Category Archives: On Death & Dying

Dealing with Death, Feelings Associated with Death

Her Life in Picture

On her funeral, her families and friends put together a slide show of her life in pictures, kinda like the ones played at those weddings???

It’d started out with her as an infant, her first step, her first word, so many firsts, to be recalled.  Her life had been a run-on, like the sentence?  She just, kept going, going, going, ‘til she’s finally gone, and, the story of her life, it’d played on, like a projector that’s broken, it just, looped around, endlessly, guess that, would be how her life was, huh?

Her life in pictures, there were ups, and downs, and, a whole lotta in-betweens, and, none of that mattered now, she’s gone, and, she’d managed to change so many lives, and, brightened up people’s lives with her mere presence, and, although she was real young when she’d passed away, nobody can disagree, that in her short life, she’d made the most of her time here.

Her life in pictures, but how?  How can someone’s life, be reduced to a few pictures?  After all, a person is changing, growing, every single day, and, there’s NO way possible, that anybody can manage to capture every single breath the someone takes………

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Filed under Cost of Living, Despair, Loss, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life, Story-Telling

The Face I Will NEVER See Again, on Losing Someone You Loved

Translated…

That Friday, I knew, I will never, see that face again.

I was raised, by my maternal grandmother, when my younger brother was born, my mother dropped me off at my grandma’s, recalling how steep the stairs to the second floor was, how my grandmother would carry me on her back up and down, and I’d never forgotten how warm, her back felt, against my chest, and, maybe, it’s because of this, I’d felt this especially close attachment to my maternal grandmother, every single thing that troubled me, I’d tell her about it.

My grandmother was slimly built, her skin had lost its elasticity, but, her eyes still shone brightly, it’s, as if, a young girl lives inside of her, ready to come out, at any moment, filled her with energy.  Every time I’d told her about my troubles, she would, slap my hands, told me, “Everything is bound to work out.”, this line, and her eyes, had given me the courage I’d needed in times.

With that sort of bright eyes, I thought, that my grandmother could live to a hundred, but, I was, wrong.

What crushed grandma was a serious illness, it came too fast, too hard.

As everybody was gathering in the hospital ward, discussing the treatment options, my grandmother who lay there, on the bed became especially thin and frail, with that emptiness in her eyes; I’d gone up to her, held on to her, and cried, but, my grandmother blinked, and, it’s, as if, that young adolescent girl started, dancing once more, in her eyes, and her face became filled with life once more.

“Don’t cry, you’re a boy, or, grandma will laugh at you, grandma’s just a bit tired is all.”, she’d slapped my hand, smiled, told me, “Everything will work out.”, the next day when I woke up, I went to go wake grandma up, and those eyes, they, never, opened back up again.

I didn’t ring for the doctor or the nurses, just, stared, at that face, with the jumpiness of a teenage girl, and then, there were, a few drops of water on her face; as I’d reached my hand to wipe it away, I’d realized, that the water, it came, from my own eyes, drip, drip, drip, the tears started falling down like rain, I couldn’t stop it, I didn’t want it to stop either.

“Everything will work itself out,” my grandma’s voice, seemed to ring in my ears, but, she’s a LIAR, I’d started crying, too hard that I couldn’t stand back up again.  There will, NEVER, be a way again.

And so, this, is how a boy, grieved for the loss of his own grandmother, and, because he was, raised by her, that, was why her death hit him, especially hard.

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Filed under Despair, Family Matters, Lessons, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Socialization

Last Words

Translated…

Zeng Shen once said, “Before a Man Dies, His Words are Kind”.  In the decades of life, been sucked, into endless moments of guilt, of dirt, and, only in the moment when one is about to pass, one can finally, let it all go, and can finally, say the words of kindness that came from the heart, leaving behind, the last scent of beauty for this world.

And still, it isn’t so in the real world.  The elders wanted their offspring to inherit their “last wills”, and the children always wanted the inheritances instead, and so, the last will will always be debated on.  The children from the rich families would fight each other in court for the inheritances, get the paternity tests, that’s nothing new already.  Emperor Yong-Zhen from the Ching Dynasty, is still being debated on, with NO end to it.

In the detective novels, after the last wills are left, the cases start.  The assortment of the last wills, not only are they filled with mysteries, they’d also make people feel that strong “scent” of death.  The historic “Island to the Gates of Hell”, is probably the weirdest case of all: a soldier who’d returned home after the war, had gotten infected with something serious on his trip back, right before he’d passed, he’d told his comrade, Inugami, “if I couldn’t arrive home, to inherit my great inheritance, all three of my sisters will be murdered.”

But, this was still, a spoken well final words.  More than common were, the deceased was murdered out of the blue, and, before they’d died, they couldn’t mumble their words out, all they could do was, use their final strengths, grabbed onto something, even, using her/his blood, and wrote the illegible writings, to leave the hints as to who’d killed them.  Naturally, under these circumstances, there’s NO way that the person about to die can write legibly, “Mr. Police Man, my husband murdered me!”, and, even IF the deceased was able to write legibly, the handwritten words would have gotten destroyed by the murderer just the same.

“The Words Before Dying”, was like a signal that came out of the blue, the deceased couldn’t use the elaborate schemes to write out the final messages, nor could the person write for that long, the person can only use hints, to try to tell others about her/his murderer’s identity.  By the same token, the detectives must also have an active imagination, to piece together the crime scenes, and, to understand what the deceased was hinting at.

The British master, Charles Dickens also wrote a couple of detective stories, his final work, “The Mystery of Edwin Drood”, was only half way written, then, he’d died, of a stroke, in the end, nobody knows who the killer is (or rather, why the victim had gone missing).  In the end, a lot of writers, critics critiqued this halfway finished work, found an assortment of explanations, of them all, the British writer, Peter Rollins’s “The Case of the Missing Edwin Drood”, even had Sherlock Holmes, to sort out the case.

Every once in awhile, the Japanese writer, Yoshimura Tatsuya, died of stomach cancer in 2012.  The year before, he’d just planned to finish a series of a hundred volumes of “The Mysterious Creatures”, in the end, he was only able to complete three volumes before his death.  On the day he’d died, there was an obituary written by himself on his official website: “Hi everybody, thank you for supporting my work.  It’s really suddenly, that I actually died this time.  And, the identity of QAZ, and the truth of “The Mysterious Creatures”, after I’d had my funeral, there would be a more detailed notice later on.”

Yes, I must remember, that as a detective story writer, telling my readers who the killer is in my final work, is the most important part of my last will.  And, if the onset of death is sudden, then, you MUST “leave a final message before your time”.

And so, this, is the matter of life and death, the last wills, the final words, from a detective novelists’ perspective, and, you don’t know when your time is up, and, there’s NO way of preparing for it before hand, all you can do, is to make sure, that you do everything you’re supposed to every single day, and the rest, there’s NO way you can make sure!

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Filed under Expectations, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, Writing

As I Leave This World…

Death, is about, to come, finally, it took my hands, and, moments of my past, fluttered, right before my mind’s eyes.  As I leave this world, I wanted to tell the ones whom I loved the most how I felt, but, before I could open my mouth and say those three little words to them, the wind got KNOCKED out of me!

As I leave this world, I feel rather, relaxed, no scent of regret, as I thought I would have, how odd???  As I leave this world, I feel, elated, instead of fearful, as death had come, to embrace me, in his arms now, I know, I’ll be okay, it’s the ones I’m leaving behind that I’m worried over the most.

So, I must take the time I have left, to help them, accept the fact, of the imminent loss of me, because I will die, I can feel it.  As I leave this world, I went, just as I’d come in, kicking AND screaming, I KNOW I’d lived a good life, and, nobody ELSE can convince me otherwise!  As I leave this world, I feel, nothing, NO sorrows, no regrets, and, as I breathed out, that last, final breath………

As I leave this world, I know, I’d finished this RACE, and, although I didn’t win, but, on a grander scale, I know, I’d done, VERY well, for this brief time I was here, and with that, I’d, exhaled, my final breath, and then, nothing.

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Filed under Awareness, Lessons, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life

You Can Give Up if You Want to…

You can give up if you want to, baby, I know it’s been hard, you’re a fighter, I know, but, I don’t want to see you fight anymore, because we’re fighting a war, with absolutely NO chance of us, winning it!

You can give up if you want to, don’t be so headstrong, child, don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, and, surely, I will grieve, very hard, for you, but, that, is just how people deal with losses in their lives, they CRY, they MOURN for it, but, after a good cry, we still all must, get BACK up and run again.

You can give up if you want to, I know you’re a fighter, but, I don’t want to see you suffer anymore, so, just give up already, love.  You can give up if you want to, I won’t hold it against you, I know you love me, and I know that you know I love you too, and, I just can’t bear, seeing you slowly, deteriorate away, so, just let go, it’ll be okay, I promise………

You can give up if you want to, that doesn’t mean that you’d lost the fight, oh no, I will keep on, fighting, on your behalf, letting the world know your story, I will carry on everything you never got a chance to see and do, I will live on, and let the world know about you, so, you will NEVER be forgotten by anybody whose lives you’d touched.

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Filed under Cost of Living, Healing Process, Letting Go, Life, Loss, On Death & Dying, Properties of Life

Allowing the Elderly to Die at Home

When taking care of the elderly population became an affair of the entire community, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

Last Sunday, I went with my wife to visit my mother-in-law who lives in a nursing home.  Perhaps, it was because of the coming of Mother’s Day, there are more than usual of the families who were there, there was NOT an empty seat in the meeting rooms, it was, extremely populated.

In the three years’ time, because we’d gone to visit my mother-in-law often, the elderly in the home would know us, and we’d engaged in conversations with them from time to time too.  All of the residents are all elderly, coming and going, dealing with death, became a norm here.

That day, the elderly sitting in the next table was someone whom we’d never seen before, she seemed to have been recently admitted.  Turns out, the woman accompanying her, either her daughter or daughter-in-law, kept explaining to her how well the place is, and how she’d be looked after by nurses, how wonderful it is, to be living here.

And still, the elderly woman didn’t buy it, still held her straight face, kept mumbling on how she wanted to go home.  Apparently, the woman had lost her patience, she’d stood up all of a sudden, raised her voices, yelled, “You do not have a place to live in now, do you not know that?”, and her raised voice had, alarmed everybody who was also there, and, all of a sudden, the atmosphere fell silent, and the air froze in the room.

I can understand, that the woman’s attempts to make the elderly feel that there’s NO hope whatsoever for her, to head back to her old home again, but, it’d hit all the elderly there, where it hurt them the most.  I watched my mother-in-law before me, took a long and deep breath, and my wife who’s next to her, silent, seemed, that NO amount of words of consoles would help her at all.

The subject of long-term care kept coming up, if we can allow those elderly who are still lucid, and still able-bodied, to have that feeling of home, maybe, the community live-in care program may be a bit pricy, but, it’s probably worth it!

Tomorrow is Mother’s Day, I hope, that ALL the elderly can have a “place to feel comfortable” to live out the rest of their lives.

Well, this, is still, extremely IDEAL, but it’s NOWHERE NEAR real, after all, we, the younger generations are working Monday through Friday, and sometimes, we have to pull in our extra overtimes, just to make our payments for the houses, and the bills or whatever, and so, we naturally won’t have the time or the energy, to look after the aging parents or grandparents in our families, and so, sending them into nursing homes is the next best ideal, but, we fail to realize, that the elderly wanted to age in a place s/he is familiar with.  The trouble that’s facing all the generations right now…

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Filed under Life, Observations, Old Age, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Values

The Seven Beliefs that Will Help You Get Through Cancer

Information session here, translated…

Five years ago, I was diagnosed as the fourth stage in cancer of the alveoli, after five surgeries, twenty radiation treatments, and almost twenty rounds of chemotherapy too, and now, every single month, I’d still needed to head back to the hospital, for the continual treatment of chemotherapy.

The endless number of hospitalizations, radiology treatments, chemotherapies, although to date, the bones in my chest cavity still ached, but I’m still holding on to the beliefs, that I can successfully, get through the trials of my body, and I’d cherished each and every day even more.

Here, I wanted to share a few beliefs of years of battling cancer:

  • The Will to Survive: a minority population of the people who learned of their cancer status, would often fall into the troughs of their lives, and, just never regained that positive outlook on life back again, which affects one’s own treatments; so long as one is alive, there would always be hope, stand up on your own, so you wouldn’t become a burden to your own families.
  • Having an Appetite for Food: without food, you won’t have the energy; don’t be fooled into believing, that you can starve your cancer cells to death, and in the end, you wouldn’t have enough energies to weather through your chemotherapies, or surgeries; have multiple, smaller meals, eat foods that are not too salty or not too sweet, and, avoid eating uncooked foods.
  • The Need to Workout from Time to Time: having exercises in your regular routines can help your absorption of nutrition, as well as digestion too, so your body can get more of the nutrients it would need.
  • Follow the Doctors’ Orders: there are a TON of untrue treatments from online, but, if you want to follow one, you must consult your doctor first, there’s only limited use of those high-value nutritional products, there’s NO need to be superstitious about it.
  • Find the Causes of Your Cancer: think hard about your schedules and the routines you keep, and work hard, to avoid the possible causes of cancer.
  • Share Your Stories Bravely with Others: most of those who are diagnosed with cancer would NOT want others to know, and so, they’d lost a TON of useful, and precious resources and information, you should join a support group for cancer patients, it will end up, helping yourselves, as well as others too.
  • Find What You Enjoyed Doing Once More: keep up with your hobbies, and you’ll forget the pains that your cancers are putting you through.

So, this shows how a positive outlook is too important, to getting better, and, you must have the strong will to survive, and, you shouldn’t stop eating, because you believe, that everything you ate would go straight, to feeding the cancer cells, and, follow your doctors’ orders, and, share your experiences with others from a support group, or members of your families, so, it won’t become a heavy burden on your hearts, and, if you can keep you mind, AND body healthier, than, chances will be, that cancer CAN be beat!

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Despair, Life, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Properties of Life