Tag Archives: Growing Up

Decision to Leave Home

This, is usually one of the HARDEST choices that someone is FORCED to make, because leaving home means no longer having that sense of stability provided for you anymore.

Decision to leave home, I was forced, to make, because I’m already eighteen, and, I need to be on my own, I couldn’t just keep on relying on my parents until I’m old, so yeah, I’d decided, to leave home.

Decision to leave home, now, before you “finalized” this decision, there’s still a TON of things you must consider: what, are the pros and cons of leaving home, and, are you ready, to face your own lives alone?  Along with other kinds of considerations that must be noted too.

Decision to leave home, we all must face, because, you can’t always and forever live underneath the protective wings of your parents, and, they WILL die, before you, you DO realize that, don’t you?  And so, it’s best, that you make this decision to leave home earlier, rather than later, because when you’re younger, you’d be better to adapt to the changes in the world, whereas if you’d left home later in life, you’ll have a HELL of a LOT harder a time, adjusting, to life, away from home.

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Filed under Life, Maturation, Perspectives, Values

Letting Go of Her Hand

I find it hard, perhaps, it’s because she’s my youngest, and, after she’d left my nest, there would be NO more children for me to look after??? Letting go of her hand, it was hard, I still remembered her first day of preschool, when I dropped her off, she’d clung on so tightly that I almost didn’t send her inside, but, I knew that it’s something she MUST go through on her own, so, yeah, I ushered her in, and promised that I will stay with her the entire morning, that she just needed to lift up her head, and she’d see me.

Letting go of her hand, she’d let go of mine, so, why am I still hanging on tight?  Perhaps, it’s how precious her childhood is, and, you only have your childhood to live once, and, once that’s gone, that’s G-O-N-E for good!  Letting go of her hand, I know I’ll have to one day, and, I will eventually give her hand to another man, and, no matter how unwilling I am of letting her go, I will have to, but, I will be happy for her, because she would’ve found a good man who love her, almost as much as I…

Letting go of her hand, I really don’t want to, she’s still a baby, but, she’s growing up that’s for certain, and, there’s no way of slowing her down, because I have NO way, of stopping time!!!

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Family Matters, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Maturation, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Trends, Values

Haunted by the Dreams of Her Childhood

Ever since Alice woke up, she’d been haunted by the dreams of her childhood.  She still remembered how the Queen of Hearts tried to DECAPITATE her, the way she’d done ALL the Cardsmen who had a difference of opinion than she had.

Haunted by the dreams of her childhood, ever since she’d come back to her reality, she’d been having troubles, separating fact FROM fiction, and so, her mother had taken her to the doctor, and, they found NOTHING wrong with her, but her mind was still NOT at ease.

Haunted by the dreams of her childhood, each and every night, Alice would recall the things that she’d met up with, Epsilon the Caterpillar, the March Hare, the Mad Hatter, the Rabbit that led her down to the hole into Wonderland, and, she tried to make sense of the meanings of her dream, and, she couldn’t, because she had NOT yet taken that “course” in dream analysis yet, as Dr. Freud is still too deep, for her to comprehend.

Haunted by the dreams of her childhood, how can she EVER get over that?  She had NO control of her mind during the daytime, it (her mind???) wondered off a lot as is, she could BARELY concentrate in her lessons, and, if she lacked total and complete control over her mind in the daytime, how is she supposed to control her mind at night, when she’s dreaming away???

 

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Carelessness of Adults, Childhood, Queen Tina's Fables, Writing

Hoping You Become Someone Important Someday

Hopes and dreams of the parent, for the child, translated…

After six months’ worth of grueling torture, my son finally found a job.  He’d told us, for the sake of convenience, he had already rented a place with a classmate in Yonghe, that he is moving there the next day, and that maybe he will only come home on weekends from here on out.  Upon hearing, I’d felt somewhat sad, with a small sense of unwillingness.

I nodded, and heard myself said, “there are towels here, you don’t need to buy them, whenever you need, you can come back for some.”
Why did I mention the towels?  Could it be, that subconsciously, I’d wanted to take one out, to wipe my tears?  Had I not been hoping, all along, that he finishes his school, find a job that he’s satisfied with, to meet a girl, to start a family together?  And now, he’s approaching the goals step-by-step, I should be happy about it, so, why am I reacting so weird?

Back then when I’d gotten my teaching post after graduation, was about to teach, I’d had my parents act as my first students, to let me teach to them.  After that first lesson, I recalled how proudly my father looked at me, said to my mother, “Our girl’s all grown up, she has the attitude of a teacher, she will, become, a great teacher!”

I gathered up the textbooks, feeling very proud, left the living room, with my light steps, without realizing that there was something deep down in my father’s eyes that were beyond his verbal expressions.  Now, the way I looked at my son, I’m sure, that it was the one that my father had.  And, after so many years, I’d finally understood him.

