Tag Archives: Loss

I’m Going to Lose You

I’m going to lose you, and I know, that it’s coming real soon too…
I’m going to lose you, whether or not I want to, or I’m ready to, it is, the inevitability of life itself, as you’d grown old, and frail.

I’m going to lose you, and I can’t deal with it right now, and so, I don’t, because I need time, to deal with the fact, that I’ll be losing you soon.

I’m going to lose you, but I don’t want to, I’m not ready to, you’d been by my side for nearly fifteen years now, and, I can’t just say goodbye, because I love you oh, so very much, but, I AM, going to lose you, and I know it!!!

I’m going to lose you, and it’s still NOT up to me to know when, any day now, I suppose, you’ll be taken from me, I’d told myself, that I wouldn’t cry, but, I’m not sure I can do that, after all, losing the ones you loved is very hard on your heart and soul………

I’m going to lose you, whether or NOT I like it, whether or NOT I’m ready to, so, I should better, get a move on, so the impact of your death won’t be as hard as I’d anticipated it would be.





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Filed under Old Age, On Death & Dying

Seeing You There, Lying, on that Icy, Cold Slab…

They call it “closure”, but, to us, your family, HOW, is seeing you there, lying, on that icy, cold slab closure?

Seeing you there, lying, on that icy, cold slab, I cried over your lifeless body, and I’d asked W-H-Y?  Why did you take your own life?  Is it because of how unaccepting this world is to people like you?

Seeing you there, lying, on that icy, cold slab, my heart stopped, and, I felt my life, got knocked OUT of me, and then, I felt like a part of me had died…

Seeing you there, lying, on that icy, cold slab, I felt this heart wrenching pain, then, I fainted, and, when I came to, I got tubes, sticking inside of my skin.

Seeing you there, lying, on that icy, cold slab, there was NOTHING more I can do for you, but to accept, that this, was your choice, to choose to “go away”, leaving us, the living, with insurmountable pain…………

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Filed under Despair, Lives Lost, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss

The Funeral of Childhoods

We got up, dressed in black…

We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss, of childhoods, now, we don’t know HOW they all died, it seemed, as though they’d joined a CULT, and committed a group suicide together, and in the morning when we woke, we’d found them gone, taken from our sides.

The funeral of childhoods, because we did NOT give ourselves enough time, to MOURN for the losses of it.  After all, with the death of our childhoods, gone are the innocence, the carefree days that we ran wild and free through the fields in the back of our minds, and, NO more daydreaming either!!!

So, the death of childhoods should BE mourned, and, the mourning will NEVER be completed, because throughout the remaining years of your lives, you’d get reminded, from time to time, H-O-W your childhoods were MURDERED, stripped from you, yanked away from your hands.

And so, it’s with this heavy heart inside, and deepest sorrow, mixed in with insurmountable regret, that I’d called you all up, from the medical examiner’s office, for you to come down to the station, to identify the DEAD bodies of your separate childhoods………







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Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Innocence Lost, Murder, Philosophies of Life

The News of His Death

The news of his death, it shocked EVERYBODY, I mean, he was still very young, at the prime of his life, his career just took off too, then, WHAM!!!  Came the news of his death.

The news of his death, he didn’t deserve to die in such a horrid way at all, he was a good man, but, apparently, fate didn’t see him as the good man we all knew.

The news of his death, it hit me, really hard, we were childhood playmates, we grew up in the same neighborhoods, I got out, while he stayed behind, and, we’d lost touch over the years, but, we’d still chatted on the phones every now and then.

And now, I’m HIT, with the news of his death, and, I rushed back home, to his funeral, to pay him my final respects, and, sitting there, as the funeral processions went on, it felt surreal, it’s like he wasn’t at all gone, oh no.

The news of his death, he’d died, too young, he has such a bright future ahead of him too, then, he was diagnosed with a terminal illness, and, he just withered away, and now, we, all of his friends since the very start of his life gathered up, to give him ONE last show, as we are all a part of a band from our schooling days, and, his funeral was what brought the group back together again.

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Filed under Life, Lives Lost, Writing

Spend These Last Days

He will be spending these last days in peace, just waiting for death to come claim him, he has NO regrets, he’d lived a full life, but for the rest of us, we still felt that time is running out.

Spend these last days, how will you?  Will you start looking back, and see ALL the faults of your ways, and, you’d be reminded of the mistakes you’d made, and you still couldn’t make it all right again, because time HAD passed.

Spend these last days, I will, accompany you, my love, you will NOT be alone, I will be holding your hands, as the angels’ come and claim you, and then, you’d be able to leave your ill body behind, and finally, be F-R-E-E.

Spend these last days, I am NOT going to spend these last previous days with you, CRYING my eyes out, because losing you IS an inevitability.  Spend these last days, having fun with you, because I WILL make it my goal, to give you the BEST time of your life, NO matter how short it will be.

