Tag Archives: Mate Selection

Class, Let’s Go Find Us Some Girls


Back in school, a group of us, hormone-raging boys getting together, and the topics of our discussion are already on girls, and, the conclusions of our discussions are always, “I want to get me a girl!”.  And, we can’t EVER get that innocent mindset of our seventeenth year back again, the girls are so leisurely, like creatures from another planet, what, are they all thinking of?

And now, my daughter is in college, plus I’d taught for over twenty years, my female students would often share with me what’s on their minds, and, I’d finally learned, that most of the boys had missed the BUS.

A very good looking, and economically well-off female student, after she had a rough marriage, she’d sighed, “If I’d only had the wisdom on mate selection, then, my life will not get stuck here.”

“If you can have your youth to do over again, what qualities would you look for in a man?”, I was curious.

With a daughter already, past age thirty, the female student said, with this set tone of voice, “Someone who gives habitually.”

“The habit of giving?”

“Yes, I worked with my ex, he’s good looking, I felt, that he was someone I could rely on, but, I didn’t expect, that he’d be so selfish to give to me.”

“But, before you wed, guys usually mask up their bad qualities, how would you be able to tell, if he’s the giving kind?”

“Teacher, I’d found that you can watch his interaction with his friends, a selfish man wouldn’t have that many real friends, after I wed, I’d realized, that my ex had only coworkers, and, he had barely, NO friends he could talk to.”

Last week, as I’d gone to visit my wife’s eldest sister, both families, with college age girls, we’d started talking about mate-selection, my eldest sister-in-law mentioned a similar standard to what my female student mentioned—look at how he’s getting along with his families.  “A guy who is hovered over by his kin probably couldn’t keep a good relationship with his wife later on, because his wife becomes his closest of kin.”, my wife’s eldest sister-in-law continued, “people are creatures of habit, a person who’s used to being looked after couldn’t start looking after someone else after s/he wed.”

I’d recalled the four brothers that we are, of my third eldest, he’s the most hardworking, although he was diagnosed with cancer, but, after he’d returned to the workforce, he was able to attract my third sister-in-law who’s quite good looking and a great catch.  Later on, the two of them worked together, started up a company of their own, and now, they own four separate companies.  Turns out, that the good habits of your younger years, not only will they feed to the blessings from work in the future, it could also help you find the love that lasts for life.

My college age girlfriend is now, taken up with a boy, my wife asked me why I’m not at all worried, I’d smiled and answer, “I had done my ‘investigation’, that boy had gone to work at construction sites with alongside his dad, he’d helped built the MRT stations in Taipei too, plus, he’s very kind toward his families, and my heart is at ease with this kind of habitually giving to others kind of guy.”

Of course, a love that allows people to give their lives for, is a never-ending coursework in life, my daughter, as well as my own student, they both have a long way to go.  But, as a father, and a teacher too, I’d hoped, that the male students won’t keep making the same mistakes when they were younger.  Life is a long and winding river, with enough energies saved up, it will surely, merge with another huge river, and the energy that’s accumulated is not the brand new hairstyle, but the ability to help do the dishes without being asked, or to not slack off during cleaning time in school.

So, men, who are looking to find the ladies, the next time the bell rings for the cleaning period, don’t just fall flat at your seats, DO pick up those brooms and dustpans, and run to your designated cleaning area, because the girls are waiting, for a man, who can shoulder up his responsibilities.

So, this one teaches you H-O-W to observe someone, from the smallest perspectives, and, what better place is there, to examine someone for who he really is, at his own home, after all, you’re most comfortable at home, and, that, is when everything that’s BAD about you shows, and, it is important, to watch the interactions of someone with her/his family, but that, would still NOT be the primary or KEY determinant of how good a man he is, consider every single aspect there!

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Filed under Gender Roles, Interpersonal Relations, Issues on Gender, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Maturation, Observations, Relationship

Turning the Original Methods of Mate Selection Upside Down

Observations from the workforce, translated…

Recently, there were two girls from my office who’d managed, to turn the original views of mate selection upside down.  Both young women just graduated from college not long ago, one works in couture design, the other, in computer drawings, they’re both beautiful, intelligent, and hard working at the same time.

Both young women had steady boyfriends, one of them was already discussing the matter of marriage with her boyfriend already.  Their boyfriends, one is a plumber, the other, works in fixing up the houses at a construction site.

We’d thought that the boyfriends of these two girls were white collars who sat at office, none of us realized, that they were so practical, on their views of marriage.  We’d heard, that working as plumbers and construction workers are hard, but, the wages are high, enough, to sustain a small family.

