Tag Archives: Living Will

Farewell

The thoughtfulness of your mother, for setting UP her own, final affairs, as she knew you would have, more than enough on your plates, when she passes away, translated…

I want the Chinese traditional dress from Longdee!  Don’t forget it”.  My mother told me, with careful thought.  I’d watched T.V., with no mind on her, ranting.  I’d come home once in a long, long, long while, and you feared that I might forget, and so, you’d, reminded me, again, and again, of the after-death, how you wanted the white flowers at your funeral, the photo, the one of you as the head chair of the society, to select the traditional Chinese dress at the mall counters, let alone, you’d already, bought a slot for your urn already.  I’d always thought you worried too much, you’d only begun to use insulin to keep your diabetes under control.

Then, the wound from the skin peel off of your toes, left you scared for more than a year, you’d no longer dared to walk, not to mention, head outside.

“I’d not accounted for the cost of the hired nurse yet,” you’d sighed.

“We’ll pay for it, then, sell off that smallest house, you already own so many properties already!”

“No, that one’s for you!”

I can’t understand you.

“You’re already, immobilized, make yourself more comfortable, that’s, the task now!  Take a cab when you go out, don’t save up on this, go visit with your girlfriends, it’s way better than staying cramped up at home!”

Your health deteriorates by the day.  The first time you got lifted to the E.R., you’d ushered my younger brother to send out your DNR.  Your dialysis left the accumulation of fluids in your systems, you’d insisted not going to the hospital, said that in a few days, you will be like the elderly woman next door, die on her own, at home, I’d begged you, who was clearly, in a whole lot of pain, gotten down on my knees, then you’d, finally allowed the paramedics to move you, onto the ambulance.  As you went in, the doctor said you’re about to go into shock, wanted me to sign you treatment slip, I’d told, that you want the do-not-resuscitate orders, the physician got angered, and asked, “then why did you come to the hospital?”  Tears came running, and I was left, without, any, replies.

illustration from UDN.com

圖/豆寶

Several months later, you’d left, without, disturbing anyone.  An elder had already been told, that we were to get reminded to find that handwritten last will of yours in your room.  You’d written out how the assets would be split up, and how you were, more than grateful for my younger brother’s taking care of you, worried that our older brother has the pressures of mortgage, that was why you’d left him the shopfront, and insisted that your daughters who were married all have a share of your assets.  And we also found the four extra developed copies of the family photo, with the names of the three of us, sons and daughter and our father on it, for us to keep.

I’d prepared your favorite foods and drinks on the forty-nineth day after you died, and you were happy, and allowed us to know how pleased you were.  On the way home, I’d asked my two kids what I liked to eat, and they couldn’t tell.  And it’d, suddenly dawned on me, because you knew we didn’t know you that well, that’s why you’d, made the specifications; to not get us off our guards, you’d needed to, set everything up beforehand; worried that those of us who are still here might be distraught, you’d, found ways, to offer us the solace.

Your love, my mother, still never let go, until, your, final, moment in life!

And so, this, is the considerations of your elders, because losing your mother would hit hard, and she knew it, and so, your mother had, set everything up, and all you and your siblings, your loved ones had to do, is to, just follow her instructions, that, is the thoughtfulness of your elders, toward you.

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Filed under Life, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life

Leaving One Last Play Behind

An example of how to set up, one’s own, final assets, regarding the divisions of inheritances, and one’s own, final care too!  Translated…

In the past, we were, coworkers, AND rivals too.  I’d, hated how she’d, talked trash about me in her conversations, but I couldn’t, help but feel in awe at how swiftly she’d, handled the matters at work, or how she was able to, realize something way before the rest of us had.  I’ll admit, I’m, a bit jealous of her.  After I’d, left my former place of work, I’d heard, that she’d, switched to working in another company too, and had even, gotten promoted to a manager.  Thanks to the internet, it’d, connected us again, and we’d, started, talking sporadically, about the things that are of, no important, matters.

Not long ago, she’d asked me out for coffee, out of curiosity, I’d, agreed.  The day we met up, she’d, lost a ton of weight, and, her eyes were, a whole lot, softer too.  She’d told me she was now, retired, I’d, prodded, “Would your boss let you go?  Wasn’t he the least bit afraid, that nobody will, fill your shoes?”, she’d smiled and told me, “he had to, because, which business owner wanted, to keep a cancer patient on the payroll?”, I felt that shock inside.  Turned out, she’s been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, the third stage.  She’d told her oncologist, that she won’t be going through the extensive treatment measures, only keeping her pain controlled, during this time period, she’d first shown gratitude toward her older brother and sister-in-law, to tell her only daughter that she loves her, that on the road of single parenthood, her daughter, was her one and only, biggest console; and lastly, she thought, of me, wanted to apologize to me, that from when we’d worked together, she’d always, talked trash because she’d, envied how perfect my family is, and how everybody in the office got along with me so well………..

I didn’t know what to say to her, and, all the encouragements, and words of console seemed, excess and unnecessary.  So I’d asked her, if she’d, set up her final affairs?  For instance, the most practical, transferring her assets, the properties and the cash too, I was so certain, that it was to dodge the inheritance taxes, she’d, totally have, already, transferred the money to her daughter’s accounts, but that was, not what, she’d done.  Other than giving partial of her assets to her daughter, she’d, donated some to charitable causes, and, saved some for herself, including the property she now, lives in.  I was so curious, as to why she’d, saved some for herself?  She’d told me she wasn’t, a stingy person, although she’s, dying, but how much longer will she be, around?  The doctor’s verdicts may not be, absolute, she’d hoped, that she could, walk her final mile in someplace familiar, her own, home, and, during this time, she would, need to, spend the money to care for her self, she’d, needed, to hire a nurse to take care of her, that she’d, needed, to take good care of herself in illness.  If she didn’t die, she’d not wanted to, rely on her daughter to help her live, although, the money her daughter has, were once, from her too, but she’d, transferred the money to her daughter’s name, and, it’s, no longer, owned by her.  She’d also told me, “I’d given my child so much, what’s a little inheritance tax on her part?”, it’d, made my heart shocked, such a different sort of parent, this was, the way, for a win-win.

As the shop was, about to close, we’d, asked the waiter to take a photo of us together, we’d said goodbye.  She’d told me, to not ask around about her then, she wouldn’t have any final rites, that tonight, was the last time we’ll, ever meet up.  She’d told me, “I want you, to remember me as right now!”

On the MRT, I’d, looked, at that photo of us, I’d, thought about what she’d said about her “saving a part of her own assets for herself”, I’d felt, that she was, a role model, for how all parents should, set up the inheritances to give to their young, she’d been, an, amazing competitor, whom I’d, learned, a whole lot from that’s for sure!

And so, this, was how well-thought-out this woman was, of planning her own final affairs, she’d, made sure that her daughter will be, taken care of, and, used the amount after she’d set aside for her own daughter’s sake, to donate to charity, and, saved another portion for herself for her own, final care, that way, she wouldn’t become a burden to her own young, and she’d, still, managed, to leave her daughter with something, as well as, help those in need too.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Decision-Making, Expectations, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, the Finality of Life, Values