Category Archives: Family Dynamics

The Wowrkings of a Family

The Emotional Slavery

Here, everybody IS “created equal”, as everybody has an equal chance, of getting sold!

The emotional slavery, I was once, sold into, and, I’d become, the slaves of both their emotions, and, I felt suffocated, and slowly, I’d died…

The emotional slavery, it was, truly, very hard, for me, to overcome, to rise above it all, but, I’d fought, for my freedom, real hard, and finally, I’d set myself free, and, their emotions have absolutely NO effects on me again.

The emotional slavery, it’s an awful thing, to be sold into, because you’d have to be put through, the trials of someone else’s bad emotions, and you’re NOT even allowed to feel, to express, your OWN emotions, because you were taught, that it, is unacceptable.

The emotional slavery, I wonder, HOW many children are still being sold into?  Countless, and, there’s no way, that I can possibly, rescue them all, and yeah, used to feel very guilty ‘bout it too, but now, after I’d read that book of my own fate, gained an understanding of life, I’m able, to not feel so strong about it, so, that’s a kind of growth in itself, huh???

The emotional slavery, ANY parent is capable, and probably will, SELL their offspring into, without even being aware of it, and, it’s still, ALL the parents’ faults, because NONE of us, children asked to be brought out, onto this GOD DAMN FUCKING (oopsy!!!) P-L-A-N-E-T…

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness, Bad Parenting Behaviors, Being Exposed, Cause & Effect, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Family Dynamics, Growing Up Too Fast, Lives Lost, Messed Up Values, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Vicious Cycle

His Daughter Who is Very Thoughtful, on Parent-Child Interactions

Translated…

My friend, Tseng, whenever he’d talked about his daughter, he’d become animated, his eyes would twinkle, so, what, exactly, is so special about the Tsengs’ daughter?

Tseng is the dentist in our town, because in the evenings, he’d seen his patients until very late, couldn’t get home until past ten, when Tseng entered his house, his daughter would bring him a plate of various fruits, to help him get rejuvenated; if it’s during the evenings of the winters, she’d lain in bed first, to warm up her father’s bed, in hopes, that he’ll get a good night’s sleep.  No wonder Tseng would gloat when he talked of her.

Tseng’s daughter already has a boyfriend, and, they’d all gone out together, if they’d gone outdoors, the daughter would walk in between them, holding her boyfriend’s and her father’s hand; and if they were walking on a busy road, the daughter would hold her father’s hand, because her father’s older, and needed her protection.

When Tseng became troubled by his work, his daughter would offer him a great big hug, and tap him lightly on the shoulders, tell him to keep working at it.  Tseng said, “When my daughter was younger, when she felt taken, I’d hugged her, tapped her on the shoulders, and now, the roles are switched, she hugged me now, it’s such an amazing feeling!”

As children are younger, they’d become attached to their parents, with the coming of age, they normally get farther, and farther away from the parents.  Tseng’s daughter is in her fourth year of university, and is still willing to be so intimate with her father, it’s truly precious.  And, Tseng’s joys also reminded those who are someone else’s children, to show the love toward their parents too.

So, this, is how close they are as a family, and, this must’ve started when the child was younger, and, she must’ve grown up, in a harmonious household, that, is why, as this woman grows older, she’s still close to her father.  This, is truly, hard to come by too!

Leave a comment

Filed under Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Values

Forbidden & Love, the Relativity of Literature for the Month of March

Translated…

Feng-Ling Chou: my sex education came from the romance novels, in the time when those things were banned, they’d managed, to bleach out the desires too, and, there were only faces that were in romances or making love, everything else underneath the faces, were, left blank, this without the senses of the body kinds of novels, turned me into someone who’s also, without the senses of her body too, I’d once imagined, that if having sex is like using a quilt, or a towel, holy, holding it for too long, you’d start to pant, that’s real close, right?  Until middle school, a female classmate who’d matured earlier than most of our class told of the truth about sex, I was so shocked, and, ever since, I’d felt, that boys were impurities, that they’d taken baths or showers, without checking to see if they’d actually cleaned themselves up well.  Back then, most female students, after they’d started growing, weren’t wearing bras, and we’d still wore those white cotton pads, and, among us, if there were those who wore bras, they’d been called “evil”.  Actually, not wearing the bras will make you show, which will then, make others commit some sort of violations, I had been, attacked, once, by a strange man who rode up toward me on his bicycle, and I’d felt awful about it for a very long time, I really did want to kill myself for a very long time too.

After I’d entered into college, did I start, practicing wearing bras, but, it just couldn’t, prevent me, from getting violated, on my first date, I was still grabbed, and, I guess, that my relationships never lasted long because of this, I’d started running, as I was about, to enter into the carnal stages of the relationships I was in.  I’d normally not feel a thing toward men who are good looking, and, the boyfriends I had, each one was uglier than the previous, and, as I’d brought them home, my mother would often say, “Holy!  He’s so UGLY!”  Ugly men aren’t sexy, and, being in love with them, you must have a great deal of imagination, and pay the price too.  There are those, who have a good heart, despite their bad looks, but, meeting up with those who were ugly inside AND out, I’d ended up, badly.

