Category Archives: Domestic Violence

Finding Real Love, in a World of Fantasy

Finding real love, in a world of fantasy, now, how do you go about doing that???  You think that those conversations you’d held with whatever their display names are are real?  Think again, and, how could you know, for certain, that the picture that the person posted, IS her/his real self?  You don’t!

And this, is what makes it hard, trying to find real love, in a world of fantasy, and, just because the two of you shared online winnings from the games the two of you are so very into, still doesn’t mean that you two would get along, as well as you had online, off, does it?  Of course not.

After all, you’re NOT living with one another, you don’t get the firsthand experiences of how each other’s habits may drive one another NUTS, so, before the two of you actually met face-to-face, and, hold a civilized conversation, get to know one another, start dating, you will NEVER know, if the two of you are perfect for one another, but, because you’d shared this “connection” online, that, was why, you were drawn to believe, that oh, s/he and I may work well together, but, in reality, it will not be so.

And, when the reality fell SHORT of expectations, well, that, is when the troubles start, isn’t it???  Finding real love, in a world of fantasy, that, is what we hope we can do, but, can we actually, achieve that?  Of course N-O-T, but, there are still, MORE and MORE people still, who are falling into these traps all around, and, you have to wonder: WHY is that?  Is it because how empty we all feel on the inside, despite how much materialism we have around us?

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Filed under Being Alone, Being Exposed, Choices, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Domestic Violence, Emptiness of Modern Man's Souls, Interactions Shared with the World, Interpersonal Relations, Life, Losing Sight of What's Important, Observations, Perspectives, Reality Clashes with Dreams, Values, Wake Up Calls

Hurting the Children More by Staying in an Abusive Marriage

Those of you who are currently, TRAPPED in a bad marriage, heed the advice!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Q: the fifty-three-year-old, married for thirty-two years, Madam A wrote…

She’d heard her mother, telling her that her father is a bad person since she was very young; and, as a teen, she’d read the romance novels, to chase her own fantasies.

She was married back in ’83, after she was wed, she’d faced with her husband’s abuse of her, she went insane, had mental breakdowns.  In 1989, her husband, in front of every member of the family, and their two sons, beaten the SHIT out of her, and yet, it’d taken her TWENTY full years, before she’d decided to SUE him, and asked for a divorce.  At first, the husband didn’t want to, later on, after her eldest son begged and pleaded, he’d finally agreed, and yet, the child had a meltdown over it.  Ever since, Madam A never dared mentioned divorce again, but, at around that time, her husband told the outside world, that she was mentally insane, causing her own family not to trust in her, other than the coworkers at her school, she has no other friends.

She’d treated the twenty-years’ worth of abuse she’d endured as fate, hoped that her husband and her could work it out for the long run, but, things didn’t go as well as she’d wished, her husband abused his rights as her spouse, whenever she didn’t comply with him, when their son was away, he’d gone to related units and, forced her into the mental hospitals.  A had mutilated herself, and wanted to leave this bad marriage, but, what about her sons?

A My Advice

I don’t really know what A meant about “gone insane, mental breakdown” was about.  But apparently, her husband’s violence toward her had caused her to break emotionally, psychologically, and physically too; and even IF she’d kept up with the façade of having a good marriage, not daring to cry in front of the kids, from when the children were little, she’d paint it over, hard, telling them, “your dad didn’t meant to beat me intentionally, dad and grandpa, grandma really do love you guys.”  But her son had melted down too, begged his father, to agree to A’s divorce, so naturally, he too, must’ve been hurt badly by their marriage.

And, just like A had said: her marriage couldn’t withstand all the storms, and now, she’d wanted to leave, she’d started to worry about her children who are already grown and married, and the child who’s about to be wed, I think, there’s something that needs to look deeper into here.

In order to save herself, A should not keep deceiving herself, AND others in this unhappy marriage, it’d only hurt her, and her two sons.  No matter her mental states, leave the violence behind, and, seek out help from a professional, to find her own health, and her peace, that, is the most important thing for her now.

A lot of mothers out there are still staying in their abusive relationships, for the sake of the kids, without knowing, that this would do MORE damage to the kids, than you, just leave, and, sometimes, it is, very difficult, to leave a man who abuse you, it takes a lot of careful planning, and, once you’d decided to do it, just do it, don’t EVER look back, because, IF you can’t keep yourself well, how can you take care of your own offspring, so, FOCUS, ladies!!!

