Category Archives: Empty Nest

Children are grown, so much time, with NOTHING, to occupy your time…

Reading as a Cure for Insomnia

On aging, and dealing with empty nest, say???  Translated…

My wife’s youngest sister, after she retired, she was NO longer under the stresses from work, she should be sleeping in until she wakes, but, she’d still wake up at three or four in the morn, and tossed and turned, but she’d worried that she might wake her husband, and so, she’d go out for a run.

But the skies are still dark, and, it’s unsettling for a woman to head out this early in the morn alone, so, my wife consoled her, that if she wanted to exercise, she should at least wait until five or six.  But, it must be difficult for her, staying wide awake, staring at the ceilings, and so, she’d still headed out early.  One early morning before the New Year’s last year, it was drizzling, she’d rode her motorcycle out to the college campus ten minutes away, but because it was dimly-lit, and the roads got too slippery, she’d slipped and broken her arm, and, for about six months, she was unable to use her right arm as she dressed herself, or to eat, not only did she have a good year, she was also strained in her body and her mind.

My wife consoled her again, to NOT go out that early, that if she wants to go for her run, at least, have someone accompany her.  But, she’d waken up this early, and she couldn’t impose her early-to-rise schedule onto her husband.

I, who is also awake super early, after I’d learned, I’d often waken up at three or four in the morn, and just couldn’t sleep, but I had a way to deal.  I’d shared with my sister-in-law, “Our kids are all grown, and left the house, and we can make their rooms, into our second bedrooms, if we couldn’t sleep, or worried that we might wake our partners, we can go to our second bedrooms, to turn on the lights to read a bit, and, we can fall asleep quicker then.”

After my two daughters had married, I’d turned my eldest daughter’s room into a “second bedroom”, my wife turned my youngest daughter’s bedroom into a “nap room”.  I’d put a TON of books on the nightstands of my “second bedroom”, with literary works for leisure reading, with long novels, or books of theories too.  Before bedtime, I’d thumbed through the easier to digest literary stuff, and, if I wake in the middle of the nights, I’d use those LONG and BORING books, to put me back to sleep, within an hour’s time, I’d fall fast asleep again.

The retired elderly are often found to be insomniacs, but, because the retired folks have extra rooms in the house because their children are NO longer living with them, they can make use of those extra rooms, turn them into reading suites, to get the love of reading back again!

And so, this article not only offered advices on how to deal with insomnia, it’d also give the reader an option, to make USE of those extra rooms, after the kids moved out too.

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Filed under Empty Nest, Maturation, Observations, Old Age, Trends

My Seventy-Three Year Old Mother is in Love

She needed a brand new focus in her life, so, why not?  After all, she deserves to be happy, doesn’t she???  Translated…

After my father died, she’d put all her focus on her children, after we’d gotten older, and we’d tried convince her to start dating again, she’d always come up with countless excuses not to…

My seventy-three year old mother is in love!

Originally, she was very difficult to get along with, and when she’d felt low, she’d poured her heart out to her son-in-law or her son, constantly complained of how everybody is NOT kind enough to her, how there’s NO point for her to keep on living.

In recent two months, she became “abnormal”, would wear a smile on her face, and would laugh happily whenever she’d met someone, and told her nine-year-old grandson, “that elderly man wanted to hold my hand, I think it’s gross!  He’d even told me he’d take me out traveling too, and become my driver.”

Hoping that Buddha Can Make This Match

I told my mother to take the advantage of the opportunity, she’d said, that man and woman should NOT be too close together, that everything should be taken very slowly.

I told her, stop waiting, if you wait any longer, you’d be inside a coffin!  My mother not only didn’t get angered, she’d started smiling shyly.

After my aunt learned of this, she’d consoled my mother, to take the advantage of this second chance in love, but my mother feared the gossips of the neighbors and the relatives.

My aunt replied, “When you were hurt, or ill, who truly cared about you?  Why must you care what those who talked badly about you would say?”

A few days later, I’d beaten around the bushes with my mother on her new love.  She said, that the man said he’d take her out, to treat her to dinner, but she’d turned him down, he doesn’t’ give up, said that he’d wait for her outside her door, and my mother said, stubbornly, wait however long you want, but I’m still NOT coming out!

I feared that my mother’s new love won’t even have a chance, I’d thought long and hard, made up a story, “Mom, I’d dreamed that Buddha came to me last night!  He said, you MUST allow your son to become independent, to NOT hang around him all day long!”, my mother was displeased after she’d heard.  I’d continued, “you’d spent half your life looking after us, and the heaven is going to return that to you all at once!  The Buddha made a match for you now, but, you MUST take action on your own!”, after my mother heard,, she’d turned her anger into joy, sarcastically claimed, I wasn’t in love when I was younger, I don’t need love now that I’m older either!

