Category Archives: Losing Sight of What’s Important

Finding Real Love, in a World of Fantasy

Finding real love, in a world of fantasy, now, how do you go about doing that???  You think that those conversations you’d held with whatever their display names are are real?  Think again, and, how could you know, for certain, that the picture that the person posted, IS her/his real self?  You don’t!

And this, is what makes it hard, trying to find real love, in a world of fantasy, and, just because the two of you shared online winnings from the games the two of you are so very into, still doesn’t mean that you two would get along, as well as you had online, off, does it?  Of course not.

After all, you’re NOT living with one another, you don’t get the firsthand experiences of how each other’s habits may drive one another NUTS, so, before the two of you actually met face-to-face, and, hold a civilized conversation, get to know one another, start dating, you will NEVER know, if the two of you are perfect for one another, but, because you’d shared this “connection” online, that, was why, you were drawn to believe, that oh, s/he and I may work well together, but, in reality, it will not be so.

And, when the reality fell SHORT of expectations, well, that, is when the troubles start, isn’t it???  Finding real love, in a world of fantasy, that, is what we hope we can do, but, can we actually, achieve that?  Of course N-O-T, but, there are still, MORE and MORE people still, who are falling into these traps all around, and, you have to wonder: WHY is that?  Is it because how empty we all feel on the inside, despite how much materialism we have around us?

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Domestic Violence, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Observations, Perspectives, Reality Clashes with Dreams, Values, Wake Up Calls

Is the Child’s Oversensitivity a Behavior Problem?

So this, is what the parents have to cope with, with a way-too-sensitive child at home, huh???  Translated…

“Your daughter is so very quiet—have you ever considered, taking her to the doctors?”

“Jody is so easily hurt.  If she sees that other children were picked on, she’d cried too.  When she’d heard sad stories, she’d cry.  We don’t know what to do with her.”

“Everybody in the kindergarten is eager to participate in group activities, but, your son just refused.  Is he also this stubborn at home too?”

Do these lines sound familiar?  Of course, these words can get to you, as if, your kid’s the one with the problems, but, your child has a keen sense of observation, shows a lot of care and concerns toward others, and is very sensitive.  You knew real well, that if you heed these words, forced him to get socialized, the child would be in a whole lot of pain.  And, if you go with the flow of your child’s personality characteristics, s/he might be well-off.  And still, as the same words keep coming up, you’d started doubting, whether or not you’re fitting as a parent, and that you might be responsible, for your child, behaving the way s/he does.

How to Education Children Who are Too Sensitive?

You feared, that you may be doing things wrong, worried that no one can help you.  You might have already realized, that most of the parenting books all talked about “behavioral problems”, such as getting agitated easily, distracted, rough, attacking.  From this angle, there’s NOTHING wrong with your child.  There were NO mentions of the problems you’d encountered, eating problems, being too shy, nightmares, worries, and, strong emotional outburst, for no apparent reasons at all.  And, you couldn’t discipline your child using normal methods, even IF you’d just criticized her/him lightly, your child would have a complete meltdown.

The Words of Advice from the Experts:

When people tell you, that something IS wrong with your child, don’t believe them, and don’t LET your child believe them either.  Your child is UNIQUE, that, is not your fault.  Naturally, there would be room for improvement in parent-child interaction techniques, but, don’t ever believe that something IS wrong with you, or your offspring.

Based off of studies, fifteen to twenty percent of the children in the population are born naturally sensitive.  And, with this great number, it’s hardly “abnormal”.  Besides, in ALL the species that’s been studied, there are JUST as high records of individuals in the population that are this sensitive.  And, IF that, is the result of evolution, then, there MUST be a reason for it, we just can’t see it is all.

There are many evidence that suggests, that people who are highly sensitive are NOT necessarily shy, nor are they all neurotic OR anxious all the time, or even, depressed.  For some of the more sensitive members of the population, these emotional responses are caused by environmental stimuli, NOT inborn traits.

What, is a Heightened Level of Sensitivity?

People who have a heightened level of sensitivity are more aware of the details in their surrounding environment, and, before they acted, they’d think, thoroughly first before they took the actions.  Whether it be adults or children, those who are sensitive usually have a higher level of empathy, more intelligent, has strong instincts, with creativity, more careful, with a lot of conscience.

