Category Archives: Humor

Romeo & Juliet

Here’s how it would go if I were to rewrite the script…

Soon-to-be-Ex: (speaking in a high pitched voice) Romeo, Romeo, where art thou my Romeo

Me: (getting pissed b/c in the middle of something): what the f*** are you doing, dumbass??? Do you not see that I am in the middle of something here??? Do you really NOT know how I hate to be interrupted when I am in the middle of something???

Soon-to-Be Ex (holding a pot roast chicken, in his cute mittens): I just wanted to tell you that dinner will be served in just a minute is all, don’t get angry…

Me: well, the pot roast better contain arsenic because you are just way too annoying…

Soon-to-Be Ex (going through the cupboards, trying to find that tiny bottle worth of poison): found it!!!

Me (taking it from him, opening up the dropper, but it is empty): hey I thought we had no more rats in the house…

Soon-to-Be Ex: yeah, we don’t, we killed them for dinners remember???

Me:(Questioned look on my face): where is my gun, I want to shoot someone!!!

Soon-to-be-Ex (found my rifle, hands it to me): here you go, dear, are you going huntin’ in the woods??? (inquisitive nature of a child…)

Me: (Still maintaining my cool), goes outside and commits suicide, but was unable to, because the bullets got jammed

Soon-to-be-Ex, upon hearing shots fired (runs hurriedly outside to see if I was okay): do we need to take you to a doctor???

Me (Getting Up): No thank you, thinking to myself, oh man, why they hell can’t I even die, I mean R & J both ended up dead, at least that was what I had read back in my H.S. days,  unless there is a hidden act where they both mysteriously come alive from the dead, and rule the underworld together…

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