Tag Archives: a Mother’s Love

From When Her Son with Cerebral Palsy Was Three, She’d Accompanied Him in His Studies, for Twenty Years on End

The devotions of a mother, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

There was a mother-son pair at the Sales Majors of Shu-De Technical University, the son was Han-Wen Lee, with cerebral palsy, the mother was his accompanying study partner, Li-Hua Yo; from when her son was in the early intervention programs at age three, all the way to his college years, the mother would come to class to help her son in class, looking after her child, it’s the most beautiful scene on the campus.

Yo said, that her son was a premature baby, stayed in the incubator for two months, later on, the doctors confirmed the diagnosis of cerebral palsy.  Her son is of normal intelligence and she feared that isolating him will cause him to not learn as well, insisted on placing his son in the normal classes; for this, she’d quit her job as a receipts person at the hotels, and started accompanying her son full-time, all the way, to college.

As her son’s study partner, Yo and her son would sit in the front row each and every time there’s a class, and the mother became the “eldest” member of the class.  They’d never missed a session of class, upon entering into college, the mother was even MORE studious than her own son, she said, that on the one hand, this made up for how she wasn’t able to go to college, and, as she’d returned home, she could help her son in his studies.

Lee sits in the wheelchair, is immobilized, his hands, bent out of shape, other than being his mother, Yo also worked as his physical therapist, and tutor, would help work her son’s hands and feet, also helped him with his homework assignments too, “It’s an affinity, he became our child, and we must care for him”, “So long as his body doesn’t deteriorate, it would be an improvement.”

Yo would keep watch over her son, but, in middle school, her son’s classmates still threw trash on him, he was bullied, and, although Yo felt heart wrenching, she didn’t scream at them, “children are normally rebellious in the middle school years, rather than scolding them, teaching them the right way would be a better approach.”

The professor from the Sales Major of the Technical University, Huang said, that Mrs. Lee would drive her son to and from school every single day, moving him to and from class, guys their built would feel it was difficult, but she’d never complained, nor had she ever raised her voice at her son.”  Lee who was sitting close by said, “It’s just her luck!”, it’d made Yo laugh.

A fellow classmate, Cho said, that Mrs. Lee would help her son take notes, and, would encourage him to participate in class too, and sometimes, when Han-Wen could answer, the rest of the class couldn’t, they felt ashamed of themselves.  Lin, another classmate said, that Mrs. Lee not only took care of her son in class, she’d also treated the other members of the class who are handicapped, as if they were her own too.

There was a case where the parent killed his own son with cerebral palsy, Yo was deeply touched by the story, she said, the children wouldn’t want to be like this also, the parents MUST accept them as they are, so can the rest of the world.

And so, this mother had positive views, although her son has this condition, she’d not given up on him, instead, she’d made it her responsibilities to accompany him, and that, is the heart, of a wonderful mother.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Child Development/Education of Children, Children with Rare Conditions & Special Needs, Choices, College Life, Expectations, Life, News Stories, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Philosophies of Life

The Way We Were Intimate with Each Other

A chapter of a book I’m currently reading, on how a mother worked so hard, to get her son back, translated…

As he was growing up, he was a well-known Siamese twin, no matter where we go, he’d stayed so very close to me.  When he was ten, we’d gone on a boat ride down Yangtze River, the Chinese asked him, “You’re very old, and still clung on to your mom?”, I saw he was embarrassed, and told the people who made the comment, “Children from Taiwan are all like that!”

Since he’d moved in with his father when he was in the third grade, and only spent the weekends with me, on the surface, he looks he’s growing up, actually he’d slowly, distanced himself from others, and started differentiating, and, there was a great distance between our hearts then.  At the worst, was back in his high school career, when he had his exams, he’d casted everybody out.

My heart ached nonstop, and I didn’t believe that he didn’t need my love at all.  I’d used a different method every day, to try to get through to him, even though, it was still very difficult, to break his defenses down, we were, however, able to get back that level of trust we’d shared when he was younger, but, he no longer behaved intimately toward me anymore.

When we first arrived to Toronto, he carried the heavy burdens of his academics, and after each and every meal, he’d returned back to his computer desk, the only time we had to converse with each other WAS during suppertime.

From time to time, after the suppers, he didn’t get up to leave, as I’d gotten up, to take the dishes and the bowls to the kitchen, he’d helped me out, then, went and finished his homework.  Later, I’d discovered, that if he didn’t get up to leave after supper, that meant he wanted to carry on the conversations, if I just sat in silence, he would too, sit in the silence, at which time, I had to find something to talk to him about.

It’s really hard for me, to come up with new ideas for our conversations, and, it became easier, if I’d grabbed the ideas off the top of my head, “Did your school teacher ever give you the writing assignment of ‘My Mother’?”

“No, why?”

“Because if your teacher gave you an essay, you can begin with: There’s this CRAZY lady at my house…”, he’d continued, “Then, after that, she’s very kind.”

“Wow, you’re so gentle with me!”, I was so excited that I jumped up.

“Oh, I’m NOT done yet—“, he said, “She would pretend to be crazy, to make her son laugh.”

“See how nice it is, to have a mother who can act crazy from time to time!”, he’d finally become the son I enjoyed conversing with now.

One day, I had to go away with a friend and spend a night out, I’d made a TON of food for him.

“How was it, having the entire house all to yourself?”, as I’d walked in, I’d asked him.

“Not really used to it,” he smiled and told me, “Because no one’s here to bug me.”

And, it’s true, regularly, I’d been the one, poking fun at him, he almost never start talking to me on his own, never asked for anything, and, if I wasn’t careful enough, he’ll, fall back into that silent abyss again.  And so, every night after supper, I’d used my six sense, to “see” if he wanted to stay around and chat awhile.  And so, sometimes, we’d talked, from after supper until a little over ten o’clock in the nights.

That, was the way he’d shown intimacy toward me as a teen.  This, was not the way I’d expected him to act, or what I’d liked to see on the improvements of our interactions.  I’d always wanted him to be more active, to be more playful, to actively strike up a conversation, even, he could complain a bit, or act out more.  But he doesn’t, in his early adolescence, he’d been extremely quiet, and now, he’d become more inward, treated his words, as if they were gold, and sometimes, I’d still have to guess, the meanings behind his actions, and from time to time, I’d felt: it’s so hard, to be a mom who needs to play the guessing game constantly!

But, I changed my thoughts, this sort of a parent-child interaction isn’t at all that bad, whenever we’d drifted the conversations to something that’s of depth, then, he’d become this knowledgeable young man.  After college, he’d become even more knowledgeable than I, and, when I held conversations with him, I could gain a lot of information.  He’d used his own way, to get closer to me, and I should accept his interacting with me, with my arms, wide open.

And so, the mother didn’t PUSH the son, to interact with her, the way SHE sees fit.  She’d let him take his time, not prodding him too hard, and just BE his strong backup when he needed her to be, and this mother was happy, playing the supporting role in her son’s life too.

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under Awareness, Communications, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Properties of Life, Translated Work

A Stranger’s Child

She was, a stranger’s child, the offspring, of someone I never knew, and I will NEVER know, she came to our family to live with us, because we’d signed up to be foster parents.

A stranger’s child, I’d found it hard to make connections with her, there are just too much sorrows, and sadness too, in her young eyes, and, I’d felt her sorrows, and, it’d become too hard, for me to even look at her, because I’d felt ALL her pains, sorrows, and sufferings.

A stranger’s child, how can that be? She was MINE, and yet, she is just, so distant, and, it was, just WAY too hard, for me, to keep reaching out, to those empty hands, and eventually, I’d given up, and, the moment I’d stopped trying to love her, she’d responded, turns out, that I was, trying WAY too hard, to love this stranger’s child, and, all I had to do, was to relax, and, everything still falls, into ITS rightful place, I’d become her mother, and her, my daughter now…

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Adoption, Attitude, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Social Awareness, Values, White Picket Fence