The twisted views of sex stems from the twisted families of origin, inside those large families, there were, a ton of twisted interpersonal relationships, the first wives, battling it out with the second and the third, revenges of the sweet prince, a great aunt who’s kinda transsexual, a widowed great aunt, only my parents’ marriage was harmonious, and this had given me hopes in marriage, and still, the letter from my father a few years ago said, that it’s because of this sort of family, that he’d intentionally, distanced from his wife and children, so, we were, NEVER actually loved at all.  His hatred is hidden deeply, and, those families with more hatred than love can hurt someone for life, Ai-Ling Chang’s “I-Ching” described the sickness of the families, and I can totally understand.  As writers described this, there’s the need for the discoveries, and cleaning up, that, was the internal forces, working.

A family without love, only the mother’s passions, spreading the seeds of brightness and hope, but, we are totally opposites, and, it wasn’t, until I got married myself, did I realize, that my mother was where my light, and my passion came from.

Growing up in an all-girls’ school, I’d become retarded when it came to sex, and there’s this lax of love too in my life.

It was until I’m much older, did I know about the pleasures of the carnal nature, from before when I sought out the spiritual kind of love, there was, a bit of sympathy inside, the love that nobody wanted, I took in, there were one to two affairs I’d had, I was taken with men with amazing voices, the ones that sang; those who will whisper sweet nothings into my ears; those with the raspy voices………once I’d dated a man by phone for an entire year, and then met, it was more than satisfying, just to hear his voice, I’d treated love like adventures, tramped on, in the auditory sense, on the surface, all is quiet and at peace, but, there’s great danger inside of me, making even myself fear.  The infidelity of the married man is the funniest, they can only do, and not talk about it, if the wrong numbers were dialed, then, one would chicken out, get angry, return all the love notes, the gifts, or maybe, doing things, to hurt one another, this, is the tragedies, brought on by the auditory sense, and, it’s all, because of us, sound-chasers.

In order to end these sorts of dangerous relationships, I can only turn to marriage, the patriarchy is just as uncomfortable as the claw of the evil man.  When you marry in Taiwan, you’re NOT just marrying the man, but his entire family too.  My mother often said, that among us all, sisters, I’m the most mildly tempered, and, marriage had caused me to start rebelling, it’s better to say, that I’m not fitted for marriage, I’d run romance like it was the service industries, like how the fairy helped the good man make the clothes, after she’s done, she’s bound to leave, it was, one-sided kind of love.

And, I feel better with members of the same sex, this natural closeness, I was loved by girls once, and, there were many lesbians around me, and I am willing, to defend them, and, I feel complete empathy toward those who were not involved in the “normal” kinds of love, there’s really only limited knowledge about love that we have, and yet, we’d made it even more limited, the older I got, the more humble I’d become, toward love.  After age fifty-five, don’t know why, I started feeling ashamed about sex, but, I’d already had both, although, they’d come late to me.

Thinking back to my love, the “force fields of attraction” are quite odd, I’d only attracted some weirdos, maybe, I’m the weirdest of them all, this, is already, a fact, can’t be altered now, what’s meant by a happy marriage and a family is too far from where I am now, and maybe, I’d still had fantasies for a blissful romance and marriage, I’d often had fantasies about beautiful things in life, especially of love.  And, all I can find, was this merciful kind of bliss, being merciful to oneself, and to others as well.

My powerless love, and running away from it, had hurt some people, especially the father of my children, I’m really sorry, but he’d never allowed me to have it easy either, I hope, that my marriage can be completed before I turn sixty, returning freedom to each other, hoped that he could let it go, otherwise, it would be too difficult, to handle the assets, as well as all the weddings AND the funerals that came later on, I truly prayed, for resolution, the resolution of life.

So, this, is a woman’s view on love, as well as her experiences, and, love is a lesson, that not all will be able to master that’s for sure, and, this woman had been hurt, in her pursuits of, her experimentations of, love.

Fu-Ming Yang: on the topics of forbidden and love, to me, it’s the stories of putting up.  Since I was younger, I can put up with a lot, anger, noises, the weathers too………even holding it in, became a part of the lesson, I could hold it, to the point that my face turned white, and I’d started feeling the cramps, from seeing the Japanese cartoon, I could really feel the classmate, holy!  We both loved holding our stomachs, and bent over, we both had long-term gastric disorders.  In my old living room, the calligraphy was written, telling us to hold it in, holding it in, suppression became what we shared, and, silence became, the best way to communicate with one another.  And, after I’d held it in for very long, it’d become, natural, I realized, that I have great tolerances for discomforts, and I can adapt to all the adverse conditions in the world, with the tiniest amount of reward, I’d feel so happy that I was about to die, there were, several key moments in my life, when my friend reminded me: it doesn’t seem, that you love yourself quite enough.

During the two years in elementary years, I’d lived under the shadows of being bullied by three to four classmates constantly: the verbal abuses, the physical beatings, they’d threatened me, that they were going to pull me behind the elephant slide at school, and beat the shit out of me.  And even now, when I rode my motorcycle and bumped into them, although, we’re all married and with our own kids, I’d still feel somewhat scared, and, I’d get out of their ways, and, the fears are rooted, way too deep within me.  I couldn’t understand, why, I was picked on?  Perhaps, I’m smaller in frame, made good grades, is a model student, and still, I didn’t know how to fight back, and didn’t respond, so naturally NONE of my family knew about it, I’d just, kept it all, to myself.  Once, during the clean-up period before school was over, I was in the fifth grade, one of the guys had first, tossed my backpack into the hallways, I’d ignored him, kept sweeping the floors, then, a mop was shoved toward my face, yes, you know, the kind with the hop resembling a messy head of hair, I’d become forceful then, I knew that his mother sold fruits in our town, I’d gotten all shook up, warned him, “You want to, I will MAKE sure, that your mother’s fruit stand gets NO business tomorrow!”  Blindy’s mother is a hard working woman, in order to save up on the rents for the stands, she’d often changed places where she sold the fruits from, and still, I was raging then, don’t know how long I’d yelled at Blindy for, I’d realized, that he hid behind the doors(the door when the long sticks were kept), shaking like a leaf.  And I, was shocked, by my own wayward behaviors, and felt a TON of guilt, in the end, the very next day, I’d bought him a drink to apologize, to apologize, and he wouldn’t take it from me.

There are many stories of forbidden nature and of love, the story of taking it all in, there were, always who would be doing that.  My great grandmother who lived long, at age seventy, lost her husband, she’d lived until she was 102, she probably never thought she’d be alone for over thirty years of life, how did she put up with the loneliness?  And, they’d loved to compare, in the big families: the childbirths, the grades the children made, the size of their cars, I recalled, how when we’d gone to offering to the heavens, the relatives would prepare their own separate sets of offerings, actually, that, was a show-off of the assets too, they can compare the size of the animals being offered, and, how can I take this sort of competition all in?

I was never afraid of the dark as a child, not afraid of ghost, or the loud noises that those firecrackers made, but I’m afraid of the eight generals (the Eight Generals are gods, right?), from before the elementary years, I’d gone with my father, all over the temples in Tainan, and, the histories of offerings became my travel log, the locations of the temples became a geography lesson.  I’m like the bad ghost who’d done something bad, fearing getting caught by the Eight Generals, so, I’d hid in the entryways of the temples, I feared the white hell messenger, Hsieh.  That time, we’d gone to offer incense at Dragon Lake, Lioujia, before the sky is light, we’d set out, it was, a huge going on, the drums, the cymbals, everything, naturally, the Eight Generals are all there too, waited for the time to enter into the temple, and, everybody was eating breakfast by the car, and my mother took me, who just woke up, to the back of the temple to use the toilet, my mother went into the ladies room, I’d turned, into the men’s, and, as I’d stepped into the stalls, I’d found, the White Messenger from Hell was taking a leak too.

The stench from the urine, the buzzing of the air conditioning system, the fog in the mountain side of Tainan, made the white even whiter, and, the bell that the White Hell Messenger wore rang, he and I each took up a stall, the tall, White Hell Messenger, straightened up his back, and the tall hat on his head made him seem taller still, almost to the ceilings, I couldn’t help, but stared at his relaxed face, his hand.   Holy!  Did I see something I shouldn’t have??  I’d just, googled the white hell messenger, and learned, that on his long hat, other than the weird stitching, there were also four words—“lucky to see” in Chinese, perhaps, it’s a blessing for me then!

So, this, is from one’s childhood days, and, there are a lot that need to be sort through in one’s childhood days, but, most of the people, just left their childhood where it was, perhaps, it’s because of how painful it is, going through that part of one’s life, but, not all memories are bad, like this man’s interesting encounters in his childhood now, is it???

Leave a comment

Filed under Childhood, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Socialization, Story-Telling

Stating the Her Aunt is Her Mom, on Parent-Child Interactions

Translated…

My eldest sister had always been a career woman, when her second daughter was born, her in-laws are already elderly, and couldn’t manage to watch her daughter, and so, she’d given her child to her sister-in-law who was living close by.  Sometimes, she’d come home too tired, and, just allowed her daughter to stay at her aunts.  And so, my eldest sister’s daughter became a daughter to her younger sister-in-law, and, because her sister-in-law didn’t have any children, they’d loved her daughter as their own, and, would call her “baby”, and, her niece would call her, “Auntie-Mommy” too.