My mother is naturally conservative, after my father died, she’d fallen into a deep depressive state, and would start crying hysterically, gotten angry a lot too, and when there’s a suitor, or when someone introduces someone to her, she’d turned them all down.  She’d centered her focus on her children, waited until we’d grown up, left home, and all told her to start socializing, she’d found a million reasons to say no.

After we’d all left home, she’d become an elderly who lived alone, she’d often volunteered at a Buddhist foundation, and joined in the dancing team of her community, and would travel to other countries several times a year.  She’d packed her days up completely, and told everybody she’d met that she’s way too busy, actually, she’s feeling empty inside, and would often complain of insomnia at night, and a small thing can get her angry.

The Dying Flames Got Re-Ignited

Awhile ago, I’d gone alone to China for an interview, while I was dining at a hotel in Beijing, an elderly man came up, sat opposite of me, told me that he was a part of the group that I’d come with, asked me about work, and about my home, and asked my mother’s name too.

He’d told me, that his wife passed away at the start of the year, and that she has the exact same name as my mother.

Meeting up like that, I didn’t pay the elderly man’s words too much heed, in the next couple of day, I’d busied about with my work, I’d not paid attention to him, and at meal time, I’d distanced myself from him intentionally, in case he’d asked me more questions.  Every time I’d hauled my heavy luggage and my laptop, this elderly man would offer to help me, and, every time we’d left a place to go to the next, he’d made sure that I had caught up with the rest of the group.  After a few meetings, I’d gotten to know him better.

One day, by the river in Nanking, everybody started shopping around where we’d dined, and said to meet back at a certain place at a certain time, at the specified time, he didn’t show up, turns out, that he’d remembered where we were supposed to meet up wrong.

Ever since that time, every meeting, every meal, or every outing, I’d followed him close, to make sure that he didn’t get left.  After I’d returned to Taiwan, in the airports, he’d asked for my mother’s phone number, but he’d worried that she might mistake him as a scam artist.  And so, I’d called my mother up first, told her about how he’d looked out for me on the trip, then, I’d handed my phone to the elderly man, to let them chit chat for a while.

Without knowing, that a few weekends ago, my mother whom I hadn’t seen in over a year and a half came by, her cheeks are rosy, said, that while she was volunteering at the Buddhist center, an elderly man came up to her abruptly.  My mother busied herself about, and this man, had sat in silence, offered his prayer, until eight, or nine in the evening, did he leave the place, unwillingly.  And, my mother who has a simple social circle got grilled by the other volunteers nonstop.

My mother had been widowed for over thirty years, and this, was the very first time that anybody had ever shown her affections so publicly, she was kinda excited, and panicky, she needed to upheld the rules of being a good traditional Chinese woman, and at the same time, she’d wanted his attention at the same time.  Whenever she’d spoken about this man, she’d stroke her own hair, said to herself: I’m already very old, who would love me?

And still, life doesn’t start until age seventy!  I truly hope, that Buddha can give my mother someone she can talk to, to help her pass the days, to allow this love that came late, to reignited the dying flames of passion and life for her.

And so, this, is how a traditional woman acts in love, she’s very shy, and yet, she’d wanted the attention, and, because she was raised the traditional way, she’d experienced this love in the most delicate of ways.

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Filed under Connections, Empty Nest, Expectations, Family Dynamics, Family Matters, Fate, Friendships, Healing Process, Kindness Shown, Life, Loneliness/Solitude, Marriages, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, Observations, Old Age, Perspectives, Relationship, Romance, Story-Telling, The Fate of a Woman, Translated Work, Turning One's Life Around, Values

A Sixty-Eight Year Old Male Posed as a Rich Man, Scammed Three Cougars

Wow, are you STUPID, or, are you just, S-T-U-P-I-D???  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Yeh, proclaimed himself as the CEO of a company, in the fast-food restaurants, coffee shops, started enticing the population of divorced women from China, to seduce the ladies, to fall into the traps of love, then, used the name of making investments to borrow money from them, in two short years, he’d managed to scam over ten million dollars from three divorcees.  The police followed the leads, and caught him, and when he was arrested, he told them that he was set up.

