Tag Archives: Realizations

The Nightmare of Being Drowned by Plastic Bags

On realizing one’s own habits, and the drives for change, translated…

Because I have the habits of drinking coffee, so, I have a total of six coffee cups, including the one I’m currently using right now, plus the ones, that are still in their original boxes too.

Think about it, I’d never bought myself a mug, most of my mugs came from my coworkers from the past, one of them even had a photo of me and my coworker, and, making my calculations, this mug, I’d used, for over a decade now.

I have six mugs.  On this particular day, I’d stared at my cup of black coffee, thought to myself: without accident, if I can use each of these mugs for a decade, actually, I couldn’t even finishing using them all in this lifetime—and so, why the hell would I need to, own six mugs?

I recalled once, that we were standing, in front of a souvenir shop, my friend had once asked me a question, “Do you think we have more keys, or more keychains?”, I’d immediately, stopped playing with the animal keychain, immediately gotten that wake up call: “Wow, it is so!”, but, it’s, too late, I may have an entire collection of keychains I will never use up too.

And, from this, I’d imagined, how many things, do I have, that I won’t probably use up, at the end of my life?  I’d counted it out with my fingers: backpacks, wallets, jackets, coats……oh, there’s one more, I have a habit, like an elderly who picked up recycling materials, would keep every plastic bag and reuse it, but, I’m sure, that everybody has the same problems, the number of plastic bags we lost is never a match, to the new ones we get.

Imagine, that if I’d kept this habit of my plastic bag usage, I will eventually, also have, a lifetime’s worth of plastic bags that I won’t be using up.  And, this picture is more than enough, to make me dream about how I’m trying hard, to keep my head, above the pool, of plastic bags, plus, this also meant, that we’re making MORE trash………toward our habits of our “freely spending”, don’t you all think, that we should, all slow down a bit?

So, this, is a realization about one’s own relationships with one’s own external environment, isn’t it?  By realizing this, the narrator wakes up, from her/his pursuit of pointless things, and, hopefully, this wake up call would be enough, for her/him, to change her/his habits of doing things.

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Filed under Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values

Left You, for Good This Time

Left you, for good this time, and, I’m NEVER, looking BACK again, as in EVER!

Left you, for good this time, and I’d ended this god DAMN vicious cycle of constantly being ABUSED by you, I’d hardened up my heart here.

Left you, for good this time, I will NEVER go soft again, so, no matter how BIG those crocodile tears, rolling down your cheeks are, they won’t have an effect on me again.  Left you, for good this time, and, I’m better off for it too.

Left you, for good this time, I will NEVER go back, to that state of mind, OR state of being, of constantly living in FEAR, allowing you, to control me the way I’d done from before.

Left you, for good this time, and, there’s nothing you can say, OR do, to change my god DAMN mind, I’d done with you!  Left you, for good this time, and here, was how I’d done it: torn off that REARVIEW mirror, turn the radio up, full blast, to DROWN out that sound of goodbye, and, HIT the gas pedal, putting the pedal, TO the metal!

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Life, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Taking Off Your Last Name

Finally, it took me, a VERY long, long time, but, I’m finally, doing it!

Taking off your last name, it’s bound to happen, after all, we’re NO longer “bound”, as that wedding band of ours, had already been, sent into the FIRES of love, and, it still couldn’t, withstand the heat…

Taking off your last name, and, I will NEVER ever, EVER be, putting IT back on, behind my own last name again, because I have NO need to have the “title” of someone’s WIFE, and besides, these years of being married to you, well, it’s just, NO fun at all, and, I just don’t do things that are NOT fun!

Taking off your last name, because I have NO need, to belong to any family, not even yours.  Taking off your last name, as your last name’s gotten too heavy, it’d become, burdensome for me, to carry, and now, I’d stopped myself, from taking the load all in.

Taking off your last name, wow, I can finally breathe, who’d thought, right???  Turns out, what’s been suffocating me, was your love to me, which wasn’t even at all, LOVE, to begin with, and now that I’m taking off your last name, nobody ELSE’s last name will go behind MINE again!

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Filed under Cost of Living, Divorces, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls

You Will Always Have More Chances to Earn More Wages

The view on life, translated…

Awhile ago, I was stressed out on whether or not I need to file for my maternity leave to care for my twins, to stay at home for two whole years, but, it was, the economic pressures that faced us, relying on just one set of salary that my husband brings in, living in Taipei, had caused me to feel very insecure.

My friend told me, “Twins means double the happiness, meaning that they needed the accompaniment of their mother.”  My husband also told me, “If we don’t have the money, we’ll still get by just fine.”  But, I feared, that after I made my choice, I will regret it for life, and so, I thought about what, I mostly regretted about in my life up to where I am, and, coincidentally, the three events are all money related.

First, after I graduated college, I’d worked, put myself through my master program, marry.  Before the age of thirty, I didn’t get a chance to sign up for the work-vacation program to Australia for a year, that, was my biggest regret, until now.  Secondly, as I’d worked hard, to earn my tuition for grad school in England, having been on the volleyball team since in the elementary years, I’d wanted to get involved, but, they charged fifty pounds for the fee, and, there are uniform charges, as well as the transportation for the competitions, so I didn’t, and, missed out on befriending those with similar interests as I, and getting immersed in local cultures.  Third, my husband is just as money-saving as I am, on our honeymoon, we’d gone on a self-help trip to Kyoto.  We’d saved up on the dining, and buying the souvenirs, and, after we’d come back home, with a TON of Yen left over, we’d regretted, that this once-in-a-lifetime honeymoon, why we didn’t treat ourselves better.

After you’d missed it, then, you’d learned, to choose the right way, after you’d lost, then, you’d learned, how to hold onto it: money can be earned again, but, if time passes, it passes by.  I don’t want to wait until my child is older, then, started to regret why I had missed out on my child’s growth processes for the sake of money.

My child, in the next two years, I’m relying on you, to tell me how I’m doing!

Because of ALL the misses with money in her life previously, she finally decided that this time, she’s NOT going to let money get in the way, and, gladly, this woman had realized this just in time, after all, the child is only a child once, after you’d missed out on his aging processes, then, it’s gone forever, and, it’s not like those trips you’d taken to places before, that you can revisit again, to do over!

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Filed under Cost of Living, Lessons, Life, Observations, Socialization, Values

Waited for You in Life

I had, waited for you in life, and, several times, you’d come, real close, to coming INTO my life, but, right before that ship’s about to dock, well, the storms came, and blew you out to sea once more, and that’d left me crying on the shorelines, longing, real hard, for you…

Waited for you in life, that, was what I’d done, for the last part of my life, and, believe it or don’t, after over thirty years of waiting nonstop on end, I’d finally reasoned with myself (and I had finally, taken MY own advice too!!!), that you weren’t EVER going to love me the way I’d wanted you to.

Waited for you in life, and, all those times I’d waited for you, that you’d never come, it’d only, hurt me, awfully bad, and yet, I just, couldn’t quite, give up hope, on waiting for you, to come back, and why is that?  Am I that desperately in need of you to love me?  Am I really that dumb?  Of course not, it’s just, that I still needed, some extra time, before this vicious cycle had, finally, stopped rolling is all.

Waited for you in life, but why?  It’s not like you’ll EVER keep any of the promises you’d ever made to me, is it?  So now, I’m thinkin’, that maybe, just maybe, I should, STOP waiting, yeah, that’s what I’d decided to do, and now, I just have to convince my own heart, to give up, waiting on you too.

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Filed under Broken Promises, Choices, Cost of Living, Expectations, Letting Go, Loss, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Wake Up Calls

I Will NEVER Be Supportive of Your Choices in Life

Because nobody ever shown me what support was like, and look how well I turned out…

I will NEVER be supportive of your choices in life, I will just, keep on TALKING down AT you, and, you will feel so helpless when you ask me for advice, because I don’t give them out at all, at least, not the kinds you’d be lookin’ for, at least.

I will NEVER be supportive of your choices in life, because nobody’d shown ME any supports over the choices I’d made in my life, so, why the hell should I, show you the support that I’d never received, even IF I’m your parents, it’s a TOUGH world, kid, you need to learn that nothing’s handed to you for free.

I will NEVER be supportive of your choices in life, I’ll only, pound you down, for every choice you’d made, or are making in life, you will get, NO support from me, no siree!!!  I will NEVER be supportive of your choices in life, I have NO clue, of HOW to show that, as I didn’t have anybody to model after growing up, and look how well I’d turned out to become…

I will NEVER be supportive of your choices in life, oh wait a minute, I will, give you MY unconditional love, emotional support, as I’d never received them in my childhood days, because I KNOW what it felt like, to be deprived, of the things that mattered to me, and, it hurt me, real bad, from when I was a child, and, as your parent, I vow, that I will NEVER make the SAME mistakes that my GOD DAMN, FUCKED UP parents had with me, I will be, a MILLION time better parents than they EVER were to us!