But, there’s the after effect of this, several times, my eldest sister’s family came back home to visit, and, we bore witness to how when my eldest sister wanted to kiss my niece, she’d turned her head, and, had that look of disgust too.  This behavior, we didn’t pay it much heed when she was still pre-kindergarten age, we’d just blandly told my eldest sister, to watch her interactions with her own offspring.  Without knowing, that a couple of years later, my thirteen-year-old niece still interacted with my eldest sister like so.  A few days ago, I saw my eldest sister’s face, looking like she’s going through something difficult, we didn’t know what to say to her.

In my niece’s mind, she seemed to accepted that her aunt was her real mom.  And now, she’s living in school, and only comes home on the weekends, she’d run straight, to her aunt’s place, and stayed for the weekend there, and, when my sister wanted to see her daughter, she’d paid her sister-in-law’s house a visit, it’d made me feel bad for her.

Because my eldest sister’s earning had helped out with the household economics, my brother-in-law wanted her to keep working after the marriage, and, toward how his own daughter reacted to her mother like so, he couldn’t do anything about it either.

There’s no right or wrong in this matter, maybe, the ones directly involved didn’t feel something was up, after all, they’re all, related by blood, so long as they got along with one another very well, there’s nothing wrong with this sort of interaction style.  But, we’d hoped, that my niece no longer rejected kissing her own mother, to treat her own mom, and, her auntie-mommy equally.

And so, this, is what you get, for NOT spending enough time around your own offspring, just pawned her off on a relative, and, the parents are still not the one at fault, because the parents must work, to provide, and, it’s a difficult situation to manage that’s for sure!

Leave a comment

Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Properties of Life

A Hand-Wash Carwash

Translated…

Xin-Yun had always had her small Toyota sedan washed at the malls, and, she’d just spent the last of her twenty ticket packages.  In the morning, at ten when she drove to the marketplaces, she’d passed through a certain hand-wash car wash, she though, that she could just drop her car off, walked to the marketplace, and afterwards, she could get her car back.

She’d parked the car by the side of the road, walked out, the carwash was a huge steel roof shack, about four storefronts, with three cars already parked inside, there were two stands by the door.  A man of around forty years of age walked out, very thin and tall, with a dark complexion, said to her coldly, “We have a lot of customers right now, you want to get your car washed, come back at four in the afternoon.”

Xin-Yun said, “Fine!”

The man glanced over at her license plate, said, “I’ll take down your license plate, at four in the afternoon, because it’s the New Year’s, the price will increase to $450N.T.s”.

Xin-Yun thought, four more days until New Year’s Eve, it’s normal for the car washes to hike up the prices, I’ll do something else now, and, drop my car off at four, and go shopping at the dusk market place.  She’d recalled how unrelenting the man who looked mean was, actually, he looked, like an awful person.  She thought about the shocking events from four days ago, the shooting at the jail that alerted every member of the public, of how the six escapees all committed suicide.  She thought, that maybe, the owner of this carwash is a reformed inmate who’d started his life anew.

At four o’clock, a woman was hosing a car parked by the entryway down, with her black slacks, tucked into her beige colored boots.  She’d hollered toward the inside, “Someone’s here!”

That man left what he was working on, said to her, “We have too many cars today, bring it by tomorrow.”

Hsin-Yun Said, “You told me to come back at four!”

The man walked to the office, picked up a notebook, nodded toward her, said, “Give me your keys/”, then, said, in a hard tone of voice, to the women who sat, face to face, at the desk, “Nothing to do, go wipe that car dry.”

Forty minutes later, Hsin-Yun carried the bags from shopping back to the carwash again, the man was busy, told her, “Your car just had the rinse, wait forty more minutes.”

Hsin-Yun told him, “Then I’ll sit down to wait.”, she’d found a chair by the desk and sat.

This iron clad roof shack was more simplistic than ever, even the desk, the chairs, are all worn too.  The man was cleaning off the windshield wiper of another car, she’d noticed, that he not only worked swiftly, and took care of the details too.  The cell phone rang on the desk, the girl who was wiping dry the Hsin-Yun’s car came to get it, flipped it open, and, took it to the man’s ear.  The man still busied about with his hands, said, “We can’t squeeze you in tonight, bring your car by eight in the morn tomorrow.”

Hsin-Yun said to the owner, “Boss, you have an amazing business.  As the New Year’s is about to come, everybody needed her/his car washed.”  He’d replied, “We’re like this regularly too.”