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Filed under Abandonment of Children, Abuse, Awareness, Cause & Effect, Divorces, Domestic Violence, Early Exposures, Marriages, Properties of Life, Rationalization, Vicious Cycle, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, Women's Issues

His Used Violence Toward Her, Destroyed the Contract, He Ended Up Getting Divorced, and Lost Money Too

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Lin and his wife wrote a contract, if he’d behaved violently towards her, causing the divorce, then, he will pay her five million dollars of alimony; later on, Lin’s wife divorced him because she couldn’t put up with abuse, and, sued him for the five million dollars.  Lin said, that the reason for their divorce was because they couldn’t live together until the end, that it wasn’t because of his domestic violence toward her, he refused to pay, but the judge believed that there’s proof of how domestic violence WAS the cause of their divorce, found Lin guilty, and that he needed to pay the half a million dollars.

Lin’s wife stated to the District Court of Hsinbei City, that eighteen years ago, she got married, and, the ninth year after they were married, she couldn’t withstand her husband’s physical abuse, moved back in with her mother, later on, both their parents talked with them, they’d signed the papers in her mother’s house, that if she was beaten or tortured by him, causing her to divorce, then, the husband shall pay her five million dollars of alimony; afterwards, she’d moved back home again.

Without knowing, that her husband didn’t change a single bit, had multiple times used violence against her, not only did he cuss her out, he’d grabbed her hair, pushed her to the walls, and strangled her, had even incarcerated her for eight hours, after she was able to get away, she’d notified the police, the husband was given fifty days in jail.  She couldn’t withstand getting abused again, negotiated her divorce from her husband, and that the husband was supposed to pay her the five million dollars, as agreed upon from before. Lin said, that they’d clearly stated on the divorce papers, that the reason for their divorce was because they couldn’t live until they’re old together, that it didn’t match up to the reason of “divorce will happen if abused or verbally insulted”, he wasn’t willing to pay the fees.

The judge examined the agreements nine years ago, and found, that Lin’s wife couldn’t withstand the abuse, and negotiated the divorce, but she couldn’t bear with the thought of not seeing her daughter, they’d agreed to put the divorce off, “if the wife can choose to move back in with her mother freely, because of fear of being abused”, “if the wife gets abused or tortured again, the husband shall pay her five million dollars in alimony, and the wife can go and see her daughter at any time she wanted”, etc., etc., etc.

The judge believed, that Lin’s wife posted the restraining order for her protection signed by the courts, her husband’s civil suit verdict for hurting her as evidence, and, related witness also stated that Lin’s wife was divorced, because of Lin’s constant abuse, and believed, that they did get divorced, because of the domestic violence, and that Lin had lost.

So that, is how that day at the family CIRCUS courts ended, huh? And, this still just shows, how abuse will screw you over, tenfold, and this man not only lost his family, he’d also ended up, paying a huge price, because he went back on his words, and behaved violently toward his ex-wife.

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Filed under Abuse, Awareness, Cost of Living, Divorces, Domestic Violence, News Stories

In the Three Years, There Were Nine Reports of Domestic

Another tale of a TRAGIC end, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman in the city of Kaohsiung was found, hacked to death, in her own home, the police found, that her second eldest brother had leapt off of a building on the early morning of the 11th, then, the police suspected that the older brother with bipolar, after he’d murdered his younger sister, he’d leapt off the third-floor rooftop and killed himself.  And because the father was beaten up and still in a coma in the hospitals, the police will wait until both men are awake, to get the details of exactly what had happened, and, during this time, the police called in other members of the family to clarify things.

Two nights ago, the police received a call, from the tenants who rented the place from Chen, they’d said, that the forty-six year old woman had not been out of the house for two days straight, “She’d go to the hospitals to visit her father on a daily basis.”, and her motorcycle had been parked downstairs for a while now, and the tenants suspected that something bad had happened to her.

The same night, the police asked the man in charge of the borough to find a locksmith to open the doors, but the door was locked from the inside, and so, the fire department went in through the second floor windows, and they’d found Chen, dead, in her own blood, with multiple knife wounds, they immediately taped up the crime scene.

The police pointed out, that Chen was lying in the bed of the second floor bedroom, fully dressed, there was NO sign of struggle at the scene, the coroners examined the body, and found, that there were twenty seven knife wounds on her, and the kill shot was the one that went straight into her lungs and heart, and there were eight more knife wounds on her neck, the rest of the wounds are mostly located in the abdomen region, they’d found a fifteen-centimeter Rambo knife, and they suspected that it was the weapon used to kill her.

