Tag Archives: Being Forgotten

Being the Primary Caretaker of Her Demented Father, “How Could He Forget Me!”

Caretaking of demented elderly, translated…

Patients who are diagnosed with dementia has a declining mental capacity, it’s such a tragic and sad process, and, the decline of mental capacity is not limited to the loss of memories, it’s often accompanied by the ability to make judgments as well as abstract thinking abilities on the decline as well, and, the whole thing combined, turned the matter into scenes after scenes of hard-to-deal with arguments and difficulties in one’s life.

Mr. Wang was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s many years ago, from the very beginning when the symptoms started when he’d started asking his family members the same questions again and again, to his eyes, slowly overcome with that look of helplessness, in the multiple sessions with the doctor, the families were told that this, IS the progression of Alzheimer’s, and, the children could comply with how their father would fall silent from time to time, and get loud every now and then, and they’d returned home to visit with him even more, hoped, to keep the years shared on the increase.

His Youngest Daughter Took Good Care of Him, But, Her Father Had, Forgotten Her

Ms. Wang is the youngest of her family, when her father was diagnosed, she was the one who’s not yet married, their mother died early, so naturally, she’d shouldered up the responsibilities to care for him.  With the worsening of her father’s condition, Ms. Wang took an early retirement from the school she’d taught at, and, helped her father live off of his own savings, as well as her own retirement pensions, the days are hard, and, seeing how her father deteriorated by the day, she’d started fretting.

When Mr. Wang started becoming delusional and started arguing with her, Ms. Wang realized that her father’s conditions had progressed even further.  From time to time, her father would have that doubtful gaze, asked her, “What’s your name?”, she thought, that it was a temporary moment of memory lapse, how could he forget, the daughter who’s by his side for all these years, until the day…

“Dad, wake up for your breakfast!”, as Ms. Wang prepared the meals, and waken her father up for it, her father looked at her, with panic, screamed, “GET AWAY from me!  Why are you in my house!  What do you want from me!”, Ms. Wang was shocked, and had, time and time, told Mr. Wang her name, that she was the daughter he’d lived with every single day now, but, Mr. Wang kept denying her as his daughter, and insisted, that his daughter lives in another city.

As Her Father’s Condition Progressed, She’d Become a Stranger to Him

Ms. Wang called up her older sister, and handed the phone to her father, and her father behaved like a child who was shocked, told her eldest that there was a bad lady that came to his house, and, as he spoke, the tears of panic came to his eyes.  At which time, Ms. Wang could no longer hold it in, started tearing up, by the corner of the walls.

As the eldest sister rushed back home, her father, with that look of panic, hid out in his own bedroom, and, her youngest sister, without ANY facial expressions, sitting in the living room, crying.  Ms. Wang finally cracked, she’d screamed hysterically, “How can he forget me!  I’d given up my job for him, sacrificed my love life, my life, used ALL the energies I have, to care for him, and, all he could remember was, you, the daughter who married far off, are all these years I’d been giving my life for naught now?”

A Slow-Rewind of His Memories, the Hardships Were, Forgotten First

The memories of the demented elderly started getting lost, from the newer ones, so, at first, they’d have troubles, recalling what was just said to them, then, with the progression of the disease, the patients’ memories started to rewind forward.

The earliest memories that one has is the slowest to be gone, and so, Mr. Wang may forget about his youngest daughter, then, his oldest, forgetting about one’s own offspring, before one’s own spouse, and, it’s all because of the difference in the time and accumulation of moments shared.

A lot of the younger and unmarried children became the primary caretakers of demented parents, but, with the progressions of the illness, it’d made the caretaking duties harder to handle, and they’re the very first to get forgotten.  But, the blurring of the demented patients and the simplified logic, a condition that neither parties wanted to have happened occurs.  Other than handling the caretaking duties, one must also have plans for one’s own life, and you must share your thoughts with someone else, so you don’t carry it all on yourselves.

So, from this, you CAN see, how uneven the primary caretaker feels, right?  She’s the one who took her father in, took good care of him, and yet, she’d become a stranger to him, and, this would be hard for this woman to handle because she’d put EVERYTHING into caring for her demented father, and, in the end, he couldn’t even recognize him anymore, but that, is the progression of this illness of old age.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Old Age

Upon Finding My Mother Who Has Dementia, She’d Forgotten the Fears, and Forgotten Me Too

Dealing with a demented elderly person at home here, translated…

This early, you’re not even at the age when she could get government money, you’d already been diagnosed with dementia, and, all we can do, is to start, fighting this entangling war with the illness!

It’s been seven years now, and, you’d often exclaimed to us, “There’s a thief in my house, and, he’d often take my things!”, and would often cried, “there’s food in the house, but, I’m not allowed to eat” “you kept telling me to get a bath, wash my hair”, “this, is not my home, when, do I get to go home?”………

From the very start, you couldn’t get home, to now, you don’t know where “home” is, from not recalling the names of your kids and grandkids, to now asking, “who are you?”

In order to provide the best kind of care for you, we’d selected a home community that’s ranked the highest, and we’d prayed, hard, for a miracle!  When the weekends or holidays rolled around, we’d taken you out all over, to the exhibitions and arts and cultural events, to go to lectures, to hopefully, slow down, your deterioration, and hoped that you can have a few more years of lucidity!

This year, at New Year’s holiday, in order to go see your grandchildren perform music, we’d accidentally lost sight of you at Ximenting!  Although this was not the very first time you’d gone astray from us, but, at this place where there are so many others all around, we’d worked really hard, searching, even called the police for assistance!  As the night rolled on in, after nine hours of running around in circles, I’d turned around, and, in the distance, where the lights were dimming slowly, there was, a familiar backside, it’s you, it IS you!

I’d started wailing in the depth of the nights, and, you merely turned your head around, and asked me, with this tone of voice, as nothing had happened, “what’s wrong, are you okay?”, thank heavens, you’d already forgotten fear, forgotten hunger, thirst, and how tired you were, forgotten us, as well as yourself now!

My mother, thank you, for becoming demented, allowing us, to accompany you to the very end with all our minds, hearts and souls, but, DO walk slowly, slower, slower still, so I can, slowly, remember, the way you looked!

Such a sad story, isn’t it?  And no, I’m still not stating it on the mother’s part, but for the child’s, and this, is what the end of dementia will look like, because, as those demented elderly age, they will, eventually forget EVERYTHING, who they are, who you are, and, leave you, with the pains of loss, of losing your parents, and, that, is something that we may all have to face up one day, as the families, and as the patients, being diagnosed with dementia…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Despair, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age