Tag Archives: Social Support

Those Who Were Left by the Suicides of Their Loved Ones, Offering the Prayers, & the Blessings

On suicide, the families left behind, and how they can, start to heal, after sorting out the reasons of why they’d lost their loved ones to suicide, off of the Front Page Sections, translated…

The suicide of the famous person caused media attention, but this is just, the ripples from the classic and ordinary suicide in the society, people wanted to know “why?”, hoping to have an answer for the events that had, occurred.  For instance, the online community commented that if the families stayed by the side of the individual, then, maybe, it could be, prevented, or the discussions of how we can, accompany those with love who had been diagnosed with depression, how do we get them to therapy, to get them to take their medications?  Could the suicide have been prevented, if we’d managed the symptoms of depression well enough?

All of these beliefs, aimed at some sort of psychological control of what we couldn’t have controls over, through the linear cause and effect, B caused A, if we take B away, then, A wouldn’t, happen, and it seemed, that we would be, in control, and we get that sense of, security in our minds then.

In truth, there’s no direct and simple cause of suicides, only the multiple risk factors, and the protective factors, with a higher number of risk factors, then, the chances of suicide increase greatly, like major psychological illnesses, alcoholism, substance abuse, despair of impulsivity, unemployment or loss of assets, and how the act of seeking help is mislabeled; the protective factors, on the other hand, can help lower the risks of suicide, like getting into treatment physically or psychologically, the support of the families, the society, faith, etc., etc., etc.  And yet, no matter how hard we tried to prevent, suicides still happen, and it would have an everlasting effect on those who were left behind, the “remaining population” of the suicides.

And, we often think of the families of the individuals who’d committed suicide, but, there’s a wider spectrum of those who were affected, including those who bore witness to the suicide, the friends, relatives, classmates, coworkers, neighbors, the medical professionals who took care of the individuals who’d died.  For instance, I’d once heard the survived of suicide individuals shared, that as the therapist of the individual who’d committed suicide had been notified, the therapist was shocked, “how can this be, the last two times I saw her/him, s/he was okay”, and this showed, how shocked and how the therapist couldn’t accept the death of the patient.  And, the past researches showed, that as the media overreported on the events, it may cause the modeling effect.  Those who learned of the suicide first hand or by word of mouth, who are directly or indirectly affected by the events, are all the more generalized “survivors of suicides”.

The trauma reaction to the news of suicides, the memories with the individuals who’d committed suicide, the support and interactions of the individual with their loved ones, reviewing over ones’ own life experiences, etc., etc., etc., all of these may be the experiences of the survivors of suicides.  And, anybody who’d been affected by a suicide can do the following to care for oneself:

First, find someone who will listen and accompany you, to tell the individual about how the suicide impacted you, how it’d made you feel.  As a therapist, I’d reminded the families who are survived to find someone who listens, who can accept all the reactions to the griefs, to the losses, someone who won’t jump in to give the advices too soon.

Secondly, the survivors can get involved into the groups relating to the survivors of suicides, for instance, the Care Foundation for the Survivors of Suicide, finding the FB of this particular association, you can get the needed resources (for instance, the video files, the illustrated books/articles on the matter), there are also opportunities to be with those who’d experienced the loss from a suicide of a loved ones, to seek out the emotional and social support of a shared experience.

Third, the survivors can also consider therapy, the therapists will try and help the individuals to find the means that works for the persons singly, to cope with the enormous losses of your lives.

Finally, in the clinical work we are doing, through the creations of various means, or giving to others, it helps the survivors find the meanings, for instance, writing or art, gardening, or immersing oneself into the volunteer services, etc., etc., these are what the families of suicides mentioned had helped them out.  It’s not easy to reconstruct ourselves after we’d lost someone to suicide to death, but, it’s not impossible.  So, let’s use our own ways, to help send the prayers and the blessings to those who are left behind by their families, for those who’d weathered through the suicides of their loved ones.

