After the diagnosis, translated…
As my daughter went to her freshmen orientation in middle school, I found myself to have cancer. Until the very day before my scheduled operation, I’d confirmed, that I was at the terminal stage of ovarian cancer, and I must stay in the hospital for more than ten days. I was in a panic, NOT because of my illness, but, what would happen to my child? She must face everything on her own: going to school, eating the meals, sleeping, laundry, everything that’s going on in life. Maybe, it’s because how I’d directed ALL of my attention onto my child, I failed to notice my body, hurting, after the operation, or the pains from the chemotherapy, other than my daughter, I’d paid attention to NOTHING else.
After my chemotherapy ended, I’d rested for just a couple of months, and started working again, but, in just a few short months’ time, my cancer came back. Since, every year, it’d revisited me again and again, and, I’d gone to chemo again and again too, and to date, it’s been five years.
I’d entered and exited the wards for five years, I’d gotten to know every single nurse, every single intern, some of the nurses even sighed on how I have more seniority than they do inside the hospital wards; and those who are ill and the families who come to stay with the patients are all very curious, how I was able to keep myself so positive. And the manager of the nurses’ station had often wanted me to go and visit with other patients, so I can spread some of my positive thinking to them all too.
Last month, when I’d gone in for my chemotherapy, I’d tried to hold conversations with other people who are ill in the sun room, but, I’d found, that they carried different attitude than I had, to the point, that I couldn’t even get my points across to them, they were ALL talking about how they’re at the terminal stage, and aching all over, and some of the people there were extremely shocked at how I can remain so positive, even lived until now.
In the multiple years of chemotherapy I’d had, I deeply understood, that cancer is merely using ITS own way, to tell us, that there’s something that needed change in our lives in its own way; it told us that we MUST fix our mistakes from the past, maybe, it’s how we ate, or maybe, it’s how we lived, you can just change those habits one by one, slowly, day, by day, to NOT allow yourselves to get beaten.
And so, it must’ve been hard, getting rid of the cancer and watching it comes back to you again, again, and again, and, it must be getting annoying and painful, going through the bouts of chemotherapy that you’re enduring, but, you did NOT let any of that beat you, instead, you’d turned your experience with cancer into something positive, and you’re still making a very HUGE difference, trying to help others, and that, is making one’s life meaningful!