They understood better, the result of their own actions, and so, they’re less willing, to do the wrong things.  They couldn’t cope well with higher volumes of sounds, or an influx of information coming to them at any given time.  They would avoid these stimuli, which makes them appear shy or distant from others.  If they couldn’t avoid the circumstances of being under too many stimuli, then, they’d become “difficult to deal with”, or “way too sensitive”.

Although those who are deemed more sensitive pay attention to the details more, but, they may not have a better sense of sight, hearing, taste, or smell.  But, there are those with a better ability in one of their sensory organs.  The key point here, is that when their brains processed the information, they do it more thoroughly.  Not just their brains, those who are deemed more sensitive also have a stronger spinal reflex too.  Their immune systems are more active, they are prone to develop allergic reactions to things.  Which means, that their bodies are designed, to understand and observe this world even MORE thoroughly.

So, just because your kid cries a lot, or wouldn’t play in groups, PARENTS and TEACHERS, that still doesn’t mean that there IS something wrong with the kid, something IS wrong, with Y-O-U, stupid adult, who work so totally FUCKING (oopsy!!!) hard, to FIT all those little ones, inside just ONE square, but hey, some of us are rectangles, triangles, rhombi, circles, along with an ASSORTMENT of shapes AND sizes, and, we still DON’T just FIT properly to the “norm” (whatever THAT is!!!), so STOP trying to FIT your young INTO certain boxes, and just love them for the way that they are, after all, they still did NOT ask to be BROUGHT to the “outside world”, you two ADULTS are the ones to have FUCKED, and, out still popped???  Oh yeah, those “pretty little MISTAKES” of yours, remember?  Uh, YEAH, and, D-U-H!!!

 

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A Father Like Me, a Short Prose

Translated…

Early in the morn, I got into the shower, the jasmine-scented soap caressed my body, I was, a bit shy, told it, that I can manage.  The bubbles started striking up conversations on pointless matters, mostly relating to the topics of cleaning up the dirtiness of human life.  I was very focused, scrubbed myself down, then, I’d turned on the showerhead, with the sprinkling down of the fresh, clean water, I feel refreshed on the inside.  I’d walked in front of the mirrors, nude, holy!  I had, become, transparent now, “How could this be?”, I couldn’t even see myself, “Did I, wash myself away a little while ago?”, I was so shocked to beyond speech.  Outside of the bathroom, my wife hollered at me to eat breakfast, I’d anxiously replied, “Okay, wait a minute.”, I’d rubbed my eyes, and, glared into the mirror, still, don’t see my own reflections, in the mirror, all I saw, was a ray of light, still no signs of myself though…… “What do I do?  I’m lost!”, what would my wife and child, if they’d found, that her husband and his father gone?  “I can’t stay in the bathrooms, I must, work up the courage, march outside, to tell my family what, exactly happened to me!” I’d slowly, pushed the doors open, inhaled in deeply, walked toward my wife and children who are chit-chatting and eating, I’d worked up the courage, spoken loudly, “I’m eating now!”, they’d looked my way for a bit, then, continued to eat and chit-chat, “Don’t they think it strange, that I’m now, transparent?”  I sat down, looked down at my invisible hands, cutting up the corn and bacon omelet, “Didn’t they discover that I’m missing?”  “Do they not care at all?”  “Am I, not even, the LEAST bit important in this family?”  Throughout the entire morning, endless questions, circled inside of my transparent mind.

So, this father had become invisible, finally, as he’d probably just, focused on working, to PROVIDE for his family, without realizing, that ACCOMPANYING his wife and children would be the MOST important thing in his life, and now that he’d become transparent, he’d lost his purpose, his meaning, and, all those long hours he’d pulled in those late nights at the office were for naught, and, had he paid a bit MORE attention to his kids and wife regularly, maybe, they would be able to see him, who knows, it doesn’t matter, as he’d already, turned, transparent now!!!

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When the Monsters Underneath the Beds, Started, Babysitting the Children

When the monsters underneath the beds started, babysitting the children, you’d abandoned your own offspring.  When the monsters underneath the beds started, babysitting the children, then, you wouldn’t be, doing your jobs correctly, parents, because, HOW can you, IF you were, better parents, leave, your offspring, in the cares of something so scary like them monsters under the beds?

When the monsters underneath the beds started, babysitting the children, are you sure that it’s a good idea, leaving your offspring, under the care of something that had, frightened them so in the nights?  And, would you be, doing right, by your own offspring, by, leaving them, in the cares, of those monsters underneath the beds???

