Tag Archives: In Need of a Trash Can

The Family Offering the Counseling Services

On filial interactions, translated…

My two younger cousins got married, one last year, one this year, and, their brides-to-be are both pregnant when they walked down the aisles, and so, in these two years, my uncle and aunt’s house had four extra members.

Originally, this would’ve been a very happy and blessed thing, but, because in the one-floor complex, the three families got crammed in, and so, the problems became complicated too.

My aunt would often pour her heart out to my mother, how there would be fights between her daughters-in-law often, causing the originally very close brothers to be at war too, the eldest daughter-in-law loved tattle telling on the younger daughter-in-law, and the younger daughter-in-law would pull on the older one’s legs, and the two of them had even “teamed up”, to fight against the mother-in-law. The constant arguments, the spats, made the household a mess, and, my uncle chose to make his escape, by moving to the countryside; my aunt, because she was in charge of taking care of the grandchildren, she could only stay behind, to “fight the wars alone”; and, my two younger cousins, because of economic troubles, they couldn’t move out and resolve their own difficulties.

When my aunt started taking trash about how bad her daughters-in-law were, my mother not only went along with her, she’d even added fuel to the already burning fire too.

I quickly interrupted my mother from the side, reminded that she must focus on the issues, and not make many personal attacks, but, how can I stop these two elders from getting into it? And, these two nearly old age ladies started getting into grilling the daughters-in-law, and they’re having too much fun at it.

The difference of the generations, and the values, it would certainly be hard, to get along, and, there was NO constructive conversation that flowed from my mother to my aunt, and it’s of NO help, to resolving the issues between my aunt and her daughters-in-law either. I’d wanted to nag my mother, but, when I saw my aunt’s gloomy face light up again, I’d turned my thoughts around—maybe, my aunt only needed a trash can; my mother’s bad family counseling, for my aunt, could give her just that, for my aunt, to have someone who can hear her out, and stand on her side, maybe, it could, indeed, help her feel better, and hopefully, resovle the issues she has with her daughters-in-law too.

And so, this woman was NOT looking for a resolution for her getting along with her daughters-in-law, she just wanted a place to DUMP her garbage, and, the mother had FUELED to the aunt’s anger, but, after they’re done ranting, the woman felt a WHOLE lot better, that just shows, that sometime, nothing needed to be done, and all you need to do, is to offer an ear, to someone’s troubles, and, it is JUST as effective as going to the shrinks too.

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Filed under Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Marriages, Translated Work, Values, Vicious Cycle

Listening

Translated…

After I’d retired, I should BE at home, playing with my grandchildren, and enjoying my elderly years. This thought came just in time.

In order to live, we must remain active, I’d gone to a nursing home in Taoyuan to volunteer, to help those who are ill.

At the beginning, I didn’t know HOW to communicate with those who were ill, and I’d become agitated. Later on, after a social worker told me how, I’d learned, to use “listening” in place of “giving advice.”

Once while I was on duty, a person diagnosed with depression came to sit at the front desk very abruptly, he’d started ranting about how he wanted to die, I was so totally confused. Even though I couldn’t grasp what he wanted me to do for him, I’d still used the mind of care and concerns, and heard him rant, for a total of an hour’s time.

After he’d poured out his heart, he left the nurse’s station with a lightness in his step. All of a sudden, it’d dawned on me, this, is life saving! I’m so very glad, that I can do my share for the world, I feel extremely glad.

And so, the patient only needed a “trash can” where he could dump HIS trash, and, because the person who wrote this couldn’t understand what the patient wanted, what kind of help he’d needed, he was able to just listen, and, after the patient poured HIS heart out, he’d felt a whole lot better, see, listening IS powerful, and, think of HOW many psychological illnesses CAN be eliminated, if we’d only listened more? And yet, we’re still NOT listening, to each other, and even ourselves, are you FUCKING (like I’d said!!!) kidding me???

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Attitude, Awareness, Changing Tracks, Communications, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Expectations, Healing Process, Helping Behaviors, Interpersonal Relations, Nonconformity, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Translated Work, Trends, Wake Up Calls