Tag Archives: Coping with Dementia

Upon Finding My Mother Who Has Dementia, She’d Forgotten the Fears, and Forgotten Me Too

Dealing with a demented elderly person at home here, translated…

This early, you’re not even at the age when she could get government money, you’d already been diagnosed with dementia, and, all we can do, is to start, fighting this entangling war with the illness!

It’s been seven years now, and, you’d often exclaimed to us, “There’s a thief in my house, and, he’d often take my things!”, and would often cried, “there’s food in the house, but, I’m not allowed to eat” “you kept telling me to get a bath, wash my hair”, “this, is not my home, when, do I get to go home?”………

From the very start, you couldn’t get home, to now, you don’t know where “home” is, from not recalling the names of your kids and grandkids, to now asking, “who are you?”

In order to provide the best kind of care for you, we’d selected a home community that’s ranked the highest, and we’d prayed, hard, for a miracle!  When the weekends or holidays rolled around, we’d taken you out all over, to the exhibitions and arts and cultural events, to go to lectures, to hopefully, slow down, your deterioration, and hoped that you can have a few more years of lucidity!

This year, at New Year’s holiday, in order to go see your grandchildren perform music, we’d accidentally lost sight of you at Ximenting!  Although this was not the very first time you’d gone astray from us, but, at this place where there are so many others all around, we’d worked really hard, searching, even called the police for assistance!  As the night rolled on in, after nine hours of running around in circles, I’d turned around, and, in the distance, where the lights were dimming slowly, there was, a familiar backside, it’s you, it IS you!

I’d started wailing in the depth of the nights, and, you merely turned your head around, and asked me, with this tone of voice, as nothing had happened, “what’s wrong, are you okay?”, thank heavens, you’d already forgotten fear, forgotten hunger, thirst, and how tired you were, forgotten us, as well as yourself now!

My mother, thank you, for becoming demented, allowing us, to accompany you to the very end with all our minds, hearts and souls, but, DO walk slowly, slower, slower still, so I can, slowly, remember, the way you looked!

Such a sad story, isn’t it?  And no, I’m still not stating it on the mother’s part, but for the child’s, and this, is what the end of dementia will look like, because, as those demented elderly age, they will, eventually forget EVERYTHING, who they are, who you are, and, leave you, with the pains of loss, of losing your parents, and, that, is something that we may all have to face up one day, as the families, and as the patients, being diagnosed with dementia…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age

Entertaining My Parents: My Duty

Every time I’d gone back to my mother’s to visit, my youngers sister would say, with this sour, jealous tone, “eldest sister, when mom sees you, she’d be extremely happy!”

I’d made a cute gesture with my hand, “oh, this old lady, you treated me as a guest, when she’d asked about my husband, she’d called out your husband’s name, what do you have to say to that?”, my mother would laugh and scold, “Crazy daughter, you’re old enough to be a grandma, and you’re still getting jealous, aren’t you afraid, that the maid would laugh at you!”

Recalling how when my father was still alive, my younger sister said one thing, she’d consoled my father who’s slightly demented, to “be” a cute elderly person, and he’d gotten furious with her for it.  Later on, we all discussed, that we need to “make” them happy, that it’s our responsibilities, to make them feel happy.

Started back then, we’d copied the favorite shows she’d enjoyed watching, started calling her the names of “great empress”, “your highness”, and we’d find a ton of smaller matters that happened when we were still young, make them into conversation topics, and, fought for her attention; when she felt bad, we’d said bad things about our husbands and children, and, because she’s protective of us, she’d forgotten about her own troubles.

Being a “modern day entertainer for the elderly”, there’s no scripts to follow, it’s all, improvisations.

And so, these children, they’d put on a show, to get their mother to feel upbeat and happy, and, these children are doing a great job, because they’re now, taking care of, showing love to, their demented and aging mother, by making her happy, so she’d forget about what’s making her upset currently.

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Filed under Awareness, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Family Matters, Observations, Old Age, Values

Final Fantasies

How dementia affects those around you, ways of coping with living with someone with dementia…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Moral Responsibilities, Observations, Old Age, Vicious Cycle

Memories Fading Out

Memories are, fading out, like you know, at the end of the movies, when the screens turned to black?  Yeah, it’s like that!  Memories fading out, I can’t hold on to them any longer, they just slipped through my mind, and I’m remembering less and less by the day, on some mornings, when I woke, I’d gazed into that mirror, and saw an unknown stranger staring back at me, and I’d screamed, because I thought there was an intruder into my house!

Memories fading out, like how everything’s been erased, and, I can NO longer recall how to dress, how to go to the bathroom, how to bathe myself, and I’m needing assistance from others, to help me perform the most basic of functions, because I just can’t recall how to do them myself.

Memories fading out, you can take as MANY doses of Gingko biloba, exercise your brains like crazy right now, but, when your memories start fading too, it’s still going to be, an irreversible process, and, you will become, solely and completely, reliant on those around you, you will need your family members, to care for, to look after you, but, will they?  Be willing to do that?  Well, it all depends………

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Filed under Awareness, Expectations, Family Matters, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age, Perspectives, Social Awareness, Social Issues

Help Me!

Strains on the Caretakers, Finding a Support Group…

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Filed under Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Family Matters, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age, Social Awareness, Social Issues