And that, is how you turn your lives around, from realization, to making a change…

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Lessons, Life, Parenting/Parenthood, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Treating Someone Gently

The views of a college professor, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Teaching a class is surely a very difficult thing, it took me half my life of standing on the podium, lecturing, until I’d retired, and still had to feel regrets over the moments of my teaching careers.  This, is not just me, being hard on myself, but the truth, especially after I’d retired, and have the spare time, to start to introspect, that, was when I’d realized, that there is, the “endless number of lessons we have all yet to manage”.  Time and the desires for knowledge will keep pushing the instructors forward, and there’s no end to this process, even though you may already be retired, the issues are still, troubling you.

What’s comforting though, is how some of the students would stay in contact with their instructors, especially after the student became the teacher.  As the student just entered into the teaching realm, s/he is filled with passions, worked hard, in the lessons, when they’d written, “I hope I can be as patient as you are, and be friends with my students.” I actually feel bashful, for not being a better example, but I’m truly glad for my students.  There was a student who’d gone to the distant regions to substitute, she was shocked, to realize, that a child from a poverty stricken home couldn’t even afford a pencil, she’d started preparing a pencil case that won’t damage the child’s pride, and, shared with the ins and outs of her learning to teach; I’d especially written a very long reply to her, commended her on empathizing other people’s hardships, and understand where her students came from, and at the very end, I’d reminded him, “I’m truly proud of you, but, do remember this passion you are still holding, don’t forget what got you into teaching with the passing of time.”

In my faith, treating the students with gentleness, is the best results of an instructor, and, not damaging the students’ prides would be the most basic form of achieving this.  When the student walked to the professor’s labs, the professor opens up the doors, lit a small lamp, and, listened patiently, to the students, talk of the troubles s/he is having in her/his research, the effects of this small act is way more than screaming one’s lungs out in the lecture halls, making sure that every student is paying attention to what you’re saying.

I’d read and reviewed over endless articles by countless students, I could no longer recall the essay by this particular student.  But on my way home, I kept thinking, that I should take more time, to write a few more lines, to give commend on how alive her essays portrayed the stories, then, “If you could use another tone of voice in your writing, then, it would be, better.”  But then, I was simply, way too young, that straightforward line of “if you could use another tone of voice in your writing then, it would be better”, had totally, beaten a sensitive student down, without me knowing that it had at all.  I’d once, worked so hard, to live by the rules of “not making my students feel bad”, and yet, I still couldn’t avoid doing so, it just shows, how hard it is, to be a teacher.

And so, this, is from looking back over the years, on the interactions with her students, and, this teacher realized, that she could’ve done better, especially in the way she was educated, versus the way she’d educated her own students, and, this sort of mode of interactions still get passed down from one generation to the next, but gladly, this woman who’s now retired, realized her mode of interactions, and hopefully, she will use more of her kindness, when she teaches the younger generations the lessons they will need in life…

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Filed under Cost of Living, Lessons, Life, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Values, Wake Up Calls

Letting You Make ALL of My Choices

This, was what I’d allowed you to do, letting you make ALL of my choices for me, because I didn’t know any better, and I was, too naïve, to actually, believe, that you were acting on behalf, of my BEST interests, when all you cared about is Y-O-U!!!

Well, I’m no longer young (fine, I’m still QUITE young here!!!), NOR am I naïve.  Letting you make all of my choices, because I thought you knew what was best for me, after all, you’d been ‘round, longer than I had been ‘round.

Letting you make ALL of my choices, I’d stopped, living, and, I’d, given you the right, the control over me, just allowed you, to take advantage of me, ‘cuz I didn’t know any better.  Letting you make ALL of my choices, I was once, quite naïve indeed, but, that naïve girl that I once was, is now, NO more!

Letting you make ALL of my choices, I won’t, EVER again, because you don’t know WHAT’s best for me, HECK, you can’t even DO what’s right for yourselves, so, what right have you, to make, ALL of my choices?

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Filed under Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

I’d Lost My Job

Translated…

The company I’d worked in for twenty-two years ended its operations this year, and, all of its employees are faced with getting laid off.  Although we’d already heard how the company wasn’t making any money from the bosses, and that they’d thought of ending the operations, but, the day that this moment came, was still filled with great impact.

The worries that are associated with not having a job hit me one by one, first, the issues of not making an income.  I’d carried the attitude of “living in the moment”, and “I can buy what I want to” in the past, I didn’t know how to limit myself.  And now, I’m without a steady source of income, I must nickel and dime.

