Tag Archives: Parenting/Parenthood

When the Child Uses the Back of the Head for Communication

Will this be the OBSTACLE between the parents and the child?  I dunno, let’s see, shall we???  Translated…

My good friend, He often complained on how his child would use the back of his head to “talk” to him, at first, I couldn’t understand what he meant, later, I’d learned that he rarely had any face-to-face interaction time with his son.

Whenever the child walks into the house, He would ask him things, and yet, the son would walk toward the stairs, and climbed the stairs, as he answered his father’s inquiries, he didn’t stop and talk to his father at all, and, the son would often get impatient easily, and He had been troubled and angered by this a lot.

Hearing how He spoke of it, it seems, that the fault was with his son, actually, as parents, you also need to look at why.  The distancing of your child from you is not caused in one day, nor is it entirely the child’s fault.  His son’s ex broke up with him, because of He’s opinions of her, and now, his son is knocking on forty, and still unwed, in the end, the “child’s not at all in a hurry, but the father is”.  The problem is that on the matter of marriage, there’s NO use, hurrying, he’d forced his child to find someone quick, and this didn’t do any good for the relationships.  He was so into matchmaking for his son, set him up, and, when the children got annoyed, naturally, they’d used the “back of the head” to “communicate” with the father, or they’d rarely interacted at all, this, would become the norm.

The child is already grown, and has his own views on marriage, and choice in mate, and he is also very opinionated in the way he wanted to live his life, the parents should offer the supports, but should NOT meddle, nor should the parents be angered when their goals are not met.  Actually, there ARE pros AND cons to marrying and not marrying, there’s nothing wrong with staying single, so, people should hold a normal mindset when looking at the issues of children’s marriages.

As we age, the more we worry, and, we’d nagged more, the most important thing in parent-child interactions is NOT use the “force of the parents” to treat the child.  Plus, the children have their own separate fortunes, don’t be an elder that the offspring hates.

And so, this father is desperate to RECONNECT with his son, but, he was NEVER there around the child when he was growing up, and so, what makes the father think, that just because he wanted to talk to his child, his child will open UP the schedules?  Because we the children won’t!!!

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Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Karma, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives

If You’re Afraid of Being in the Shadows, Why Not Turn Your Faces Toward the Sun?

The wisdom of life, translated…

I’d gone with Xiang who’s troubled to a lecture, the Yi-Ching instructor used Chinese and Taiwanese, to make the wisdoms of the ancestors simpler for us to understand, hoping that we can use it well in our daily lives, to help us resolve the issues we face.

The instructor told an example, a friend came to him with a worried face, said that his forty-five year old eldest brother passed away very abruptly, asked him to look after his two high-school aged sons, but he is not yet married, he feared, that the two kids may become what kept him single for a very long time, and so, he’d started worrying.  The instructor thought that he was very lucky instead, lucky to have the kids to accompany him, that he didn’t have to deal with them as babies; that he could enjoy family life, but without the restraints of marriage.  On top of that, the children are already in high school right now, in a couple of years, they’d be independent and can take care of his elderly years too, it’s so wonderful!  That he shouldn’t just see the troubles at hand, that he needed to think about the good side too.  And, my friend, hearing the lecturer, all of a sudden, he’d let it go and became happy.

Worries will drain the energies of life, and worries, along with depression, and pressures, these would all increase the chance of one having cardiovascular disorders, plus over eighty percent of what you worry about won’t even happen, so, why worry?  The lecturer said, if you’re afraid of the shadows, then, why not turn your face toward the sun, those shadows will disappear, all on their own.

Xiang and I chewed over the lecturer’s words, recently, she’d worried constantly about her children, her son couldn’t find good work, so he’d stayed at home, and she couldn’t help but nagged him a bit, the son left, and didn’t call her at all, she’d worried that he might starve.  As for her daughter, she’s around marriage age, but, she’s staying single, she didn’t dare push her, fearing that her daughter might run off, just as her son had done.  But, there’s this unidentified worries inside of her, constantly, burning on the inside, and so, she couldn’t live happily.

Children will have their own fortunes, no news means good news.  I’d told her EVERY single kind of consolation I can possibly think of, but Xiang is still troubled, I couldn’t anticipate, that her, coming to the lecture, would be so opened up.  She’d told me, “It’s fine, I won’t worry now!  After all, over eighty percent of the worries don’t ever happen, I guess I’ll take the I-Ching instructor’s words then!”

The instructor also said, that since a woman becomes a mother, she would give her daughter commends, but forget to reward herself, so, Xiang and I decided to treat ourselves well, to take ourselves OUT to a restaurant, then, we will go and pick out that brand new outfit that we’d had the eyes on for so very long, but wasn’t willing to spend the money on from before.

And so, it still all starts with just Y-O-U, you must treat yourselves well, otherwise, NOBODY else would, and, it is natural, for parents to worry about their offspring, but, you have to know, that everybody has her/his own life path to follow, and, whatever happens, is going to happen, so, STOP worrying already!!!

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Filed under Expectations, Family Matters, Old Age, Perspectives

Raised by Mean

I was, raised by mean, and so, naturally, I am, a “meanie” myself!!!  Raised by mean, you’d turned out to be just as, or even, MEANER than your “previous owners”, because you need to survive.

Raised by mean, a lot of kids are today, and, because they couldn’t take it out on their parents, they’d PICKED on someone their own sizes (as the parents are a HELL of a LOT bigger than they are), that, is why you’d see kids, pushing and shoving one another on the playgrounds during recess.

Raised by mean, you were, as was I, and, the kind of mean I was raised by is JUST as awful as the one they’d raised you by, and so, how come we turned out so totally opposite?  Oh yeah, because I GOT the resilience, and you didn’t, and I will NOT allow anybody, to be mean to me, OR anybody ELSE again, because I HATED being raised by mean.

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Filed under Creative Writing, Education, Family Matters

Letter to My Child

baby girl, this is your mommy, I love you, and I know you will make it all right, you will be able to have a happy childhood, like mommy never had, and no matter how hard the future gets for you, you will hang on tough, just as I did, and have a good heart, blind optimism, everything that mommy has, you will have too, as for that old man of yours, he is just an asshole, don’t talk to him,
okay, just stay mommy’s little girl for as long as you can, and know that I will always love you, no matter what, and I am so sorry that you have to carry the weight of the world on your shoulders, it is not your fault nor is it mine, I am so sorry for this burden that has been placed upon our whole family….(crying like hell as I am writing this, FYI, that is!!!)  Regardless, you will grow up happy, wild and free, and get the chance that I never had as a child…

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Filed under Miscelaneous