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Filed under Despair, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, On Death & Dying

A Series of Misfortunes

Let’s see, you still have???  Oh yeah, over a MILLION chance of it hitting you here, translated…

She’d calmly described what had happened, NOT too long ago, in the death of her own son, and we were all stumped, on what to say, to try to console her.

She is very popular, in her group of friends, everybody loved her, because she’s understanding, kind, helpful to others, with a GREAT deal of tolerance for others.

After she wed, she’d had two kids, her son fell very ill at the tender age of twenty, seen a TON of doctors, visited a TON of temples, the parents tried EVERY way to make him better, but, NONE of their methods proved to be fruitful.  After years, he was diagnosed as having a mental disorder, and needed to be on medication for the rest of his life.

Afterwards, she’d passed her days in working, taking care of the household, taking her son to treatments, in a few short years, she’d ended the marriage with her husband, then, she took her kids, and they became all each other had, even though, the pressures of life is really great, she’d still held on to her optimism, with a sense of strength, to pass it all, and she’d gotten a TON of praises from her friends for it too.

Awhile ago, her son was out with his friends, and got into a car wreck, lost his life.  She’d gotten through his funeral, but, as she was sorting through his belongings, she finally melted down.  She said, that the child was really gentle and kind, had accompanied her for multiple years, how could it be, that in just a short time, they’d become separated by the heavens?  She knew, that she must live, for her other son, but, recalling the life of the son who’d died, or when she’d seen similar reports on the news, she couldn’t stop her tears from overflowing.

As strong as she, she’d still need a shoulder, but gladly, everybody gave her her/his care and concerns and warmth, hoping that the smiles will shortly return to her, and I hope, that in a short while, we’ll all hear her laughter again soon.

Losing a child is NEVER easy, especially after you’d raised him up, and, this woman had a difficult life already, and now, she must carry forth, with this LOSS inside her heart, and one can and will NEVER get over the death of one’s own offspring, you can only cry when you feel like it, and mourn, I know, because I’d lost MY daughter too here!!!

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Filed under Burying One's Own Child, Despair, Translated Work

Outlived Everybody

This, is what you’re destined to do, because of what you’d done to me, and, you had already MURDERED all of your children, and that, is not my problem.

You had outlived everybody, and you have a T-O-N of physical ailments yourselves, but, your pulse is still very strong, because your heart doesn’t give out yet. 
Outlived everybody, until there’s NO one left but you, and that, will be the WORST kind of lonely, not having anyone you cared about care for you.

Outlived everybody, this, will be what will happen, because I had outlived my own flesh-and-blood, as she had become this death inside my left fallopian tube since 2009, and, we’re currently “walking towards” 2012 here…

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Filed under Loneliness/Solitude, Writing

Letter of Apology to My Nonexistence Child

Dear Baby Em,

This is your mommy, I am so sorry that I can’t have you, because this world is just way too hard and I can’t get through to your grandfather, and I refuse to bring you into this world under the circumstances, I know that you will forgive me, because none of this is and has ever been our faults.

I am so sorry for this stupid adult world, it is what had killed us all, it has no impact on my love for you, I was supposed to have you, but I can’t, and I won’t, because I need to protect you, the way that they had done me. 

I will, however, treasure you in my heart, no matter what, because I already love you oh so much, and this is a loss that I will never overcome, but it is for the best, and mommy’s still okay, so…

The real reason behind me not wanting to have you is because I am NOT going to put you through the hell that your grandparents had put me through, you were supposed to have a way better life than I, and now, I can’t even have you anymore…but it would be best for all of us if you never made it, and I will forever mourn your “death”, until I die.

Saw myself teaching you to be a gracious host, handing out candy at Halloween, going Christmas caroling, entertaining all my friends…

Love, Your mommy

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Filed under Miscelaneous

The Worst Thing About Being Gone

The worst thing about gone is that it’s never coming back…

The worst thing about gone is the ones who are left behind, the ones who had survived, now, they’d have to deal with the guilt, because they’re still alive while the ones that they cared about or even loved aren’t.

The worst thing about gone is how abruptly gone takes the ones you loved and cared about away, without a sign first, so we can all be prepared, oh no, it just PULLED the plugs on you, and, WHAM, you’re among the D-E-C-E-A-S-E-D.

And that, is still NOT the worst part about gone, oh no, the worst part about gone is living WITH the loss, knowing what you’d done (still NOT to me!!!), knowing how you couldn’t save the ones you cared about, that they had DIED because of something you had done, that, would be the worst part of G-O-N-E…

The worst thing about gone, is that you ain’t NEVER (you DO know the meaning of that word, don’t you???) getting whatever’s lost B-A-C-K, you can cry, you can WHINE, you can even bargain with your separate GODS, but hey, NOBODY’s gonna hear ya, and, you’re left, ALL alone in this icy, cruel, COLD world to deal with whatever it was that you’d brought UPON yourselves!!!

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Filed under Miscelaneous