Don’t Let the Kids Grow Up on the Edge of the Society, Start Helping Them From Education

Written by the honorary lecturer of Chinghwa University, Lee, translated…

After the six inmates took hostages in the penitentiary of Kaohsiung, they’d killed themselves.  We all felt relieved, because no harm came to the hostages, but, to all who still had a heart of mercy, the six suicides are considered as tragedies too, after all, they are, the citizens of this country, born and grown up here, and, became the borderline people, and ended up so tragically.

We all hoped, that there are no people on the edge of the society, and, a lot of people believed, that this should be instilled in the minds of students in schools, and so, we’d written out so many texts, encouraging the kids to be better.  But to tell the truth, this, is of NO use to those children who came from poverty stricken family backgrounds.

If we go to the prisons to visit once, then, we’d come to realize, that a most of the inmates are poorly educated, with many that came from lower income households.  For instance, most children who performed well in school can understand in class, and are usually more self-confident about their futures, and even though, they came from poverty stricken backgrounds, the children knew that they can continue their education, and will have a certain level of competitiveness, therefore, they will have no problems in life.  But if a child can’t even catch up to the rest of the class, and in class, s/he can’t understand what the teachers are saying, and did poorly on the examinations, even if this child continues on toward a higher path of education, it would prove to be of no use.   At this time, if s/he got involved with the wrong crowds, and s/he can easily be taken, and fall to the borderline of the society easily.  And, no matter how we’d assigned moral values, give them talks on moral responsibilities, it won’t be of any help to them.

What we should all pay attention to is, the children’s homework problems.  So long as they can catch up to the rest of the class, even though, they’re not the top scorers, they’d know, that at least, they can find a decent job later on in life, with a sizable income to suffice her/his own livelihood.  And, whether or not this child is from a poverty stricken family, s/he would have a lesser chance, of becoming one of those who lived on the borderlines.  I’d met a lot of instructors, whom, upon discovery, that there are kids in the classes who not only didn’t study hard, but started disrupting the rest of the class, these good teachers usually didn’t give the kids talk of moral responsibilities, but instead, the teachers helped the kids to improve their skills, so they could better understand in class.  Once the kids start to get the lessons, they no longer disrupted the classes.  And so, allowing the kids to have a fundamental basis of knowledge, knowing where s/he is academically speaking, and which direction s/he could go, the kids would naturally find a goal, and work toward that.  Once the kids have confidence about the future, a lot of the bad things, they no longer wanted to do, and would stay away from the bad peer influences too.

We’d often seen on the news that the mafia is infiltrating the schools, but, those attracted to the mobsters are those kids who lacked care and concerns, and, most of them didn’t do well academically.  If those kids, on the way to learning, had someone with them, accompanying them, instructing them how to do their homework assignments, so they can feel the expectations from their adult counterparts, naturally, when the mafia tries to reach out to them, they wouldn’t get attracted.

Of course, we’d hoped that the 12-years’ of continued education can force ALL the kids to go to high school or technical high school to continue learning, that they couldn’t drop out, but, what’s more important, is still teaching the kids the most basic of skills, and work hard, to show cares and concerns toward them, to help them out.

In order to ensure that the level of understanding is not too low, naturally, the entire nation MUST put into the hard work, this, is not a hard-to-accomplish task, but a very good investment.

This, is very idealistic, because kids in the middle and high school levels are prone to get affected by peer pressures, after all, that, is a time when friends are way MORE important than the adults in the kids’ lives, and, education is needed, indeed, but, you can’t just rely on education to help steer these kids that are slowly going off the grid into the right directions, the help must come from all the realms, in order for kids to be prepared for life…

How to Talk to Your Teenagers?

Parents, L-I-S-T-E-N UP!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Q: I have two sons, one in his first year of high school, the other in his second year of middle school.  I know, that as children grow older, we shouldn’t scold them, that we must communicate with them, but, I don’t know if it’s their puberty, or my own impatience, my heart’s in the right place, showing care and concerns for them, but, how come after a few words, I’d get all worked up and angered?  I wanted to ask you, is there an effective way, of communicating with teens, any tips, or any skills?

A: I can’t give you a straightaway advice on how you can effectively communicate with your teens.  But, the thoughts should always precede actions, and, the problems usually get resolved on their own after you’d found an effective way of rearranging your own belief systems, and so, I believe, that there are few tips to reminding ourselves:

1.   The parents must catch up to the times, to NOT use too high a standard, or to mention to the children how it was when you were younger.  Try to establish a clear cut crime and punishment standards.  If the parents can understand some of the cultures that teens live in today, it can also pull the distance between the two closer.

2.   Before you speak, remind yourselves of where your hearts are coming from, do be prepared.  For example, the child broke her/his curfew, the parents are more worried about the child’s safety, but, the parents would start scolding, it would cause the child to react in a defensive way, and easily overlook the intentions of the parents.  The child is already worried, because s/he knew s/he will get scolded as s/he turns in, instead of start scolding them “Why are you home so late!”, why not show some care and concerns by asking, “You’re home so late, did you eat yet?”, and wait until the child relaxes, then, discuss with her or  him.

3.   Watch the language and the tone, for instance, “Why are you home so late, you DO have a cell phone, don’t you?” or “How come you came home so late tonight?  You made me worry when I didn’t get a call from you!”, these two are basically expressing the same things, but, in different ways.

4.   When righting your child’s behaviors, FOCUS on the deed, to NOT use nasty words, or emotional words, but you can’t be too soft either, the rules and regulations should be brought out, in a mild manner.

5.   Don’t NAG.  Use simple and precise language, the child will hear you out, nagging will only reduce the amount that’s been heard by the child, and when the child gets annoyed, s/he will talk back, or totally ignore you.

6.   To effectively avoid causing a bad scene.  If you feel your angers rising, then, stop talking, because the words of anger will often hurt others, or break what’s already happened.  The parents MUST work hard on managing their own emotions, so long as the parents can give both parties a way out smoothly, then, they will be opportunities for communications later on.

And so, there you have it, from the E-X-P-E-R-T!!!  And yet, how many of you, parents, can honestly (I mean it!!!) say, that you will stay C-A-L-M, when your son or daughter broke her/his curfews, and didn’t come home until the early morning hours?  And, even IF your hearts are in the right place, DO remember, that they’re at an age, when they’re testing out the waters, pushing your limits, so they know what their own are, and, DO get a brand new SET of “hearing aids”, parents, and START hearing your kids out, and, DO BITE back your tongues, and kill that urge to want to BLOW up in their faces, after all, they are merely going through a stage in their lives, and, that, is how they will learn their boundaries, and learn to live in the world…