also get to understand your sense of uncertainty, of how stressed out you are, and how you needed their emotional support, to help accompany you through the hardships, to find the answers in your life together.

And so, this, is still ALL in theory, and, theory still works, a HELL of a L-O-T better than in reality, doesn’t it?  And, maybe, this young man believed, that if he’s OUT of this environment he’s currently STUCK in, then, things will look up, but, he’ll NEVER know, until he actually took that step out, and now, the parents are acting as the “border patrol”, preventing him from getting OVER the borders, and that, is how parents can become the OBSTACLE to their children’s need for independence, and this, is still the parents’ fault!!!

Leave a comment

Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Because of Love, Carelessness of Adults, Changing Tracks, Communications, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, The Declarations of Independence, The Education of Children, Translated Work

Living in a Mirror

Hi, I’m currently “trapped” inside this mirror, I’d been “trapped” here for an eternity, seeing how I AM immortal here.  Living in a mirror, you’d lose yourselves, because you are supposed to reflect other people, while ignoring yourselves.

Living in a mirror, I’m completely T-R-A-P-P-E-D by these “walls” that surrounds me.  I can’t handle it anymore, I mean, there’s NO one I can talk to, plus, I’m covered up, since I had my last fiasco, the owners of the house just ignored me.

Living in a mirror, I can’t go anywhere, all I can do is to SIT and WAIT for someone to come “see” me, and, maybe every once in awhile, I’d have the luxury of gazing upon some extraordinary souls, but that, is rarely the C-A-S-E.

Living in a mirror, I’m destined to reflect upon other people’s faces and their behaviors too, and, so, that’s what I had done, looked into the eyes of all those who looked upon me, and I’d seen some C-R-A-Z-Y eyes in my time!!!

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Miscelaneous