A Q&A, translated…
Q: the thirty-one year-old Ms. Q, in the first love she was in, she’d come face to face with an unreasonable problems, and she wanted to know, if she should keep going…
Ms. Q is of Hakka descent, the one year older boyfriend is Taiwanese, and works in a government-owned business, they are very well matched up, but, the first time she’d gone to her boyfriend’s house to visit, his mother shot her down. The boyfriend first, spoke on behalf of Q to his own mother, but in the end, because his mother persisted in her views on the matter, he’d backed down, and used the excuse of “I don’t want to make you wait, so, go find someone else better”, to distance himself from her.
Q only knew, that her boyfriend’s mother was prejudice against people with the Hakka heritage, based off of two things: first, because the neighbors from her boyfriend’s old home kept taking advantage of her, and the neighbors, just so happens, are of Hakka heritage; secondly, her boyfriend’s cousin’s wife happens to be Hakka too, and, because her household came under some economic difficulties, she didn’t tell her boyfriend’s cousin, and used his family’s assets to help her own family out, nearly causing his cousin’s house to go bankrupt.
And, even though these two cases are incidences, but the boyfriend’s mother set up her mind, and wouldn’t even give her a chance to meet her first. Q suggested, that both her parents are government workers right now, and they’re doing well economically, and that if the boyfriend’s mother doesn’t feel secure enough, she could sign a document that will keep their assets separated after the marriage; and if the boyfriend’s mother still didn’t like her, then, she shall rent away from his home, and wouldn’t spend a CENT from his family.
And, even after all of that, she still didn’t get any positive feedback from them. And her family are all feel bad for her, wanted to give her boyfriend up, to find another man to marry. But, how could she let go, when she’s fully invested in the relationship emotionally?
A: My Advice
On the matter which Ms. Q talked about, it is NO longer a matter of how much you must give in, it’s because of the mother’s prejudices and stubborn mindset, even IF on the surface, she’d stated that “it’s because Q is of Hakka descent”, maybe, it’s not the real reason. From how I see it, you can see, how this love had gone, from the boyfriend’s attitude, it’s just that he’d used a step-by-step method to breaking up with her, causing Q to believe, that he still had feelings for her. Let go, change your mind, and restart again, that, is the right path that Q should be on. A love, if it requires one party to lose dignity, to give everything one has, and still gets nothing in return, then, it would be a WRONG kind of love. What sort of a heritage, could become this kind of “original sin”? There’s NO need for you to carry all of that on your shoulders now.
And so, the mother might be using the excuse of this woman being Hakka to fend her off, and, it’s just that this woman is so in love with her boyfriend that she doesn’t see how WRONG this love actually is, and, if eventually, they DO get married, then, this woman will have H-E-L-L to pay that’s for sure, so, it’s for the best, that this relationship came to an end already, and it’s just that she still had the leftover feelings of love for this man, that she must deal with, before she could move on to bigger, and better things in life.