Tag Archives: Families of Origin

Behind Every Psycho

This, is the cold, HARD truths, so, IF you’re makin’ ‘em, STOP it, RIGHT this minute!!!

Behind every psycho, there’s something awful that’s happened to her/him during her/his childhood careers, perhaps, s/he’d been beaten, molested, raped, even, who knows…

Behind every psycho, there’s that innocence lost from the child, and, by being a psycho, the individual who’s now adult, is calling out for help, on behalf of the child that s/he once is.

Behind every psycho, there’s her/his parents’ abusive, controlling, and/or overbearing ways, and, because the psycho grew up, under these awful circumstances, s/he is lashing out, hurting others, because s/he had been damaged already.

Behind every psycho, there’s the actions of her/his parents, showing UP, reflected, onto her/him (the psycho???), and yet, when these PSYCHOS get put on trial, nobody EVER questions what’s led her/him to turn into the P-S-Y-C-H-O that s/he is right now…

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Filed under Childhood, Cost of Living, Family Matters, Life, Philosophies of Life, Professional Opinions, Properties of Life, Socialization

Absorbing the Pains

This, is what those “sponges” do, isn’t it???

Absorbing the pains, this, is what we have the tendencies to do, after all, we’re all, drawn to the feelings of pains, and it still wouldn’t BE because we ENJOY torturing ourselves, oh no!

Absorbing the pains, we both had, it’s just, that you’d allowed your pains to consume you, to swallow you whole, to DROWN you, while I, I managed, to keep my head, above “water”, and survived.

Absorbing the pains, we all will, whether or not we like to, because that, is just how life goes, and, there’s NO way of changing the facts of how we will still be, absorbing the pains from our separate families of origins (and yes, they’re still the SOLE sources of OUR pains into the adulthood years too!).

Absorbing the pains, you won’t have to, because I will NOT allow for it (not even for you, Master!), because I had, absorbed ALL the pains of their former lives, and, it’d become burdensome, too heavy, for me to carry, but carried them, I still had, and it was still just, WAY too hard, growing up is the thing, and I will NEVER allow what had happened to me, to happen to you to, my dearly BELOVED, DEAD “daughter”………and no, she still doesn’t “exist”, not physically, at least.

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Filed under Childhood, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Early Exposures, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Interactions Shared with the World, Lessons, Life, Loss, Observations, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, White Picket Fence

Caused by the Break-Up of the Marriage of Your Father & Your Mother

As a child, of an unfortunate (or should I call it: a BLESSED!!!) divorce…

Caused by the break-up of the marriage of your father and your mother, you’d ended up, taking the burdens of them, not working it out, because, they couldn’t get along, and, you’d suffered through those endless nights, of hearing them, bickering in the living room, and, the only reason why they got so loud was because, they thought you’d already, fallen asleep, but you hadn’t…

Caused by the break-up of the marriage of your father and your mother, you just, keep attracting those god damn LOSERS who were destined to hurt you, just as your father had, hurt your mother never-endingly.  Caused by the break-up of the marriage of your father and your mother, you should feel free, but instead, you felt, even more tied down, because now that your daddy’s left, your mother will be needing, a shoulder she can lean on to, and, who ELSE can she count on, fi she can’t even count on family, and, you’re the closest of kin she’s got, aren’t you???

Caused by the break-up of the marriage of your father and your mother, that, is how you will always and forever BE the buffer, because, you’re an only child, with NO siblings, to alleviate the buffering between your father and your mother………

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Life, Loss, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

You Make Me Feel So Beautiful

Let me, put on that VANITY suit here…wait for it…wait a little BIT longer………okay, I’m ready!!!

You make me feel so beautiful, and that, is what I’d longed for my whole life, because since I was very young, I’d learned, that a girl must use her beauty, to entice men, because my mama couldn’t keep my daddy happy, and he’d started using ME to “alleviate” himself, because she could NOT fucking (and your point being???) get SATISFIED off of mama!

You make me feel so beautiful, and, I needed that, because without beauty, a woman IS nothing, after all, beauty IS all that matters, isn’t it?  And so, I’d started, pursuing beauty, making myself appear younger than my real age, getting rid of ALL these DAMN wrinkles and SHITS on my face, and, before you know it, I’d drained out my bank accounts, to pursue beauty…

You make me feel so beautiful, because I had always BEEN the ugly duckling of my family, I got a ton of older siblings, and younger ones, who made me feel so inferior, and, I just can’t, get enough attention from my god DAMN parents to this day still.  You make me feel so beautiful, you’re the first man I ever fell for, and, I’m fearing, that if you know how ugly I actually am, you wouldn’t, love me anymore, so yeah, I’ll, keep on, masking my true self up from you all right.

You make me feel so beautiful, uh, yeah, you have GOT to be SHITTING me here!!!  If you need someone else (other than you, that is!!!) to MAKE you feel beautiful, then, you hadn’t taken ANYTHING away from these lessons I’m teaching, and, I would be highly tempted, to BAN those of you who still ain’t learned NOTHING (and your point being???) from these “lectures” of mine yet………

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Filed under Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Expectations, Life, Messed Up Values, Properties of Life, Pursuits of Pointless Things

Bound by Their Silence

Bound by their silence, their love was, because, neither one of them was willing, wanting, or even ABLE to, say the least, talk about what’d happened between them, and so, this silence that bound them ended up, ruining their used-to-be-love.

Bound by their silence, that, was the only connection they’d shared, and, once that’s been established, silence started, taking up roots, and, before either one of them realized, silence took over, their entire lives.

Bound by their silence, why won’t you talk to me, one of them said to the other, and the other, just remained mute.  Bound by their silence, this, wasn’t how love’s supposed to be at all, she’d thought, she never asked for any of this, she’d just wanted someone to hold her, during the cold, dark nights, and now, she is, completely, bound, for life, by their silence.

