Category Archives: Marriages

My Chubby Hubby Became a “Hottie”

Between a husband and a wife, translated…

Before I married, my husband is a standard fit handsome lad, after the marriage, his life became stable, with his wife’s looking after him well, his body became like a balloon, bloated up.  He is only in his forties, but he’d gained over ten kilograms compared to before we married, plus there’s genes, his head of whites made him look like an elderly person.  He’d gone by the trains to and from work, and there would be students who’d let up the seats for him, and, there would be young children who’d called him, “Grandpa”, it’d hurt him so.

Seeing all of this happening to him, I’d decided, to set up a diet plan for him.  I’d gone online, searched for the information, because my husband would need to take the night shifts from time to time, and some of the diet meals wouldn’t fit his schedules, and so, I’d set up my own, I’d given him only fruits for breakfast, and skipped all the omelets, the sandwiches, the stir-fried buns, and I’d chosen those fruits that are low in sugar, tomatoes, apples, guava, as the basis, added in the seasonal fruits, totally up to six to seven kinds, the remaining two meals, he’d taken them regularly, added in the exercises, and, the results were amazing in a couple of months, he’d lost two, three kilograms already.  A few years had passed, my husband’s amazing stamina had reduced over ten kilograms to his weight, and he’d not gained it back, to this date, he’s still taken the diet plans I’d scheduled for him, and exercised regularly.  And now, he has smooth skins, light strides, looking better by the day.

A few days ago, we’d gone to a banquet, and I’d dyed his hair, after his weight loss, he looked like a hottie, it’d shocked a lot of the relatives we hadn’t seen in quite a while, and they’d all asked him how he’d done it.  I, being ignored, gained a deep understanding of how there’s NO difficult thing in life, only humans who thought the things are unmanageable, my husband’s persistence to dieting, is a great example of this.

And so, it still takes a TON of persistence, of course, with the wife’s watching the man on what he ate, and, without his wife pushing him, this man probably wouldn’t have been as successful in losing weight, which still shows how we women are pushing you, because you’d slack off, and, we’re there, to MAKE sure that you keep to the tight schedules.

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Self-Images

The Problem of a Spare for a “Perfect & Happily Married” Couple

In need of marriage counseling here, a Q&A, translated…

Madam L wrote:

She’d been married for twenty-five years, with two sons, she thought that her marriage was perfect, but a decade ago, she felt harassed by a woman’s calls, she’d looked into the matter, and found that she was one of her husband’s female coworker who wasn’t married, the two of them struck up an office affair, but the husband denied it.  This mess continued on for a while, until the other woman got married, then, it’d become settled down.

Six years ago, her husband was diagnosed with cancer, almost died, L took care of him, worked hard, ran around for her husband’s sake.  After the husband was better, he was extremely grateful toward L, and told her that she was his one and only love, and will hold hands with her until the very end.

Without knowing, that awhile ago, she’d found messages texted to and from him and his former lover.  Although L felt hurt, she didn’t blow his covers, just hinted that she knew he was seeing someone on the side, but the husband immediately denied it, said that there’s NO problem with a spare with him.

L said that she and her husband got along quite well, rarely argued, she couldn’t understand why her husband was doing this to her.  L wanted to write to the other woman, tell her, that the affair is known now; also, she’d thought of getting her husband’s eldest sister to help console with him on the matter, but, she didn’t dare make the moves.  Should she keep pretending everything’s okay, or bust the whole thing wide open?  The other woman may have intents to harm her, she wanted to keep guard of her home, and she didn’t know what to do.

A My Advice:

L kept believing, that she has a picture-perfect marriage, and thinks that her husband has great characters, took care of the home, and loved their kids, it’s just that he’s too easily tempted.  And L never thought about getting a divorce, she just wanted to keep her household intact.

L’s husband is pretty mild in temper, but, without the stamina, because L’s putting up with him, and her unwillingness to admit, that he’s cheating on her, so, he’d just keep on, denying his affairs to her.  If L don’t want to go towards divorce, then, stop making trouble for herself, and check her husband’s cell phone.  Whether it be writing that anonymous letter to the spare, or having her husband’s eldest sister to work as the middleman in her confrontations with her husband’s whore, it may break the husband’s bottom line.

I feel, that whether this affair goes BUST would be relying on when the husband of the spare finds out, then, the problems will then, be dealt with, so, L, you’re on your own!

This, is totally taking an EXTREMELY PASSIVE perspective to handling one’s husband’s affair, and, this woman is just too afraid to take action, that, was why this is the way the story is going.

