Tag Archives: Burdened

The Sense of Helplessness that Accompanies Me, in Caring for You

Been feeling it, quite a lot lately, actually, with the progression of your dementia, we’d placed you on meds, took you to a TON of supposedly-helpful classes, and now, they’re kicking you out, because you’d become, disruptive to others, and couldn’t concentrate for a long time…

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, nobody can and will EVER understand, for I’m one, fighting, this war that I know I can’t EVER win!  But, I keep, fighting on, took you to the doctors, and watched him, wrote out that one MORE prescription slip, for your meds, and, I’d wanted to ask him, is there any way, that I can, slow down the progression, but, the words, got swallowed down, and, it’d tasted bitter, as they, trickled down my throat.

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, why am I the one, who must handle it all?  When you’d stayed with me, you’d talked of your other kids, as if, I don’t even matter, how, how can you forget me, I am, your caretaker, your other kids are either way too busy, or they don’t want you, only me, I was, the only one who took you in, and this, is how you repay me?

The sense of helplessness that accompanies me, in caring for you, does it ever, go away?  I know I shouldn’t, and I feel, extremely guilty for it, but, why can’t you, just die already?  You’d already, outlived your husband, isn’t that enough???

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Vicious Cycle

The Deaths I Carried

The deaths I carried, they grow in number by the day.  The deaths I carried, NOT just my own, but everybody else’s as well, because I’m the “carrier”, and I still didn’t have a choice, in become THE carrier here.

The deaths I carried with me for all this time, and I didn’t have a CLUE of how those deaths ended up with me as their keeper, until N-O-W.  The deaths I carried, are NO longer burdensome, as they’d weighed me down before.

The deaths I carried, they would all hurt like hell, and they used to pound on, beat up my heart each and every night, and they’d all called my name so loud, that even the earphones couldn’t keep out the noises, but I’d learned to deal, and now, they NO longer bothered me.

The deaths I carried, yours, mine, along with ours, and in the beginning, it DID hurt like H-E-L-L, but now, after all the storms had passed, I’m still MORE than O-K-A-Y, as for you, you will NEVER be okay, you can keep on telling yourselves that everything is peachy, dandy OR whatever, but you know, deep down, in your tell-tale hearts, that that, would be a L-I-E!!!

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Filed under Death by Negligence, Despair, Life, Lives Lost, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Perspectives, Right to Life, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

Carried Your Hearts for a Thousand Miles

You had, carried your hearts for a thousand miles, not wanting to, not knowing how to, put them down, and, they just weighed heavier, and heavier, and heavier, with each and every step you take.  Carried your hearts for a thousand miles, and, what are you supposed to do with them (the hearts) now?  You can’t just put it down, they’d get dirty, you can keep on carrying them, they’re getting heavier as each step grows more difficult. Carried your hearts for a thousand miles, hoping to find a place of rest, but you couldn’t, because there’s NO rest for your hearts, for they (your hearts!!!) wanted to travel NONSTOP, even though your minds and souls, and even, your bodies had grown weary.

Carried your hearts for a thousand miles, what do you want to do now?  Put them down?  You can’t, you wouldn’t know H-O-W to, you’d carried your hearts, in the palms of your hands, and now, you can’t put them (your hearts???) BACK inside your ribcages anymore………

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Stupidity, Writing