Bound by their silence, their child grew up, in the silent screams, and, the child felt insurmountable unspoken pains, because nobody ever voiced anything out, they’d all kept, everything bottled up inside, and, so, their child became a grown man, and, he tried, real hard to, shake off their silence, but, he just couldn’t, and, in the end, the child who’s now, a man, became trapped, and bound by his own parents’ silence…

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Being Alone, Cost of Living, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Innocence Lost, Properties of Life, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

Because You Couldn’t Cope

Because you couldn’t cope, so, you’d DUMPED all your emotional TRASH onto me, and I had no choice, but to take in all that rubbish, because I needed you, for survival’s sake…

Because you couldn’t cope, and I was the only one around, you’d made me take the blames, and it wasn’t even my fault!!!  Because you couldn’t cope, and I’m the weakest link, and so, you figured it’d be all right, to impose, ALL of your negative emotions onto me, without any SENSE of what you were doing, was DEAD wrong!

Because you couldn’t cope, and I can?  Yeah, even IF I could cope, why the F*** (maxed out???) should I DO your coping FOR you?  I do NOT have the obligations, you know?  And besides, it’s YOUR messes, so, why don’t you just clean IT all up?  Oh, you can’t, so that, is why I was, “brought in”, as your ASS-WIPE, and I had NO choice, but to take it all on!

Because you couldn’t cope, because you were way too FUCKING (so???) immature, because you couldn’t deal with HIS affair, when you’re the one who didn’t know HOW to keep your man!  I became the scapegoat of your marriage, does THAT sound right?  HECK no, and yet, I still grew up, into a damn FINE woman…

Because you couldn’t cope, and I was the only one around, and you didn’t even consider my age being too young, to handle everything, you’d still, dumped it all, onto my head.

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Messed Up Values, Properties of Life, Scapegoating

Lived in a World of Her Nightmares

She had, lived in a world of her nightmares, and, she’s surrounded by those nightmares, 24/7, and, even when she pinched herself until she bruised, she still couldn’t wake UP!

Lived in a world of her nightmares, I had, because she’d had it hard as a child, she’d passed that SHIT she’d lived through, onto me, her child, and, she would always kiss the bruises that her nightmares gave to me too.  Lived in a world of her nightmares, that, was how I was raised up, and, I’d heard nothing BUT those silent screams, you know, the very high-pitched, screeching sounds of pain?

Lived in a world of her nightmares, I will continue to, until she dies, then, I’m finally free, and, chances will be, that I will, pass this world of nightmares that I’d got, down to my own offspring, because although I realized that this, was NOT the right way to raise someone up, I had NO idea of how to make changes, so the same things don’t happen to my own offspring.

Lived in a world of her nightmares, we were all made to, and, she didn’t even know, that her nightmares, had become ours.  Up to the moment she died, she still doesn’t realize what she’d done to us was wrong, but, we do, and, we vowed, to NEVER put our own young through what she’d put us, her young through.

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Filed under Abuse of Power, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Messed Up Values, Vicious Cycle

An Inheritance of Pain

Pains, along with your genes and everything else you can possibly come up with, are passed down, the same way, through inheritances.

Pains, inherited, and no, you still don’t have the right, the options, or the choice to DECLINE this “gift” that’s been endowed to you!  Pains, inherited, and, there’s NO way you can disinherit the pains you’d inherited, because your parents were endowed with the same curse (b/c that, is what it was!).  Pains, inherited, and it will keep on, getting passed from your parents’ generations, to yours, from yours, to your offspring’s, and then, from theirs, to their younger generations, and, it just all ran down the line, until the day that humans become EXTINCT, for whatever possible reasons there may have been, how the HELL should I know???

Pains, inherited, because you hadn’t dealt with your shares of pains effectively yet, and, your children are still the one, receiving the pains you’d experienced, even IF you never meant to pass the pains down to them, because that, is just how it works.  We all become our same-sex parents, and end up, married to the losers, or the BITCHES that our fathers or mothers were to us.

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

Sinking & Floating, in the Sea of YOUR Emotion

You’d tossed me, so carelessly, kinda like I had my shattered porcelain, into that sea of your emotions, and you couldn’t give a FUCK if I’d drowned!

Sinking and floating, in the sea of your emotions, I was overcome, by so many tidal waves of anguish, and swept out, farther into the seas by those currents of your endless sorrows too.  sinking and floating, in the sea of your emotions, that, was not how I’d wanted to live my childhood years, but I had NO choice, because you were WAY too god damn FUCKING (and your point being???) IMMATURE as my parent, you could CARE LESS about my welfare AND my wellbeing, all you’d cared about was Y-O-U, and, what about ME?  I’d NEVER asked to be BROUGHT out into this cruel, cold world in the first place you know???

Sinking and floating, in the sea of YOUR emotions, I was made, to weather ALL of your worst emotional storms FOR you, while you felt betrayed, stabbed in the back by your loved ones, so was I, and it’d never occurred to you, to turn around, and pay attention to little ol’ me, and now, I’m old enough, I’d still grown up, without your cares, your concerns, OR your love, for that matter, and look how WELL I turned out!

At least, I know better than to PASS this FUCKING, SHITTY cycle of ABUSE AND NEGLECT that I’d been put through, for the LAST fucking (oopsy, just “slipped”) oh, dunno, say???  My ENTIRE L-I-F-E?  Because I’m a WAY, WAY, WAY, WAY, W-A-Y (you DO get the point here, don’t you???) better parent than you will EVER be.

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Growing Up Too Fast, Messed Up Values, Perspectives