Category Archives: Turning One’s Life Around

With a Change of Thought, I Had, Finally, Come Home

An article from a magazine online, translated…

When I was in the fifth grade, my mother had left home with some of her friends.  Before that, she’d always brought home her friends who don’t look male or female, to smoke, to drink with.  I’d told my mother, “The friends you brought home were awful!”, she’d hit me on the head, and locked me up, inside that room, in the attic.

On an evening, when the rain was pouring down, my mother didn’t come home, so, my father went, to look for her.  At the time when I was worrying about whether or not my father was going to get run over by a car, he’d come home, with my mother, drunk.  My mother who had passed out, couldn’t stop herself from throwing up, the three of us kids, cried, and kneeled before her, only I, stayed in the bedroom, as my third-youngest brother came knocking, “We’re all out here, begging mom, to stop what she was doing, won’t you come with us, and do the same too, eldest brother?” I’d only had one reply, “I’m asleep”, but, I was, actually very much awake, I’d told the walls, “I do not have such a mother!”

And from then on, I’d not viewed my mother as my mother again.  But my father, he just won’t give up, it took him, twelve years, to finally, divorce her.  Even if I’d called out to my mother’s friends, and her friends managed to find someone they knew, who just got out of prison, to come and kill me; and even if, the only time my mother came home was, when she needed money, to scam my father out of his earnings, he’d still, wanted her.  I was very furious, I’d asked him to get a divorce, but he’d told me, “a home is when we all get together, no matter what she did, she is still, your mother, I will, pull her back home to us again.”  My father grew up in the warring times, he had another wife in China, and his eldest brother in China is already in his seventies, and his persistence toward my mother made me feel less about him.

A Father Who’s an Educator, With Trouble-Making Children

My father was an educator, when I was a teenager, he had to face the doubts of his school principal, “You’re a discipline instructor, and yet, you couldn’t even manage to, control your own children, how, did you educate them?”  My father could only, transfer me out of that first school, I too, wanted to be good, it’s not that I can’t, I just, didn’t know how.  I felt so borderline, often got upset, depressed, but at the same time, I was, filled with energy, and I’m often on edge, in my psychological state of mind.

The four kids from my family, before we were twenty-five, none of us behaved.  I was the eldest, played the role of the “savior” of my family, I’d disciplined my own younger brothers and sister.  I wasn’t at all studious, but at the same time, I was forcing my younger sister, to recite the poems; I’d run off to hang out with friends, but, banned my younger brothers from so doing; I would physically hit my second youngest brother, and, when I couldn’t win in fights, I’d simply, ignored him.

I didn’t get into college until I was twenty-three, before that, I’d worked as a construction worker, a mover.  As my third youngest brother went to technical college, he’d received, two major reprimands, two minor ones, along with endless number of warnings.  My father had often commented, “My heart was hacked in two.”  I too, was in great pain, and I’d often thought, that had my mother not behaved as she’d done, maybe, our household wouldn’t be a huge mess.  As I thought about my mother, anger started, raging inside of me.

And I didn’t get along well with my father either, I’d never celebrated a birthday from when I was growing up.  My father always told me, poor people don’t have birthdays.  But, on the day that I’d turned twenty, my father, he bought me, a birthday cake.  Did you know that, for a child who’d never been kempt, in accepting love, when my father showed me his cares and concerns, I felt, awkward, “I don’t want it, why are you giving me a cake?” this awkward feeling that came out of nowhere, without taking even a bite from the cake, I’d slammed the doors, and left the house.

I got trapped between, needing and wanting my family to love me, and yet, at the same time, I’d despised this feeling of needing their love.  Love is so warm, why can’t I just, embrace it?  Because I’d lived, for too long, in this icy environment, that this sudden warmth imposed upon me, I wouldn’t know, how to cope with.

My mother’s leaving home had caused me to feel so very lonely, I’d once imagined, that when I was feeling lonely, my mother would come to me, and hug me.  But when I saw other people’s moms, hugging them, I’d started crying, so hard, that, was the shared grief, for people who’d lost their mothers.