The Taipei City Detective Squad pointed out, that Yeh (age 68) printed the “Thai-Asian Dual Star International Development Agency” CEO business cards, it’d made the ladies really believed that he was the man in charge of the developments next to the Taipei Main Station; Yeh found that many Chinese married woman after they’d gotten their national identification cards are mostly divorced or widows, they’d become lonely, and so, he’d falsified his image as a rich man, and zoomed in on those divorced or widowed women to scam them for money, using love as an excuse.

In the past two years, Yeh had utilized the fast-food restaurants in Taipei, the coffee shops, the super convenience shops, to connect with Wang, Chang, along with one other divorced Chinese women.  First, Yeh would take out the business card to trick them, painted a picture of him, as well-knowledged, well-connected individual, then, he’d asked them out and pursued them endlessly, stated that he wanted to marry them, and have babies with them, and would give them residences at highly priced districts too.

Wang, Chang, along with another Chinese spouse thought that they’d found the second love of their lives, after they’d invested their emotions, Yeh would tell the ladies, that his business had monetary difficulties that he needed the cash flow, to convince the women to make an investment, then, he’d taken out the checkbooks, to prove that he had the intentions of marrying all of them, Yeh was able to scam over a hundred thousand dollars total.

The police found, that Yeh is staying with his childhood sweetheart, Yu’s house, they’re both from Mazu, and are very close to each other; but Yeh had also used the excused that he needed some cash to make his business work, to persuade Yu to transfer the deeds to two of her government issued housing to Yeh’s wife to get a loan from the banks.  Yu didn’t get a single cent in return, and, her house became someone else’s.

The police got her call, and traced the leads, and found out where Yeh was hiding, and, when they took him, he’d claimed, that there’s only the business transaction of lending the money, that there was NO intentions of fraud; he’d claimed that he really IS the CEO of the Gemini Development Agencies, it’s just that he had yet to set up his company, that it was still in the planning stages.

And, see how those ladies fall so easily for that OLDEST trick in the book?  It’s all because they’re too desperate for love, too desperate to find someone that they can spend the rest of their lives with, and it’s EXACTLY this need for love that’s made them much MORE gullible, and easily tricked.

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Cost of Living, Crime & Punishment, Criminals, Empty Nest, Interactions Shared with the World, Issues of the Society, Moods, Emotions, & Feelings, News Stories, On Being Single, Pursuits of Pointless Things, Scams, Social Awareness, Stupidity, Values, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls

A Sixty-Year Old Man Used His Sweet Talk, Managed to Get a Seventy-Year-Old Woman’s Money

I still can’t understand W-H-Y women are falling for sweet talks here, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A seventy-eight year old woman, Lin, after meeting a sixty-five year old man, Liu, “she’d fallen in love in old age”, and was scammed by Liu, who’s a well dresser who claimed that he was rich for over six million dollars, after Liu was called to the police stations, he’d claimed, “we are lovers”, but he didn’t have the money to pay her back, and after the police interrogated him, he was booked for fraud.

“I don’t even HAVE my savings anymore!”, during her younger years, Lin had operated a Buddhist items shop, and the millions of dollars she’d saved up is now gone, she’d gone to Shuanlien Subprecinct of Datong Police Substation to report, she could’t understand how the love affair with a man ten years her junior had been a total scam, the son sighed, “My mother is way too naïve!”

Lin’s husband had died many years ago, two months ago, she met Liu inside a karaoke, she was introduced to him by a friend, the well-dressed man pursued her relentlessly, not only would get wear suits, drive name brand cars, he’d even bring her gifts to please her every time they’d met up, it made Lin fall for him.

Liu saw how Lin had taken the “bait”, he’d lied to her about being from a rich family, that he’d inherited a piece of land from his ancestors, but he didn’t have the money to pay the taxes, and the land will be repossessed by the government, and asked her for a loan, and promised to pay her back.

Lin was tricked by his sweet talks, wouldn’t believe that Liu would lie to her, borrowed money from her own relatives, to give to Liu, once she’d withdrawn three hundred thousand dollars for him, the officers at the subprecinct of Shuanglien thought that something wasn’t right, asked her why she was making such huge amounts in withdraw, and Lin scolded the police, “Why is it your business?”, then, got in the car, and drove away with Liu.

Many days later, Lin’s son heard from his relatives, that his mother had been asking for loans from them, and he realized that something was wrong, and found that Liu’s check bounced, the woman finally came to her senses that she’d been scammed, Lin sighed, “Had I only known, I would’ve listened to the police!”, after Liu was arrested and taken in, he’d claimed, “We’re involved, why shouldn’t she loan me the money?”, it’s just, now he doesn’t have the money to pay her back.