And so, this is on helping those families who’d lost someone to suicide heal, and this is a very hard process to manage, because death is never easy, especially when someone you loved chose to take her/his own life, for whatever reasons there may be, and, you may wonder why, and get stuck, because you will never find the answer to why, because the only one who can answer that question had already gone, and, you will have to, pull yourself out of that deep dark hole, but with the help of the support groups mentioned, or the therapy sessions, you can, walk out of this.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, the Finality of Life, Values

A Male Instructor from the First High School in Taichung Got a Sex Reassignment Operation, the Principal: the Very First Case of the Kind, a Live Lesson for Her Students

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

“There’s a woman living inside of my body”, a male biology teacher, Tseng from the All-Boys’ High School in Taichung, Tseng, after his wife passed away two years ago, decided to follow his own heart, had consulted the physicians, started taking female hormones, to changed his secondary sex traits, and became a beautiful “cougar” from an overweight man, the June, he will get his male sex organs removed surgically, “she” had traveled on this path for multiple decades now.

Tseng is the eldest son of the four siblings in his house, he’d told, “when I was younger, I’d often dreamed, that I was a girl”, but because of how narrow the world was when he was growing up, he kept suppressing his gender identity, and managed to marry too, and, after he was wed, he couldn’t let his lovely wife knew the “truth” about him, and would often gone on shopping trips with his wife, treated her well, he was known, for treating his wife really well in the minds of his students and the fellow members of his faculty too.

He thought, that there was NO way he could change in this life, but six years after he’d married, his wife died of cancer, and they didn’t have children, he didn’t have any other considerations, and decided to make a change in his life.

At the end of last year, he’d started undergoing psych evaluations and treatment, started dressing in a more androgynous manner, grew his hair long, wore make up, exercised, gotten his weight of ninety kilograms down to seventy, to shape up his own body.

In the recent six months, the students and teachers and started noticing his change, and said, “Mr. Tseng looks more radiant now.”, the Principal of the school, Chen said, that Mr. Tseng is the very first to have a sex reassignment in the one-hundred year history of the school, his courage should be applauded, and she is a live lesson for the issue of gender equality.

Tseng said, that on a biology club meeting last May, he’d used the documentaries of sex change stories as the opening, and what moved “her” was, that the other teachers not only didn’t reject, they’d given “her” the encouragements and affirmations, and after all the teachers from the school learned about this, they’d all respected “her” choice, the students didn’t look at “her” weird, not did “she” get grilled by the parents, it’d set “her” mind to ease.

Tseng said, his younger brother and sister-in-law, as well as his nephew all accepted his “change”, only his mother had yet to accept it, from before he’d worried that the school might reject him, and thought about the worst case scenario of retiring early, but now, “she” said, “The First All-Boys’ High School in Taichung is filled with tolerance and warmth, I’m so very lucky.”

Kai-Hsin Tseng changed from a “him” to a “her”, all the way there, the students and the fellow teacher never talked badly about her, showed an extremely high level of tolerance.  The principal, Chen said, that Mr. Tseng was the first instructor who went through the sex reassignment operations in the one-hundred years of the school’s history, that “her” bravery should be commended, and that “she” would be used, as a live lesson for gender equality, and through this past year, it’d never affected “her” lessons to the students, that it should be respected.

The last ye The last year student, Lin recalled, that during the second semester of his second-to-last year, he’d found, that Mr. Tseng became “prettier”, everybody originally thought that it was his way of grieving for his wife who had died, that he’d wanted to imitate the way she dresses, that, was why he’d become more and more feminine, and, they’d gotten used to it.

The student, Chiu said, that Mr. Tseng is very humorous in her lessons, talked very gently, with a very mild manner; after he’d gone home, he’d told his parents of how his teacher went through a sex reassignment operation, and the parents both thought that the instructor was really brave, feared that “she” might get some negative remarks, and kept reminding their son, “You must speak on your teacher’s behalf”.

