Tag Archives: Overcompensations

The Lines on Your Face Grew, Softer…

Why are you, not as mean to him as you were to me???

I watched the lines on your face grew, softer, as you, interact with my son, and he loves you, and I guess, that I feared you more than I loved you, because you’d, always made those, too harsh, too high for me to achieve expectations.  But why is it, that when you see my son the lines on your face grew, softer, huh???

Oh, maybe, it’s, how you’re now, a grandparent, and, grandparents’ only job is to, spoil and love their own grandchildren, right?  But, why can’t YOU, love me like, you love my son too from before, huh???

Was it because, back when we were younger, you had to work, to provide for us, and the heavy burdens of the household economics, crushed you down, grounded you, minced you up (like those ground beef, ground pork that got, “passed” out of those, meat grinders???)

Or, maybe, you’re, just overcompensating, for what you’d missed out on when I was growing up, not spent the time, not kissed me goodnight, not read me those, illustrated books, that you’re now, making it up, with my son, was that it?

The lines on your face may have grown, softer, but, guess what, daddy dearest, my heart had long been, hardened like that STEEL, and, nothing’s gonna, EVER, break this, once-fragile, porcelain again.

And, don’t think, that for one second, I will, EVER, allow you, anywhere, N-E-A-R, my son (yeah uh, as if  had one already???  Oh wait, my DEAD Emily should be THIRTEEN already and yet, where is this, nonexistent, “son” of mine again???), ever, because you don’t deserve to be a grandpa, and besides, just like me, my “son”, never has a father, unless, you want to go meet him, and he would be………what’s that dude’s face again???  Oh yeah, it’s, DONOR X!

And that’s, one more session with the circus full of, FREAKS, with ME the QUEEN “herself”(so, I’m still referring to me in the third-person, call me crazy, why don’t ya!!!) as the RING LEADER…………

Show’s over, you know what you need to pay my secretaries (no, I’m no longer, reintroducing them again, ‘k???).

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Filed under Abuse, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Family Dynamics, Life, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

Your Successes Became the “Filler” of the Holes of the Dysfunctions of Your Families of Origin

Overcoming the obstacles you’d had to deal with in your childhood years here…

Your successes became the “filler” of the holes of the dysfunctions of your families of origins, and that, was a must, because you will always be living UNDER THE INFLUENCES of the dysfunctions of your separate families of origin, there’s NO doubt.

And, you may have been, misled, into believing, how your successes had somehow, filled UP the holes of the dysfunctions of your families o origins, but, that, is NEVER the case.  You will, keep on, working hard, to become, more successful, only to, find out, that NO amount of successes will EVER fill that hole left, by the dysfunctions of your families of origin, and this will take you, oh, dunno???  ‘bout say???  MORE than your lifetimes, to finally figure out, and yet, how many lifetimes have you got?  Oh yeah, just THIS one!!!

When your successes became a filler of the holes of your families of origins, well, congrats, on your successes, but, you still couldn’t, go BACK in time, to fill up those HOLES your families of origins had, left, inside of your hearts and souls, and so, you will always, keep on, wandering around L-O-S-T in the world, NO matter how hard you work, to try, to find the things that you actually needed in life………

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Filed under Awareness, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Downward Spiral, Innocence Lost, Life, White Picket Fence

Help Put an Unknown Strangers Through School

It’s all, out of the goodness, the kindness of my heart, or, is it now???

Help put unknown strangers through school, because I feel the need, to overcompensate, for not being there, when my offspring were getting raised up, because I had to work, after all, money still doesn’t grow on TREES, does it?  Naturally N-O-T!!!

And so, when I’d made a lot of money, I’d started, making UP for not being there for my kids when they were younger, but, they’re all, all grown up now, and so, I’d turned my “assistance”, in another direction, started, helping put those strangers’ children who are not well-to-do, who are from poverty stricken regions, through school.

Help put unknown strangers through school, it’d gained me the reputation of being someone who’s generous, who’s too kind, who tries to help someone in need, but, in truth and reality, I’m only, merely, trying to fill up that void inside of me, from missing out on my own offspring’s coming-of-age processes…

So, IS, helping to put unknown strangers through school, an act of kindness from you in this case???  Of course N-O-T, and, yeah, maybe those strangers’ children will be grateful, and call you “daddy”, but because you’d missed out on your own children’s growth processes, they are now, not dealing with you, and it still wouldn’t be because they were UNGRATEFUL for you for SHOVING those hundred U.S. dollars at a time UP their FUCKED up asses!

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Excuses, Expectations, Helping Behaviors, Lending a Helping Hand, Messed Up Values, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Socialization, Stupidity

A Peace Offering Came in the Mail Today…

Not from inspiration here, but from what’s currently happenin’, in my freakin’ life…

A peace offering came in the mail today, it was, an I-Pad mini, wow, I’d never seen such a thing!  (yeah, uh, right…) Guess W-H-O it was from?  That LOSER, DEADBEAT father of mine!

Guess he’s still guilt-ridden, for what he called me, an INGRATE, from back in 2008?  I suppose, and, he was still, WAY too GOD DAMN NAÏVE, to think that he can make up for ALL the years (and that would be FORTY-One years in counting (8 for my dearest DEAD baby girl, Emily, and the thirty-three for moi!) he’d done me wrong, I’m guessing?  Well, you ain’t NEVER getting that deadbeat father of mine, and, what the F*** (all MAXED out here, remember???) was that?  You think you can fucking make up for what you’d stolen from me, and that would be???  Oh yeah, my ENTIRE life, and NOT pay for your sins?  Guess again!