There was an older woman at the office who’d stated it so humorously, “although they’re blue collars, but, having a viable skill beats dressing up well, earning a 22K salary!”

And so, this, is what these two young women had chosen for their partners, they both worked as white collars, and so, people would imagine that they’d date someone who’s also white collar, but they’d dated manual workers instead, because they believed, that having a viable skill, is more important than being able to make a 22K salary, and, this, is the right kind of values that these two young woman has.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Life, Marriages, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values

Marry While You’re Still Young

So, as men age, they’d become MORE valuable, but as we women age, we become more WORTHLESS, is that it???  translated…

My college classmate, Chien is a beauty inside AND out, plus she’d taken extra care of herself, even though she’s a cougar of mid-forties, approaching her fifties, there’s still NO tracks of time on her face.  Her headshots were posted on Facebook, she looked like one of the younger girls, and we called her, the “Frozen-in-Age Beauty”.

But, this beauty had it hard in love, after she’d ended one bad marriage, although she was involved with someone, for over a decade, but in the end, because the man had NO intentions of starting a family or marrying, it was over.  Even though, Chien had NO more expectations for her romantic life, but recently, because her mother showed extreme care and concern over it, she’d still gone to the matchmaking set up by her mother.

“The man is a professor, he was more than satisfied already when he saw my pictures, but when he’d heard about my age, he’d backed out!”

On a gathering of friends, Chien told us the story of what had happened in this set up, then, she’d added another, “He worried that I won’t be able to reproduce, but with the medical advances, I might still be able to, who knows?  Plus, I may NOT be at all, into him either!”

We can all get, that this last sentence from her was out of anger, but it’d also stressed how in looking for a partner in marriage, men and women DO have the tendencies to focus on what they see, and that’s caused the gender inequality.

Seeing how there are a TON of ladies around me, just like Chien, good looking, with great abilities in work, but, they’d waited, and waited, for so very long, for Mr. Right to show up; and, looking at the men in the same age group, even IF they’re already wide in the center regions, they can still get younger girls to fall for them, for instance, there was a forty-five year-old male friend of mine who’d just become a father recently, and his wife is ten years his junior.

And, there was another “older brother level” man who works in the same industry as I, because he never gave up on having children, so, even as he’s passed fifty, he’d still sought out younger, beautiful ladies, and doesn’t accept the ladies who are more mature in age, and so, year after year, he’d wasted them all away.  Seeing how there are so many older males and females around me who are sighing right now, all I can say, is, “Do get married when you’re still young.”

And once again, you still see this GENDER inequality, and it’s still ALL because of our biological make up differences, because as we women approach midlife, our reproductivity slows, and, while you losers are still able to “reproduce”, so, you are seeking out younger, more vibrant ladies, who many only BE into your money.

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Filed under Discriminations, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Properties of Life, Social Issues, Socialization

My Mother Found a Great Man to Marry


My father is a “blue chip” stock in all the neighbors’ eyes, other than how he took care of the family, he is also extremely caring toward my mom.  Since I could recall, he’d been the cook in our house, took care of ALL the other household chores as well, and on the weekends, he’d taken my mom out traveling, to go sightseeing everywhere.

But, do not, for one second, mistakenly believe, that my mother had my father on a tight leash either, actually, my father is a traditional classic, Chinese macho man.  Everything that happens in the house, is based off of my father’s opinions, but the traditional female role in the house, my father shouldered up gladly for my mom’s sake.  He’d often said, that back when he’d married mom, he was a poor man, with NOTHING in his pockets, and he was not at all romantic, and didn’t work hard enough to impress her.  My mother was willing to marry him, worked alongside him for thirty years, even though, they’re NOT rich right now, but they don’t need to worry about their next meals; and even though, we are NOT outstanding, none of us is a huge success, but we didn’t need him to worry at all.

And so, at his current age, if he didn’t spoil his wife, who is he to spoil?  His wife is the number one on his list!  Even us all, the kids, we come in second.  No wonder we’d all said that my mother’s found herself a blue chip, my father is like a stock that couldn’t catch too much attention, so my mother “bought” him at a low price, and now, the interests per year is still on the increase, and my mother’s living off easy.

And so, that just shows, that the flash and the thrills should NOT be what you’d considered in a marriage, someone who’s ordinary might work better, someone who’s got the working skills, who has a good heart is worth WAY more than those men who can bring in a TON of money.

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Filed under Connections, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Values