Category Archives: Healing Process

Thankful for Cancer, Teaching Me to Take Life Slower

Instead of asking WHY me, this woman found another, more positive way, of dealing with her diagnosis, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The wife of the mayor of the city of Taipei, also a well-known pediatrician at Taipei United Hospital, Chen, with the nickname of “Hard-Ass Wife”.  But, she also has a fragile side to her personality, the subjects of Ke, her husband, and adenocarcinoma of the lungs, are the two subjects that would make her cry.  Chen said, that when she was first diagnosed, she was very upset, but later, she’d started, feeling, gratitude toward her diagnosis, because that, was her body, reminding her, “It’s time, to change your lifestyle.”

In the past, lung cancer had been the top cause of death of the citizens in Taiwan, Chen, who’d always seen herself as very healthy, couldn’t escape it, in her new book, “The Nine Major Forces of the Medical Realm: You CAN Prevent Cancer”, she’d stated what she’d gone through, battling it out with her cancer successfully.

At the beginning, Chen was able to found that she had adenocarcinoma of the lung in a routine health check-up, back in 2011, in February, the doctors found that there was a 0.7 centimeter large white dot in her right lung.  She’d thought, “the average age of women getting diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of the lungs is sixty, I’m just in my fifties, is it, possible?”, because she’d treated her patients in the pediatric department from before, she’d gotten her immune system active, and, there wasn’t this cancer in her family history, she doesn’t smoke, doesn’t live in the industrial areas, and, her occupation doesn’t make her high risk for developing it either, and, she’s a mismatch with the normal causes of adenocarcinoma of the lungs.  Her husband, Ke, who’d taken her X-rays to a coworker of his at NTU Hospital, and, the person took one look, told him, “It’s adenocarcinoma of the lungs”.

“Because I was only in stage one, I was originally struggling, don’t know if I needed the surgery this soon?”  Chen was battling inside back then, actually, she’d feared the side effects from her surgery, and not the surgery itself, after all, she still has three children at home, that she’s worried about.  But, in the persistence of her husband, Ke, the very next month, Chen had her lungs removed partially.

During the days when she was in recovery, Chen described, “My husband had never said anything sweet to me before, but, behind all of it, I can feel his care and concerns toward me.”  The children too, became more well-behaved as well, the accompaniment of her husband and her kids became the strength that she carried, in fighting her illness.

After Chen was discharged from the hospital, she’d started changing her lifestyle, she’d speculated, that the onset of her cancer may have been brought on by the stresses in her life.  In the past, she’d burned on both ends at work and in the family, she’d often skipped breakfasts, lunches too.  After she’d fallen ill, she’d taken the “upside down triangle approach” to eating her meals, with a very fulfilling breakfast; if she got too busy for lunch, then, she’d buy some soup, with salad and fruits; in the evenings, she’d gone home, and made brown rice, plus some vegetable dishes.

Chen also learned to slow her pace down a bit, added more exercise to her living routines, like she’d often gotten off at earlier stops, to walk for a short bit, to get to the hospital where she’d worked.  Walking, is what she took to be the simplest kind, the longest lasting workout routine she could do, she walked somewhat fast, to the point where she’d felt slightly out of breath.  But, she’d reminded others, that the air in the cities are still very polluted, “You must put on masks, and don’t think that it wouldn’t make you look pretty, and just not do it”, and, even as she’d cooked at home, she’d also worn her mask.

And so, the woman learned, from her cancer, that she’d needed to change her lifestyle, and the cancer WAS a wakeup call for her, to remind her, to CHANGE her lifestyle, or else, and, gladly, she’d paid attention to the signs that her body was showing to her, and, she’d made changes in her life.

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Healing Process, Lessons, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life

The Healing Properties of Reading, Between a Husband & a Wife

Translated…

Since I was growing up, I’d disliked reading, but, I’d married a husband who loved it.  He’d often told me, “Read more, through books, you can, increase your knowledge on the inside.”  Even so, I’d still treated his words of advice as wind through my ears.

Until two years ago, my mother died so suddenly, I was, heartbroken, and started, fearing how fast life can change.  My sorrows got trapped, in the grief from the loss of my mother, couldn’t find a way out, I felt I was slowly, suffocating.  My friends and families offered me words of encouragements and hope, but I was still, in a great deal of pain.