The counselor at the school said, “Ms. Tseng’s condition is not a problem.”  The school, in order to fit to her needs, altered the handicapped restrooms, most of the restrooms for the handicapped only have toilets, and not urinals; they’d already installed urinals on the level of her office now.

The Chinese teacher, Chiao said, Tseng is very brave, faced up to the truest version of herself.  Tseng said, although at first, when she’d “switched” genders, she couldn’t do anything, he’d signed up for grooming classes, red the magazines, to help herself dress, and now, it’d become natural to her, and could dress herself us as she pleases, and the doctors are doing assessments, and in June, she will undergo a complete sex reassignment operation.

The former principal of the Taichung First Boys’ High School, Tsai said, the Mr. Tseng he knew was a rugged man, very unkempt; and through Facebook, he saw “her” now, searching for “herself”, loving life, and that “she” had become a living example, of the gender unspecific realm.

And so, this man was able to find the social support from his coworker, his students, as well as in his social circles, the strength he needed, to be his true self, and he is a great example for his students, because “she” showed them, that it’s okay, to be true to oneself, and sometimes, that will take a TON of bravery, like for this instructor…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Issues on Gender, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Values

Getting Out of the Mindset of Being Bullied in the Workforce, Working Hard to Conquer the Traumas

Bullying NO longer just occurred across the playgrounds on the schools anymore, it’s happening, in the WORKPLACE too, by A-D-U-L-T-S, if you can believe that!!!  Translated…

Because I was singled out and bullied by a former coworker, I’d left, in a hurry, from the construction agency that a relative had set up.

I’d thought originally that “after I left, I’ll feel better”, but the truth isn’t at all so.  When the night falls, I’d feel this uncalled for sadness and sorrow, rushing up, and my tears came from what seemed like a broken faucet.

I’d lost sleep every single night, but because I’d worked so hard, to hold back my tears, I didn’t make a single sound, even my husband who was sleeping next to me didn’t know.  I’d desperately wanted to break free from the tight grasp of my own sorrows, but I’d found myself to be so helpless.

If that wasn’t bad enough, two years later, I still have yet to walk out of the gloom, and I’d discovered, that there was a cyst inside of my uterus that’s eight centimeters large.  Back then, a TON of negative thoughts filled my head, I thought that the cyst was malignant, and that I was about to die.

But gladly, it wasn’t malignant, and, after the doctors confirmed this, a series of changes took place in me.

I’d started donating regularly to charitable purposes, because I wanted to put the thought of “helping others makes me happy” into practice, on the one hand, I could help others, on the other, I’m giving myself good karma.

My younger brother who worked in Shanghai, would sent me photographs of beautiful sceneries, along with jokes to share with me, my older sister helped me find a job, to help me pass the time and to increase my household income, to draw me out of this dark cloud I was under.

A few years ago, I’d started writing stories, and sending it in, and my stories were accepted and printed by the papers, and it’d given me another sort of bliss.

Last year, a relative had passed on, I’d gone to offer incense as a final respect, and met up with my coworker, from fifteen years back.  And even though it’s been fifteen years already, my heart still ached.

Afterwards, for the very first time, I’d told my husband about the bullying I’d endured through right before I quitted my job back then, and, thanks to his kindness, his love, and his empathy, it’d allowed me to examine how I truly felt after I’d talked about the events completely, and gave me a chance, to reexamine my wounds from back then.

I know, I will NOT be beaten, so long as I keep on working at it, I WILL win this battle completely, and I will live a more amazing life, and I will laugh even harder.

And so, you’d slowly, and FINALLY, gotten OUT of the gloom, because you have a support network, with your husband by your side, to offer you a helping ear, and sometimes, that, is all it takes, to have someone there, hearing your story, and after you’d told it aloud, you will feel a WHOLE lot better, and the reason why you couldn’t feel that light was because you’d NEVER had the chance of telling what happened to you aloud, and now that you had, you no longer needed to carry the burdens of your past.

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Filed under Awareness, Cause & Effect, Changing Tracks, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Despair, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Healing Process, Hindsight, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Mental Health Issues, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Values, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence