Tag Archives: Dating Violence

Murdered by Her Boyfriend After Their Fight Got Physical

In cases such as this one, you have to wonder: Whatever happened to USE YOUR WORDS???  Copyrighted by the Associated Press, written by: D. Stamm, and D. Chang, found on NBCPhiladelphia.com…

The boyfriend of a Millersville University student who was found dead in her dormitory is accused of beating and strangling her.

Nineteen-year-old Gregorio Orrostieta was charged with homicide Monday after an investigation revealed his girlfriend, Karlie Hall, died by strangulation and other traumatic injuries, police said.

Hall died in her Bard Hall dorm room early Sunday.

Police initially charged Orrostieta, of Kennett Square, Pennsylvania, with aggravated assault after he told them he and Hall, an 18-year-old Millersville freshman, got into a fight — first at a party and then once the couple was alone inside her dorm room.  The charges were upgraded Monday afternoon.

“As a result of Orrostieta’s assault, Hall suffered serious bodily injury,” reads the criminal complaint from university police.

Police said Orrostieta had blood smeared on his face, blood on his hands and clothes, dried cuts on his forehead and scratches on his chest when officers interviewed him outside of Hall’s dorm room around 5 a.m. Sunday. In his booking photo, blood is visible on Orrostieta’s face.

Orrostieta was kneeling over Hall, trying to administer CPR when officers entered the room and took over, said police. Medics pronounced Hall dead a short time later. Orrostieta initially told police Hall had gone into cardiac arrest and he had to perform CPR on her. Lancaster County District Attorney Craig Stedman doesn’t believe that’s true however.

“The CPR I believe was completely fake,” Stedman said. “She had been dead for hours probably before that.”

Prosecutors said the teen beat and strangled Hall, whose twin sister Kristen also attends Millersville.

Orrostieta, who does not attend Millersville, told investigators Hall struck him during a verbal altercation at the party.  Orrostieta said he and Hall made up and returned to her dorm room around 1:30 a.m. Sunday following the argument, the criminal complaint said.

Back in the room, the fight reignited. Other students told police they heard the sound of the two fighting around 2:30 a.m., around the time when police believe Hall died.

“Orrostieta admitted to shoving Hall hard enough to knock her onto the ground where she struck her head on a chair,” read the affidavit. Orrostieta told investigators that his girlfriend became unresponsive after he gave her a “back hand” to her face.

Police booked Orrostieta and a judge sent him to Lancaster County Prison on $1.5 million bail.

University counseling staff and campus ministries will be available on campus to talk to students who need assistance. Millersville also announced a vigil in Hall’s honor.

University president John Anderson expressed his sadness and condolences over the “unfathomable loss” of Hall.

“I ask that you join me in sending our thoughts and prayers to Karlie’s family and friends,” Anderson wrote on the university’s website. “If you personally knew Karlie, please accept my heartfelt condolences at this most difficult time.”

Hundreds of students attended an outdoor vigil for Hall Monday night at Millersville, an 8,000-student state-owned university. Standing in the rain and holding candles, many of them wept as they sang two hymns and campus minister Dwayne Netzler prayed.

Friends said Hall was a finance major who always appeared happy and often spent her free time going to the gym or feeding ducks at a campus pond.

“I knew that the relationship wasn’t that great,” said Hall’s friend, Trisha Faust, 19, of Emmaus. “It was on-again, off-again.”

Molly Gaetano, 19, of Pittsburgh, who lived two doors down from Hall on the second floor of the three-story dormitory, said she last spoke to her Friday.

“She never talked bad about anyone. She was always smiling and cheerful,” Gaetano said.

A memorial with flowers and cards was set up at Hall’s dorm room.

Hall and her twin sister, Kristin, graduated from Unionville High School last June and went to Millersville together, Principal Paula Massanari said. The girls also have an older sister.

Hall was a member of the school rugby club and gay-straight alliance, and she volunteered at an animal shelter, Massanari said. She was described in a college recommendation letter as a “hard-working” student, who was working a part-time job to help offset the cost of college.

“This has certainly hit our school community very hard,” Massanari said. “We are devastated by the loss.”

There are, several issues at “play” here, there were, other students in the dorms when the fight got started, and, I’m guessing that someone MUST’VE heard the loud arguments, but, because they’d “fallen prey” to the diffusion of responsibility and the bystander effect (remember THOSE???), and so, this one, JUST like in the Kitty Genovese Case, nobody came out of their rooms, to help this young woman, and, because of the incriminating evidence on this guy, blood on his face, etc., etc., etc., and, people from all around, outside of this woman’s dorm rooms heard arguments, that, was why, the incriminating evidence got stacked up against this guy, and, just like ALL fights, as emotions ran wild and all over the places, things are done, in the heat of the moment, because, let’s face it, NOBODY CAN and WILL stay CALM and COLLECTED during a GOD DAMN FIGHT!!!  And, who knows, maybe this man DID love this woman, that, was why he’d used such brutal force on her, after all, strong HATRED comes from STRONG love, you DO realize that, don’t you???

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The Truth About Stalking Someone…

NOTE: this, is NOT a “how-to” guide, found on Yahoo!.com

One in six women will be stalked in her lifetime…

The word, “stalking” had taken on a whole new definition in the cultural lexicon.  It’s the word we increasingly use to describe the garden-variety, 21st-century voyeurism we partake in everyday — behaviors at which no one bats an eye. “Stalking” a person online before an upcoming date is common, even de rigueur. “Stalking” frenemies we haven’t talked to in years (but still know all about via their Facebook profiles) has basically become a new pastime.

But the truth is, actual stalking is not something to simply brush off, mention in passing or take lightly. It’s very real and very scary — and this era, it’s all too easy to get caught up in a stalker’s snare. In fact, 1 in 6 women and 1 in 14 men will be stalked in their lifetimes.

When looking just at women, 1 in 6 — and that’s a conservative estimate — will be stalked at some point over the course of her life. Using a wider definition, though, involving persistent behaviors that make victims uncomfortable or fearful, that number is closer to 1 in women.

There’s an under-awareness about stalking, says Michelle Garcia, director of the Stalking Resource Center. “Some estimates suggest 7.5 million people are stalked yearly in the United States,” she tells Yahoo Health. “And that’s only adults.”

Stalking behavior isn’t uncommon among high school students — especially cyberstalking, which can be done easily from a distance via publically accessible information online. The behavior is also on the rise among the college set: According to a new study from the Crime Victims’ Institute at Sam Houston State University, almost twice as many college students report being stalked in the past 12 months than those in the general public (4.3 percent versus 2.2 percent). In fact, the Stalking Resource Center reports that half of female victims and one-third of male victims are under the age of 25.

You probably know your stalker.

Stalking is not a random crime. Generally, a stalker is someone the victim knows (or knew) well — often an ex or someone who was (or wishes to be) romantic with the victim. “It’s an intimate partner in about 50 percent of cases,” Garcia says. “In other situations, it’s an acquaintance — it could be a relative, a casual friend, or a person you see at the coffee shop every morning.” The point is, victims are usually familiar with, or at least aware of, the person doing the stalking.

For Katie*, her stalker was a guy from her elementary school. “When he added me on Facebook, I thought nothing of it,” she explains. “He would chat me, usually super-friendly, asking me how my day was, etc. — all was well. He wasn’t someone I would ever consider a romantic relationship with, but he was nice enough and we would talk. I even gave him my number at one point. This was my freshman year of college in 2008.”

But Katie knew something was off. ”He started hurting himself ‘accidentally’ and telling me about it, like slamming his hand through a window on purpose and needing stitches, head injuries, you name it,” she says. “This was the beginning of my fear.”

Indeed, another common characteristic of stalking behavior is that the attention is constant and makes the recipient uncomfortable, no matter who is doing it. The stalkers engage in behaviors that raise that red flags in your gut — incessant texts or messages, random gifts, sudden appearances, or, as in Katie’s case, attention-seeking comments and behaviors.

Intimate partners who are stalkers are also more likely to physically approach their victims and most likely to escalate contact, but progressive behavior can happen to anyone. More than two-thirds of stalkers will reach out to the object of their desire at least once a week, often daily, and 78 percent use multiple forms of communication — from letters, IMs, emails, gift deliveries, phone calls, and showing up unannounced. The stalker’s initial approach may seem harmless or soft, but the motives may not be.

Stalking is usually a slow and steady build.

A pattern of stalking is generally not an immediate, in-your-face realization. Pursuit is often a collection of behaviors that start small but then grow to something bigger, from a few strange emails to excessive, unpredictable, in-person contacts. “One of the biggest challenges with stalking is that individual behaviors are part of a bigger picture when it comes to stalking,” says Garcia. “It’s a progression, and it’s always context dependent. It’s not criminal to call or to send someone flowers.”

What constitutes stalking is not an exact science. For instance, if a boyfriend or a telemarketer calls a few times in a day, most people would generally not consider this bizarre. But if a waiter from a favorite restaurant in town, or an ex dumped six months ago continuously Facebook messages someone, it’s a little different. “It’s a series of events, and it can escalate over time,” Garcia says.

There is more information on this, on Yahoo!.com, feel free to check it out, and, all I’m gonna say about this subject, is that you can NEVER be careful with these kinds of things, and, when the two of you are still experiencing the Honeymoon Phase of your relationship, you have the tendency, to misinterpret the possessiveness that the person you’re dating shows towards you, and that, is why you got yourselves SCREWED, and, by the time you realize it, well, it may damn well be, too late, to break free…so, DO watch out for these signs.

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Teenage Dating Violence Statistics

If this doesn’t SHOCK the pants off of all of you, then, we may have a BIG problem, from MSNNEWS.com…

NEW YORK — From violence to verbal taunts, abusive dating behavior is pervasive among America’s adolescents, according to a new, federally funded survey. It says a majority of boys and girls who date describe themselves as both victims and perpetrators.

Sponsored by the National Institute of Justice, the National Survey on Teen Relationships and Intimate Violence was conducted by NORC at the University of Chicago, a prominent research center which provided preliminary results to The Associated Press. Input came from a nationwide sample of 667 youths aged 12-18 who’d been dating within the past year and who completed a self-administered online questionnaire.

Nearly 20 percent of both boys and girls reported themselves as victims of physical and sexual abuse in dating relationships — but the researchers reported what they called a startling finding when they asked about psychological abuse, broadly defined as actions ranging from name-calling to excessive tracking of a victim. More than 60 percent of each gender reported being victims and perpetrators of such behavior.

The survey found no substantive differences in measures by ethnicity, family income or geographic location.

Elizabeth Mumford, one of the two lead researchers for the survey, acknowledged that some of the behaviors defined as psychological abuse — such as insults and accusations of flirting — are commonplace but said they shouldn’t be viewed as harmless.

“None of these things are healthy interactions,” she said. “It’s almost more of a concern that our gut reaction is to accept this as natural.”

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, in its campaigns against teen dating violence, also stresses the potential seriousness of psychological abuse.

“Teens often think some behaviors, like teasing and name calling, are a ‘normal’ part of a relationship,” says a CDC fact sheet. “However, these behaviors can become abusive and develop into more serious forms of violence.”

Bruce Taylor, the other lead researcher for the NORC survey, said the overall abuse figures were higher than previous national studies of dating abuse, revealing “the startlingly widespread nature of this problem.”

Using a definition under which adolescent relationship abuse can occur in person or through electronic means, in public or private, and between current or past dating partners , the survey estimates that 25 million U.S. adolescents are victims and nearly 23 million are perpetrators.

Taylor and Mumford said the high rates in their survey may stem in part from youths being candid due to the privacy of the online format. They also suggested that dating abuse is now so common that young people have little concern about admitting to it.

The survey found fairly similar rates of victimization and perpetration among boys and girls — even in the sub-categories of physical abuse and sexual abuse. Many previous studies have found that girls are markedly more likely to be victims of physical and sexual dating abuse than boys.

However, the researchers detected a shift as adolescents age.

“We found that girls perpetrate serious threats or physical violence more than boys at ages 12-14, but that boys become the more common perpetrators of serious threats or physical violence by ages 15-18,” they wrote.

Mumford noted that the questionnaire did not delve into such details as which party instigated a two-way confrontation, or whether injuries resulted. She said it was possible girls suffered more serious injuries than boys.

“Our work suggests that prevention programs need to address both victimization and perpetration, not one or the other,” Mumford and Taylor wrote. They recommended starting prevention programs in middle school, and noted that that teen dating violence is viewed as a possible precursor to adult intimate-partner violence.

Andra Tharp, a health scientist with the CDC’s violence prevention division, said two-way teen dating violence — with both partners engaging in abuse — is widespread.

She said it’s an ongoing challenge among experts in the field to find the right balance in addressing the role of gender — exploring the extent to which both boys and girls are perpetrators, while identifying situations where girls are likely to suffer more serious harm. For example, Tharp said that if a boyfriend retaliates against a girlfriend who hit him, there’s a higher risk of injury to the girl if —as is likely — the boy is stronger.

Dr. Elizabeth Miller, chief of adolescent medicine at Children’s Hospital of Pittsburgh of UPMC, said it’s important to make distinctions about the types of abuse. She contends that, while boys and girls may engage in psychological abuse at comparable levels, girls are more likely to be the victims in cases of sexual violence and coercion.

“When you look at the need for medical attention, females are experiencing more severe consequences,” she said. “We’re doing ourselves a disservice if we pretend it’s all the same.”

While many girls are capable of aggressive behavior, they generally don’t share the view of some boys that sexual coercion is acceptable, Miller said.

The research by Mumford and Taylor is expected to be published soon in The Journal of Interpersonal Violence, a peer reviewed academic journal.

The Associated Press and NORC conduct joint polling under the name AP-NORC, but this study was conducted independently by NORC.

And maybe, this SHOCKING statistics still won’t get you worked up, and maybe, it MUST happen, to someone you love and cared about (like a daughter, a granddaughter, a sister, or cousin or whoever!) would you start, paying attention, I don’t really know, but this, is ENOUGH, to get my attention, which is why, I’m still RANTING about it………

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Ways to Stop an Old Flame from Harrassing You

Now these, may OR may NOT work, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

  • Clearly, but in a mild manner, tell the person “no”, other than giving the other person a way out gracefully, it can also help prevent making the other person angry…

Here’s what I THINK: if you don’t CLEARLY tell the OTHER person that it IS O-V-E-R, then, wouldn’t that leave a window of opportunity, for the person to think, “hey, I might still have a chance”, I get that letting the other person down gentle, it’s safer, but IF you’re NOT clear-CUT on your methods, then, the other person might misinterpret it as “oh, I might have a slight chance”, then, you’d end UP with MORE problems than E-V-E-R, especially IF you’d started dating again.

  • Move away when necessary, to avoid opportunities for contact

Hello, what happens if the other person turns into a STALKER, then, wouldn’t you be in more danger than you’d begun with?  Uh, D-U-H!  And, moving away is just escaping the problem, NOT dealing with it, and, IF you don’t deal with it, then, it has an OVER-a-HUNDRED percent CHANCE, of coming back, and BITING you in the A-S-S!

  • Asking a mutual friend to act as the middleman, to convey the message, include the reasons of why the two of you are NOT fitting together, to avoid the misunderstanding of the parties involved, and allowing the pursuer to falsely believe that you’re playing hard to get.

Yeah, IF the person who’s harassing you is RECEPTIVE to outside opinion, but mostly, the harasser isn’t, and, even IF the reasons for why the two of you should NOT be together is dissected so clearly, the person who’s refusing to let go may NOT see it that way, and so, this, would have a very little effect, I think.

  • If the other person continues to harass you, change your phone numbers, and block the other person’s phone numbers
  • But, you KNOW what, those old flames turned PSYCHOS have a TON of resource, and, s/he will manage to TRACK you down, and, you’d get dragged BACK into the reality of getting harassed again, and, NO matter how many times you’d changed your addresses, your phone numbers, and, even IF you’d moved to a brand new city, and thought that you’re FREE from the person, you’d still be looking OVER your shoulders, and you’d get scared, at the sound of the phone ringing, so, how’s that effectively solving the problem? It is N-O-T!
  • When the harassment got to the point that it’d affected your daily lives, call the police, and ask for help.

Now, we’re finally involving the L-A-W, but, you know how well those god DAMN restraining orders worked already, don’t you?  And, the person who’s harassing will NOT stop, until the one who is getting harassed is back with her/him, or is killed, and so, it still doesn’t end well either way.

