Tag Archives: Pre-Wedding Troubles

The Nitty-Gritty of a Wedding Can Cause the Couple to Break Up

So, you might NOT even make it TO the real ceremonies here, translated…

There are a TON of traditions for the traditional Chinese weddings, and because the marriage is combining two different families, with various opinions, sometimes, in the preparation stage of a wedding, there would be arguments, even calls of not getting married.

Korea, which was also affected by Confucius teachings, had even MORE annoying traditions!  Like me, who’d floated over the oceans, and married in Korea, which had managed to plant a LOT MORE issues for arguments to surface.

Before I married, I’d studied up on the Korean traditions, read a TON of articles, asked the advice for my married friends, plus, what my mother-in-law told me, it was shocking to me that’s for certain!

First, the gift to bring to the tables when both sides of the parents meet, this, is an all too important event, as the dates of the wedding is to be discussed, the gift registry, the needs of the wedding, etc., etc., etc. and, this scene can cause the soon-to-be-wedded couple to feel uneasy, but, it’s NOT to be ignored or taken lightly at all!

The dowry in Korea is called “Necessities of a Wedding”, meaning that the things that are needed for the wedding, the female must give the male side of the family a list, and the items on the list is mostly prepared by the groom’s family.  Basically, it’s about making the custom made clothes for the elders on the male’s side.  Mostly, for the in-laws, but, in a traditionalist family, it may be for everybody ELSE in the family too, it all relies on the different cultures of the families.  The price is based off of the materials, the most ordinary fabric will cost about $2,000N.T. (roughly $62.5USD), and the most expensive runs up to ten to twenty thousand dollars.

Mostly, what was used for Korean weddings are not cheap, and, there would be assigned colors for the occasion, and, going anywhere else and wearing the same colors is quite rare, plus, there are less and less places you will need to go to that requires you to dress up as such, so, most engaged couples would not just rent the attires now, it’s cheaper and it saves room in one’s closets too.

There would be name brand bags, expensive coats, accessories, etc. ,etc., etc., on the “gift registry”.  Other than that, the distant relatives or the gifts for the husband’s siblings must NOT be omitted either, and so, the list would put the female side of the family into close bankruptcy!  But, if you can’t manage to get the things on this “gift registry”, then, you will easily be zoomed in on by your in-law’s family, so, naturally, nothing IS omitted.

Maybe you would be questioning, in Taiwanese traditions, it is the male that needed to prepare the dowry, so how come in Korea, the females’ sides of the family must prepare so much for the groom’s family?

Well, it’s a symbol of “please, take good care of our daughters, in-laws”, kinda like a bribe!

The Taiwanese may feel: I’d spent so much, raising my daughter, how can I give her to you for free!

But, also because of this view point, there would be “marriage is seemingly, selling one’s own daughters” in Taiwan too.

Even though, there is a HUGE difference in tradition, but, I think that both sides are reasonable, but, once the Taiwanese and Korean became married, it may anger both sides of the elders to the point that they ALL get diagnosed with high blood pressures!

I’d also heard, that there were those Taiwanese-Korean couples that didn’t communicate well beforehand that the two sides started arguing like crazy before the weddings, and, if this was not handled well, then, bad feelings will continue to exist, so this, is NOT to be taken lightly, we MUST try hard, to make both sides happy!

And, marriage IS hard enough, when the groom and the bride are from the same cultures, and now, you’re talking about two different cultures, with two different value systems, and so, you CAN see how if communication isn’t well enough, there CAN be problems, right?  And so, that, may be why a TON of younger generation people are choosing to stay single, so they don’t have to deal with this MESSY issue of getting the marriage ready, and, after the marriage, dealing with the in-laws, that’s another story, for another time…

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