And that, just still shows, you all, how M***ER F***ING RETARDED all of them are, what the hell?  You can’t just make up for something you’d done to someone else that’s bad, with a gift, or a simple apology, the damages are already DONE, plus, it wasn’t AS if I was horse playing while they were cooking, and the water got splashed, ALL over my body, and I got burnt, if that were the case, then, yeah, I HAD it coming, but it wasn’t like that at all…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Life, Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life

Her Endless Pursuit of Beauty

She’d learned, since she was a child, that only the beautiful gets everything!  And so, she’d started, on that endless pursuit, to make herself more and more beautiful, but, as she aged, wrinkles, sunspots, along with other problems that comes with aging all slowly, come over her body.

And yet, she’d still sought out beauty, endlessly, her endless pursuit of beauty, kept her going for years on end, but, for what?  She’d still aged, and, started, losing her beauty, and, she’d started, to grab onto, her beauty, as hard as she possibly could.

Her endless pursuit of beauty, it’d made her stray from the real purpose, she’d lost sight, of what’s important, and started, chasing mirages in her life, and in the end, everything ELSE was gone, taken away from her, even those great quality of hers, in the end, she’d still withered away, because as she grew old, she’d become old, and gray, and because she’d pursued beauty endlessly when she was younger, she’d let the important matters slide, and that, is just a total waste, because, she could’ve been more, done more, focused on something ELSE more important, but she didn’t!

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Filed under Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Pursuits of Pointless Things

Kept Her Eyes on the Poolside

She had, kept her eyes on the poolside, ever since her own son died, of a drowning accident, at the pools, and, she wasn’t even there, to watch over him.

Kept her eyes on the poolside, because those children are going to horseplay and, when kids act up, bad things are bound to happen, and, she’s only letting her maternal instincts take over her.  Kept her eyes on the poolside, NOT just watching her own child, but, the children that aren’t being surveillanced closely by their own parents.

Kept her eyes on the poolside, as she’d had a close encounter with death by the poolside, it was when she was little, she’d walked too close, and, accidentally, fell in, and, she took a couple of gulps of water, and, went under, and, it wasn’t until a very long time later (it felt like it!!!), did she start to regain her consciousness, and by then, her parents are already pointing fingers at one another, for not watching her close………

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Life, Loss, Parenting/Parenthood

My Mother-in-Law Spoiled Him Rotten

Let’s see who gets to PICK UP the pieces on this one!!!  Translated…

Since my husband’s youngest brother and his wife divorced, he took his child home to live with us and my parents-in-law, my mother-in-law, because he felt sorry for her grandson, for not having a complete home, she’d spoiled him rotten, and would do as he’d dictated, and, the child became a self-centered, spoiled rotten BRAT who’d thrown his temper tantrums when things don’t go his way.

Living under the same roof, even though, I disagree with my mother-in-law’s teaching methods of her grandson, but I felt, that I have no place to say anything, until recently, I’d discovered that my husband’s youngest brother’s son started talking BACK to my in-laws, and, he’d used harsher, and harsher words, each and every time, to the point that he was basically cussing them out, and the words that came out of him didn’t sound like anything that a six-year-old kid would be saying, it’d made me realize how serious this became, because this time, is when he should be undergoing some vital growth processes, that it should not be overlooked at all, I’d finally, started talking about this child, in a round-and-about way to my mother-in-law.

I could understand where she was coming from, and, it’s not my place, to tell my mother-in-law, NOT to spoil him as much, and because my husband’s sister-in-law also wanted to get back together with his younger brother, and my mother-in-law wanted to see that it happens, she’d allow her to come a few days a week, to be with her son, and so, I’d suggested to my mother-in-law that maybe, she could describe the child’s mental states to my husband’s youngest sister-in-law, to have her spend more time, communicating with him.  But my mother-in-law told me, that my methodology may not work at all, because the early matured child had come to believe that it was his mother who’d done wrong, that his mother had done wrong towards him, and so, how could he be respectful and willing to listen to her.

Hearing up to here, a mixture of emotions came up to me, I’d told my husband’s youngest brother told, of how he was too busy at work, that he couldn’t manage to find the time, to discipline his own son, and so, he’d left the education of his own child to my in-laws, and his wife, who wanted to patch things up with her son, kept sucking up to him too, didn’t dare tell him right from wrong.  In the end, everybody knew how bad a temper this child had, and yet, NOBODY in the family wanted to tackle this problem face front.

My husband too, tried stepping in, to discipline, but, his youngest brother turned him away, and so, naturally, it was NOT my place to say.  Everybody wanted to make up to this kid, whose family got broken, but, none of them ever though, that spoiling him like so, can only do more damages to his life.

And so, because the in-laws felt that they’d owed this child a complete family, so, they’d let him rule, and, the father of this child too, same as the mother, and so, the adults are overcompensating, while this kid is enjoying, RULING that household, when he is the YOUNGEST of them all, and this, is just a very bad example, and, if this kid doesn’t get STRAIGHTENED out (and it looks like he won’t ever!!!) soon, well, you’re gonna have a BIGGER mess on your hands, parents!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Being Exposed, Child Development/Education of Children, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Everyone Else's Fault, Expectations, Family Matters, Hindsight, Karma, Observations, Problems with Grown-Ups, Properties of Life, Spoiled Rotten, Spoiling Children, Story-Telling, STUCK in a Cookie Jar, Translated Work, Vicious Cycle