At age thirty-two, the school I taught at sent us to take the Satir Counseling method, back then, I was, so totally, against counseling, always believed, that those in the field of psychology is prying into the personal matters of others.  But, on that very first day of class, I was, shocked, at the lecturer’s open attitude, his forgiving nature, and his not blaming me.  I was, shaken up, from the inside out, and learned, that there was, this way, of relating to others.

I’d decided, to go into counseling then, back then, I had only $200,000N.T. in savings, I took out $60,000N.T., for the sessions right away.  For the next two years, I’d gone, every month, to Chenggong University, to talk to, the psychiatrists, and the social workers, in the process of talking and listening, I’d gained a better understanding of my own mother.  My heart was opened, I understood, that I was feeling sad, my own losses, and regrets as well, and I had, the ability now, to examine, the origins of all of those negative feelings of mine.

Finding the Last Piece of the Puzzle Called “Family”

In the counseling sessions, there was an assignment, it was, for the pupils, to draw a diagram of their families, that, was the very first time, so I’d called her up, she was very surprised, to hear my voice, for the first time in twenty years since she’d left home, that was, the very first time I’d gotten in touch with her by my choice, I no longer, grilled her about why she’d abandoned us, or took that tone of blame when I spoke to her, and, because I wasn’t angry, she didn’t react as rashly either.  She’d mentioned how she was, volunteering, helping the deceased from the less fortunate families clean up their bodies, because she wanted to, atone for her own sins.  I felt awful, told her, that although I didn’t condone what she’d done back then, but I don’t think she’s with that much guilt, that she needed not be, too hard on herself.  “I respect, that we could, travel on this long journey together.”  She’d started crying on the other end of the line, and started apologizing to me continuously.

I’d even told her, that I’d admired her, because seeing and knowing where she had come, in the midst, of all the difficulties in her life, whether or not she liked it, she’d still, lived on, using her own methods.

I’d come to understand my own mother, through the “needs of a man”, when she married my father, she was only nineteen, they were, more than twenty years apart in age, could there be, that there was, a huge part of her life, that never quite was satisfied?  I’d also come to realize, that even though my father is a Mr. Nice-Guy, he did have, a ton of the traditional values, such a young life, married to my father, without any forms of fun or entertainment, it must’ve been, so unfair to my mother.

With a change of a thought, I’d gotten myself out of the grief I’d felt for so very long, made peace with my own mother.  This year on Chinese New Year, by tradition, the children would head over to our birth mother’s place to give her the red envelopes, then, head home, to my father and my stepmother, to have our New Year’s Eve supper together.  I can, finally, enjoy, this hard-to-come-by family get-together on New Year’s Eve this year.

And so, this, is the process of how a man finally found the closure that he needed to have, in order, to move on, with the rest of his life, it wasn’t at all easy, for him, to forgive himself, and his own mother, for her leaving him and his siblings behind, but, he was able to, consider his own mother’s perspectives, and, understood why she did what she had done, and this still took, a lot of hard work to achieve, and this man, had done it, finally!!!

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Filed under Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Healing Process, Letting Go, Observations, Overcoming Obstacles, Professional Opinions, Properties of Life, Socialization, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values

The Happiness of the Present Day Comes from the Hard Work from the Past

Happiness still doesn’t come easily, it comes from a TON of hardships from before, translated…

My aunt, for all angles examined, is a woman with happiness, from the words of the modern day, she’s a woman from the “Victories in Life” group.  My aunt is not among the beautiful women who are older, but there’s an air about her, it’d make people want to get closer to her.  She is an amazing cook, but, she doesn’t need to work in the kitchen every single day and sweat like crazy and put up with the oils and the fumes daily.

Her son, my older cousin, has a stable job with a good income, and is with a girlfriend whom he wants to marry.  My aunt has two cats, both are very cute.  And my uncle, he’s retired, and, they’re very close to one another, they’d go to see a matinee or have coffees, hang out with their friends; and, when they wanted to, they’d gone traveling, in the vicinity, they’d driven to the very next city, and they’d also gone away on foreign trips for one to two weeks at a time.

This sort of life, I’m so envious, it’s made of pure enjoyment!  They lived very simply, they didn’t need a TON of name brand items, nor do they watch the stock markets often, but, they’re very rich spiritually and psychologically.

