Tag Archives: Learned Helplessness

Too Scared to Tell…

We were, too scared to tell the truth, because NOBODY’s gonna take our words over theirs, after all, they’re, respected, by the community, and, we’re, just nobodies…and besides, who’s gonna believe us?  They’d probably say, that we’re just, looking for attention is all, but, we really aren’t, it REALLY happened.

Too scared to tell, because he was in a position of power, and, he’d used that against her, he’d manipulated her into believing what’d happened, was ALL her fault, when he was, actually the one to blame.

Too scared to tell, that, was how she grew up, and, even though, she’s no longer threatened now, she still chose, to keep her lips sealed, because nobody’d believed her before, why should they start to believe her now?  Too scared to tell, it’s NO use, nobody CAN help her out, and so, she must, weather through the abuse from someone she trusted, with her life, and, the betrayals are not just from him to her, but also, from her, to herself as well…

Too scared to tell, as nobody had ever believed anything she told, from that very first time when her daddy came into her bedroom when she was in her younger years, she DID tell her mama, and, her mama didn’t believe her, and, when she’d told her mama again, her mama got real mad, and that, was how alone she’d felt growing up, and now, she’s all grown up, she’s still being victimized, as she’d learned, to become, helpless.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abusing Someone's Trust, Awareness, Being Exposed, Bullying, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Early Exposures, Rapes, Rationalization, Sexual Assaults, sexual misconducts, White Picket Fence

Helpless, a “Learned” Response

Getting RE-active here!!!

Helplessness became a learned “response”, because, in your earlier days, (and yes, this still dates WAY back into your own childhood years!!!), those two PRIMARY attachment figures FAILED miserably at what they’re supposed to do, for whatever reasons there may have been, how the HELL should I know???

So, you’d learned, to feel helpless, and, this “shadow” from your earliest interactions with the world (and, there are still just THOSE two “characters” in a child’s world, remember???), will tag along behind you, even AS you’d become an “adult”, and, you’re MORE than likely, to seek out whatever it is that you’d lacked, whether it was love, being cared for, etc., etc., etc., in people you come across.

Helpless, a “learned” response, once you’d learned to be helpless, you will NEVER, ever, EVER be able to, help yourselves, solve YOUR own issues, problems, or WHATEVER, because you’d gotten used to, having someone, to come to your rescues, and, you’re totally, SCREWED!!!

Helplessness, a “learned” response, and, once it’s been learned, it simply, can’t BE unlearned, just like Little Albert, do you think he’d EVER gotten OVER that FEAR that those god DAMN unethical scientist had, conditioned him to fear?  Heck no, he probably carried that fear of RATS that he could NO longer recall where he’d picked THAT up from, all the way, into his adulthood years.

Helplessness, a “learned” response, just like how EASY it would be, to condition (as in operant/classical/aversive???) someone, to RE-act to something, OR someone a certain way, and, once that condition is SET, it would be, NEXT to impossible, to make the response EXTINCT!

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization, Theories & Applications

So Many Tragic Tales of the World…

There are, just an INFLUX, of tales of someone’s tragic life that bombard us every second of every single day, and sometimes, we’d feel this, emotional OVERLOAD, because the things we “bore witness to” secondhand are just, way too GOD DAMN painful.

So many tragic tales of the world today, what, do we do?  Do we all feel so much sorrow, for the families who’d lost someone to something tragic, do we, donate money to the causes?  What, do we do?  More than likely, we’ll all, CRY about it, if not, at least, we’d feel, somewhat, EMPATHIC over these BAD things that’s occurred right now, and, after that nanosecond of our empathies gets “spent”, then, we’d, TOSSED it all, behind us, and became, once again, SELF-CENTERED, and SELF-ABSORBED.  That, is what, is likely to happen, after all, all these tragic things you are bearing witness to right this moment will quickly, become, nothing MORE than JUST yesterday’s news, which makes it OLD!

So many tragic tales of the world, and, there’s still NOTHING, that you, or even I, can do, to PUT an end to it all, after all, we’re NOT Almighty, are we?  Nope, and besides, we each, have our own problems, getting along with the family, managing our marriages, etc., etc., etc., and, we forgot, the VALUES, one by one……….

So many tragic tales of the world, and, did you do everything you possibly could, to bring about awareness, to TRY to prevent these awful thing from happening?  Did you, already, DO your part?  And, what IF everything you’d given, still isn’t, QUITE enough, then, how, will you, adjust to that mentally?

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Helping Behaviors, Interactions Shared with the World, Issues of Morality, Issues of the Society, Life, Moral Responsibilities, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Socialization, The Observer Effect

Losing You to Dementia

I’m still fighting this W-A-R that I will NEVER have the chance of winning, NOT when the “enemy” is so horrific like dementia.  During the earlier stages, the medications, the classes I took you to seem to slow down the progression of the illness, but, since you’d become severely demented, NOTHING seemed to work, NO magical pill to make the symptoms of forgetting go away, you just can’t remember anything anymore.

Losing you to dementia, it hurts, real bad, just by thinking about it, that one day, you will forget about me completely, and yet, I’m burdened with the memories of you, that, is just UNFAIR, and I tried hard, real hard, separating myself from that, but I couldn’t, how can I just sever the ties?  You ARE my mother!

