Category Archives: Maturation

the Process of Growing Up, the Trials One Faces in Coming of Age

It Was, Never Mine to Begin With

It was, never mine to begin with, so, why am I still, so very sad, over losing it???  Could it be, that I’d become too attached to it over time?  Or, that I’d assigned too much emotional meaning to it, that losing it, feels like, killing me?

It was, never mine, to begin with, it was a gift, I suppose, from someone whom I thought loved me, but, he didn’t, not really, and now, this item is gone, and, I’m finding it hard, for me, to let it go, why is that?

It was, never mine, to begin with, and, by that way of thought, I shouldn’t even BE feeling ANYTHING as it’d been lost, but, why, am I sad over it?  Perhaps, it’s the meaning of the item, or maybe, the heart that the person had, when the item was given to me, who knows?  Point it, it is, already lost, and, no amount of tears I will BE shedding, will be helping me, to get it back again, so, I’d stopped crying, because, it was, NEVER mine, to begin with.

It was, never mine, to begin with, there’s NO need to be sorrowful, or saddened, by the loss of it, after all, it is, just something, that, is easily, replaced, it CAN be bought, with money, another one, JUST like it…how easily, things CAN be replaced, wish love was the same too, but, is it?

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Life, Loss, Maturation, Observations, Properties of Life, Values

Really IS Hard, Letting Go

The growth of a woman, translated…

A decade ago, my father had an affair, many people consoled my mother, to let it go, back then, I’d done the same, that life would be easier for her.

I kept believing, that letting go is something that’s easily done, until my first failed attempt at love, I’d gotten to know, how hard it must’ve been, for my mother, to get through it all.

I’d dated A for two years, we’d gotten along real well, my life circled around him all day long, until I’d found that he was cheating on me, then, everything changed.

I’d asked him, what I’d done wrong, wanted to get his heart back to him, and save this relationship, but, after he’d told me, I wasn’t going to admit to it, instead, I’d rebutted him, told him that he’s worse than I, in the end, this attempt to save our love failed, miserably.

Maybe, we’d still cared too much about one another, but, unknowingly, that icy, cold wall had already, become, erected, between us two, and we can no longer be close again.

As the day passes, the more I’d tried to dodge the issues, the more painful it became for me, in the end, I’d decided, to nip it in the bud, and admitted to myself, that I still couldn’t forget about him.  And slowly, I’d gotten used to days without him, until one day, I’d bumped into him, with his new girlfriend, I subconsciously, lowered my head to my cell, he seemed to have not notice me either.  And, a line floated to my mind, “Missed is missed, let it go, no longer hating, hope he has a bright future.”

I saw how A took her into that restaurant where we used to go, outside the windows, I saw this familiar shadow, sitting in the familiar place, but the female lead is no longer me.  I’d wiped the tears out of the corners of my eye forcefully, never turned back, because I believe, that there is, a happy ending for me, somewhere, out there, in the world, saved for just me.

Letting go is an antidote, this, is a prescription that doctors can’t write you, and, only time, and adjustment from within oneself can do.  Learning to let go, not only does it make life grow, it’s also, a brand new beginning.

So, this, must’ve been shocking, for you, to realize, that whilst you were still grieving for the loss of your love, he’s already moved on, and, perhaps, that, was the PUSH you needed, to get yourself OVER him.

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Filed under Loss, Maturation, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings

Sick of Y-O-U, and SICK of Your Dreams

I’m just, sick of Y-O-U, and sick of your dreams, you’d never allowed me to have my own dreams, just forced your god DAMN dreams that you weren’t able to live up to earlier, onto me!

Sick of Y-O-U, and SICK of your dreams, but, there’s NOTHING I can do, as I still needed you very much, and os, guess I’ll just, have to, allow you, to RUN my life a bit longer then.  Sick of Y-O-U, and SICK of your dreams, I want to cut, to sever my ties from you, but, each and every time I’d tried, you’d give me some BOGUS shit like: blood IS thicker than blood, or whatever, and I’d allowed you to, CONTROL me all over again.

Sick of Y-O-U, sick of your dreams, I know, I must get away from you, but, I can’t, because, you’d given me breath, given me my heartrate, and what?  I’m just supposed to, OWE you now, is that it?