Once I was having a conversation with mom and mentioned my aunt to her, I’d said how I envied my aunt.  My mom smiled at me and said, “Your aunt’s happiness now is an accumulation of her hardships from before, did you know, that when she was young, she was diagnosed with depression?”

When I heard it, you could hear my jaw drop, I couldn’t put an equal sign with my aunt and depression.  My mom told me, when my uncle was younger, he was always busy at work, would work until ten in the nights, and so, when my aunt first married, she’d shouldered an assortment of household chores, took care of buying the new house, and moving, as she was pregnant, she’d taken the cabs to the hospital for her prenatal checks.  And because they’d moved away from their hometown, she didn’t feel fitting, calling up the relatives all the time, and so, the stresses accumulated, and eventually, it crushed her, and she was diagnosed with depression.

Gladly, in her friend’s consoling her, and for the sake of her son, my aunt went to the doctors in time, and became more stabilized.  And, a few years later, my uncle’s hard work was noted and got his promotion, and his work time became more flexible, and would come home to eat supper with her and their son before eight at night.

Mom told me, how happy my aunt is, that’s how hard she’d worked from before.  That, was when I’d realized that my aunt who seemingly had a smooth-sailing life is so strong; and learned, that the bliss of a family doesn’t come from wishing for it or fantasizing about it, it comes from the hard work, and the careful guarding it.

And so, this still shows, that you shouldn’t just SEE the surface of things, just because someone seemed well-off to you right now, doesn’t mean that the person didn’t work her/his asses of, to get everything s/he rightfully earned and deserved.

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Lessons, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Values, Women's Issues

Spinning

Still in the PTSD cycle here, but surely, getting closer to healing every single day…

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Healing Process, Life, Turning One's Life Around, Vicious Cycle

Worried that the Reformed Inmate Who’d Lost Contact with Him Returns to Their Old Ways, He’d Notified the Police to Arrest Him

Here, is a man who REALLY, TRULY cared, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Chen, who was a reformed man who works as an executive of a security guard company, learned that his subordinate, Ling, who’d worked hard after his release from prison five years ago, he’d taken the extra care and concern on him, he’d lent out his motorcycle, and his residence to the other man, but, all of a sudden, Ling cut off contact with him, didn’t even return the motorcycle back to him.  Chen originally wanted to forget it, but, six months later, he’d received a ticket, he’d worried, that Ling may have returned to the bad ways, decided to notify the police, to force him out.

Last month on the twenty-sixth, Ling (age 29) got a call from the police, and he’d automatically returned the motorcycle back to Chen (age 40) who’d helped him, and showed remorse and regret; he said, that he’d worked odds and ends, and couldn’t afford a prepaid cell phone card, so that, was why he couldn’t call Chen back.  Chen saw how his “younger buddy” is still working hard, and told the police, “I’ll drop the charges”, but the police still booked Ling on taking things that don’t belong to him.

The police investigated and found, that Ling was a driver for a scam ring five years ago, he got sent to prison for four months; after he was released, he’d found his own way, but he didn’t have a stable job, and was without a set place of residence, at the start of the year, he’d found a job as a security officer in a wholesale place; his superior, Chen (age 40) learned that Ling was a released inmate, he’d started telling him everything; in order to help those who are younger, who are just like him, he’d lent out the empty house, the motorcycle, wanting to help alleviate the economic stresses of Ling, “Don’t ever go back again!”

And Ling left the job for unknown reasons later on, and took off in Chen’s motorcycle, Chen didn’t mind not having it back, until Chen received a ticket, and he’d made multiple phone calls to Ling, but he didn’t pick up, he feared, that Ling had returned to his bad ways again, he’d decided, to “actively” seek him out.  He’d gone to the police, to tell them, that Ling had took his motorcycle without his permission; two days later, Ling received a call, to head over to the station, and Chen immediately rushed to the subprecinct to see him.

As Chen saw Ling, he’d grilled him, “Why didn’t you call me?”, Ling felt sorry and thankful toward the man who’d helped him; he’d told him, that he was living in the workers’ shack, and worked as a construction worker, and because of long hours, and the schedules are flipped, and he didn’t have the money to buy the pre-paid phone cards, that he didn’t mean to not pick up his calls, or returned his calls.  Ling had even shown Chen his wages for the month of July, proved that he’d earned $5,000N.T. last month, and had wanted “to make more, before I paid you back!”