Hsin-Yun thought, that a hard working man, the heavens naturally blessed.  The woman who was rinsing the car off, petite, with a beautiful face.  The two girls who were wiping off the car, in jeans, slimly built, seeing their three faces, Hsin-Yun all of a sudden came to her senses, they’re mother and daughters, she’d misread the man of the house, it is, a family-owned carwash.  The cell phone rang again, the shorter girl answered it, “Dad, it’s Mr. Lin from the watch shop.”, the owner said, “Tell him to come get his car.”

It is, a family.  The two girls were wiping the water off of Hsin-Yun’s car, the shorter girl said to the taller, “Go wipe the backseat!”

Hsin-Yun asked the shorter girl, “Are you the older sister?”, she’d nodded.  Hsin-Yun said, “No wonder you’re giving out orders!”

The man said, “You two decide what you want for dinner.”

The older girl said, “Dad, what do you want?  You’d only had just two bites for lunch, you mustn’t skip dinner too.”

Hsin-Yun said, “You are way too busy.  Did your mother cook for you?”

The woman said, “I don’t cook at all, I don’t have the time!  We’d bought our meals out.”

Hsin-Yun saw that there was an ASUS laptop on the office desk, the two girls are probably college students, and during their winter vacation they’d helped the parents in the carwash.  She’d commended them, “But, both your girls are well-rounded, beautiful too!”

Smile curled up the couple’s faces now, the man said, “I’d just raised them.”

The younger girl called, “Dad, what, are we having?”, the man said, “I don’t know!”, the younger girl said, “You don’t know?  I won’t buy anything for you then!  Starve then!”, the man said, “You little BRAT!”

The harsher the jokes, it means that more tightly-knit the family members.  As Hsin-Yun left the carwash with her car, she’d lifted her head up to see the signs, “The Honesty Carwash”.

And so, this man kept his family well, and because he was able to manage his own family so very well, naturally, his business is well off too, because everything starts at the MOST basic levels, and, the most basic functional unit of the societies would be the families, and, this man treated his family well, and, the children are very well-rounded, so naturally, his business is well-off also.

 

Leave a comment

Filed under Connections, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Inspirational Tales, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Observations, Perspectives, Translated Work

Finding Out the Truth Behind Your Death

You were taken from me, too quickly, you were, brutally murdered by someone, and because of how young I was, they’d never told me the reasons behind your death, and, I grew up, with this VITAL part of my own history, missing…

So, one day, I was, sorting through those old and dusty files stacked up, in the attic, and, I’d, tipped a box over, and, everything inside fell out.  Something caught my eyes, it was, a picture of you, in your younger years, about my age right now, you looked, different, I don’t know what about it, but, there’s just something UP with that photograph of you, and, I’d tried to ask dad about it, but, he’d just, shrugged it off.  And, the questions about you, I’d kept, all to myself.

Then, I’d gotten a call, from someone, who claimed that he knew you, at first, I didn’t pay it too much heed, as you were very, social, or so I’d been told, and a little on down the line, the person, who’d called me to tell me that he knew you, bumped into me one day, and, he recognized me right away, as your daughter, I don’t know how, because everybody told me, ever since my younger years, that I looked more like dad than you.

It was, through the conversation with this “stranger”, that I’d gotten to know you better, I’d learned about the kind of persons that you were, before you met dad, and learned about, how your marriage to him, changed you, and then, everything just, unfolded…

Finding out the truth behind your death, I had, and, at first, I just, couldn’t come to the acceptance, that you were actually, MURDERED by someone who’s closed to you, someone who’d VOWED to love you, and, it took me, a very long time, to finally let you go, completely.

Now I sit here, in this big old chair you once sat in with me, as I flipped through, those pages of yellowed photographs with you in them………

Leave a comment

Filed under Awareness, Cost of Living, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Letting Go, Loss, Perspectives, Properties of Life, Socialization, Story-Telling, Suppressed Memories

The Demented Grandmother Forgot Her Grandson, But Still Remembered the Love

A touching story, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The twenty-eight year-old, Si-How Lai saw how hard his grandmother cried over his grandfather’s passing away, he’d wanted to get to know this “wife of his own grandmother, the mother of his father all over again”, he’d set up the Fans group, “Grandma’s Here”, kept records of how the two of them interacted, the progressions of his grandmother’s stroke, and dementia too, it’d made a ton of the fans realize, that “love should occur in the now”, it’d attracted the younger generations to get to know ones’ own grandparents again.

Lai said, that his grandfather died three years ago of illness, and his grandmother acted normally, the family thought, that she was mentally prepared, but late one evening, he’d found his own grandmother, sobbing gently, by her own bed.  Lai who’d never seen his grandma cried, realized, that grandma was also a girl too, a girl who’s center was his own grandfather, it’d initiated his curiosities toward his own grandmother’s past.

Two years ago, he’d decided to get to know his grandma a little each and every day.  He’d originally posted the interactions he’d shared with his grandmother on Facebook, a year ago, in the urging of his coworkers, he’d set up the Fans Club of “Grandma’s Here”, and, it’d attracted over a thousand fans to watch his live broadcasts of his interactions with his grandmother, and, he’d realized, that a lot of the online community are “the most familiar of strangers” with their separate families, and started encouraging the community online to share the stories of their own grandma online.