At which time, my husband handed me the book, “Tuesdays with Morrie”, he said, “find the time to read it, it may help you out.”

After I’d read, he’d discussed the book with me, and, told me his opinions, on the questions I’d thumbed across while reading.  From time to time, he’d highlighted the sections, told me, “Read these couple of pages again, think about it in depth!”

And, just like so, we’d held discussions over the Tibetan Book of Life & Death, the Simple Answers to the Hard Questions in Life, along with other volumes, regarding the philosophies of life.  Through these books, I’d slowly, walked out of this darkness period of my own life, and started seeing the sun once more.

In the past, I’d felt, hey, I’m out of school now, why bother reading again?  And, even IF I did read, it was just to flip through the magazines.  And now, I’d felt the enormous support and power from reading, every night after supper, I’d made myself a cup of coffee, and, my husband and I would take up a corner of the desk each, and, enjoyed the joys that reading brings quietly, this, was one of the most blessed moment of my entire day.

And so, through reading, you’d found healing, because, you can connect with the stories that those books have to offer, and, through reading, you’d slowly, walked out of the loss from your own loved ones, and, that still just shows, how vital a role reading place in someone’s life…

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Life, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization

This Stillborn Child I’d Carried, for So Long

This stillborn child, I’d carried, for so long, I’m thinkin’, that maybe, it’s time, that I’d, let her go, but, how can I?  When I keep thinkin’ ‘bout how old she should be right now, versus how DEAD she actually is!

The stillborn child I’d carried, for so long, she’s affecting me, preventing me from, getting ON with the rest of my life, and, I’d mourned for her a very long time too, and, I don’t know why, but I’m not quite done yet, I think…

The stillborn child I’d carried, for so long, she will, keep on, STAYING DEAD, because I say so, because, I will NEVER allow WHAT happened to me in childhood, to happen to HER too, and, although she’d become, NONEXISTENT (when in TRUTH, she should’ve turned SIX this month!!!) in this world, sometimes, late at night, when the world’s fast asleep, I’d still get reminded, of this kid, that’d become, NOTHING more than a fantasy, a wonderful dream, that I was FORCED, to wake up from…

The stillborn child I’d carried, and NO, NOBODY will EVER “meet” her, because NO doctors or nurses will EVER bring her in, and, show her, to the REST of the world, because it’s MY responsibilities, to PREVENT what had happened to me in childhood, TO happen to her too, and, I still don’t CARE if that makes me an “unfit” mother, I KNOW I’m MORE fitting a MOTHER, than my own mother here!

And, those of you wondering: the Queen (moi!!!) is still NOT tearin’ up right now, and, believe it or don’t, do I really care???  Uh, let me think (thinking…thinking…still thinking…): HECK NO!!!

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Filed under Because of Love, Being Exposed, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Healing Process, Letting Go, Loss, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Women's Issues

Outside the Lines of the Sheet Music Pages

How music had had an impact on someone’s life, translated…

The year I turned nineteen, I’d conquered the musical notes, with the strength of conquering Mt. Everest, because of my older cousin who was studying in N.T.U., I’d had another level of understanding of it…

The Musical Adventures of My Childhood Years

At age six, the group of us in kindergarten hopped scotch, but instead, I’d stayed indoors, and treated the black and white keys, as well as the lined sheet music as my toys instead.

With the years of taking lessons increased, I’m like a young calf, no longer just satisfied by the pastures I was grazing on anymore, wanted to run even farther off, to find another possibility for myself.  And so, other than the practice classical pieces that my instructor had assigned to me, I’d started trying out those more upbeat music, started with the sonatas to new classics, and the pieces played by Richard Clayderman, all became my practice pieces.

And still, the result of my childish adventures are half and half.  What I gained the most about this period of experimentation was, that I’d opened up a door for myself toward popular music, when I was in the fourth grade, the Chinese romance writer’s books were televised into primetime soap operas, I’d hummed the theme song, and written down the notes of the music, and a lot of my classmates had asked me for the copies of the sheet music I’d written out, and I’d met more good friends.  What was worse, was that I’d gotten too intrigued by the flowery ways of playing the music, it’d made my hand a bit deformed, I now have, a pair of large hands that weren’t in the right ratio with my body, and, my classmates always joked on how I got a pair of farmer’s hands.