Chen saw how the younger man didn’t go astray, he’d signed the settlement, and said that he was dropping the charges; but the police pointed out, that taking someone’s belongings is a public indictment charge, that after it’s been reported, it can’t be retracted.

And so, because this man had had his share of time in jail, and he knew how hard it is, firsthand, for someone to start all over again, he’d shown kindness to a man in his similar predicament, and, he showed care and concern, and genuinely had the good will of this other man in mind.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Helping Behaviors, Kindness Shown, Observations, Stories of Hope, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values

The Naughty Boy Became a Dancer

Such a huge change, isn’t it?  So, I take it he’s found his direction then???  Translated…

Toward the end of June, I was invited by a friend, to go see a play at Sun-Yatsen Memorial Hall, “The Crazy Soap”.  The skilled actors and actresses portrayed the formulated love affairs between men and women from the television shows, and the amazing voices kept ringing in my head too.

But, what’s more impressive was something else, the choreographer introduced the dancers, the performance arts department students from Chuangjing Technical High School.  Because of the combination of classes, these students were able to get involved in the stages, and they’d accommodated the main characters, very beautiful at time, and wild and free at others, it’d added to the stage presences.  When we’d entered into the auditorium and exited it, there were school students, directing us; in intermission, there were kids in the crowd, giving out flyers for their next performances.

After I got home, I’d flipped through the brochures, and in the “Introductions of Dancers”, I found a name I was familiar with.  Ah!  It’s him!  The boy that transferred to my class in the fourth grade.  I still recall how he would give the teacher headaches and get the girls to start to cry too; and maybe, because he wasn’t interested in the scholastics, so he didn’t do too well in class either.  The naughty boy who acted up a lot in the teacher’s eyes is now, a very good dancer on stage.

I’d felt so very happy for him, for finding his direction in life, he’s NO longer that little boy who acted up a lot anymore, instead, he’d become a chaser of dreams in the dancing group.  Working with the team, rehearsing too.  And maybe, one day, he’ll become an outstanding dancer too!

An evening of show, not only did it manage to impress me with the stage and the artsy-ness of the show, it’d also made this rendezvous with an old classmate possible, I believe, he’s more mature now, and is going to pursue his dreams in the realms of dancing.

And so, this still just shows, that even IF you were a kid who acted up a lot in class, if you don’t give up, searching for something that you’re good at, you can totally become a success in life, like this young man did.

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Filed under Child Development/Education of Children, Education, Expectations, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values

The Prince of Veggies and the Princess of Fruits, a Story on Marriage

A match made in heaven, perhaps?  Because even they worked in the same “industries”, they’d sold different products, so, there’s NOT any competition, translated…

These couple of days, the marketplace close by held a wedding, Xiang, who sold veggies around the corner became Mr. Fruit’s son-in-law, and, Mr. Fruit’s stand was just opposite of Xiang’s veggie stand.  As the news got out, everybody offered the newly wedded couple their blessings.

Xiang’s mother had been selling veggies, when her husband died a long time ago, for the sake of making ends meet, she’d sold veggies during the daytime, and at night, she’d worked as a dishwasher at the night markets.  And because of how busy she was, she’d failed to pay attention to Xiang, who was in his teenage rebellion state.  And because Xiang’s mother worked hard, and neglected to pay attention to Xiang, Xiang got involved with some bad friends, and, was sent to jail.

Two years ago, Xiang was out on parole, and because he couldn’t find a fitting job, he could only stay by his mother, to help out.  Maybe it’s because of the wrong roads he’d taken, or maybe he watched his mother age, and realized how hard life was for her, so he’d worked hard to help his mother, and, he understood the philosophy of produce and methods of selling, was extremely kind to the ladies who came to shop.

If he saw the shoppers with bags big and small, he’d asked, “Are you in a hurry?”  If not, he’d waited until he put up the stand, then, he’d deliver the goods.

His “Home-Services” is extremely popular, a TON of the shoppers would buy more from him, because they needed not haul it home themselves.  And because of his involvement with his mother’s business, the stand was doing quite well.

Xiang had found his direction in the marketplaces, other than taking good care of the veggie stand, he’d part-timed as a deliveryman for his friend’s business, to make the extra cash.  Because of how hard he worked, his kindness toward others, without ANY bad habits, nobody knew of his bad pasts.

Because Uncle Fruit saw him working so hard, he was willing to give his daughter’s hand in marriage to him.  At first, Xiang was reluctant to accept, he’d opened up about his history to Uncle Fruit, he feared that he may NOT be good enough, for the gentle and kind girl.

After six months, Uncle Fruit believed that this young man was amazing, other than working hard, he knew how to act properly, and that this boy, is someone he feels comfortable, giving his daughter’s hand to.

And just so, the Prince of Veggies and the Princess of Fruits became an “it couple”.  They did NOT go on their honeymoon, the very next day after they wed, they’d started working at the marketplaces.  Xiang was understanding that Uncle Fruit needed the extra help, and so, the bride would still help out there, and, after Xiang finished selling his veggies, he’d gone over to the fruit stands to help them out.

Everybody said Uncle Fruit was lucky, gained himself a helper.  Xiang was thankful toward his parents-in-law, to give him a new chance at life, he will work even harder, and be kinder to them both.

Seeing how Xiang had turned over a new leaf, started on his new life, I give my blessing to him.

And so, this man, who’d gotten into trouble from when he was younger, had started anew, now, he works hard, making an honest living, and, he was able to move the man to give him his daughter’s hand in marriage, and, this man is now, on the RIGHT path in life.

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Filed under Because of Love, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Early Exposures, Expectations, Family Matters, Fate, Kindness Shown, Lending a Helping Hand, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Relationship, Romance, Social Awareness, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values, Wake Up Calls

Losing My Daughter, Plus Being Diagnosed with Cancer, My Son’s Words Woke Me Up

The tale of a S-U-R-V-I-V-O-R, translated…

There’s a saying, that “the third daughter has a better fate.”, meaning that the third child always managed to get all the luck, being a fourth child, maybe, I’m just NOT so lucky, so, whenever I’d had a “dent in the road”, I’d believed, that it was fate, which gave me more courage, to face my own difficulties.

Recalling how when I lost my daughter, I still feel my heart aching now.  After these eighteen years, she’s everywhere I’d go, an apple of my eye, that didn’t have a chance, of growing up, the heavens took her away when she was very young, and it’d taken the happiness, the joy, and the hope away from our household, and it’d made me spend my days awfully.

The pains of losing her, and the bad moods from the loss, unimaginably, the bad cells in my body started acting up, I was diagnosed with cancer.  This HIT almost took me down completely, so many troubles had come my way, and, it’d made me live in pain, misery, and hatred. Right when I was at the most painful part of my life, my son reminded me, “Mom, DO forget those hurt now.”  At which time, I’d waken up, getting out of the vortex of pain, sorrows, and loss, is the best way.  And so, I’d sought out treatment options, gone to chemo and put up with the pains and the discomforts too, and I’d even started looking upon my deceased baby girl as an angel too, giving her mom encouragements and boosts from up above, helping me take up my heart of sorrows, so I can concentrate on fighting my cancer cells.

“If you’re a bull, then, you’d have to haul, and if you’re a human, then, you’d have to live through the pains”, that, was the traditionalist view of fate, it was hard, getting cancer, but, I can deal with it, compare to what others are going through, my pains and sufferings paled by comparisons.  So, I’d adjusted my attitude and mood constantly, since I couldn’t get rid of the cancer, then, I shall, dance the dance with it then!

Life, is made up of a series of misfortunes, and, there are too many worries to be had, only through living your day to day to its fullest, take advantage of the now, cherish those around you, then, the pains and the discomforts won’t defeat you, and, you’d bounce right back up, every time you got kicked down too.

And so, this, is from one woman’s wisdom, because she’d undergone so many trials and tribulations in her life, losing her child, then, being diagnosed with cancer, and undergoing the treatments, and, because of her strong heart and mind, that, was what carried her through.

 

 

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Filed under Attitude, Awareness, Being Alone, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Values, Wake Up Calls