A female from online said, that she’d been in a bad relationship with her own grandmother long-term, and, the grandmother would even cuss her out, but because of the Fans Club, she’d discovered, that her grandmother was depressed, and slowly, forgave her grandmother for her past behaviors.  And, there was a female who’d shared the regrets from the interactions with her own grandmother, one day, she’d gotten a call from her grandmother, because she had too much work to do, she’d quickly finished the conversation up, and afterwards when she’d dialed her grandmother back, she was told, that that, was the last word that her grandmother spoke before her passing, she was very regretful, “If I could do it over, I hope, that I had used my entire lifetime’s focus to listen to that very last phone call.”

The eighty-seven year-old Grandma Lai fell because she had a stroke last December, bumped her head, and is now, bedridden, and had forgotten Si-How Lai completely.  Lai said, the moment he was told of her fall, he’d felt the pains from the possibilities of losing her.  Lai said, during the two and a half year that he’d gotten to know grandma, she’d given him too much, the most important thing he’d learned from the interaction was, “showing care and concern toward the family members, and not to regret ever again.”, he said, “she’s petite in frame, but gives off a large shade.”, it doesn’t matter, if you only have one minute to show care and concern toward the families, and you won’t EVER forget the warmth that flowed, during that short time frame.

So, this young man decided to make his grandmother’s life matter to him, by capturing the moments they’d shared, and, he was able to learn from other people’s stories, and, use it in his own life, so, he can live without the regrets, and that, is the wonderful actions of a young man.

Here’s how this young man’s behavior became an “example” for others, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

I Love You…Connected the Love of Three Generations, the grandkids are his sweethearts, that helped opened up that lock on his heart

“Grandma’s Here”, the Fans Club on Facebook kept records of Si-How Lai’s interactions with his own grandmother, after experiencing the loss of ability after his grandmother’s stroke, the progressions of her dementia, Lai said, because of grandma, he’d learned how, to take care of the elderly.  The experts believed, that Taiwan is on its way, to a nation, made up of elderly persons, and that if you’re not an expert in taking care of the elderly, you must know the general rules.

“The frit time I’d taken care of someone who’s lost her abilities, who’s become demented, I’d realized, how hard caretaking really is”, Lai said, after his grandmother’s stroke, she was diagnosed with dementia, and the series of beat downs that came, but gladly, the whole family worked together.  He’d started looking for information, learned to face the situations, from massaging his grandma for rehabilitation, to making the psychological adjustments, to how to get the handicap manuals, he’d done, by trial and error on his own.

He said, that because of the learning opportunities provided by his grandma, he believed, that he could use what he learned on himself, his parents, his siblings, and, recently, he’d transcribed these ways he’d taken to caring for his own grandmother to works, hoped that it could offer insights to the online community.

The ROC’s Elderly Benefits League’s secretary, Wu said, that in a decade’s time, Taiwan will head into “Super Aged Community”, and, the middle generations in Taiwan right now are all faced with how to care for the aging elderly in the families, and in the future, not only would the younger generations be facing with caring for the elderly in their homes, they’d also had to deal with the aging of the neighbors too, and, everybody must have the knowledge of how to care of the elderly.

The Taipei Bridge Daycare Center for the Elderly’s manager, Lin stated, that most of the families when their elders had lost abilities, or became demented, the first solution they’d think of is a “foreign assistant”, but, hiring these foreign aides can’t solve the problems completely; a lot of families shared ZERO interactions with the elders, every day, the parent would tell the children, “I love you”, but the parents have difficulties, expressing their love to their parents.

Wu said, that the grandkids often played the role of the “lubricant” in the families, the parents had been treating their own parents using the same ways for forty, fifty years, it would be hard, for them to change their ways; instead, the grandchild can play the vital role, in keeping all three generations connected.  Wu said, so long as you can get the elderly to talk about “how wonderful, how strong they were back then”, then, they can slowly, get into the minds and hearts of the elderly, but don’t rush the process, start by accompanying them, like going for strolls, carrying on in conversations, watching television alongside them, to establish the trust in one another first.

And so, this is what the young man learned, from HIS hands-on experiences in taking care of his own demented grandmother, and, he’d shared his views, his thoughts, and even, his ways of doing things with his grandma, to help the rest of the members in the community who may have difficulties, relating to their elderly grandparents.