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Filed under Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Divorces, Downward Spiral, Excuses, Expectations, Infidelities/Being Unfaithful, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Professional Opinions, Slaps on the Wrist

Matchmakers’ Training: Classes Now in Session in the Universities

Despite ALL those AVAILABLE fishes in the SEAS, we still just can’t quite to find the right one for us, and this, is what’s put up, to serve THAT purpose, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The Socio-psychology Department of the World News University is about to set up the “Research & Education Center for Love” this month, at the quickest, other than helping the students get pass the difficulties in their romantic relationship, doing researches on how the sexes interact with one another, and, it’d also planned to offer cross-major credit hours, and work alongside the matchmaking companies too, becoming the first place with a major in Taiwan that trains professional matchmakers.

The Department Head of the World News University of Psychology, Jeng claimed, that a lot of the college students got their views on love from the media, and are influenced to become fearful of love, due to the hike in divorce rates; but, from the statistical measures, most of the marriages are still very blissful, by setting up this realm of study, it is hoped that it can help the students get past the myths of how marriage will often end up in divorces.

Jeng said, started in 1999, he’d offered a general studies course in “Love Psychology” every year, and, the students would jam packed the auditoriums, it’d showed, how much the students wanted to learn how to interact with members of the opposite sex.

Jeng stated, that the Love Research and Education Center not only studies the trends in love, offer counseling to college students with relationship troubles, in the future, it would be set up as a course in the psychology department as well, and, a set of course combining counseling measures and social psychology, training the students to become “professional modern-day matchmakers”, through counseling, finding the one who is right for you, and the communication during dating, and how to deal when the families are against the lovers, and, the counseling after the marriage, a series of related topics of study.

Jeng pointed out, that there are a TON of matchmaking services in the world, but, those that operated well, aren’t that numerous, the Love Research and Education Center will be working together, with the experts in the areas, working alongside the matchmaking companies, to help with the researches, and matchmaking of the sexes, and even have certification trainings for “Professional Matchmakers”.

Because there IS a desperate need for this, that, is why this program got set up, to help out those young people (and, I’m still NOT one of those!!!) to find the love they’re looking for, besides, at this day and age, who the HELL has the time, to sit and date someone AT that café, to chit-chat, to see IF we match up perfectly, we want everything FAST, like fast-food?  That, is why, this “department” is being SET up…

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Filed under Awareness, Because of Love, Cause & Effect, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Marriages, Perspectives, Relationship, Socialization, Trends

A Room, with Two Single Beds

This, is what our marriage looks like!

A room, with two single beds, and, our two single beds aren’t even touching, believe it or don’t, we’re just like roommates, with the occasional FUCKS when needed.

A room, with two single beds, how, did our love become like that?  I keep on wondering, and still, I can’t figure it out.  A room, with two single beds, hey, look on the right side, at least, ONE of us did not move OUT into the hallways, at least, we still shared this “room”, right?

 A room, with two single beds, how did we become like that, two strangers, who come home, to the same place?  How did our love end like this?  I’m really just, not feelin’ it at all lately, and, I really want to, call it QUITS, but, I don’t want to give up, just yet………

A room, with two single beds, and, that, is all we will EVER be, strangers, who shared a room, a living space, and some days, I’d feel, crowded and needed, to move one of those single beds, OUT into the hallways, and KEEP it there!

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Filed under Awareness, Broken Promises, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Loneliness/Solitude, Marriages, Obstacles in a Relationship, Story-Telling

Because We Can’t Escape, So We Pretend

We don’t know how we found ourselves here, but, because we can’t escape, so, we pretend…

Because we can’t escape, so we pretend, and yeah, it worked wonders, NOT having to deal with these problems that are comin’ towards us, to keep the wolves, FAR, FAR, FAR away, but, recently, those problems came back up again, and, because pretending worked the last time, we’d, pretended some more.

Because we can’t escape, so we pretend, that everything is still going smoothly between us, but, it isn’t, and, I’m losing sleep over it, and I know you are too, next to me, on this bed that we still shared, don’t know for how much longer though…

Because we can’t escape, so we pretend, but, in the end, all these false pretenses are just that, they do diddily squat for our problems, and, it was, too late, for us, to fix what went wrong, we’d let everything slide, because we both carried that ostrich attitude, that if we bury our heads in the sand, then, the problems will eventually go AWAY, but, they didn’t, and now, we part!

Because we couldn’t escape, so we pretend, and look how WELL that worked out?  We went from lovers, BACK to strangers again, and, thinking back, to this so-called marriage of mine, well, let’s just leave it at that…

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Filed under Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Marriages, Messed Up Values, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence

Do Look More at Your Spouse’s Better Qualities

Translated…

Last weekend, I’d asked along a couple of good friends, and, we took all our kids to Dahu Park, on the one hand, our kids could have each other’s company, and, on the other, it’d given us, mothers, a breather, to chit chat with each other, to reconnect with one another.

