Tag Archives: Misunderstood

My Husband’s Misinterpreted Me

The interactions between a couple here, translated…

Early in the morn, before my husband headed out into the community to volunteer, he’d told me, that he was going to get two boxes of dumplings from the old streets home after the activities were over, that way, we’d have our servings of protein, as well as starch too, and all I needed to do, was to broil up some vegetables, and there goes our suppers.

At six-thirty in the evening, the moment my husband walked in, he’d shouted out with excitement, “I got some pan-fried dumplings!”

I was washing the veggies, and, my face turned, and I’d asked him with an annoyance, “didn’t we agree on getting dumplings?”

“You’re the one who told me you wanted the pan-fried dumplings, that, was why I’d bought them!”, his face also turned colors.

“Why do you always NOT get the message I’d sent?”, I could no longer hold down my anger anymore, “Pan-friend dumplings are fried with oil, while dumplings are cooked with water, which one’s healthier?  If it were me, would I choose something that’s so unhealthy?”

“I distinctly heard you said that you hadn’t had pan-friend dumplings for a long time, so that, was why I’d stood in line, especially to buy them for you, if I’d gotten the dumplings, then, I wouldn’t have needed to stand in line!”, my husband looked so innocent.

“So, you’re the one who wanted it.”, I’d finally decoded his hidden messages, but I’d still felt fumed on the inside, “Do you NOT recall how many RED markings there were on your health exams?”  “Oh!  I’d bought it already, so, won’t you give it a rest already?”, my husband is now, getting annoyed.

Yeah!  It’s been such a long time, since I’d had those pan-fried dumplings, and, they smelled amazing, because of how hungry I was, I’d stopped grilling him.

I was naturally timid and feared the darkness, in the depth of the nights, after my husband went back to bed, I could still slouch up on the couch, to watch those late night soaps, naturally, it was because of the company of my dearly beloved husband.

If we dissected our lives, and analyzed everything, the conclusions we arrive at would be that “life is made up of the smaller matters of daily living”, same as in marriage.  Living this long, I’d already come to understand: we must tolerate how sometimes, we would misunderstand one another in communication, that there may be sparks from time to time, life would then, be happy, and our marriages, steady.

I’ came to bed, saw my husband already fast asleep, I felt more than comforted, I’d gotten closer to him, to snuggle, closed by eyes, and, deleted all the bad emotions for the entire day, one, by one.

This, is an example of NEVER going to bed angry, and, sometimes, even IF you’re married for a long time, there would still be misreading one another’s messages, and, at this time, great tolerances would be needed, to resolve the issues, like this woman had come to her senses on the matter, after all, the two of you are going for the long run together, aren’t you???

 

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Filed under Communications, Expectations, Family Matters, Interpersonal Relations, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Relationship

Is the Child’s Oversensitivity a Behavior Problem?

So this, is what the parents have to cope with, with a way-too-sensitive child at home, huh???  Translated…

“Your daughter is so very quiet—have you ever considered, taking her to the doctors?”

“Jody is so easily hurt.  If she sees that other children were picked on, she’d cried too.  When she’d heard sad stories, she’d cry.  We don’t know what to do with her.”

“Everybody in the kindergarten is eager to participate in group activities, but, your son just refused.  Is he also this stubborn at home too?”

Do these lines sound familiar?  Of course, these words can get to you, as if, your kid’s the one with the problems, but, your child has a keen sense of observation, shows a lot of care and concerns toward others, and is very sensitive.  You knew real well, that if you heed these words, forced him to get socialized, the child would be in a whole lot of pain.  And, if you go with the flow of your child’s personality characteristics, s/he might be well-off.  And still, as the same words keep coming up, you’d started doubting, whether or not you’re fitting as a parent, and that you might be responsible, for your child, behaving the way s/he does.

How to Education Children Who are Too Sensitive?

You feared, that you may be doing things wrong, worried that no one can help you.  You might have already realized, that most of the parenting books all talked about “behavioral problems”, such as getting agitated easily, distracted, rough, attacking.  From this angle, there’s NOTHING wrong with your child.  There were NO mentions of the problems you’d encountered, eating problems, being too shy, nightmares, worries, and, strong emotional outburst, for no apparent reasons at all.  And, you couldn’t discipline your child using normal methods, even IF you’d just criticized her/him lightly, your child would have a complete meltdown.

The Words of Advice from the Experts:

When people tell you, that something IS wrong with your child, don’t believe them, and don’t LET your child believe them either.  Your child is UNIQUE, that, is not your fault.  Naturally, there would be room for improvement in parent-child interaction techniques, but, don’t ever believe that something IS wrong with you, or your offspring.

Based off of studies, fifteen to twenty percent of the children in the population are born naturally sensitive.  And, with this great number, it’s hardly “abnormal”.  Besides, in ALL the species that’s been studied, there are JUST as high records of individuals in the population that are this sensitive.  And, IF that, is the result of evolution, then, there MUST be a reason for it, we just can’t see it is all.

