Tag Archives: Living Through the Pains and Angers

I Kept Remembering…

I kept remembering, how you’d left me, when I was a child, just like that, you’d pushed me aside from you, and, I needed you so, you were (but NOT anymore!!!) my mother!

I kept remember, the moments where I was hurt by you, and, I wake up, every single day, reliving this nightmare I desperately tried to wake myself up from.  I kept remembering, everything EVIL you’d done to me, how you’d hurt me, with your gentle caresses, and how I’d screamed out in pain, even though, your touches were too light to be felt at all.

I kept remembering, those moments of the past I’d suppressed, and now, I’m doubting myself, because, if those memories are real, then, why did they NOT show up from before?  And why N-O-W?  What’s WRONG with me!!!

I kept remembering, how you’d hurt me, over, over, over, AND over again, and how helpless I’d felt, because of how young I was, and, all I could do, was to take my angers out onto my dolls, and, I’d RAPED them, hurt them bad, then, kissed them, caressed them, in my arms, as I cried those tears of guilt, of remorse, just as I’d seen you do…………

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Coping Mechanisms, Messed Up Values, Scapegoating, Suppressed Memories, The Doll Corner, Vicious Cycle