On the year I’d turned nineteen, my understanding of music was taken to a brand new level, because of my older cousin who studied in N.T.U.

My cousin is the only son, from an all-star middle school, to the most famous, all-boys high school, all the way to National Taiwan University, he’d had a smooth ride to the top academically, plus my uncle and aunt are both in high-up positions in their work, he’d had a good life.  But, when he was in his last year of high school, my uncle died by accident, and when he was a sophomore in university, my aunt was diagnosed with cancer, and she’d passed away too, in just no more than two short years, he’d lost both his parents, it was hitting him even harder, made him, who wasn’t at all, that social, even MORE isolated.  At which time, I was just, coming up north for school, I was just one year younger than he was, and, in the urging and begging of my relatives, I’d become, his roommate.

We’d taken up tennis lessons together, learned to ride motorcycles, and, go to church every once in a while, because his professor and his wife knew what had happened in the family, hoped that he could get involved, and become more social again, in order to show gratitude toward his professor, whenever we got the time, we’d gone to the church activities.  Naturally it wasn’t, at all, always smooth going, as his roommate either, for instance, if I’d not placed something in its rightful place, he’d started lecturing me, and, I’d rebutted, by cranking up the music even louder.

Writing the Emotions that Nobody Knows About Using the Notes

After a semester, my cousin went from locking his bedroom doors completely to having his doors half-opened.  One night, I’d carried some midnight snacks home, he, who was somewhat anal asked me, “Do you want to come into my room to hear some music?”, that’s real odd, the room that the cleaning lady couldn’t even enter into, I’d get an invitation?  Without a second word, I’d carried the stewed meats in one hand, drinks in the other, ran into his room, found me a seat, and started, chowing down.

As we’d eaten, and talked, I’d realized, that the radio was playing the same song over and over, the singer had a full voice, and her tone’s quality made the melody feel even lonelier.  “What’s this song called?  Nobody Knows?”  “You’ve heard it?  The singer, Tony Rich………”, my cousin hollered, he couldn’t believe, that his younger girl cousin who’s somewhat a hillbilly, who’s totally careless, can have the same tastes in music as he.  I’d told him, because there’s high repetition in the lyrics, it would be hard, to not remember.  He’d nodded, hinting, that I’d guessed it right, then, he’d continued, “you know what, if you keep your heart in a diary, then, someone will peek into it for sure, but, writing your emotions with music, there’s no way of losing, only you alone will know it.”

Wow!  So, music can manage to continue oneself from the present to the past too, that is something I’d never considered, I’d given him a thumbs up, “You are, an engineer!”  Other than my curiousness, I’d started listening to the lyrics, “I pretend that I’m glad you went away/These four walls closing more every day/And I’m dying inside/And nobody knows it but me.”

Looking at my cousin, sitting with his back towards me, I’d felt this sourness, rushing up from my heart, my dearest cousin, you still had a ton of things left unsaid to auntie, don’t you?

In not knowing, I’d taken after my older cousin’s ways, of recording my life down with the songs: Hsin-Jie Lee’s “Freedom” expressed this false sense of freedom I’d felt when I broke up; Je-Ching Chu’s “Sister’s Drum” roused up this uneasiness that I’d felt, as I was about to graduate, and enter into the workforce, turned me into a backpacker, to Tibet, leading me to believe, that that, was the exit to my own life; CNBLUE’s “Try Again, Smile Again”, helped me through the tortured darkness of the game of money and power at work. And, Huei Jiang’s “Asking the Gods” helped me express the difficulties of choosing between my own parents, and my career…

The candles on the cake is closing in, to forty, and now, I’d played the pianos, not for the sake of conquering anything, and, played the music, not for the purpose of getting the lost memories back again, I’d just, enjoyed the simple notes that were connected.

