Tag Archives: Relating to Each Other

Thank You for Loving Me, the Proclamation of Love from a Husband to a Wife

Found online, the love of a man toward his wife, translated…

In the arguments, in the regrets, in the happiness, and the tears too, we’d started in love, learning how to support one another, even though, there had been, some bitterness, but this, is the most original of the tastes of marriage.

I guess, that habits, they’re a sort of an awful infectious disease, it’d slowly taken over, and we, immersed in them, until one day, when they’re gone, we were, shocked, to realize as such.

Last year when you’d taken the kids back to your home to visit, leaving me, to face this big old house of ours, without the rowdy children, and without the sound of your breaths, accompanying me into dreams, it’d made me tossed and turned, for two consecutive nights, and, this “accidental discovery” made me realize just how much we really relied on one another at home.  A few days ago, as I took our daughter on the MRT, riding down the escalators, she’d turned around all of a sudden, starting talking with enthusiasm about what happened at school that day to me, and, it’d hit me, that this baby girl who was once, in our arms, is now, talking about which characters she’d learned to write and read in school today, and, she’d gotten to the size, that I almost couldn’t hold her up anymore.

As for that infant boy with the unsettling stomach, who’d thrown up a lot, wearing that radiant smile, is now, running wild and free inside our house, and is very interested in knowing “why”, but would still act like a baby sometimes, when he’d thrown his temper tantrums, and must have a hug from you, or begging for just one more bedtime story.  The two of us had walked through an entire nine years together, from just the two of us, into three, and four, and these days, hadn’t been easy at all, not without the arguments, but, regardless of these bumps in the roads, we’d always found a way, to work things out.  I too, learned from the marriage, learned to consider your point of view, understanding one another’s bottom lines, so we could reduce the unnecessary frictions between us.  Understand, that we both needed an outlet for our emotions, and to not do something we would end up, regretting, and I’m too grateful, for you, loving me often.

And, if you really want to get analytical, I’m actually, a really boring person, spending my spare times in the books, or writing essays and articles, or how I’d joked on things of unimportance, I’m not at all romantic, without the lips of sugar, and, couldn’t even manage an “I love you” often enough, like I’d be under great duress if I needed to say those words, and, I really don’t know what made you love me from the beginning, and I’d still, convinced you, to marry me, to stand by me for life, it’s really, quite strange, actually.

Awhile ago, when we struck up a conversation, and you’d told me, “until now, I’d not regretted marrying you.”  Hearing this, I felt this sense of sadness, and I’m regretful, for not making you feel more love, in the nine years we’d been together, after all, we’d spent too long, getting to know each other, in learning to care for the kids, and getting along with them, I can only hope, that in the future, we can, lead our kids, to work together, to make this family even better.

Written on our Pottery Wedding Anniversary, can’t believe it’d taken us nine years to get where we are.  And, I can only, speculate, that this pottery has you, and me, and, it can be made, into this pot, with the most beautiful of colors, and, even if we were only slapping this pottery on the outside surface, it still gives off this crisp, clean melody of our love.

You can see, from this, how these two individuals had weathered through everything, from the start, when they fell in love, to adapting to one another’s ways of doing things after they married, to loving and accepting one another completely and wholeheartedly, and that, is what REAL love, and marriage is all about, and this marriage, is built to last!

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Filed under Because of Love, Expectations, Family Matters, Marriages, Properties of Life, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling

The Willingness to Give to One Another, Because of Love, on Couple’s Relations

Translated…

On the weekends, my husband and I went to the café, to have our leisure breakfasts, this, is the time, to store up the energy and zest for the next week.

Before the elections, a couple sitting in the next booth, because they supported different candidates, they’d gotten into it, the wife quoted some classic lines and was really getting worked up, and the husband was speaking, in a lowered voice, trying to explain his views to her.  After the elections, we’d met the same couple at the same café again, the husband said, that hard times are coming, and the wife started chuckling, after the elections, the sun still came out, and, our ordinary days still kept marching on, and, they still argued endlessly, it’d touched me deeply, watching them interact, that even though, we’re close to one another, husband and wife, we still can’t change one another’s beliefs.

And, the values we carried from our families of origins, can carry through to the couples’ daily interactions, anything from buying the houses, the cars, or to the nitty-gritty of every day living, the education of children, political standing differences, we’re still, affected by the values instilled in us from our families of origins, and it’s truly difficult, for us, to change, and so, the key to getting along well in a marriage is to respect, and to tolerate one another.

My eighty-something mother was from a farming family, she couldn’t understand why, in her own mother-in-law’s house, who were fishermen, had only rice gruels and yam for the meals; but, my mother could keep the household with very little money, and she’d enjoyed so doing, because of love.  My second eldest sister who grew up in the cities, was very fashionable and active before she married, but after she’d married into the countryside of Taidong, she’d squatted down to pluck the feathers of chickens for the neighbor’s relative’s funerals or weddings, it’s also because of love.