My son had clung on to me as a child, until his fourth grade year, he’d still had me sit beside his bed, holding his hands until he fell asleep.  This was like yesterday, and still, in a blink of an eye, he’d let go, and can stand on his own now.

My son is no longer a baby that I’d rocked gently to dreams anymore, but, he should still remember the lines “After you’d graduated, you become important, to not waste time away”, from that lullaby I used to sing him to sleep with.

“Son!  Time wasted is the rehearsal for success, you must learn and sing it without fail, mom will always be behind you, and I hope you become somebody someday!”

A parent’s dream for her child, and, all parents want their kids to achieve greatness, and, with those songs that she’d sung to her child as he was very young, she’d put her hopes, and dreams for him in it too.

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Filed under Expectations, Observations

The Way a Chicken Rebels

Translated…

Actually, I’m quite a chicken.

As a chicken, I’d still have the necessities and the desire to rebel, however.

Being chicken, I have NO right to fail, I must succeed by the first try, or I will never find the courage, to give it another shot again.

At around age thirteen or fourteen, I’d felt, that even IF I wanted to “derail”, I’d still have to have a way back, after thinking thoroughly, I’d decided, to let my grades drop, without getting into trouble with anybody else, that’s what I’ll do.

It became difficult, for the adults to deal with me at puberty, and I’d gotten the upper hand, even though the instructors were angry with me, in the end, they couldn’t do anything, after all, we’re just a group of teenage kids.

But, my rebellions are not due to the hormonal changes, it was after thorough thought.

I’d gone to middle school in Kaohsiung, but I’d already made my mind up on going to Taipei for high school, and, I’d quietly signed up with the rest of the class, and, privately, I’d asked my relatives, to sign me up for the schools to apply to, after the scores were out, I’d returned to school, and, on the honor roll, there’s one less for the All Girls’ High in Kaohsiung, but, an extra for Zhongshan All Girls’ high school in Taipei.  Other than being bored, starting in my second semester in my first year, I’d gotten involved in extracurricular outside of school, and, without my parents’ supervisions, I had been focusing, solely on the extracurriculars, and, during the summers and winters vacation, I’d made excuses for myself NOT to head home.  Until my last year of high school, my grades are already gone to the dogs, and I’d realized, that there was NO way I could get into university, and I’d flipped the cards with my parents, told them I had NO intentions of furthering my education.

Back then, my homeroom teacher was an all-the-way good student, a history teacher who focused, solely on getting higher in the academics, and, the only way she’d taught was to remember the text so she could recite it backwards.  And, every time when it came for my homeroom teacher to write out the test questions, and, if the kids from other homerooms took the exams, they’d totally flunk, and, I’m the only one who couldn’t make an A in her class, thus, dragging down the entire class’s average.  And, my instructor was innocent and simple-minded, so, I didn’t want to be hard on her.

After two rounds of negotiations, I’d agreed with my mom, and finished my high school years, gotten high enough on my college entrance, then, I’d started homeschooling for a year.  Back then, I didn’t realize that there’s such a thing called “Gap Year”, I’d just felt, that there’s no way I can possibly have the life I wanted.

After my successes in rebellion in my middle and high school years, I’d gotten more fierce, no longer am I a scaredy cat anymore.  In the futures, I’d realized the importance, of judging myself based off of this inner voice, instead of outside influences.

There would be NO point in rebellion, for rebellion’s sake.

Rebellion had become a navigation system for me, in this big old world, that keeps me on track.

So, without your being rebellious against the authority figures, without challenging your parents and your instructors, you would’ve NEVER been able to become who you are, this, is precisely W-H-Y, parents should ENCOURAGE kids to rebel, but, within the “legal limits”, of course!!!

 

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Filed under Attitude, Awareness, Connections, Family Matters, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, The Teenage Years

Entering the Next Stage of Her Life

Changes, growth, translated…

“Eldest cousin, I’d passed the exams for the specialty police force!”, my younger girl cousin’s Facebook showed of this private message.

“Congratulations then, you’d finally gotten what you wanted, your parents must be glad too.”, I’d replied.

Seeing the good news that came by Facebook, it’d reminded me of the process that my cousin had undergone to take the national exams.  After she’d graduated from a private institution, she’d gone up north all alone, to find a job, originally, she’d worked for a privately owned organization, not long thereafter, partly, it was  because of her boyfriend who worked for a government agency, partly, because of her parents’ expectations and suggestions, she’d decided to get into the national examinations, hoping that after she’d gotten the high enough scores, she could successfully marry her boyfriend, and start a family together with him.