When the monsters underneath the beds started babysitting the children, then, one thing IS for certain, because none of you, god DAMN parents, are doing YOUR jobs correctly, and so, the monsters, they will, TAKE charge, over the rearing and raising of your offspring, and, we should all, have a SENSE, of H-O-W children turned out, underneath the watchful eyes, of those monsters now………

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Alone, Carelessness of Adults, Cost of Living, Downward Spiral, Losing Sight of What's Important, Moral Responsibilities, Negligence, Observations, Wake Up Calls

The Eighteen-Year-Old Youth Got Caught in the Middle of His Parents’ Divorce Battles

What happens to NOT get the kids involved???  Oh wait, your divorce battles will involve your children, so, DO beware!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Huang found out, that his son wasn’t his flesh and blood, accused his wife of keeping it a secret for eighteen years, and accused his wife for keeping this from him for eighteen years, and asked her for the alimony for caring for his son, for the sum of five million dollars; the ex-wife claimed that Huang was infertile, that she’d found someone, to give her a child, which Huang knew about.  And because the time frame of Huang’s requests had long expired, and he didn’t have any papers, documenting the money he’d spent in raising his son, so, the first and the second trials, the courts found him to have lost.

Huang who had been married for thirty-seven years sued his wife, that he’d separated from her awhile ago, and filed for divorce, and, during the time of the mediations, he’d taken his son to get a paternity test, and proved, that his son wasn’t his blood at all; the ex-wife knew that she couldn’t stand up in court, two years ago, agreed to his request of getting a divorce.

Huang told the judge, that his ex had an affair, and had a son, and kept the facts from him for eighteen years, and that the family he worked hard to built up was shattered, overnight, he was shamed by other members of his families, and felt that he couldn’t lift his head up high in the world, felt tortured, and for this part, he’d asked his ex-wife for one million dollars; and after their living expenses, and the education fees for his child, he’d paid for before the divorce, and, it’d cost him over ninety thousand dollars per semester to put his child through private school, that his ex never paid a cent for that.  And the multiple years he’d spent, raising and educating his wife’s son, was his ex-wife’s cheating him out of his money, plus the damages of his psychological states, he asks her for five million dollars N.T.

Huang’s ex-wife (age 64) said, that her ex was infertile, that their eldest daughter was adopted, with NO blood relations to them; and that at age forty-three, she still didn’t have her own child, and wanted a child really badly, had sex with another man, and conceived and given birth to her son.

She said, that in the past, when they’d fought over the assets, he’d filed for divorce and the splitting of their joint assets, he’d already know about the son not being his blood; she had a noodle shop, was economically independent, after her son was born, he’d lived with her, paid for everything, and because of her ex-husband’s economic difficulties, he’d never paid her a dime in alimony OR child support.

The courts found, that the son was born twenty years ago, and Huang didn’t sue his wife until two years ago in September, that it’d passed the time frame of ten years; plus, Huang didn’t have any evidence of him, having paid for his son’s living expenses.  On the first trials, the judge found Huang lost, and, on the appeals, the judge also tossed the case back once more.

And so, this, is still very bad, I mean, if you were to sue, you should’ve SUED from way before, but, this, is only a way to TRY to unsuccessfully scam, because you’re OUT of money, and that just shows, how the parents are still damaging the child, and this son still got SHOT with the bullets that were being exchanged in his parents’ messed up marriage.

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Divorces, Losing Sight of What's Important, Messed Up Values, Scapegoating, STUCK in a Cookie Jar

The Mother Only Wanted the Custody of the Eldest Daughter, the Judge Believed that the Siblings Shouldn’t be Separated, She’d Ended Up, Losing Custody of Both Daughters

From the Newspapers, translated…

A couple who’d reached an agreement on their divorce just last year, neither was willing to take the custody of their young children, and started suing one another, the mother only wanted custody of their eldest daughter, and the father had asked for custody of both children; the Hsinbei District Court considered that the father will be able to provide for the daughters better, and gave the custodies of both children to the father.

This couple married back in 2007, started last March, the wife started asking for a divorce, and took the eldest daughter away with her, the husband didn’t agree; in June, the wife first initiated the case for divorce and custody, the following month, the husband sued too, and, both had reached an agreement on the divorce.