And so, you can see the maturation process of this woman, of how the purpose of music had changed, as she matured, became of age, and, how music played a vital role for her and someone she loved and cared about, and that, is the power of music, you don’t necessarily need to understand the words, but, just listen to the melodies…

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Filed under Because of Love, Being Alone, Connections, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Expectations, Family Matters, Healing Process, Hobbies/Pasttimes, Interpersonal Relations, Letting Go, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss, Observations

Watching My Past Unfold, Before My Eyes

All those moments, I’d forgotten about, all rushed BACK up to the surface, and, they’d escalated, became this HUGE tsunami wave, that came, crashing down on me…

Watching my past unfold before my eyes, it was, as if I’m merely an observer, to the atrocities that had happened to me, I’d tried to scream, but, no sound came from my mouth, I’d felt that hurt, that pain, that betrayal that was so deep once more.

Watching my past unfold before my eyes, I’d tried, to keep the perspectives of an outsider, someone who’s totally and completely, UNINVOLVED in the matters, but I just couldn’t, I’d felt that knife, cutting into my all over again.

Watching my past unfold before my eyes, all of a sudden, I’d found myself, in the midst of this raging storm, I’d screamed, HARD as I possibly could, but, the loudness of the bad weather, well, they’d drowned out my cries.

Watching my past unfold before my eyes, I’d weathered through all these horrible storms, and now, as the storms calmed back down, I can finally, go back the path where the storms came, and, start to, pick up all those broken pieces, hopefully, I could, piece everything back together, again………

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Filed under Awareness, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Downward Spiral, Healing Process, Innocence Lost, Lessons, Letting Go, Life, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Overcoming Obstacles, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Socialization, Story-Telling, Suppressed Memories, Vicious Cycle

Those Who Take the M.R.T. Continued Sliding on the Cell Phones, and, the Patrolling Police Were Reduced

The aftermath of the shooting awhile back, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The murder cases of the random shooting that occurred on the MRT in Taipei, the crowd had returned to its usual rates since the shooting awhile ago, and, most of the passengers had already, put this tragedy behind them, and, the Hsinbei MRT station police force was also, reduced, from the originally 700 officers per day, to just one officer, watching the platforms, during the afternoon rush hours.

There were those passenger riding on the MRT who lowered their heads, to catch up on their sleep now, and, more are zoomed in on their cells, to play, and, most of the passengers sat quietly, watching the scene outside roll on by, to carry on in conversation, the tense atmosphere from before can no longer be felt.  The regular office worker, Gang-Yu Hsieh said, that he would NOT change his habits of sliding his cell phone while riding on the MRT, “there’s just no need, to be on high guards all the time.”

The eighth grader, from Jiang-Tsuei Middle School, Huang said, that the two weeks right after the random shooting, he was very scared, but after the police were sent, to patrol the MRT stations, he felt safer, and slowly, he no longer felt anxious.

Mr. Liu who saw the victims using their hands, to cover their wounds that day said, two weeks after the shooting, he’d made sure that his daughter rode the bus, later on, because there were police force, standing guard at the MRT stations, he’d allowed his daughter to ride on the MRT during the rush hours, but now, his worries are totally gone.

The twenty-two year-old college student who bore witness to someone getting murdered by Jie Cheng that day on the MRT still can’t wipe the images of the passengers, scattering out in a panic off of his mind, but she said, now, the passengers are no longer on heightened alert with one another, “those who are dozing off, are dozing off, those who are sliding on their cell phones, are sliding on their cells”, it’s like, the shooting had, never even happened at all.

The Taipei MRT offices estimated, that a month after the shooting rampage, the flow of “traffic” had dropped by 60,000 compared to the previous month, and now, it’d rose up to 194,000 per day, and, the events are no longer, affecting the operations of the Taipei MRT systems.

The sixth train where the shooting occurred is still parked in the garage in Tucheng, Hsinbei City, the officials planned to change the seats, and will see if there’s the need, to decide, if the train sections where the murders occurred should be placed back on the systems.

And so, this, is what happens AFTERWARDS, and, see how quickly people can toss the badness to the BACK of their minds?  And, until something like the shooting by Jie Cheng occurred again, will people start getting scared, and, shortly thereafter, the public, once again, toss all of that, to the BACK of their minds, that, is how SHORT the attention span of the public is…and, everything will, still, BLOW over, and, people will, eventually forget!