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They’d Dated Only for a Month, and She’d Been Hounded by Him for Three Years

Another one who just REFUSES to LET go, even AFTER love is OVER, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Chou and his ex-girlfriend, Wen, who were dating for only JUST a month, and they’d broken up since three years ago, and Chou wasn’t pleased at how he was “dumped”, he’d called her up often, texted her nonstop, hoping that she’d meet with him again, and Wen could withstand the harassments, sued him.  The Shihlin District Attorney’s office found that Chou only sent text messages that is harmless, and so, they didn’t prosecute him.

The D.A. stated, that even though, Chou’s behaviors are not acceptable, and he’d created a TON of discomfort in his ex’s life, but, his behaviors did NOT constitute as criminal act, they’d suggested that Weng go through the civil courts to get this resolved.

Weng had once operated a lotto shop, and Chou had interviewed as her employee, after a month of dating, Weng felt that they are too different, and decided to break up.  Later, Chou went into the service, and Weng went to a hotel in Takoro to work, and they’d never met up again.

Weng accused, that while she was working at the hotel, her coworker told her, “There’s a Mr. Chou looking for you”, she was shocked, “It’s been so very long…”, she’d suspected that her personal information was leaked out.

“I swear I will NEVER use violence, can we meet up tonight?”, “You had gone off my radar, and, you’re probably doing lowly deeds right now!”  Weng put up the evidence of the messages she’d received from Chou as evidence.

As the D.A. opened up the case, Chou claimed, that what he was doing was NOT threatening, nor was it harassment, that he’d just wanted to have an amicable meeting with his ex-girlfriend.  The D.A. examined the text messages from Chou, and found, that mostly, they were about his state of being, “I’m hungry and tired right now”, “I hate Valentine’s Day”, etc., etc., etc., and he’d even reminded her of a movie that’s playing on AXN”, begged his girlfriend to take him back, that there were NO threats.

The D.A. stated, that even though, Chou had once stated to Weng, “You’re the culprit for causing your mother to turn demented”, but, the messages were sent to just his ex-girlfriend, that he didn’t spread it out to someone else, and so, it didn’t constitute as libel and slander.

Yeah, that’s just for THIS time, what about the NEXT time?  What if, the next time this LOSER decided to put HIS own words into action, and started harassing the woman even more?  After all, there’s a VERY thin line here, and because the boundaries are still very G-R-A-Y-E-D out, that, is how this, is a typically dangerous case scenario.

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Threatening to Get Back Together

Dangerous lover alert!!!

Threatening to get back together, because I need you in my love, darlin’, I can’t live without you, you’re everything to me, now I know, I shouldn’t have gotten drunk and came home late that night, and beat the SHIT out of you, but, had I not gotten FIRED by my DICK HEAD boss, and as I’d left the office, I can feel my coworkers, laughing AT me, I wouldn’t have needed to go to that local bar to get WASTED, and, had you not NAGGED me nonstop after I got home from drinking, then, I wouldn’t have HIT you, and punched your eyes!

And now, after that nasty hangover, I saw things more clearly, and I realized, that I shouldn’t have hit you, and so, that, is why, I’m on my knees (if you want to make it believable, get on ALL FOURS!!!), begging you please, please forgive me, and I promise I will NEVER lose my temper, or beat the SHIT out of you again.

And, because you still wasn’t moved, I got MAD, because it’s MY incompetence that caused me to lose you, but, I don’t want to admit to myself, that I am, indeed, incompetent, and so, I projected my anger onto you.

Threatening to get back together, and, so what if you got back together, is the relationship mended?  Or, is it even MORE broken from before?  After all, you’d FORCED the other person to take you back, against her/his will, didn’t you?  So, how can you be sure, that her/his heart will forever BE true?

Threatening to get back together, and if you don’t, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll SET myself on F-I-R-E in front of you, so you can watch me B-U-R-N, and, after I die, you’d be left with the guilts, of NOT allowing me back into your life.

What DOES this sound like?  Emotional blackmail, abuse, THE V-I-C-I-O-U-S C-Y-C-L-E?  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, what do Y-O-U think???

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