There are many evidence that suggests, that people who are highly sensitive are NOT necessarily shy, nor are they all neurotic OR anxious all the time, or even, depressed.  For some of the more sensitive members of the population, these emotional responses are caused by environmental stimuli, NOT inborn traits.

What, is a Heightened Level of Sensitivity?

People who have a heightened level of sensitivity are more aware of the details in their surrounding environment, and, before they acted, they’d think, thoroughly first before they took the actions.  Whether it be adults or children, those who are sensitive usually have a higher level of empathy, more intelligent, has strong instincts, with creativity, more careful, with a lot of conscience.

They understood better, the result of their own actions, and so, they’re less willing, to do the wrong things.  They couldn’t cope well with higher volumes of sounds, or an influx of information coming to them at any given time.  They would avoid these stimuli, which makes them appear shy or distant from others.  If they couldn’t avoid the circumstances of being under too many stimuli, then, they’d become “difficult to deal with”, or “way too sensitive”.

Although those who are deemed more sensitive pay attention to the details more, but, they may not have a better sense of sight, hearing, taste, or smell.  But, there are those with a better ability in one of their sensory organs.  The key point here, is that when their brains processed the information, they do it more thoroughly.  Not just their brains, those who are deemed more sensitive also have a stronger spinal reflex too.  Their immune systems are more active, they are prone to develop allergic reactions to things.  Which means, that their bodies are designed, to understand and observe this world even MORE thoroughly.

So, just because your kid cries a lot, or wouldn’t play in groups, PARENTS and TEACHERS, that still doesn’t mean that there IS something wrong with the kid, something IS wrong, with Y-O-U, stupid adult, who work so totally FUCKING (oopsy!!!) hard, to FIT all those little ones, inside just ONE square, but hey, some of us are rectangles, triangles, rhombi, circles, along with an ASSORTMENT of shapes AND sizes, and, we still DON’T just FIT properly to the “norm” (whatever THAT is!!!), so STOP trying to FIT your young INTO certain boxes, and just love them for the way that they are, after all, they still did NOT ask to be BROUGHT to the “outside world”, you two ADULTS are the ones to have FUCKED, and, out still popped???  Oh yeah, those “pretty little MISTAKES” of yours, remember?  Uh, YEAH, and, D-U-H!!!

 

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A Man with Learning Disabilities Became a Grad Student, and Earned High Acclaims for His Thesis

A story that inspires, translated…

A student with disabilities doesn’t necessarily have difficulties learning, the forestry graduate school student from Chongxing University, Chen made all F’s in his elementary years, but, he’d overcome his own learning disabilities, and became the very FIRST student with disability who managed to get into the graduate department of a public university.

Yun-Shen Cheng is in his second year of his master’s program, he’d studied in Chongxing University for five years, he’d had learning disabilities since he was a child, difficulties with reading AND writing, as he’d read, he’d skipped words, lines, or go up and down, reverse the word orders, and he’d often written down the wrong characters.  He said, that as he was learning to write, he’d added strokes, or not had enough strokes to a character, and, it’d angered his school instructors to punish him to write the characters one-hundred times, made him feel bad, thinking that he won’t master his studies, causing him to feel a low sense of self-esteem.

Until in the sixth grade he was taken to the doctor, the doctor did some tests on him, and found, that there was something wrong with the signaling of his neurons, causing his reading disabilities, and he’d gone into a year’s worth of group therapy for it; in middle school, he’d gotten the accommodations, to allow him to take longer on his examinations, that the instructors wouldn’t deduct him on writing the characters wrong, that, was when he was able to, slowly, improve on his grades.

But, he’d still feel uneasy inside, not knowing what the learning disability was, and that if his grades improving now was real.  Until he’d entered into Kaohsiung Middle School, and worked with a doctor, psychiatrist, as well as his school teachers, and a series of tests, he’d finally know what was happening with himself, and learned to slowly, and completely, accept himself as is.

Cheng is the very first student with reading difficulties who’d entered into Chongxing University, after he’d entered the school, the school held a meeting, to help all the professors in his major, to understand his condition, especially on how as the professors graded his examinations, they wouldn’t pick out the characters he’d written wrong on; and a lot of his classmates who knew of his condition would help tutor him, to review over the reports he’d written, to check for characters that were written wrong.

Cheng said, he is more than lucky, that in his studies, he’d met a ton of people who were willing and able to help him out, but he believed, that the biggest advantage he has is in expressing his own disability, telling others that he needed the assistance, “letting others know why I needed their help, that way, others would know more about me, and accept me more.”

Cheng planned on getting into the forestry department of the government, or the environmental branches in the future, or to work for a private sector, to test out the quality of water, or to work for an environmental program and such.

He’d often gone to the learning disabilities association, to share with others, his process of learning, hoped that he could help out those who are going through the difficulties as he’d done.

And so, because this young man’s conditions weren’t discovered earlier, in his earlier schooling careers, his teacher mistook him as being awful, but, he never gave up on finding the answers to his own life, and now, he’s bringing about more awareness of the conditions that he was faced with to the world, in hopes, that it can raise more awareness, and help more people in the process.  He had, turned his disabilities into an advantage, used his own life story as an example, to encourage others.

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