The police found, that the 48-year-old man, Chen, on the eleventh, at three in the morn, was found, fallen off the building, on the Six-in-One Roads, as the police came to the scene, they’d lifted Chen, who’s covered in blood and had multiple fractures to the hospitals, the police tried to contact Chen’s family, the younger sister didn’t pick up, the older brother in Tainan refused to come, and Chen’s father is in the hospital.

The police said, that in the last three years, there were nine reports of domestic violence from the house, last month on the sixth, the elderly father came to the police, and said that his younger son had bashed his head against the walls, and, the police processed his complaints, and the very next day, the father was found to have intracranial hemorrhage, and that, was when he was taken to the hospitals for surgery.

On the evening of the tenth, the father took a short leave of absence to the police station from the hospital to have his statements of being abused taken down, the police went to Chen’s place and tried to get him to the station, but he refused to go, insisted that he wasn’t caught in the act, and refused to answer the questions in the nighttime, and left the station.  Even though, the Chen’s restraining order had been extended until March of next year, but the police wasn’t notified, and the subprecinct’s manager of the domestic violence branch didn’t notify the subprecinct, so the officers there didn’t know, that there was this extension, and still allowed Chen to be released, and, tragedy happened afterwards.

The police suspected that Chen was angered by his father, pressing charges against him for the abuse, he’d gotten home angry, taken his anger out on his younger sister, then, he felt guilty, and attempted suicide by leaping off of the building, but the police were told, that the second eldest brother of the deceased had been diagnosed with bipolar, and would get into arguments in the house a lot, and they are waiting for the older brother, and the father to wake up, to clarify things, and now, the police had not ruled out the second eldest brother’s involvement in the case, but they still had to wait for the crime scene unit to process out the evidence, then, they will get a clearer look, at who might have killed Chen.

So here, you still have an unstable person, how C-R-A-C-K-E-D, and a woman murdered, her father, beaten into a coma, and it’s really very sad, but hey, that’s how it went, and, had someone done something before this, like notified the police, then, this may have been prevented, but these days, we’re too wrapped up in ourselves to care!

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Filed under Abuse, Bad Behaviors, Domestic Violence, Family Dynamics, Issues of the Society, Life, Moral Responsibilities, Social Awareness, Vicious Cycle, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence, Wrongful Deaths

Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Abusing Someone's Trust, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Decision-Making, Domestic Violence, Family Dynamics, From a "Victim" to a "Survivor", Innocence Lost, Issues of the Society, Issues on Gender, Kids Raising Kids, Letting Go, Lives Lost, Losing Sight of What's Important, Loss, Marriages, Physical Bullying, Rationalization, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Spousal Abuse, Stories of Hope, Story-Telling, The Fate of a Woman, The Observer Effect, Values, Vicious Cycle, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues

The Way A Man Loves

Love Gone Awry here…

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Filed under Abuse, Coping Mechanisms, Cost of Living, Domestic Violence, Downward Spiral, Issues on Gender, Life, Lives Lost, Love Turned into Obsession, Messed Up Values, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Social Awareness, Social Issues, Story-Telling, Tragedies in the World, Values, Vicious Cycle, Violence Against Members of Opposite Sex, Wake Up Calls, White Picket Fence, Women's Issues

Didn’t Meant to

Didn’t mean to rape, but, you shouldn’t have dressed so provocatively, you’re just ASKING for it!  Didn’t mean to hurt you, my dearest, you shouldn’t have PUSHED me beyond breaking, otherwise, I wouldn’t have lost MY FUCKING temper, and gotten violent.

Didn’t mean to beat the CRAP out of you, it’s just that you know how TOUGH work’s been lately, and, you KNOW I’m already stressed, you shouldn’t have kept prodding, prodding, pushing me, and, I hurt you, because you were ASKING for it!  Didn’t mean to, so, won’t you forgive me, this, would be the very LAST time I will EVER hurt you…

Didn’t mean to?  Maybe you didn’t MEAN to, but I had, when I do something I MEANT it, and, when you hurt because of MY actions, you can be sure, that I MEANT to HURT you, and what I do, is still NOT A-B-U-S-E, because at least, I NEVER make apologies for the way I MISBEHAVED, unlike Y-O-U!

Didn’t mean to, yeah, right, that, is what you ALWAYS say, to get ME to take you back, and I had, from before, and that, was still NOT because I was WAY too STUPID to figure out, I just understood things a bit late is all…

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Filed under Abuse, Abuser/Enabler Interaction Style, Awareness, Bad Behaviors, Being Exposed, Domestic Violence, Excuses, Innocence Lost, Life, Observations, Obstacles in a Relationship, Perspectives, Rapes, Re-Experiencing the Trauma, Vicious Cycle