During the time when she was preparing for examinations, she’d turned off her Facebook accounts, so she wouldn’t be distracted.  I’d also taken the national exams, so I know the pressures, so many times I’d wanted to ask her out to eat, to give her encouragements, to boost her a bit, but, she’d always needed to go to cram school, or to study, and so, I could only give her the encouragements by phone.

My cousin had so many times told me, that the stresses were too great that when she studied, she’d started to cry uncontrollably, and she’d become an insomniac during the process too, and all I could do, was be a listener to her, console her, and talk about the possibilities of a brighter future after she passes the examinations, to encourage her.

And still, the pressures, the nervousness, and not passing the examinations every time she’d taken them, was NOT the biggest setback, for my cousins, her long-term boyfriend had cheated on her, that, was the biggest blow, it’d almost made her lose the motivations altogether.  But gladly, with the parents’ and her sisters’ encouragements, she’d finally pulled through.

Last year, after she’d gone through several setbacks, she’d finally passed the special examinations for the police department.  My aunt and uncle couldn’t hold back their joys, and my cousin got back on Facebook again, and we’d got to share her travels with her every single day, along with her moments too, and life got colors again.

Seeing my cousin’s Facebook accounts, the photos, and her words, I’m truly glad, that she managed to pass through the difficulties in her life.

At age thirty, my cousin is about to embark on the next stage of her life, I suppose, I’ll see the goings-on of her training in the police academy then!

And so, this young woman had finally pulled through, and, she’d had a TON of setbacks, and, in the end, she still won this battle against herself, and now, she can open her arms, and welcome in, the next NEW stage of her life.

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Filed under Awareness, Changing Tracks, Education Levels, Family Matters, Fate, Values

Our Very Last Session

What MUST we all learn, for our very L-A-S-T lesson, I wonder???  Translated…

Every weekend, the Christian Hospital in Taidong Mobile Team had two vans for premature babies, and they’d driven to the distant regions of Taidong, to assist children who need.  The six therapists assessed the developments of children in various areas, and, would have interventions every single week.

As a clinical psychologist, I was responsible for helping the children with their emotions, along with getting them caught up, to help them find ways to interact with the world around, and I would often bring concepts of therapy, into our play sessions.

The child whom I’d accompanied for a year, because he was entering the first grade, and showed great improvements, and so, finally we’d arrived to the closing of the case.  Even though, many sessions ago, I’d told him of the time we shared ending, but, the child couldn’t quite grasp the concepts of the “last sessions”.

On this day, the child saw the therapist came to teach her once again, ran toward me, with the same enthusiasm as she’d done in our previous sessions.

I’d told her, “This will be the last session we have together!”, the child nodded her head.

“Do you know what is the last session?”

“Yes!”

“Then, will the teacher still show up next week?”

“Yes, on Friday!”

“Mmmmmmmmmmmm…the meaning of the last class is, that after today’s session, you would’ve graduated, and the instructors will NO longer come to school, to help you with your lessons anymore.”

“……………then, when will the teacher be here again the next time?”

“This, I can’t guarantee, but, if there are special activities or something special happening, then, I will surely come visit you again.”
“Then, you must call me regularly then!”

“Okay I will!”

The child, seemingly, satisfied with my replies, and started playing her games.

The child had a blast, in the games today, she’d made up a storyline about how the stuffed animals went on a picnic, and gave me two roles to play.

Our games, are initiated by the child, it would help her from being the reactive self she usually is, to the proactive, most of the time, I would have to guess what the child was thinking, when I didn’t know what to do, I’d ask her, “What am I supposed to do now?  How would I answer the question?”

She’d asked me to hold my horses, that there would be someone to pick me up.  But, every time when I’d welcomed the one who was picking me up with great expectations, the other person told me, that she needed to put on more makeup, and that she will show up a bit later…that she hadn’t changed into proper attire, and will come by later…that she wasn’t dolled up pretty enough, will come later…the person who was to pick me up had a tummy ache, and will be late…there’s NOT enough seats, maybe tomorrow then………she hadn’t gone shopping yet, maybe next time………

And so, I was stuck, in this cycle, from the expectations I had at the beginning, I’d become tiresome, and, in the end, I held NO hopes of the picnic at all.

And, finally, after the thirty minutes of playing, the child allowed my character, to get stuffed up, and I’d ordered an assortment of weird dishes too, after I’m full, the child had asked my character to go to Kaohsiung to visit, and, there wasn’t too much torture this time, we’d gone out quickly, and, returned home satisfied.

Maybe, she needed a sense of control through playing the games with me, to fill that part of her that’s normally left, unsatisfied, and she’d been especially excited, about gaining control of the games.  Maybe, the child is signaling that she’d had her promises burst, each, and every time, to allow me to feel her anxieties about it, or the sense of hopelessness, perhaps?  Or, maybe, she’s trying to say, that without a beginning, there wouldn’t be a need for an end.

Before she left, I’d given her a certificate of graduation, and asked her to read the comments that all her occupational therapists wrote to her aloud.  Maybe, the child had finally felt, that this, is the time for parting, and, she’d looked disappointed, and no longer smiled, like she’d done awhile ago.

I’d gone over, to hug her, she didn’t hug me back, and I too, felt saddened.

Waving her hand, she’d turned back, to walk back to the classroom, and, we were on our way, on the van, to our next assignment.

We all need to go through the phases of beginning and ending the sessions.  I think, that, is how life is, from strangers, to knowing each other, to parting.

Dear child, sadness is something you must go through, but, don’t forget the positive memories we’d shared, and hold hopes for the future.  We all grow up, in processes such as this, you, and I, the same.

And so, that, is how we say goodbye, because you no longer needed the help anymore, you are strong enough, to go out on your own, and, letting go is still NOT at all easy, especially when you’d gotten too close to your patients.

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Filed under Behavior Modifications, Child Development/Education of Children, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Education, Friendships, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Relationship, The Education of Children, The Observer Effect

The Funeral of Childhoods

We got up, dressed in black…

We are gathered here today, to mourn the loss, of childhoods, now, we don’t know HOW they all died, it seemed, as though they’d joined a CULT, and committed a group suicide together, and in the morning when we woke, we’d found them gone, taken from our sides.

The funeral of childhoods, because we did NOT give ourselves enough time, to MOURN for the losses of it.  After all, with the death of our childhoods, gone are the innocence, the carefree days that we ran wild and free through the fields in the back of our minds, and, NO more daydreaming either!!!

So, the death of childhoods should BE mourned, and, the mourning will NEVER be completed, because throughout the remaining years of your lives, you’d get reminded, from time to time, H-O-W your childhoods were MURDERED, stripped from you, yanked away from your hands.

And so, it’s with this heavy heart inside, and deepest sorrow, mixed in with insurmountable regret, that I’d called you all up, from the medical examiner’s office, for you to come down to the station, to identify the DEAD bodies of your separate childhoods………

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Childhood, Innocence Lost, Murder, Philosophies of Life

Strayed Far, from the Girl I Used to Be

Strayed far, from the girl I used to be, just like Dorothy had, upon her arrival in the Emerald City.  I’d strayed far, from the girl I used to be, and I miss her a lot, but, I have NO way of figuring out how I took her place, or when that had happened…

Strayed far, from the girl I used to be, because I’d grown up, due to the experiences that life had made me take in, and now, everything is NO longer the same, there’s NO way I’ll EVER maintain my innocence, after all, once you’re “tainted”, you ARE, tainted, just like how after your HYMENS get broken, there ain’t NO chance you can EVER “glue” it back up again!!!

Strayed far, from the girl I used to be, I can’t even remember who I was anymore, and without an inkling of a clue of who I was, how will I know where I’m goin’ exactly?  So, yeah, I’ll keep on wandering, L-O-S-T, until one day, by God’s grace (say???), I find me again, the me I’d strayed from a long time ago………

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Growing Up Too Fast, Life, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Values

Used to Dream About

Uh, hello, hello, hello???  The DREAMERS ARE already wide, A-W-A-K-E here!!!

Used to dream about a LOT of things, because I had the abilities, and the SPARE time, and the ENERGY to, because I didn’t have to deal with the REALITIES that I’m currently facing right N-O-W.

Used to dream, but, NO longer, because, as we all aged, we’d LOST that childish innocence of ours, and, we just don’t recall WHEN it was, the last time we’d actually just fell asleep, and dreamed…

Used to

dream, but, NO longer, because, as we all aged, we’d LOST that childish innocence of ours, and, we just don’t recall WHEN it was, the last time we’d actually just fell asleep, and dreamed…

Used to dream about you and me together, but NOT anymore, I’d already SNAPPED myself O-U-T of that “fantasy” already, because here, in the HARSH reality is where I currently “reside” and, there’s NO “you and me” or “us”, there’s just Y-O-U, and there’s also JUST me, living, separately, from each other………………

Used to dream about a LOT of things as children, what we’re going to be when we grow up, but, as we’d gotten older, the dreams we had got reduced, because everything became us, and, there’s just NO use in living OUT those childish fantasies anymore, is there?  Nope!!!  Used to dream about you and I, together, as a couple (this, in case you don’t know, it’s still OUT of my BIG, OVERSIZED B-O-B-B-L-E H-E-A-D, meaning that the only thing making it TRUE would be the FACT that I’m writing this!!!), but hey, dreamers HAVE to W-A-K-E, NO matter how sleepy they are eventually………

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Filed under Creative Writing, Fiction Writing, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life