I was once a senior employee who not only was looked upon by my boss, and, no subordinates dared mess with me, I’d not taken other people’s perspectives, I’d started grilling people when they’d done something wrong.  Recalling that, everybody is working hard, to make a living, why, did I have to be so hard on them?

As I’d logged onto the job banks websites, the requirements of the workers being a university degree holder, it’d made me, a graduate of a two-year-college, worry.  Turns out, that the world is changed, that it’s no longer as it was from before, how, do I take that step outward?  What I’m needing the most is the courage.

Toward the hundreds of hiring enterprises, I’d told myself, “losing a job isn’t scary, what’s scary is losing the drive and the self-confidence, believe, that all the hard problems in life will get resolved as I met them all head on.  At least, I’d made a new goal for myself this year.”

And so, now, you’re on the bottom, and that, is why you’d realized that you had done so many things wrong when you were still on top, and, hopefully, this realization is able to make you more humble, and, the person is right, about how nowadays, the most basic job requirements is a four-year-college degree, and that, is just how the world had changed…

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Filed under Attitude, Awareness, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Wake Up Calls

A Temporary Goodbye to Cell Phone Usage, the Holiday to Turn Off Your Cell

Translated…

The Side Effects Brought on by Cell Phones

I’d gone to a wedding banquet of a relative with my son, after he’d gotten a few rounds of food, he’d started burying his head in his cell phone, until I’d started eating my desserts, he still had the main course and appetizers on his plate.

I’d told him, “Son, are you truly that busy?”, he’d smiled an unkempt smile.

It’s no news when a group of people gathered around a table for the meals, lowered their heads to their cells and not engaged in conversations with one another.  I didn’t feel anything toward this odd condition of the younger generations.  But my son put down his phone, sighed, “having a cell phone is surely convenient, but, there are serious side effects also.  I hope that there’s a holiday where we can “turn it off”, just leave all our phones for one day.

I’d recalled how before I’d discussed our traveling plans for the New Year’s with my third eldest sister, asked her the dates of her two daughters’ return home, and, my third eldest sister started ranting, “Ignore them!  It doesn’t matter IF they’re back or not, or if we’re out dining or not, everybody is focused on her/his cell phone, children AND adults alike!”

My third eldest sister has wonderful children, and would take their kids home to dine from time to time, we all hung along well together.  But, don’t know when, this getting along well scene vanished, it wasn’t because the children no longer loved the parents, but because they’d treated their smart phones like their lovers, and allowed the cell phones to take control of their minds entirely.

And now, my son who worked at the military camps, who is restricted from using his cell and online, he’d often complained of how he wasn’t able to have access to find the information he needed online at work, but, the side effects from his cell phone usage, he’d compared the two situation, “My last company, whenever the coworkers have the time, they’d lowered their heads, to receive message from their cell phones, they lacked focus, and the work they did wasn’t that high in quality at all.”

Return to the Days without the Cell Phones

My son then talked about his classmate who’d only been married six months, because his wife found that he was flirting with other females on his cell phone LINE accounts, it’d almost put an end to their long-running, hard-to-come-by marriage.

“Because there’s no three-dollar limit (the price for sending and receiving a text message), it became too convenient to send the messages, and, the temptations from the outside world magnified.”, my son told me.

On top of that, there is NO exception to those on the MRT who had their eyes, glued to their cells, and showed absolutely NO care or concern for those around them, they couldn’t see the pregnant lady who needed to have a seat, and the distance between people became greater still…all of these, made my son worry.

Sure!  We really need a “Turn-Your-Cell-Off Day”, and it should be on January 30th, turn off the cell phones, slow your paces down, return to the days where there was NO internet or high-tech products.

So, what can we do on this day?  Get a back of old fashioned snack, and, slowly, savor the simple taste of the days.  Return back to the normal interaction modes with others, and, gather with friends and families, and truly feel the cares and concerns you have for one another.  If we pass the day like this, I’m sure, that everybody can be filled with zest, to face up to whatever challenges come our ways in the future.

And this, would be the solution to this oncoming cell phone usage addiction, but, it won’t be easy to do, I mean, how many of you are using your cell phones, even when you don’t need to, this, is a serious issue in the world right now, so, let’s all, take a holiday, from cell phone usage then???

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Addiction to High-Tech Products& the WWW, Awareness, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Expectations, Life, Maturation, Observations, Values, Wake Up Calls