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Filed under Behavior Modifications, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Expectations, Healing Process, Interactions Shared with the World, Life, News Stories, Perspectives, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Socialization, Story-Telling, The Observer Effect, Turning Over a New Leaf, Values, Violence in the Media, White Picket Fence

Trying to Erase What You Did

On your part, and mine too!

Trying to erase what you did, because you couldn’t, live with the fact, that you’d, caused so much damages, to someone you were supposed to love, and so, your mind created this “safe place”, where the tricks of your mind took place.

Trying to erase what you did, because I can’t deal with the fact, that you, someone who was supposed to love me, hurt me, damaged me, instead.  Trying to erase what you did, because, by so doing, I will finally be able to, put ALL these nightmares behind me, and move on, with the rest of my life, but I’m currently, STUCK here, because I’m having a hell of a time, trying to erase what you did to me.

Trying to erase what you did, but, how can I, when those atrocities had been, etched, into my god DAMN mind, and, every time I’d closed my eyes, I’d see the moments, replay, over, over, over, AND over again in my mind…………

Trying to erase what you did, I can’t, because what you did, had become, a part of who I am, and, how can I destroy that bad part of who I am, without hurting myself?  I can’t, so, I’m living, with the consequences, of someone ELSE’s BAD behaviors, once again.

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Filed under Awareness, Coping Mechanisms, Healing Process, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Rationalization, Re-Experiencing the Trauma

When Someone You Love Dies

A part of you died with them too, didn’t it???  When someone you love dies, especially, all of a sudden, and, you were, unprepared for that loved one’s demise, you start to question: why!

And, if you keep on thinking in that mode, then, you’ll NEVER begin, to heal from your losses.  When someone you love dies, how can you accept it, especially if the person is still in the prime of her/his life, but hey, the person passed on, what can you do?  Bring her/him back to life (pardon me for saying this!)?  Of course not, and, you may, need the company of denial for a bit, because the death of that certain person came too suddenly, left you, unprepared, to cope with everything that’s happened.

When someone you love dies, you may not be able to at first, but you will, eventually, let time, slowly, wash your pains away, and one day, you’d wake up, and the first thought that popped into your head was that specific person that had passed on, but, you no longer feel sad over the loss of her/him, then, you’d finally, moved on, but, that still doesn’t mean that you’d forgotten, oh no, for the person’s death had, left a deep impact, on your lives, you’re just able to, move forward, because you’d found a way, to live with, to cope with the losses you’d endured.

And that, is how, you heal back up, and, this, is still, a very difficult process, but, you WILL manage it, you must, you have to, because if you don’t, you will NEVER, walk out from the losses in your lives, and, you’d become, TRAPPED by that sensation of loss, of sorrow, and that, is not a good way to live at all………

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Filed under Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Despair, Healing Process, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Values

Fallen

Tripping and Falling, and, Acknowleging it…the very first step to starting to heal…

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Filed under Downward Spiral, Healing Process, Loss, Socialization, Turning One's Life Around, Turning Over a New Leaf

Ready to Embark on the Journey Called Love Yet???

Ready to embark on the journey called love yet???  Nope, still NOT packed up completely, plus, what, would the weather be like there?  I must, be prepared, for any and everything here!

Ready to embark on the journey called love yet???  Perhaps, you’d been waiting, for this day so long, as your last love had left you, brokenhearted, and in pain, and you’re just, eager, to getting yourselves, back on the “market” again, after all, getting WITH someone, IS the best way of getting OVER someone, right?

Ready to embark on the journey called love yet???  No, not really, but, since you’d left, my friends kept setting me up for blind dates, trying to get me to go out more, without knowing, that I needed time, to mourn for you, for us, even, I know that their hearts are in the right place, but, I just wanted, to be left alone, with the memories of you, of us…

Ready to embark on the journey called love yet???  Don’t worry if you’re not right now, because, you will soon be, as, everything will eventually, heal back up, and becomes, brand new again, you’re not just, quite ready, to move on from your last yet, and, sometimes, these wounds, caused by love, takes a BIT longer than expected, so, just, give it time.

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Filed under Being Alone, Cause & Effect, Coping Mechanisms, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Healing Process, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Loss, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Relationship, Self-Images, Turning Over a New Leaf