And so, loneliness, coupled with the need to feel passion, was what got this woman SCREWED by the sweet talk of this L-O-S-E-R, and, he was preying on her too, and it was too late when she realized this, the money she’d given him, is gone.

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Filed under Abusing Someone's Trust, Crime & Punishment, Criminals, Empty Nest, Expectations, Issues of the Society, Loneliness/Solitude, News Stories, Old Age

Clean Out Your Psychological Garbage, Love Yourselves More

Because the new year’s rollin’ in, because we all need to U-N-L-O-A-D the TRASH we’d carried from this past year??? Translated…
As we were growing up, every year, from cleaning before the New Year’s Holidays, to making those meals, to welcome the guests who came by our house to wish us a happy new year, we had to busy ourselves for quite awhile. And, we’d saved up on treating ourselves well, and, around New Years, we’d let loose, and treat ourselves to a full-course meal, an assortment of foods and snacks, we’d STUFFED our faces with them from dawn ‘til dusk, until we’re all about to EXPLODE, like we’re torturing ourselves, and I just can’t think back to that time in my life again.
After I married, there are NOT many children from my husband’s side of the family, but we’d had a TON of friends, and so, I’d duplicated my childhood experiences. Six years my husband went abroad after the New Years, and he’d died without any warning, leaving just me and my child here, and, since then, we’d gone back to my mother’s home to spend our New Year’s holidays. And, we’d reduced and simplified the diets, and we’d headed to the supermarkets as the food ran out, and we’d broken free from the chains of food, and had more time to spend with our families too.
This year, my daughter took her boyfriend back home for the first time; my son and his girlfriend cleaned out a TON of stuff, and I’d held back on my impulse to get everything that they’d thrown out back in again, to make the guest room for them. I’m really glad, that my children had found someone they loved, and I’d feel the load, lessened from my shoulders.
Even though, my daughter helped out with cleaning the house, as the New Years approached, I still had to clean out the emotional trash inside my mind, through praying, I’d cleaned out the trash, to NOT waste another moment on ruminating over the bad things, to get me depressed; soaking up myself, to allow life to renew itself again, to make MORE space inside my brains, so I won’t become demented. At the same time, I’d followed my “Three’s Plan” for exercise weekly, and the only thing that didn’t get down was that I didn’t get enough sleep.
In the past, I’d had the New Years for someone else’s sakes, and this year, I will love myself more, to NOT become a burden, a worry, to my son and my daughter.
And so, as you approach old age, you realized, that you MUST take care of yourselves, as your children are grown, and they have their own lives too, and, the death of the husband was a wake-up call for this woman, to turn her lifestyle around too.

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Filed under Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Empty Nest, Loss, Old Age, On Death & Dying, Perspectives, Values, Wake Up Calls

The Most Beautiful Time Spent

Facing the Empty Nest, translated…

Mr. Jiang’s Book Club had been up and running for nearly twenty years, every time near the end of these gatherings, we’d all chit chat with each other about the goings on of our separate lives.

Mr. Jiang and his wife’s life after retirement is envied by all, they not only work out in the mornings, they’d taken up art, and piano, they’d jam-packed their retirement life; their pair of children are both working on the most popular of all degrees, that of the biomedical engineering majors, and, even though they have yet to receive their diplomas, they already had so many opportunities of work, lining up for them.

Even though, their retirement years are easy, filled with the activities they enjoyed doing, but, without the children around, it’s somewhat, a bit, too quiet in the house.  Even though, they could use webcam to help them lessen the feelings of missing their kids, but, it still lacked the warmth, of physically contacting them.  In the words of envy, we seemed to have missed the instructor’s unspoken loneliness.

At night, I’d watched my children return home from school, in order to have a better future for themselves, the strains of the day are written over their faces.  My kids managed themselves well in the academia, in a couple of years, they shall fly the nest too, and by then, my wife and I too, will have to face the emptiness, and the loneliness that acme with our old age, the most beautiful time, isn’t it right now, how we spend our lives together?

From then on, I’d stopped going out when it is not necessary, to stick to my kids, hearing their rowdiness inside the house, working with them on their daily chores, and the things they needed to get accomplished during the days, and I’d kept records of this special time together, with a unique state of mind.

Because there’s someone in your close vicinity who’s going through the empty nest, and so, you used the person’s example, to make am note, to remind yourselves, that you didn’t want to feel like the person, and so, that made you treasure the moments you have now, with your children even more.

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Filed under Empty Nest, Expectations, Marriages, Translated Work