The judge took into considerations, that the mother only wanted custody of the eldest, causing the children to be separated from each other, and the father was willing to care for both kids, and, the children were raised in the father’s side, and they live in with the grandparents, and, would be safe; plus, the couple had been pointing fingers, blaming each other, and can’t share the custody of their offspring, the judge believed, that the custody, going to the father would be most beneficial for the children.

And so, the mother ended up, losing it all, and, that is all her own fault, because she’d only wanted custody over her eldest, and, how do you think it would make the younger daughter feel???  Exactly, this, is still a lose-lose, for the children, like in any custody cases of divorces out there.

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Filed under Bad Parenting Behaviors, Cost of Living, Divorces, Expectations, Losing Sight of What's Important, Messed Up Values, Perspectives

Don’t Take the Gifts that Fell into Your Laps from Out of Nowhere

Why???  Because it may not be yours in the first place, uh, DUH!!!  Translated…

J paced outside my office again and again, for several days now, and finally he’d made it to my desk, “Teacher, can we talk?”

J told me of all the things that stressed him out, made him unhappy—the lack of friends, feeling that he’s drifting farther and farther from his goals and dreams in life, that his mother would nag him about his grades………

I’d understood what was going on now, J is the “temporary victor” of this new system of education that’s been set up.

During the days when the test scores were posted out, J’s parents were very glad that even though their son didn’t score high enough, but he was able to get into his number one choice, that it’s a “gift from above”, with a total disregard of J’s dreams of becoming a chef one day.  And so, after school started, came J’s real worst nightmare, other than Chinese, all his other subjects, he’d gotten F’s on.

After I’d taught high school for over two decades, I’d slowly come to understand, that there are less and less test takers, and most universities and colleges would take the total scores of the five subjects, and find students who’d scored above the sixtieth percentile (but those who’d scored under the eighty-fifth percentile may have difficulties in their studies.)

And this second round of students who’d entered into the schools without the examinations, many had gotten the scores of three to five, compared to the past, they’re bellowed the fiftieth percentile, but are now, allowed to study in the traditional high schools that are traditionally set up for those kids who scored eighty-fifth percentile and up.  The schools’ instructors taught at the level that they’d been teaching at, and those students who failed to keep up with the progress can only follow what other students are doing, they really aren’t learning anything.

In my own work, in language education, there was a naturalist style instructor, Steven Kraschen’s “i+1 theory”.  i is the level of cognition for the learners, and if i increases with the level of understanding, the learner would learn best.  Before the teachers start lecturing, they will start using the average of the entire class as the i factor, but, the first round of the students under this new reform in education, had caused the students to not do well at all.

Everybody’s heard of multiple intelligence, and, there are those who are excellent in abstract thinking, those who are better off in the scholastics; some work well in hands-on, and would be better off, as technicians, and are also very much needed in today’s world too, but a lot of parents believed, “if my child attends high school, it would sound better”, and they’d forced children who are better with hands-on, locked inside classrooms, to study the theoretical stuff, causing a ton of unhappy teenagers, and it’d caused this country to unable to compete in the international realm, and these kids ended up losing more.

When my own daughter scored the PR score of 66 and shared it with me back when she’d taken her examinations after middle school, after sharing with her my high school life, we’d chosen technical high school together for her, and, three years later, she’d gained a ton of real world experiences, and gotten into her first choice of college without taking the examinations at all, and making this right choice with her, she’d still had her smiles and confidence intact.

A lot of parents didn’t know this, but the Department of Education, in order to help the students who couldn’t adapt to the newly reformed system of education well enough, had already asked the various high schools and technical high schools to set up summer and winter counseling sessions, to help the students with transfers, so long as the students sought out advice at the registrar’s office, then, put in an application to the schools they wanted to attend, then, it could help the student return to the classes that best suited their interest profiles.

A lot of people could not accept that one’s made the wrong choices, and would even rationalize their choices, in psychology, it’s called “cognitive dissonance,” but, if the dissonance is the child’s life, then we must find the courage to adjust.  After this summer, a lot of parents believed that the kids, getting into a better school, regardless of the lowered grades they’d received on their entrance exams is a “blessing from the heavens”, but, before the child can learn the fundamentals, I would strongly recommend, that the parents don’t put their kids up for that, because it will end up, ruining them!

