She needed a brand new focus in her life, so, why not? After all, she deserves to be happy, doesn’t she??? Translated…
After my father died, she’d put all her focus on her children, after we’d gotten older, and we’d tried convince her to start dating again, she’d always come up with countless excuses not to…
My seventy-three year old mother is in love!
Originally, she was very difficult to get along with, and when she’d felt low, she’d poured her heart out to her son-in-law or her son, constantly complained of how everybody is NOT kind enough to her, how there’s NO point for her to keep on living.
In recent two months, she became “abnormal”, would wear a smile on her face, and would laugh happily whenever she’d met someone, and told her nine-year-old grandson, “that elderly man wanted to hold my hand, I think it’s gross! He’d even told me he’d take me out traveling too, and become my driver.”
Hoping that Buddha Can Make This Match
I told my mother to take the advantage of the opportunity, she’d said, that man and woman should NOT be too close together, that everything should be taken very slowly.
I told her, stop waiting, if you wait any longer, you’d be inside a coffin! My mother not only didn’t get angered, she’d started smiling shyly.
After my aunt learned of this, she’d consoled my mother, to take the advantage of this second chance in love, but my mother feared the gossips of the neighbors and the relatives.
My aunt replied, “When you were hurt, or ill, who truly cared about you? Why must you care what those who talked badly about you would say?”
A few days later, I’d beaten around the bushes with my mother on her new love. She said, that the man said he’d take her out, to treat her to dinner, but she’d turned him down, he doesn’t’ give up, said that he’d wait for her outside her door, and my mother said, stubbornly, wait however long you want, but I’m still NOT coming out!
I feared that my mother’s new love won’t even have a chance, I’d thought long and hard, made up a story, “Mom, I’d dreamed that Buddha came to me last night! He said, you MUST allow your son to become independent, to NOT hang around him all day long!”, my mother was displeased after she’d heard. I’d continued, “you’d spent half your life looking after us, and the heaven is going to return that to you all at once! The Buddha made a match for you now, but, you MUST take action on your own!”, after my mother heard,, she’d turned her anger into joy, sarcastically claimed, I wasn’t in love when I was younger, I don’t need love now that I’m older either!
My mother is naturally conservative, after my father died, she’d fallen into a deep depressive state, and would start crying hysterically, gotten angry a lot too, and when there’s a suitor, or when someone introduces someone to her, she’d turned them all down. She’d centered her focus on her children, waited until we’d grown up, left home, and all told her to start socializing, she’d found a million reasons to say no.
After we’d all left home, she’d become an elderly who lived alone, she’d often volunteered at a Buddhist foundation, and joined in the dancing team of her community, and would travel to other countries several times a year. She’d packed her days up completely, and told everybody she’d met that she’s way too busy, actually, she’s feeling empty inside, and would often complain of insomnia at night, and a small thing can get her angry.
The Dying Flames Got Re-Ignited
Awhile ago, I’d gone alone to China for an interview, while I was dining at a hotel in Beijing, an elderly man came up, sat opposite of me, told me that he was a part of the group that I’d come with, asked me about work, and about my home, and asked my mother’s name too.
He’d told me, that his wife passed away at the start of the year, and that she has the exact same name as my mother.
Meeting up like that, I didn’t pay the elderly man’s words too much heed, in the next couple of day, I’d busied about with my work, I’d not paid attention to him, and at meal time, I’d distanced myself from him intentionally, in case he’d asked me more questions. Every time I’d hauled my heavy luggage and my laptop, this elderly man would offer to help me, and, every time we’d left a place to go to the next, he’d made sure that I had caught up with the rest of the group. After a few meetings, I’d gotten to know him better.
One day, by the river in Nanking, everybody started shopping around where we’d dined, and said to meet back at a certain place at a certain time, at the specified time, he didn’t show up, turns out, that he’d remembered where we were supposed to meet up wrong.
Ever since that time, every meeting, every meal, or every outing, I’d followed him close, to make sure that he didn’t get left. After I’d returned to Taiwan, in the airports, he’d asked for my mother’s phone number, but he’d worried that she might mistake him as a scam artist. And so, I’d called my mother up first, told her about how he’d looked out for me on the trip, then, I’d handed my phone to the elderly man, to let them chit chat for a while.
Without knowing, that a few weekends ago, my mother whom I hadn’t seen in over a year and a half came by, her cheeks are rosy, said, that while she was volunteering at the Buddhist center, an elderly man came up to her abruptly. My mother busied herself about, and this man, had sat in silence, offered his prayer, until eight, or nine in the evening, did he leave the place, unwillingly. And, my mother who has a simple social circle got grilled by the other volunteers nonstop.
My mother had been widowed for over thirty years, and this, was the very first time that anybody had ever shown her affections so publicly, she was kinda excited, and panicky, she needed to upheld the rules of being a good traditional Chinese woman, and at the same time, she’d wanted his attention at the same time. Whenever she’d spoken about this man, she’d stroke her own hair, said to herself: I’m already very old, who would love me?
And still, life doesn’t start until age seventy! I truly hope, that Buddha can give my mother someone she can talk to, to help her pass the days, to allow this love that came late, to reignited the dying flames of passion and life for her.
And so, this, is how a traditional woman acts in love, she’s very shy, and yet, she’d wanted the attention, and, because she was raised the traditional way, she’d experienced this love in the most delicate of ways.