Sick of Y-O-U, sick of your dreams, just wish that there is a way, I can, to get away, from your controlling ways, but, I can’t find one, and, I’m just, NOT going to allow you to control me ever again!

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Maturation, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Self-Images, Wake Up Calls

Shipwrecked

Going Through the Trials of One’s Life…

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Filed under Maturation, Observations, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization

When Will You Finally See the Woman I Had Become…

Yeah, that’ll be the day, that PIG got them wings, and started, taking OFF, from those separate slaughterhouses all right…

When will you finally see the woman I had become?  Been growing, in front of your eyes, and yet, not even ONCE, did you EVER take notice, and, you were, my parent too!

When will you finally SEE the woman I had become?  Oh yeah, forgot, it’d be, the LAST day of N-E-V-E-R, and seeing how, NEVER is not yet closing in, well, it’s still not “here” yet, and I’m just, tired, AND weary, of waiting, for you, to finally SEE me as IS.

When will you finally see the woman I had become, oh yeah, my bad, you won’t, because you WERE (that’s still IN the PAST tense???) my parent, and yet, you’d NEVER fulfilled the roles of a good and loving parent that I’d needed growing up, and yet, I’d still, grown up just the same.

When will you finally see the woman I had become, well, tell you what, I’d given up, on ALL hopes that you will EVER see me AS is, and, it’s all because I grew up around you, and so, that’s caused you, to have your minds SET up about me, which makes you blind, to the FACT, that I am, already, a REAL, LIVE W-O-M-A-N here!!!

So guess what, I Q-U-I-T, and, don’t EVEN bother, filing MY “two-weeks’ notice” either, ‘k???  Yeah, uh-huh………

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Growing Up Too Fast, Maturation, Observations, Properties of Life, Socialization, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Class, Let’s Go Find Us Some Girls

Translated…

Back in school, a group of us, hormone-raging boys getting together, and the topics of our discussion are already on girls, and, the conclusions of our discussions are always, “I want to get me a girl!”.  And, we can’t EVER get that innocent mindset of our seventeenth year back again, the girls are so leisurely, like creatures from another planet, what, are they all thinking of?

And now, my daughter is in college, plus I’d taught for over twenty years, my female students would often share with me what’s on their minds, and, I’d finally learned, that most of the boys had missed the BUS.

A very good looking, and economically well-off female student, after she had a rough marriage, she’d sighed, “If I’d only had the wisdom on mate selection, then, my life will not get stuck here.”

“If you can have your youth to do over again, what qualities would you look for in a man?”, I was curious.

With a daughter already, past age thirty, the female student said, with this set tone of voice, “Someone who gives habitually.”

“The habit of giving?”

“Yes, I worked with my ex, he’s good looking, I felt, that he was someone I could rely on, but, I didn’t expect, that he’d be so selfish to give to me.”

“But, before you wed, guys usually mask up their bad qualities, how would you be able to tell, if he’s the giving kind?”

“Teacher, I’d found that you can watch his interaction with his friends, a selfish man wouldn’t have that many real friends, after I wed, I’d realized, that my ex had only coworkers, and, he had barely, NO friends he could talk to.”

Last week, as I’d gone to visit my wife’s eldest sister, both families, with college age girls, we’d started talking about mate-selection, my eldest sister-in-law mentioned a similar standard to what my female student mentioned—look at how he’s getting along with his families.  “A guy who is hovered over by his kin probably couldn’t keep a good relationship with his wife later on, because his wife becomes his closest of kin.”, my wife’s eldest sister-in-law continued, “people are creatures of habit, a person who’s used to being looked after couldn’t start looking after someone else after s/he wed.”

I’d recalled the four brothers that we are, of my third eldest, he’s the most hardworking, although he was diagnosed with cancer, but, after he’d returned to the workforce, he was able to attract my third sister-in-law who’s quite good looking and a great catch.  Later on, the two of them worked together, started up a company of their own, and now, they own four separate companies.  Turns out, that the good habits of your younger years, not only will they feed to the blessings from work in the future, it could also help you find the love that lasts for life.

My college age girlfriend is now, taken up with a boy, my wife asked me why I’m not at all worried, I’d smiled and answer, “I had done my ‘investigation’, that boy had gone to work at construction sites with alongside his dad, he’d helped built the MRT stations in Taipei too, plus, he’s very kind toward his families, and my heart is at ease with this kind of habitually giving to others kind of guy.”

Of course, a love that allows people to give their lives for, is a never-ending coursework in life, my daughter, as well as my own student, they both have a long way to go.  But, as a father, and a teacher too, I’d hoped, that the male students won’t keep making the same mistakes when they were younger.  Life is a long and winding river, with enough energies saved up, it will surely, merge with another huge river, and the energy that’s accumulated is not the brand new hairstyle, but the ability to help do the dishes without being asked, or to not slack off during cleaning time in school.

So, men, who are looking to find the ladies, the next time the bell rings for the cleaning period, don’t just fall flat at your seats, DO pick up those brooms and dustpans, and run to your designated cleaning area, because the girls are waiting, for a man, who can shoulder up his responsibilities.

So, this one teaches you H-O-W to observe someone, from the smallest perspectives, and, what better place is there, to examine someone for who he really is, at his own home, after all, you’re most comfortable at home, and, that, is when everything that’s BAD about you shows, and, it is important, to watch the interactions of someone with her/his family, but that, would still NOT be the primary or KEY determinant of how good a man he is, consider every single aspect there!

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Filed under Gender Roles, Interpersonal Relations, Issues on Gender, Lessons, Life, Marriages, Maturation, Observations, Relationship

She Saw Hope, at the Turn of the Corner

The growth of a woman, translated…

It was already, past ten, as I passed through Jiao-Jiao’s breakfast shop, saw that there were still, a couple of guests, dining there, I’m truly happy for her.

A decade ago, her husband who worked for a private sector company, because he was laid off, started getting depressed, and after six months worth of hunting for another job, he was unsuccessful.  Seeing how the life of the family of three was about to not make it, he’d become depressed, and started trying to drink away his sorrows.  Later on, on a stormy night, he’d died in a car crash.

Toward this sort of situation, Jiao-Jiao started crying endlessly, thought that her son was not yet five, and, she didn’t have a skill or savings, how is she to raise her son up?  And, every time she’d thought about her own predicaments, started losing sleep every single night, one day, as she was strolling the streets with her son, she saw a breakfast shop, just opening up for business.  It looked like the female owner was a foreigner, with a young child on her back, working hard, to make soy milk, and that scene, it’d given her hope.

She stood outside the shop, looked in, for a very long time, and thought to herself, if she can do it, why not me?  And so, she’d wiped her own tears away, took her son’s hand, and, as they walked back home, she’d hummed the songs.

She’d told the landlady, that she’d taken some breakfast making classes at the community college, she’s confident, that she’s able to make the regular breakfast foods, that she’d wanted to open up a shop, hoped, that the landlady could help her find a spot, so she could get some extra earnings, and could take care of her child at the same time.

In the hard working manners of the landlady, she quickly found a spot that used to be a parking spot, with a roof, a place where she could place a cart, and a few chairs and tables.  The owner of the space took pity on her situation, loaned her fifty thousand dollars to set up shop, and made some flyers, so everybody can know about this small shop.

And so, Jiao-Jiao started owning and operating her breakfast shop, she’d worked hard every single day, providing for her guests, the best kind of customer service, and the freshest of foods, so the guests, can begin their days fresh, on a good note.

She’s not only a great cook, she’d also placed her own collection of books into the shop, so the guests can read and hold conversations as they’d dined; and, the guests could also bring their own private collection of books to share with each other.  And, she’d managed, to operate her shop like it was a big family, and so, her business was going quite well.

Seeing how Jiao-Jiao had overcome her difficulties from a hard situation, and now, stability had returned to the mother and son, and her middle-school aged son I studious, well-behaved and well-rounded, I’m truly happy for her.

And so, this, is a story, of overcoming obstacles, the woman lost her husband, and had to start all over on her own again, but, she’d kept her eyes on the prize, moving on, and, she’d found something to work towards, and, managed, to run this small shop well, and that takes more than strength, it also takes determination too!

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Fate, Life, Loss, Maturation, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Translated Work, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues, Work Ethics