Mei-Jun who arrived late to the gathering came, complaining about how her husband would just sleep in on the weekends, rarely helped out around the house, nor does he schedule outings with the children; and, she’d become responsible, for the kids’ recreational activities on the weekends, and, from time to time, when her husband came along, he’d only acted as the chauffeur, drove everybody to the spot, then, headed back home to sleep some more.

After Wen had heard, she’d started envying Mei-Jun, turns out, that her household was exactly the opposite from Mei-Jun’s.  Wen who keeps everything tidy wanted the weekend, to clean up, but, the husband believed, that the weekends should be spent, away from home, whether it be going to the movies, or to sightsee.  Although Wen knew, that going on outings as a family is an amazing experience, but, when she thought of how much work that needed done around her house, she couldn’t help, but feel worried.

Then, Yu-Jen joined in the discussion too, even though her husband doesn’t have that many bad qualities, but, he is reactive, needed to be told what to do; but, the things that she’d missed, her husband ignored.  In the end, everything big and small in her house, relied on Yu-Jen, as the “commander” to handle, and, her husband became a pawn that just runs the errands.

Hearing my girlfriends started describing how displeased they were at their husbands, I couldn’t help, but smile, turns out, based off of the standards my good friends had set up, my husband is a perfect ten, hard working, and can cook (although he rarely had any chances to), and on the weekends, he’d taken the kids out exercising, cycling, camping, climbing, and would also accompany my children as they worked on their art, or practiced their piano.

But, this sort of a perfect husband has a weird habit, he’d wanted to order everything, books, shirts, pants.  He’d ordered everything in his closets by sections of shirts, pants, suits, and, lined his clothes up based off of length and color too; on his bookshelves, he’d ordered his books by the types of books he had, then, sorted them out by sizes.  The bathroom and living room slippers must be orderly, so it would be convenient, to the next person who uses it.

After my husband heard, they’d all shook their heads, thought that this precise man can impose a great deal of pressure on his family, and, everybody all of a sudden felt, that their husbands in their daily living, are actually very good, despite how messy they can get.

I’d smiled and told them, “each couple have differences in upbringing, if you can respect and cherish one another’s good qualities, then, you’d gotten along nicely.  Marriage is not changing the other person into another you, instead, it’s making sure, that your qualities complemented each other’s, so one plus one is greater than two.”  As for who gives more to whom, don’t nickel and dime, after all, love is the point, so, we’re all, giving to our families, willingly.

And so, each house has its separate issues, and, what you see as a good quality in someone else, may not be a good quality, to someone whom the person is close to, so, stop envying one another, and just cherish what you have.

After I’d Lost My Job

Gives you a brand new perspective on things, after you’d lost your job, and now, after you’d reexamined yourself, you can start again, on a fresh note, translated…

As everybody is ushering in the brand new year, I’d had to face the facts, of my company closing down, and being out of a job.

Losing the job during the Chinese New Years is an awful thing, and, all of my friends and families had commented, “That’s such a shame, there goes, your year-end bonus!”

Recalling just six months ago, when I’d realized, that my company was laying off the employees one by one, I’d already started planning.  After all, I’m getting older, and, the opportunities won’t come at me like they used to.  Even so, I’d still held that positive attitude, study at home, or, apply for new job.

This year was just the year when my son is taking his entrance exams for high school, I’d busied myself in and out daily, chauffeuring him every single day; my daughter who’d come home for her winter break got to sleep until she wakes herself, and enjoy the home cooked meals prepared by her mother.  See how happy she looks, this, was the small-time happiness she never had the chance of experiencing since birth.

Is it scary, to become unemployed?  I’d asked myself this a lot recently.  Because I’d lost my job, I’d had more time, to prepare the meals for my family, to tidy up the house more; because I’d lost my job, I’d gotten more time to stay at home, and, after having that honest heart-to-heart with myself, I’d realized, my past mistakes.

Losing my job became a turning point for me, I expect that I will be able to face my unknown future with more bravery, because I’d gotten beaten, losing my job and all.  Carrying on with this positive mindset, and, embrace the bottom half of my life that is solely mine.

And so, you’d carried that positive outlook on life, even though you’d lost your job, and, it’s that positive attitude that will help you in the futures to come.