For over two decades of my own marriage, my husband had never flipped his socks back up, after we’d communicated, he could do it, for a short while, but, he’d still returned to the old ways of doing things his way, and now, as I bent my back, to pick up his socks, to flip them out, I’d not felt angered by his actions, this, is also love.  If you can’t change the man’s habits, and, you couldn’t argue endlessly, every single day, on the minuscule matters, just tolerate him then!

Because of love, the parents can wear a cheap pair of shoes themselves, but allowing their kids to buy those name brand sneakers that costs up to hundreds of dollars; because of love, the wife, who’s a high-end manager at the office, can, go into the kitchens, after a long and hard day at work, to make the meals for the family.  We’re lucky to be a family, giving for love, tolerating, for the sake of love, we can sacrifice ourselves on everything, then, what’s a small disagreement of our political standings, why do we need to, break up this amicable atmosphere at breakfast?

Because of love, we’re willing to give to one another, without expecting anything in return, yeah, that, could work, if the love is there, but, if it isn’t, then, there’s NO way you will be putting up with one another’s bad ways, and sometimes, people can break up over the smallest matters like differences in political views, or, differences in the habits, like not lifting the TOILET seat up???  So, go figure!

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Filed under Communications, Cost of Living, Life, Marriages, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

In the Afternoons, We Read Through Life, How We Spent These Summer Days

Translated…

On the afternoon of Valentine’s Day, I’d stepped into the doors of a second floor apartment, opened the door, the sign: “Er-Ya Book Room” came into my visions.

“Er-Ya”, that, was a familiar name I’d seen on the books when I was younger, and because of chance, I’d gotten a chance, to enter into its book room, and entered the book club led by Professor Guei-Jen Lin.  The other side of the reading club is writing, the students would work hard, reading regularly, and wrote down their observations in life, and this sort of a goal matched up with my temperament of slow-living.  But because of family issues, I’d stopped attending, after a very long while, that room filled with books had taken me for a ride again.

Rather than calling it a book club, a gas station for the spirits is more like it.  Because every month, in the nonspecified date gatherings, the members, other than retired school teachers, there are also a group of people who are lost, trying to find meaning to their own lives; everybody would share their feelings at the book club meetings, and, what people shared would gain a TON of replies and feedbacks from the group.

Professor Guei-Jen is truly a taster of life, and would give words of encouragements at the right time, and would pick a passage from the room full of books, and have the classmates read it in a relay kind of way.  With the lead of the professor, we were able to get a closer look at the mindset of the writers when the passages were being written, and, the writer’s feelings and time would intertwine with our space and time too, the wisdom from the books would create ripples, and get through to us, who are way too stubborn to change normally, and we’d be baptized.

Sometimes, the instructor would pick out films, music, to go along with the writers’ words, to help us experience life better, to help us understand this world better, to learn to have a keener sense of observation in life, to instill that innermost drive to write on.  When the students shared their writings, it’d felt like I was savoring the dishes I couldn’t be able to make normally, it tasted wonderfully.

A book club, the afternoon shared, whether it be self-discovery or self-healing, the added value is like the honey suckle, sweet and wonderful, it’d made me feel very enriched on the inside.

So, this is the importance of group activities, I mean, sure, you can probably read some books, and think about it on your own, but, if you have someone to share what you’d read up on, then, it makes what you’d read up on more meaningful, plus, this, is an exchange of minds, and, nothing BAD can come of changing of thoughts, it’d open your minds up to brand new perspective you hadn’t considered before…

 

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Filed under Expectations, Friendships, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Values

He Doesn’t Know What’s Going Through My Mind, on Relating to One Another

Even though, men are used to keeping everything bottled up, but, once in awhile, they needed their feelings validated too, don’t you, boys???

Recently, I’d seen my good friend from school, sharing the photos of her travels to see the cherry blossoms on Facebook.  Because she knew my husband, plus, we all loved to travel, and so, I’d often told my husband about her whereabouts.  In my cognition, I was only giving a “news report”, not hinting anything, without knowing, that my husband didn’t really know me at all.

A few days ago, because my youngest daughter was hurrying out the door, and didn’t reply to her father’s scolding, he’d gotten angered, said, “Other people’s daughters are so very close to their dads, how come my daughter tries to get as far away from me as she possibly can?”  “You’d often told me of where your classmates went, where your colleague went, it’s given me a TON of stress, do you NOT know that?”

Turns out, what I thought was “sharing”, actually became his “stress”!  That evening, other than using LINE to warn my daughter about this, that she needed an attitude adjustment when she’s around her dad, I too, had introspected my own behavior, had I, unknowingly, caused unnecessary pressures on the one I loved? Even though we’d been married for over three decades, I still believed, that marriage is a hard to master course, and, both the husband and the wife must hone up on their skills, that way, the two of you can dance the dance of two well.

And so, this man finally VOICED his displeasure, and, it took him very long to do it, because it is untraditional, that men in cultures such as this one show their feelings to the world, and, because they don’t show their feelings, doesn’t mean that they don’t have feelings.

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Filed under Awareness, Communications, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters