Tag Archives: Gender Differences

Being Put Down by Her “Better Half”

The interactions of a husband & a wife, translated…

Meng taught at a private technical high school.  Her husband is a professor at a university, when they were just wed, it’d made everybody envious of them.  Unexpectedly though, a few days ago, Meng called me up, told me she wanted to divorce her husband.

Upon hearing, I was shocked, and I just asked her all about it, Meng told me she’d worked for a private technical high school, and is regularly under great pressure, every time she’d gone home, and said a few words of complaints to her husband, he’d put her down.  Meng said, that the purpose of her, pouring her heart out at him was not so he could talk down to her some more, nor was she looking for a solution from him, for her problems at work, she just hoped, that he could, keep his horses, and hear her rant for a bit, instead of putting salt on her wounds, and turning her down, invalidating her feelings.  After I’d heard, other than trying to calm her down, I’d shared my own experiences with her.

When my children were in the middle school years, they attended the school where I taught, and, as the children of teachers, the spotlight was often on them, and so, when my sons didn’t do that well at school, and was shown care and concerns by others, I’d told my husband, that I was under great pressures, he’d always acted so relaxed, as if it wasn’t even related to him; he’d even told me, so long as my children grow up healthy and strong, the grades don’t really matter.  Later on, my daughter had gotten into a very famous language school in the south, and my son, into a very good high school too.

When my son was in his junior year in college, he’d told us he wanted to drop out and start his own business, I’d almost passed out, I’d hoped, my husband could talk him out of it, but my husband told me, to take care of myself first, and that the children will have their own blessings in life, to not worry so much.  And now, my son had not only graduated from university, he’d also served his army terms, and is ready, to head off abroad for a graduate degree.  Two years ago, my daughter wanted to go to the States to study too, she didn’t want to go through a middleman company, did everything herself, in the end, all the schools she’d applied to for the first year didn’t take her at all, I was so totally worried, and, my husband said coldly, “why you so hurried, when the timing is right, she shall fly!”, turns out, my daughter flew abroad without any troubles last year, and is now, living her dreams of going to study abroad.

I told Meng, at the time when my husband said those words to me, I too, felt, that he was turning me down, and was very annoying, but later on, I’d thought about it, everything he’d told me was reasonable too, and, if the two of us got into it back then, then, the results may have been a whole lot worse.

And so, I’d told Meng, “it is difficult, making a marriage work, and if you can’t change him, then, change your thoughts, see him as your best guardian then!” but, I believe, that at the time of the events, as husbands, you should NOT say anything, just give your other half a hug, that, is the best way to soothe them.

And here, you still see the gender difference of the expectations of what we women are searching for, when we complained to you, and how you would automatically TACKLE our problems FOR us, when in actuality, all you need, is to just SIT, and listen to us rant, and, after we ranted whatever it was that was bugging the HELL out of us to you, we feel, a WHOLE lot better, but, you losers still take that “problem-solving” approach, and this, will ALWAYS be what’s between the genders when we communicate, because that, is how the male and female minds think differently!

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Filed under Communications, Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Matters, Issues on Gender, Life, Marriages, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives

Marry While You’re Still Young

So, as men age, they’d become MORE valuable, but as we women age, we become more WORTHLESS, is that it???  translated…

My college classmate, Chien is a beauty inside AND out, plus she’d taken extra care of herself, even though she’s a cougar of mid-forties, approaching her fifties, there’s still NO tracks of time on her face.  Her headshots were posted on Facebook, she looked like one of the younger girls, and we called her, the “Frozen-in-Age Beauty”.

But, this beauty had it hard in love, after she’d ended one bad marriage, although she was involved with someone, for over a decade, but in the end, because the man had NO intentions of starting a family or marrying, it was over.  Even though, Chien had NO more expectations for her romantic life, but recently, because her mother showed extreme care and concern over it, she’d still gone to the matchmaking set up by her mother.

“The man is a professor, he was more than satisfied already when he saw my pictures, but when he’d heard about my age, he’d backed out!”

On a gathering of friends, Chien told us the story of what had happened in this set up, then, she’d added another, “He worried that I won’t be able to reproduce, but with the medical advances, I might still be able to, who knows?  Plus, I may NOT be at all, into him either!”

We can all get, that this last sentence from her was out of anger, but it’d also stressed how in looking for a partner in marriage, men and women DO have the tendencies to focus on what they see, and that’s caused the gender inequality.

Seeing how there are a TON of ladies around me, just like Chien, good looking, with great abilities in work, but, they’d waited, and waited, for so very long, for Mr. Right to show up; and, looking at the men in the same age group, even IF they’re already wide in the center regions, they can still get younger girls to fall for them, for instance, there was a forty-five year-old male friend of mine who’d just become a father recently, and his wife is ten years his junior.

And, there was another “older brother level” man who works in the same industry as I, because he never gave up on having children, so, even as he’s passed fifty, he’d still sought out younger, beautiful ladies, and doesn’t accept the ladies who are more mature in age, and so, year after year, he’d wasted them all away.  Seeing how there are so many older males and females around me who are sighing right now, all I can say, is, “Do get married when you’re still young.”

And once again, you still see this GENDER inequality, and it’s still ALL because of our biological make up differences, because as we women approach midlife, our reproductivity slows, and, while you losers are still able to “reproduce”, so, you are seeking out younger, more vibrant ladies, who many only BE into your money.

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Filed under Discriminations, Gender Inequality, Issues on Gender, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Properties of Life, Social Issues, Socialization

The Love in a Marriage, a Story on Marriage

Is it necessary?  To have love?  I mean, after all, we are, already W-E-D here???  Translated…

We’d often heard the saying, that “Marriage is the end of love”, I believe, this refers to the responsibilities that the individuals are forced to shoulder in a marriage, along with everything in the daily hassles, that it would slowly destroy the love that the two had finally found.

The first year of our marriage, because my husband’s work, he was sent abroad, right after the banquet is over, he’d flown overseas, and we started living on separate ends.  And because we don’t live in the same spaces, and only got to see one another every once a couple of months, I really didn’t feel like I was married, save for my wedding band that reminded me that I was, nor did I feel the responsibilities or the heavy burdens of a marriage.  We kept living like we had before we wed, talked on the phones and used webcam to see one another on a day to day basis.

I recalled the first Valentine’s Day after we were married, in the morning, I’d entered my office as I usually do, then, someone stood at the entryway, hollering out my name, with a bundle of white roses.  I quickly went to see what was going on, turns out, it was my husband who’d ordered the flowers online, and asked the florist to make the delivery to my office.  I was so surprised and so happy, as I carried that huge bundle of flower back to my working desk, and, I’d become the envy of ALL the female colleagues I worked with.

My coworkers all felt, that after the marriage, either the couple started arguing because of money, or the kids, that it was unimaginable, for me to receive flowers from my hubby.  Maybe, it was because I had yet to enter into the realities of marriage, I’m still enjoying the honeymoon phase, but this move, had me feeling moved for a very, very, very long time, because before we wed, my husband who’s not well spoken and quite practical, had never given me any flowers at all, it was hard to imagine, that he’d do something so romantic.

After he’d returned home, we started in the realities of our marriage.  A year later, our child was born.  After my son was born, our life became a huge mess, we worked hard in our separate realms, and getting trapped between matters of diapers, and bottles too.  I don’t know how long it’s been, since we’d gone on a date, or to go see the movies, just the two of us.  With an “extra” child, it’d become extravagant, for the two of us to sit down, to a quiet meal together.

On Valentine’s Day this year, after work, my husband came home, told me, “Happy Valentine’s Day!”, right then and there, I was filled with a mixture of emotions, partially, I was moved beyond words, partly, I’d felt ashamed, I was shocked to discover that I’d been so stressed between household chores and my child, that I’d completely overlooked him.  And, the flowers he brought home served as a reminder, that there was NOT only just obligations AND responsibilities in a marriage, that there was also love!

And so, because this husband was kind enough to his wife, and it is true, how we women would run around between work, household, and our babies after the marriage, that we’d forgotten about the existence of Y-O-U, LOSERS, but, DO realize this: we have to get home from our separate nine to fives and, our “workday” still don’t end there, oh no, we still have to chase the kids to get them to take their baths, to prepare the meals, to handle a TON of household chores, and, by the time we get to place our separate head down to our pillows at night, we’re about to S-N-O-O-Z-E, and that, is when you want some loving?  Get real, we’d ALL had a long and HARD day, compared to your nine to five, and, unlike all of you, our “workdays” don’t END the moment we “clock out” from the office.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Interactions Shared with the World, Issues on Gender, Kindness Shown, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Values, Wake Up Calls

A Husband Who’s Not at All, a Romantic

On couple’s relations, translated…

My husband is totally NOT romantic at all, he’d never spoke a word of love to me, his wife, even toward his friends and families, he’d taken this “light” kind of approach too.

But, from a more positive angle to look at him, he could be seen as a “honest, down-to-earth, gentle” man, he could wear his shirt for more than ten years at a time, but would be willing to take me to the malls, to buy a over-thousand dollar shirt that I had my eyes on; he isn’t a picky eater either, for him, there’s nothing that tastes bad. Other than that, he’d treated me or his friends, he had always been easy going at that. And everybody who’d met him and gotten to know him would say that he’s an all-around nice guy.

Even though, with so many good qualities, as the woman sleeping next to him, it is NOT easy for me to let go of that magnifying glass, and I’d counted out his faults even more closely, and my husband felt bad over this.

I’d once complained to my mother, “My husband is so very unromantic, talking to him is like talking to wood………”, and, my mother took HIS side, “It is good, having a man who’s like wood! I’m several decades older than you, I have a more depth of understanding, so long as he loves you, treats you right, respects you, stays faithful to you, and stands behind you on the decisions you made for yourselves, then, it’s a good man, or, would you rather get lost in his sweet words, with him, having a TON of other girlfriends?”

Hearing my mother, it’d made me introspect, am I going against nature, to change my husband into someone he’s actually not? And now, I’d slowly come to know, that the prerequisite of a good marriage, is to allow your partner, to have true freedom within the realms of morality.

And so, this, is still very stereotypical, a woman being a romantic, a man being practical, and the woman complains about how he’s NOT romantic enough, without seeing how practicality is longer-lasting than romance, and, the mother’s words made her realize that, her husband is a “good catch”.

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Filed under Communications, Connections, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Romance, Translated Work, Wake Up Calls

Making Peace

Translated…

As she’d installed the Line program on her cell, she’d found his name on the list “People You Might Know”, she’d added him to her friends list, and, with her quick fingers, she’d sent a series of words.

“There was once that nobody was there in your home, the instructor had told you to come to my house.”
“Do you remember that?”

Her house and his were only a street away.

Knowing he’s coming, as the bell rang, she’d ran fast home, locked up the doors.  Very short while later, the doorbell rang, she’d quickly hid away on the second floor bedroom, then, peeked from the crease in the draperies, seeing how he was with his yellow backpack, like a soldier, standing guard, at the front door of her apartment.

Every time the door bell rang, her heart raced a little more, she’d prayed silently, that her mother doesn’t return home yet.

Like the time that took for one period of class to finish, the doorbell had finally stopped ringing, she’d made sure that he was no longer at her front door, then, she’d let out a sigh of relief.

That, was a Wednesday, the day that the elementary kids expected the most, instead, she’d played with her dolls, and munched down on the snacks her mother prepared, and she couldn’t feel happy at all, as if something had managed to clog the flowing river inside of her heart.

Later, she’d always had him in the back of her mind, where did the backside of that yellow backpack go?  Her heart raced, as she’d waited, on him to reply.

“I seemed to have forgotten about that.”  Three minutes later, he’d tossed back his replies.

How could he have forgotten!  She was shocked, and then, mildly disappointed, that, was the most important thing that she’d remembered about them.

“Back then, I didn’t like boys, so, I didn’t answer the doors.”

“Hahaha, must be at least thirty years since?”, he pretended to make a joke about it.

Actually, how could he have forgotten?  That day, he stood, underneath the scorching sun, like he’d been punished for the entire class period, to stand behind the classrooms, he had seen her, behind the drapes, but, why wouldn’t she answer the door?

She was very beautiful, the one in charge of the class, the model student, and he, merely a small pawn who gets overlooked easily.

She didn’t like me then!  He’d made the conclusions.

After he’d left, he’d paced to the park in town, watched the elderly played chess, looked at the ducks, swimming in the ponds, lay on the stone benches, and counted the clouds up in the skies, then, he must’ve fallen asleep, when he woke again, the dusk had settled down, he’d walked home in silence.  At dinner time, his mother asked him, did he have fun in the home of the head of his class?  He’d forced a smile and nodded.  The next day, he’d gone across her desk intentionally, she pretended as if nothing had happened, just kept to her assignments, without lifting up her head.

Ever since, he’d never spoken to her again.  “When I’d grown up, I’d realized, that my odd behavior came from how I didn’t know how to interact with boys, thankfully, you’d forgotten about that already!  How’s this, I treat you to lunch in a few days?”, she’d used a cute picture, and sent the messages to him.

He saw the face, with the expression that’s heartfelt, with tears in the eyes, and, he’d seen a saddened, crying face in his mind………at nap time, the boys in his class were talking of playing a prank, and he normally didn’t take part, and this time, for some unknown reasons, he’d picked up a dried up frog that’s already dead, stealthily, shoved it into that pink backpack behind her chair.

“Actually, I………”

Things we did when we were younger, ahhhhhhhhhh, those are the days, aren’t they, when we were free to love, free to be, and, the two people from the story reached a silent agreement on letting bygone BE bygone, I’m sure, and, who knows, maybe, they’d started back up from where they’d left it in their childhood days???

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Filed under Friendships, Getting Even, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Repetance, Romance