Childhood Sweethearts

The BEST of times here, translated…

Not identical to that crush, back then, we still don’t know the meanings of love yet, with the heart of adoration, but, we were, more confused at that age.  Sometimes, we were inseparable, at others, we were, enemies, and the very next day, we’d gone to school together, sat on the same rows.  We were, childhood sweethearts, and, we were saved, in one another’s memories as young, naïve, pretty and naughty.  That, was the faces of the time from kindergarten to elementary school, so close, and inseparable, and afterwards, when we’d thought about one another, that smile would, slowly, creep up onto our faces.

Those faces, had, walked into, the elementary school reunion, thirty years later.  Released, exploded, if our own children see us, they would still not believe it, turns out, that their parents, were once, young children like they are too, they were, rowdier, than those classrooms, without the teachers watching over the classes.  Those we’d lost touch with after we left the elementary years, we’d taken a look at one another closely, and, we’d all managed, to return one another, back to when we were still just children again.  That naughty boy who’d once taken his own sunny side up, and shared it with that little girl, that generous girl who’d won the love of all the boys in her class, those who’d traded candies and toys smiled at one another, and, those who’d fought with themselves are the happiest now.  Reconnecting, the women started talking with their childhood girlfriends about the happenings in the girls’ lives, and, the men shared those old days of making trouble as boys with each other too.  We’d all grown, all became strong, with our separate life experiences too.  Our statuses and our positions, our occupations don’t matter at all, we were, competing with one another, who’d gotten punished the worst by our instructor back in the day, who’d made fools of themselves the most number of times, and, those troubles in our past became, a beautiful song that we shared with one another.

Childhood sweethearts, the hearts were true back then.  I’d once followed and traced their footprints, Googling them, tracking them in secrecy using Facebook, silently prayed, that they’re all okay, that after she’d fallen ill, she could cherish what’s important more, that he’d grown stronger, after getting up from his falls.  The over thirty years of absences from one another’s life, were traded, in secrecy, and, we’d continued, holding on, picking up where we left off, in our childhood years, smiling more radiantly for her sake, giving him a louder applause, although we may be far apart in physical distances, we could still connect with one another, still give each other kudos.  The reunion of the younger years, can make people escape their current life situations temporarily, to allow you, to realize, that those who’d shared your ups and downs from way back when, should be the ones you’d cherished the most.

Looking at the sign-in books, and, the times we’d shared all came back to life again, and, it’d showed a picture of that pasture in our childhood years, the wind woke a pair of young childhood sweethearts from nap, the childlike, the shy, the words that filled our hearts, just wouldn’t, come out, articulate, and back then, we’d all just said, “It’s nice to meet you.”  Without realizing, that thirty years from then when we’d met back up again, we’d stated it simply, “So glad to see you again.”

Turns out, this group of seven, eight year-olds who’d mowed the grasses by the fields, those laughter, those silently slacking off, we were, practicing, for the happiness and the sorrows, of our current lives.

So, that, is how much, the childhood days can affect a person, huh???  And, the writer went from talking about his elementary school reunion, and, connected it to how those childhood experiences, had made him into who he is today.

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Filed under Expectations, Family Matters, Life, Marriages, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Story-Telling, The Observer Effect

When Marriage Outlasted Love

Oh, BUMMER!!!

When marriage outlasted love, well, why don’t we just put it (the marriage) OUT of ITS misery then?  I mean, it’d already, outlasted its “mate”, love, and, with the passing of each and every day, it (marriage) is becoming more and more lethargic…

When marriage outlasted love, there’s NOTHING we CAN do, because love’s already gone, and, all that’s left, is this, empty shell of a marriage that we now share, coming home, to this vacant house, sitting opposite of each other for supper, without even KNOWING what’s on one another’s minds.

When marriage outlasted love, then, let’s just, TERMINATE the marriage, and, put it out of ITS misery, after all, we’d already, drained IT dry, didn’t we?  When marriage outlasted love, but, marriage should NOT outlast love, love and marriage goes hand-in-hand, don’t they?

When marriage outlasted love, there’s NOTHING we can do, we still have young children, who need us both, because, it IS important for children, to grow UP in a “whole” family, with a mommy, and a daddy, right?  And, we’d missed out, on the MOST important thing in the offspring’s lives: their mental wellbeing!

When marriage outlasted love, well, let’s just, cross those “t’s”, and dot them “i’s”, and, I’ll see you in court!  When marriage outlasted love, hate will become the ONLY emotion, in this marriage, and, we may think, that our marriage WAS ruined by this hate that’s now between us, but, it actually, wasn’t, the culprit, because we’d slowly come to an end, as our marriage outlasted love…

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Filed under Being Exposed, Cost of Living, Divorces, Expectations, Life, Marriages, Perspectives, Properties of Life