And so, this, is still ALL caused by the vanity of the adults, this new reform in education, and plus, the government here, wants to take after the systems in the U.S., without realizing that hey, what works elsewhere may NOT work with us, because there’s a TON to take into considerations: demographics, for one, and then, there’s the levels of the students, for another…………

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Filed under Education, Government, Policies, & Politics, Losing Sight of What's Important, News Stories, Observations, Perspectives, Reforms in Education, Values

When Beggars Make More than You

This, is currently what is happening in the world right now, beggars are making MORE money than you, and they don’t have to do anything, just sit on the floor, in their dirtied clothes, looking pitiful, and, surely enough, someone who comes by will give her/him a handout.

When beggars make more than you, but HOW, those beggars, they’re NOT even working at all, they’re merely sitting on the floor somewhere, looking dirty and pitiful, and they get paid for that?  While I’m here, working my five to nines (b/c nine to five is no longer enough to make my ends meet!), slaving my life away, getting GRILLED by the boss, who doesn’t DO shit!  Is that fair?  Hell NO!

When beggars make more than you, it may just be in that specific case, but, this specific case will spread, very quickly, like that newest form of the flu, and, it will, become a trend, gets spread from this corner of the world, to the next, until all the streets everywhere are filled with panhandlers…

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Losing Sight of What's Important, Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life

After Their Youngest Daughter Was Placed in Protective Custody, the Pair of Drug-Addicted Parents Still Kept Using and Abusing Drugs

All I can say, is that drugs still gets you SCREWED, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Yao and his wife, Tong got addicted to drugs, when they were both arrested back in August this year, the police found that the couple had used ALL of their money to buy drugs, but their youngest child was crying, because she was hungry; within three months time, the couple got arrested once again, for dealing drugs, Yao claimed that his wife had leukemia, and so, that, was why he’d resorted to dealing drugs, for some easy money, and he’d provided the illegal substances for his wife, to alleviate her pains.

The Detective Squad of the city of Taipei said, that the man, Yao (age 34) from Taoyuan, and his wife (age 31) were both arrested on drug possessions this August.  When the police went to their place to make an arrest, they’d discovered that he’d blown ALL his money away on drugs, while letting his young daughter cry of hunger.  The police quickly used the money they had, to buy some infant formula for the child, and called up social services.

Within just three months, the police received another tip, saying the that Yaos are dealing drugs again, the detectives started setting up a large-scale bust, awhile ago, they’d taken the arrest warrants to Taoyuan to arrest the couple; at their residence, the police found heroin, amphetamine, along with some other illegal substances, and a toy gun that looked very real.

Yao claimed that his wife was diagnosed with leukemia and couldn’t put up with the pains, and in order to help support his own wife, he’d dealt drugs, and used the earnings to keep up the family, and provided the illegal substances for his wife to use to reduce her pain.  As for the toy gun, it was for his own protection, in case someone doesn’t pay him for the illegal substances, and the gun would be on display around his waist, to get the people he was dealing with to believe that it was real so they wouldn’t do anything stupid.  After the police interrogated them, the couple was turned over to the D.A.’s office in Taoyuan to be prosecuted.

And so, you NOT only didn’t have an inkling of remorse for being caught with drugs, you’d used so many excuses, and, you were high on drugs, while your children are crying because they are hungry?  What kind of parents are you!

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When Your Tomorrow Became My Yesterday

So, looks like this, is where we part ways, huh???

When your tomorrow became my yesterday, that merely means, that you’d getting left behind, no, it’s WAY, WAY, W-A-Y behind, and I’m still, way, way, W-A-Y ahead of ya!

When your tomorrow became my yesterday, I will be, outrunning you, and, there would be absolutely ZERO chance, you will EVER get caught up to me, or life itself now.

When your tomorrow became my yesterday, you would wake up in a daze, feeling groggy, because you have NO idea, of what just happened, of how fast time flew right by your sides.  When your tomorrow became my yesterday, only one thing can be said: I’m still, WAY ahead of you, and, you will always fall behind, and you will feel forever, abandoned, and feel, oh so lonely, as for me, I’m still enjoying my “small cups” of S-O-L-I-T-U-D-E here.

When your tomorrow became my yesterday, oh wait, your tomorrow had become my yesterday already, and I will never be living IN yesterday, that’s like crying over spilled perfume, pointless, and I do NOT do things that are so pointless in life, I got bigger things to do.

When your tomorrow became my yesterday, there’s just this ONE LAST THING I need to say to you: see ya, wouldn’t wanna BE ya!  And that, would be how icy, frigid cold I’m still “dropping” (temperature-wise, that is)…………

 

 

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Filed under Expectations, Letting Go, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Values