Things that are happening, all over the world in schools, not just here, translated…
Q I’m Always Singled Out or Bullied
After Cheng-Cheng got out of class, he’d cried home to him mom, “Do my classmates hate me? Nobody wants to be in the same group as me.”
Cheng-Cheng cried, that in P.E., when they’re playing group games, nobody wanted to be in the same group as he, in the end, the teacher assigned him into a certain group, but, the other kids of the group didn’t talk to him, played the game without the voices or the sounds, it’d made him sad. His mom didn’t know how to help him improve his interpersonal relationships at school either.
The often quiet and well-behaved Tzi is usually quiet and not talkative, didn’t know how to express herself well, every time when the class separated into groups, the rest of her classmates would dump the work they didn’t want onto her, she couldn’t finish, so, she’d taken home the assignment, for her mother to help her to finish. Her mother felt heart wrenching over this, wanted to tell the teacher about it, but, Tzi had stopped her multiple times, fearing, that if her mother told the teacher, then, nobody wanted to be in the same group as she the next time the class had a group project.
A Are you being singled out, or, are others singling you out?
- The group projects in school is usually aimed at helping the kids learn to communicate, to cooperate, to express themselves, to respect each other, and to problem-solve, along with other abilities. Started in the elementary years, whether it be in the academic or nonacademic classes, there would be instances when there needed to be groups, especially in recent years, when the teaching realm started focused on the student-centeredness, and, getting separated into groups had become the norm in the classrooms. But, if the kids have “difficulties of dividing into groups”, then, this, certainly becomes a test for the instructors, as well as the parents.
Don’t Complain Alongside Your Child
The expert in education, Mom Mee said that when the child comes home and complains, the parents shouldn’t add gas to an already-burning fire by complaining about all the other kids in the class, and putting negative labels onto the other children, criticisms will only blur out the real problems, and it couldn’t teach the kids the right ways to handle their own difficulties in school. The important thing is, the result of when parents chimed into the kids’ ranting about their classmates will only cause the child to be farther apart from her/his classmates, becoming more and more isolated.
Mom Mee said, a lot of parents only see their own offspring, and ignored everything in the surrounding areas, and, the children’s value systems usually come from the parents, if the parents only complained and judged, then, it would turn into a vicious cycle, in the end, it’d become are ones’ own child being singled out by other kids in the class? Or, is my child singling others out in her/his class?
Mom Mee suggests that the parents should observe one’s own child interacting with the rest of the class, then, make the judgments. Mom Mee had once brought some snacks to the class when her own child was working on a group science fair project, and, took the advantage to observe the other children’s personalities who are in the her own child’s group, some enjoyed hollering out orders, others, stayed quiet, that way, she’d know, if her child’s complaints when he arrived home were valid or not.
Encourage Positive Thinking
Mom Mee said, that the elementary level children’s group projects are usually done after school at a classmate’s house, and, this, is a good time when the parents can make the observations.
Mom Mee said, sometimes, the child isn’t popular, that doesn’t mean that s/he is doing something wrong, it’s just that every single child is from a different family, and, some would be unadapted to how a certain classmate spoke, or how the classmates treated the things they’re working with, this, is very normal as well. She’d encouraged her son to use “positive thinking skills”, to smile at the other classmates more often, to offer more encouragements or compliment the classmates, that way, it’d shorten the distance between the classmates.
Mom Mee analyzed, that kids in elementary schools couldn’t be that awful, even if when a child is singled out or ignored on purpose, it must’ve been caused by something that happened in school. She said, that she’d heard about a child who was singled out by his classmates for “stealing things constantly”, but, after she’d gotten to know the child’s family backgrounds, she’d learned, that the child has everything s/he wants, and s/he couldn’t differentiate between taking and stealing, that s/he didn’t intentionally steal from her/his classmates. This sort of a bad behavior needed the corrections from the parents at home and the teacher’s directions, that way, the child can be accepted by her/his classmates.
Find Out the Blind Spot in the Child’s Personality
The National Teachers’ Union’s Assistant Secretary, the senior instructor of Bei-Xing Elementary School, Lee said, that there would be more than one reason why a child is being singled out or ignored, it’s usually because of multiple reasons that were accumulated, like being a smart ass, spoiled to the point that s/he becomes attacking to other kids in her/his class, being a tattle-tell, etc., etc., etc.
Lee said, she’d met a first grader who thought he was so intelligent, that he’d focused on the academics totally, and, as he went to the second grade, he still couldn’t know all the names of his classmates, it’s expected, that he wasn’t like by others in his class. And, if the parents didn’t tell the child to change his behaviors, then, it may cause him to have more problems in the areas of interpersonal relations later on in his life.
Lee, in solving the issues of someone being singled out in her classrooms, would sometimes intervene, meaning that she’d assigned the groups, and appointed the parts that everybody needed to finish on time; another was to teach the one who singled others out to observe how the other classmates would act when s/he is around the child, could it be, that s/he’d done something, that’s caused the classmates to give sarcastic remarks, then, change oneself accordingly, and, the interactions usually becomes better in just one semester’s time.
“The kids actually care a lot about interpersonal relationships.” Lee said, a lot of the elementary students seemed not to care, but, they actually do care, a lot, learning to observe, to correct their own behaviors, can be beneficial to them in life.
There are also the students who thought very highly of themselves, enjoyed working alone too. Lee would pair these kids up with students who are falling behind, who don’t have too excellent learning capacities, and, have the students record down the conversations the other kids are having, or helping the student with their assignments, giving the child a sense of achievement, thus, learning to work in groups.
So, intervention is still the key when children are singling one another out, and, if this isn’t handled delicately or correctly, then, the kid being singled out will have HELL in school, so, the teacher’s role is extremely important, as well as the parents, because everything still starts at home, because kids still learn from observations.