Losing you to dementia, there’s NO way out, as we’re BOTH trapped, inside this hard-to-manage labyrinth, and, you are sitting still, while I keep on bumping into those HARD walls, getting so many bruises, trying to get you back again…

The battles’ been fought, and WON, by D-E-M-E-N-T-I-A, and, dementia WILL have Y-O-U one day, and the war’s been lost, by ME, in my attempts, to try to get you back, and, I’d just felt more and more frustrated by the day!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Family Matters, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Old Age, Relationship, Trends, Values, Vicious Cycle

Until You Crossed that Finish Line

Until you crossed that finish line, the clock will keep on ticking, ticking, ticking, driving you N-U-T-S!!!  Until you crossed that finish line, the race is still ON, so, don’t even THINK about slacking off, as we will NOT tolerate any of that here.

Until you crossed that finish line, the race will NEVER be done, and the clock still runs, and, you will feel each and every second slip away from your grasps, and, you will feel panicky too.

Until you crossed that finish line, but, you can’t cross that finish line, because the race is already OVER, someone already ran passed the finish lines, and took home their first, second, third, AND fourth place trophies.

Until you crossed that finish line, the race will NEVER be completed, and you will forever run like that rat in that maze, which it had yet to master, keep bumping into walls, and, get misled into believing, that the exit’s at the turn on the next corner, but it isn’t, not really…

And, you’re NOT even running that RAT race, and you’d already become the R-A-T here, can you believe it?  Well, you’d better because, is that a RAT tail that grew out of your ass there???

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Filed under Despair, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Trends, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Childhood, Plagued by Shadows

This, was a childhood, plagued by shadows, and, that, would be precisely W-H-Y, he would NOT try to recall it, because he’d remembered how dark those shadows would get at nights, and, his voice got muffled up, and, NOBODY could hear him cry.

A childhood, plagued by shadows, you KNOW what I’m talkin’ ‘bout, like how Hansel & Gretel felt, when their DADDY ABANDONED them into the forest, left them to D-I-E, because his NEW wife didn’t want to keep the DEAD wife’s kids, she wants her own? Or, how Cinderella grew up, cleaning UP NOT only her own mess, but the messes of her stepmother, AND stepsisters?

A childhood, plagued by shadows, and, once those shadows get inside the bedrooms of children, well, they are NEVER going to get O-U-T from under, because those shadows, they WILL overpower you, they will keep you, submerged, and, you will NEVER see the light again…………

A childhood, plagued by shadows, you CAN’T shake it off now, those shadows from your childhood, they will NEVER leave your side, they will BE with you, (like the Force???) and, everywhere you’d turned, you’d see it, and, you’d feel that slow, suffocating sensation, KNOCKING the air out from your lungs.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Childhood, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Despair, Life, Lives Lost, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss, Murder, Observations, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Values, Vicious Cycle

A Child Lies Awake at Night

A child lies awake at night, listened, with her/his ears, GLUED to her/his bedroom walls, to hear her/his parents argue about whatever the HECK it was that they’re arguing about…

A child lies awake at night, s/he tossed, and turned, and the Sandman just isn’t coming by!!!  A child lies awake at night, hearing her/his mama cry, over her/his father’s infidelities and lies, and, the child couldn’t help the mommy feel better, for s/he is way too young, to do ANYTHING to help, and so, the child died, slowly, on the inside.

A child lies awake at night, holdin’ tight, to her Teddy bear, whispered her dreams of getting away from her parents one day.  The next morn, the child finds herself, in the body, of a GROWN up, and thinks to herself, I’m finally O-U-T!!!  But is she, really???

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Carelessness of Adults, Childhood, Growing Up Too Fast, Lives Lost, Loneliness/Solitude, Social Awareness

I Don’t Want to be the Eldest

The voice of the ELDEST child, translated, and, A-M-E-N to that!!!

If I could choose my own birth order, I would NEVER have chosen to be the firstborn.  Became my parents always believed, that my younger siblings are not old enough, that they couldn’t handle it.  When I was a child, I’d often complained to my parents, why I’m always the one, handling all the household chores, and my siblings are free from them?  And, no matter how many times I’d complained, their answers had always been, “You’re the eldest, you must take care of your younger siblings, stop being so calculating.”  And so, I’d ended up, handling ALL the household chores, and I’d kept my mouth shut, when issues like this had surfaced.

Back when I’d filled out my major in college, my first choice was English, but my parents insisted that I put down pre-law before English.  Their reason being, “You’re the eldest, you will get married, and start supporting the family, if you earned a law degree, then, you’d be able to find a good job, if you want to study the English majors, then, after you’d graduated from law school, then, you can.”  And so, I’d made myself live UP to their wishes.  I’d studied the boring and dried out law degree, as I watched my younger sibling, filled out the forms, with their areas of interests, and I’d become filled with envy.

During the time I was in grad school, I’d found this immense interest in the academics, I’d planned to go abroad to further my education, at which time, my family had started a shop.  And, I got rattled up inside, because I knew, I will be the only one to help out there.  Turns out that I was right on that too, as I was preparing for the TOEFL exams, my parents wanted me to help out.  I’d explained to them, “I must focus on my TOEFL exam, and make a very high grade, so I can get into a better school, if I am need, I can only come a day of the week.”

They’d replied, “We’d set up this shop, with you in mind, why can’t you just help out here first?  Why can you only come to help out one day of the week?”

A series of why, and the answers, are all the same, “because you’re the ELDEST”, I think, if I have an older sibling, I must be a HELL of a lot happier compared to I am now!

And this, is the problem of being THE firstborn, we NOT only are the EMOTIONAL punching bags between our parents, we’re ALSO the one, carrying out our parents unfulfilled dreams, and, they WILL use “excuses” like it’s ALL for you, to PUSH us, and because of our birth order, we’d been forced to become responsible, because we HAVE to take up the responsibilities we may NOT even BE ready for, starting very young…

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Filed under Childhood, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings