The thoughtfulness of your mother, for setting UP her own, final affairs, as she knew you would have, more than enough on your plates, when she passes away, translated…
I want the Chinese traditional dress from Longdee! Don’t forget it”. My mother told me, with careful thought. I’d watched T.V., with no mind on her, ranting. I’d come home once in a long, long, long while, and you feared that I might forget, and so, you’d, reminded me, again, and again, of the after-death, how you wanted the white flowers at your funeral, the photo, the one of you as the head chair of the society, to select the traditional Chinese dress at the mall counters, let alone, you’d already, bought a slot for your urn already. I’d always thought you worried too much, you’d only begun to use insulin to keep your diabetes under control.
Then, the wound from the skin peel off of your toes, left you scared for more than a year, you’d no longer dared to walk, not to mention, head outside.
“I’d not accounted for the cost of the hired nurse yet,” you’d sighed.
“We’ll pay for it, then, sell off that smallest house, you already own so many properties already!”
“No, that one’s for you!”
I can’t understand you.
“You’re already, immobilized, make yourself more comfortable, that’s, the task now! Take a cab when you go out, don’t save up on this, go visit with your girlfriends, it’s way better than staying cramped up at home!”
Your health deteriorates by the day. The first time you got lifted to the E.R., you’d ushered my younger brother to send out your DNR. Your dialysis left the accumulation of fluids in your systems, you’d insisted not going to the hospital, said that in a few days, you will be like the elderly woman next door, die on her own, at home, I’d begged you, who was clearly, in a whole lot of pain, gotten down on my knees, then you’d, finally allowed the paramedics to move you, onto the ambulance. As you went in, the doctor said you’re about to go into shock, wanted me to sign you treatment slip, I’d told, that you want the do-not-resuscitate orders, the physician got angered, and asked, “then why did you come to the hospital?” Tears came running, and I was left, without, any, replies.
illustration from UDN.com
Several months later, you’d left, without, disturbing anyone. An elder had already been told, that we were to get reminded to find that handwritten last will of yours in your room. You’d written out how the assets would be split up, and how you were, more than grateful for my younger brother’s taking care of you, worried that our older brother has the pressures of mortgage, that was why you’d left him the shopfront, and insisted that your daughters who were married all have a share of your assets. And we also found the four extra developed copies of the family photo, with the names of the three of us, sons and daughter and our father on it, for us to keep.
I’d prepared your favorite foods and drinks on the forty-nineth day after you died, and you were happy, and allowed us to know how pleased you were. On the way home, I’d asked my two kids what I liked to eat, and they couldn’t tell. And it’d, suddenly dawned on me, because you knew we didn’t know you that well, that’s why you’d, made the specifications; to not get us off our guards, you’d needed to, set everything up beforehand; worried that those of us who are still here might be distraught, you’d, found ways, to offer us the solace.
Your love, my mother, still never let go, until, your, final, moment in life!
And so, this, is the considerations of your elders, because losing your mother would hit hard, and she knew it, and so, your mother had, set everything up, and all you and your siblings, your loved ones had to do, is to, just follow her instructions, that, is the thoughtfulness of your elders, toward you.