Leave a comment

Filed under A Cycle of Kindness, Because of Love, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Dementia/Deterioration of the Mind, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Moral Responsibilities, Old Age, Parent-Child Interactions, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Story-Telling, Values

The Actress, Melody Never Used Baby Tones Or Stacking Words When She Talk to Her Kids

This, is how a famous person does it, teach and train, and interact with her young, that is, translated…

The actress, Melody who was raised in the U.S., but surprisingly, she’d grown up, under her parents’ traditional Chinese education ways.  “When we were younger, before my father sat on the dinner tables, we were not to start eating, as the adults entered the door, all the children must stand up, everybody thought, that I’m an ABC, that I wouldn’t pay attention to the traditional Chinese values of respecting one’s elders, actually, my parents placed great emphasis on cultural behaviors, and they’d paid strict attention to our manners too.”, and this had caused her to prefer living in Taiwan, although she was born and raised in the U.S.

Couldn’t Swallow it Down, the Parents and Children Started Having Frictions

Melody’s parents were first generation immigrants to the U.S., they’d had a hard life, and they’d often become too busy, that they didn’t have the time to communicate with their kids, and had educated Melody using Chinese ways, which made Melody, who was raised in the American cultures having adjustment issues, and they’d had disagreements, “in my teenage years, I’d locked myself up in my room, not talking to my parents, and my mom believed, that the more we’d rebelled, the tighter she must keep control on me, which made me run even farther away from them, it wasn’t until I passed through my puberty, did I become closer to my parents again.”

Melody told, that as a mother, she’d gotten better understanding of where her parents came from, but she’d also adjusted her own ways of educating her two daughters, “I’d told my two daughters a lot of things, encouraged them to speak up, and the parents MUST observe, to see when they can be more leisurely in interacting with their own offspring.”

Her parents gave Melody two wisdoms of life, one, allowing things in life to just flow, to not care about winning or losing too much, “I’d used to think, if you don’t take winning and losing too seriously, how can you be successful?  But with the coming of age, I’d learned, that hard work is a must, but, not to get trapped, if you’d worked hard for something and still can’t get it, you must learn to ‘let it go’.”  Her father taught her to understand how to handle the interactions between her and her friends, Melody smiled and told, that she felt her parents’ words were too broad from before, “and now, I’m taking their advice, whatever you do, you must be smooth, see everything in all the possible angles, that way, you will be successful.”

Having Set Messages, Feeling Very Secure

Melody’s two daughters are three and four years old, but they’d spoken, in a clear and precise manner, and, it’s all in part to her, NOT using baby tones with her children.  She’d believed, that the younger the kids, the more systematic the messages need to be, so the kids can feel secure, “the parents must be decisive, I don’t give them materialistic things to keep them happy, so, when they’d gone to the toy shops, they wouldn’t bug me about buying them toys; and, after they are full at the tables, they’d get off, and, I don’t give them any snacks, and, when my children goes hungry, then, they’d learned, that they need to eat their proper meals tomorrow.”  Melody pays close attention to her kids’ ability to create, the game her kids played the most often is drawing pictures, the youngest daughter only needed a pair of children’s scissors, a piece of useless ad page, and, she can keep herself entertained for an hour, “the only toy I get for them is Lego, after they got bored from playing, I’d put the blocks up, and after awhile, I’d taken them out again, and, they’d felt that it was something new, if I gave them too many toys, they’ll end up, not cherishing what they have enough.”

Insistence on Communication, Teaching the Right Attitudes When the Kids are Still Young

Melody insisted on communication, and, in the Chinese New Year’s, she’d gotten the sweet fruits of her hard labor, the whole family traveled to Thailand, she and her daughters communicated, that they are not bringing the strollers along, that they must walk on their own, “I’d told them, that if they get tired, then, we can rest, but, mommy will not carry them, and, my youngest actually managed the entire way too”, Melody believed, that a lot of parents believed that the children are too young, and couldn’t understand, but, you can actually communicate with a child, “children have amazing capabilities to understand things, and, you must teach them the correct attitudes from when they were younger, I’d used Chinese AND English interchangeably at home, and, the children are really good learners, and are used to listening to both languages.”

And so, this, is how ways of education gets passed down, the woman here has a father who’s an authoritarian type parent, and, because she’d had difficulties, getting along with her father in her earlier years, and so, now she has her own, she did NOT treat her own kids the way her father educated her, instead, she took a more open method, and, the kids growing up under this way of teaching will become better adapted indeed!

Leave a comment

Filed under Attitude, Awareness, Cause & Effect, Child Development/Education of Children, Choices, Education, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Life, Observations, Parent-Child Interactions, Parenting/Parenthood, Perspectives, Philosophies of Life, Properties of Life, Socialization, Story-Telling, Values

The Man in Charge of the House, the Woman, Outside

Flipping over the tradition here that’s for sure!!!  Translated…

With the advances of time, there’s no longer that forceful tone of voice on stressing how men are supposed to work outside the homes and women, inside anymore, but, hearing about a man who stayed at home, most people would still frown over it.

Before I met my husband, I’d carried the traditional values too, hoped that my husband could work outside, and the wife can stay at home, and just, watch the kids.  And still, my idealism falls far from my reality, I have a job which I enjoyed working and loved very much, and, my husband is a soho who stay at home, but, I can say, with confidence, that I am, very happy.

My husband’s work is busy, sometimes, he’d waken up earlier and turned in later than I had, but gladly, he has flexible hours, and so, he took charge of cooking the meals, and chauffeuring the kids, all I need to do, was the basic cleaning.  Some problems that normal families met up with, not in my house, for instance, the children not being close to their fathers, or, both the couple worked, and, there’s no time to cook the meals.  My husband could set time aside, to accompany the kids, I’m truly blessed.

When I’d asked my kids who they loved more, mom or dad, they’d told me, “both”.  And, gladly for my husband, I got to have a warm meal as I came home from work every night; my husband had even cooked according to recipes or from the cooking shows on television, tailored to the nutrition and the varieties too, I’m truly grateful for how much heart he put into it.

Actually, the older generations still might feel, that it would be unfitting for a man to stay at home, that I may strain myself out, and were mistaken to believe that I’m the one, shouldering ALL the household responsibilities, so at first, they’re very against this way of life from the start, but, as the time passes, my husband proved to them, that he was hardworking, and so, everybody felt how much he’d given to the family and received the affirmations too.  We’re very proud, and satisfied, with our ways of life right now.

I truly understood, that so long as you’re willing to pour your hearts into it, whichever way of life you choose, you two can live together, get along well, and maintain a peacefully household that runs smoothly.

So, here we have, a household, where the mom goes out to work, while the dad stays at home, and, at first, their families are against it, but then, the couple showed them, that they’d made it work out fine.  So, who says, that a man is not fitting, cooking in an apron, this one disproves just that theory all right!

Leave a comment

Filed under Choices, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Gender Roles, Life, Marriages, Properties of Life, Socialization

The Exit of Life

On her growth, translated…

Seeing Fang-Hua putting her veil on, leaning onto her groom, with the smiles that showed just how happy she is, I’m truly happy for her.  This kind girl who’s had a hard life, finally found her own bliss.

I’d met Fang-Hua in my college years, she’s a warm, optimistic, proactive girl, just like the other kids of the younger generations, she too, kept up with her appearances, loved playing around, but, behind her smiles, there seemed to be, something hidden, that’s awful, from her past.

Turns out, she was, born with a silver spoon, had long-term, lived under her father’s violence.  Her father has a strong urge to control others, kept close tabs on the family members’ whereabouts, especially Fang-Hua’s mother’s, she needed to report to him her whereabouts every minute of every day, and, she’d needed to come home at designated times, with a minor delay, her mother would get beaten up.  Every time, as her mother hollered out in pain, Fang-Hua and her older brother and sister would rush up to her, to protect the mother, but, the results always ended as them, being beaten too.  the mother had been beaten up and bruised, and, the bruises were the minor problems, every time she was taken to the E.R., and, Fang-Hua could only watch and cry in silence.

After she’d started working, Fang-Hua met a man with a flair, at first, they were very much in love, but, it didn’t take long, before he’d started, beating her too.

Several times, I’d rushed to the scene, took her to the hospitals.  I’d asked Fang-Hua, “What’s the difference between him and your father?  Why don’t you, just allow the past to pass?”, Fang-Hua didn’t speak, but I saw that look of desperation from her emptied-out eyes, and so, several years had gone past.

Afterwards, Fang-Hua fell in love again, the man was a honest and hard-working poor boy, Fang-Hua’s father had something to say all right, said that he came from a bad background, a low education, wasn’t good looking at all.  After being talked trash about, the guy backed off from her.  Fang-Hua said blandly, “Maybe, I’m destined to be alone forever.”

Later on, Fang-Hua’s father had a stroke, other than work, she’d gone home, to take care of her father, “Seeing how the once forceful father fell overnight, couldn’t talk, lost his mobility, slowly, lost his will to live, it’s odd, my mother and I seemed to be alleviated, and, the laughter returned back to my house once more.”  I couldn’t see a scent of hatred in this gentle girl’s eyes.

A few years later, a man took Fang-Hua’s hand, said, “I want to take care of you, as well as your family.”

I couldn’t know what her father was thinking of, being one of the patrons of her wedding, but, seeing how Fang-Hua folded her hands on top of her mother’s, looking at one another, smiling, I believe, that so long as you don’t give up, the heavens will find an exit for all lives that’s for sure.

And so, this woman had, SNAPPED out of the vicious cycle from her own family of origin, and found a man who would cherish her, who truly loved her, and, her happiness still wasn’t easy at all, she’d had HER share of hardships in life, and now, happiness, is due back to her.

Leave a comment

Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Awareness, Cost of Living, Early Exposures, Family Dynamics, Fate, Life, Socialization, Wake Up Calls