Tag Archives: Deterioration of the Mind

The Words, Slowly, Vansihed, from Her Mind

As the illness progressed…

The words, slowly, vanished, from her mind, whereas before, she’d get into that fighting, feisty mentality, when she felt challenged by someone, and now, she just sits, staring, into space.

The words, slowly, vanished, from her mind, and, she’d started, having troubles, keeping up with the conversations that were, going around, finding it hard for her, to keep track, to follow, and eventually, she’d stopped, chiming in, or, asking others, what they’re talkin’ about…

The words, slowly, vanished, from her mind, and, as the day passed, she’d become, more, and more withdrawn, and, she’d turned into, a prisoner, of the confines, of her own mind, and, although she’s the one with the key to unlock, gosh!  She’d forgotten where the key was!

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Filed under Awareness, Being Alone, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Loss, Observations, Old Age

Remember the Years, When Your Mind Was Clear

 Those days, so far gone, they’d become, a slowly-fading memory…

Remembering the years, when your mind was clear, how LONG ago WAS that?  Seemed so very long ago, when you’d only gotten the diagnosis of Alzheimer’s JUST last month, so, how come, those days when you were still lucid became so far from us now?

Remembering the years, when your mind was clear, they seemed so far away now, and, I’d worked real hard, to grab onto them all, and yet, the harder I’d tried to grab a hold onto them, the quicker they seemed to slip on away.

Remembering the years, when your mind was clear, and now, you can’t even recall who I am, you’d forgotten me, your own child!  How is that even possible?  I keep asking myself, and, ran into, dead-end, after dead-end, after dead-end.

Remembering the years, when your mind was clear, what’s the point?  I mean, those days, compared to your days right now, only makes me so very upset, because, my mother is gone now, I don’t know where she’d gone!

Remembering the years when your mind was clear, before that UGLY monster called Alzheimer’s, came, and took you from me, and, I’d been playing this game of tug-of-war with it ever since, and, some days, when you’re feeling well, I feel I’m winning this fight, but that, was only, that false sense of security, luring me in………

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Family Matters, Observations, Old Age

How the Father Became the Son…

Call it a role reversal if you want to…

The father will eventually, become the son, because as he aged, he’d become, less and less capable, of caring for himself, and slowly, he’d started, relying on his own son, to care for him, and now, the son became the father, and the father, became the son.

It’s a very slow progression, because, in his former years, the father worked really hard, to provide, for the livelihoods of his sons, bought them houses, watched them all get married, and have kids.

The father, however, became deteriorated, he’d slowly, deteriorated away, by the day, it wasn’t long, before the son can no longer care for him on his own, and so, an outside helper is hired, and yet, the father still remembers the son, NO matter how much he’d forgotten, and asked for his son all day long.

And so, the son would drop his own father off, at daycare, just as the father had done, when the son was quite young, because the son now has to work, that, is how he keeps HIS ends meet, and, paying the bills, for his elderly father’s care too.

And one day, the nursing home sent the son a notice, that they can NO longer care for his father, and so, the son went, picked his own father up, and, got him home, was ready, to care for his aging, ailing, deteriorating father on his own.

And that, would be H-O-W, your father turns into your sons, and, your sons became, your fathers, it’s all, age regression, because as we all age, we all become more and more like children, especially with how much longer people ARE currently living, there will be, a LOT more of the elderly population who became their children’s children in the future too…

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Filed under Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Family Matters, Observations, Old Age, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Properties of Life

When the Name You Responded to is No Longer Yours

When the name you responded to is no longer yours, how’d that happen?  You should KNOW your name by now, after all, you’d carried that same name, for, uh???  Your ENTIRE lives, didn’t you?  So how come, just now, you can’t even respond to your own name anymore??? When the name you responded to is no longer yours, this, is just ONE of many things that you’d ended up, losing through time, there’s NO doubt, and soon, when you stare into the mirror, you will, shockingly discover: how come there’s a stranger, copying EVERY last one of my moves???

When the name you responded to is no longer yours, there’s NO way to reverse this process, because you’re on your ways, to losing, everything you’d ever known, because that, is how the years had an effect, on your mind.  When the name you responded to is no longer yours, you may feel that it isn’t normal, but, you’ll get used to it, after all, you’d eventually become Mr./Mrs./Ms. So-and-So………

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Loss, Old Age, Writing

Piecing Together These Fragmented Memories

Her memories chipped off, like those paints, peeling off of those thousand-year-old paintings, and, she’d had a hard time, putting it all back together again, and so, she’d called on us all, her kids, to help her out.

Piecing together these fragmented memories, no one said it would be easy, especially when she’s the only one who has the recollections of these fragmented memories, and, we can’t even count on her now, she’d become forgetful here.

Piecing together these fragmented memories, don’t worry, I’ll help you, tell me which part you’re having difficulties recalling, your childhood, adolescence, early adulthood years, middle adulthood years, or now?

Piecing together these fragmented memories, you won’t be able to, because you don’t even have a CLUE of what parts are missing from the “equation” there, and, you have NO one there, to help you out, so, you’ll keep on, living with something missing in your life all right…

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Filed under Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Downward Spiral, Loss, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Trends

Called Me by Your Name

When you knew me as you, how O-D-D?  But, I’m still NOT you there, am I now?  Nope.

Called me by your name, that, was what you’d done, the last time I saw you, and, I just shrugged it off, because you were in a brand new place, and, it’s natural, that you might be a little BIT confused, so yeah, I’d let it slide.

But then, it started happening, more, and more often, and, I began to feel that alarming sensation, that something wasn’t right with you now.  Called me by your name, without realizing, that the name you called me as was your own, and that part of you is now lost, and, it’s NEVER coming back, I’m afraid…

Called me by your name, but W-H-Y would you want to do that?  Don’t you like your own name?  Well, why don’t you change it then?  Because you don’t want to be someone else?  Isn’t that conflicting?  You don’t want to be you, but, you can’t stand the thought, of NOT being you!

Called me by your name, you’d think, that I’d be so totally used to that by now, but, I’m not, because as I watched you age by the day, I feel more and more worried, that one day, I too, might call someone else by my own name, then, what’s gonna happen then???

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Life, Loss, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values, Vicious Cycle

The Empty Miles of Her Memory

The empty miles of her memory, she’d tried to fill it all back up, but couldn’t, and she doesn’t know W-H-Y…

Her memories had become like the freeways, with spaces (losses) in between, and, NO matter how hard she’d worked, to fill in the gaps, she just couldn’t, and the more she’d tried to fill up the missing gaps, the more frustrated she’d get.

The empty miles of her memories now span across a total of NINETY years, that, is how old she is right now, and, each and every night, before bedtime, she’d prayed real hard, to the Lord up above, to come and take her home, but, the very next morn, she’d wake up, to a brand new day, and, her memories are lost, bit by bit.

The empty miles of her memories, she can no longer fill in the gaps in between, even with her kids there, to remind her, she still can’t manage, to put the pieces of the puzzle back together…

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Filed under Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Loss, Observations, Old Age, Vicious Cycle