Category Archives: Domestic Violence

Hurting the Children More by Staying in an Abusive Marriage

Those of you who are currently, TRAPPED in a bad marriage, heed the advice!!!  A Q&A, translated…

Q: the fifty-three-year-old, married for thirty-two years, Madam A wrote…

She’d heard her mother, telling her that her father is a bad person since she was very young; and, as a teen, she’d read the romance novels, to chase her own fantasies.

She was married back in ’83, after she was wed, she’d faced with her husband’s abuse of her, she went insane, had mental breakdowns.  In 1989, her husband, in front of every member of the family, and their two sons, beaten the SHIT out of her, and yet, it’d taken her TWENTY full years, before she’d decided to SUE him, and asked for a divorce.  At first, the husband didn’t want to, later on, after her eldest son begged and pleaded, he’d finally agreed, and yet, the child had a meltdown over it.  Ever since, Madam A never dared mentioned divorce again, but, at around that time, her husband told the outside world, that she was mentally insane, causing her own family not to trust in her, other than the coworkers at her school, she has no other friends.

She’d treated the twenty-years’ worth of abuse she’d endured as fate, hoped that her husband and her could work it out for the long run, but, things didn’t go as well as she’d wished, her husband abused his rights as her spouse, whenever she didn’t comply with him, when their son was away, he’d gone to related units and, forced her into the mental hospitals.  A had mutilated herself, and wanted to leave this bad marriage, but, what about her sons?

A My Advice

I don’t really know what A meant about “gone insane, mental breakdown” was about.  But apparently, her husband’s violence toward her had caused her to break emotionally, psychologically, and physically too; and even IF she’d kept up with the façade of having a good marriage, not daring to cry in front of the kids, from when the children were little, she’d paint it over, hard, telling them, “your dad didn’t meant to beat me intentionally, dad and grandpa, grandma really do love you guys.”  But her son had melted down too, begged his father, to agree to A’s divorce, so naturally, he too, must’ve been hurt badly by their marriage.

And, just like A had said: her marriage couldn’t withstand all the storms, and now, she’d wanted to leave, she’d started to worry about her children who are already grown and married, and the child who’s about to be wed, I think, there’s something that needs to look deeper into here.

In order to save herself, A should not keep deceiving herself, AND others in this unhappy marriage, it’d only hurt her, and her two sons.  No matter her mental states, leave the violence behind, and, seek out help from a professional, to find her own health, and her peace, that, is the most important thing for her now.

A lot of mothers out there are still staying in their abusive relationships, for the sake of the kids, without knowing, that this would do MORE damage to the kids, than you, just leave, and, sometimes, it is, very difficult, to leave a man who abuse you, it takes a lot of careful planning, and, once you’d decided to do it, just do it, don’t EVER look back, because, IF you can’t keep yourself well, how can you take care of your own offspring, so, FOCUS, ladies!!!

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His Used Violence Toward Her, Destroyed the Contract, He Ended Up Getting Divorced, and Lost Money Too

From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Lin and his wife wrote a contract, if he’d behaved violently towards her, causing the divorce, then, he will pay her five million dollars of alimony; later on, Lin’s wife divorced him because she couldn’t put up with abuse, and, sued him for the five million dollars.  Lin said, that the reason for their divorce was because they couldn’t live together until the end, that it wasn’t because of his domestic violence toward her, he refused to pay, but the judge believed that there’s proof of how domestic violence WAS the cause of their divorce, found Lin guilty, and that he needed to pay the half a million dollars.

Lin’s wife stated to the District Court of Hsinbei City, that eighteen years ago, she got married, and, the ninth year after they were married, she couldn’t withstand her husband’s physical abuse, moved back in with her mother, later on, both their parents talked with them, they’d signed the papers in her mother’s house, that if she was beaten or tortured by him, causing her to divorce, then, the husband shall pay her five million dollars of alimony; afterwards, she’d moved back home again.

Without knowing, that her husband didn’t change a single bit, had multiple times used violence against her, not only did he cuss her out, he’d grabbed her hair, pushed her to the walls, and strangled her, had even incarcerated her for eight hours, after she was able to get away, she’d notified the police, the husband was given fifty days in jail.  She couldn’t withstand getting abused again, negotiated her divorce from her husband, and that the husband was supposed to pay her the five million dollars, as agreed upon from before. Lin said, that they’d clearly stated on the divorce papers, that the reason for their divorce was because they couldn’t live until they’re old together, that it didn’t match up to the reason of “divorce will happen if abused or verbally insulted”, he wasn’t willing to pay the fees.

The judge examined the agreements nine years ago, and found, that Lin’s wife couldn’t withstand the abuse, and negotiated the divorce, but she couldn’t bear with the thought of not seeing her daughter, they’d agreed to put the divorce off, “if the wife can choose to move back in with her mother freely, because of fear of being abused”, “if the wife gets abused or tortured again, the husband shall pay her five million dollars in alimony, and the wife can go and see her daughter at any time she wanted”, etc., etc., etc.

The judge believed, that Lin’s wife posted the restraining order for her protection signed by the courts, her husband’s civil suit verdict for hurting her as evidence, and, related witness also stated that Lin’s wife was divorced, because of Lin’s constant abuse, and believed, that they did get divorced, because of the domestic violence, and that Lin had lost.

So that, is how that day at the family CIRCUS courts ended, huh? And, this still just shows, how abuse will screw you over, tenfold, and this man not only lost his family, he’d also ended up, paying a huge price, because he went back on his words, and behaved violently toward his ex-wife.

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In the Three Years, There Were Nine Reports of Domestic

Another tale of a TRAGIC end, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

A woman in the city of Kaohsiung was found, hacked to death, in her own home, the police found, that her second eldest brother had leapt off of a building on the early morning of the 11th, then, the police suspected that the older brother with bipolar, after he’d murdered his younger sister, he’d leapt off the third-floor rooftop and killed himself.  And because the father was beaten up and still in a coma in the hospitals, the police will wait until both men are awake, to get the details of exactly what had happened, and, during this time, the police called in other members of the family to clarify things.

Two nights ago, the police received a call, from the tenants who rented the place from Chen, they’d said, that the forty-six year old woman had not been out of the house for two days straight, “She’d go to the hospitals to visit her father on a daily basis.”, and her motorcycle had been parked downstairs for a while now, and the tenants suspected that something bad had happened to her.

The same night, the police asked the man in charge of the borough to find a locksmith to open the doors, but the door was locked from the inside, and so, the fire department went in through the second floor windows, and they’d found Chen, dead, in her own blood, with multiple knife wounds, they immediately taped up the crime scene.

The police pointed out, that Chen was lying in the bed of the second floor bedroom, fully dressed, there was NO sign of struggle at the scene, the coroners examined the body, and found, that there were twenty seven knife wounds on her, and the kill shot was the one that went straight into her lungs and heart, and there were eight more knife wounds on her neck, the rest of the wounds are mostly located in the abdomen region, they’d found a fifteen-centimeter Rambo knife, and they suspected that it was the weapon used to kill her.

The police found, that the 48-year-old man, Chen, on the eleventh, at three in the morn, was found, fallen off the building, on the Six-in-One Roads, as the police came to the scene, they’d lifted Chen, who’s covered in blood and had multiple fractures to the hospitals, the police tried to contact Chen’s family, the younger sister didn’t pick up, the older brother in Tainan refused to come, and Chen’s father is in the hospital.

The police said, that in the last three years, there were nine reports of domestic violence from the house, last month on the sixth, the elderly father came to the police, and said that his younger son had bashed his head against the walls, and, the police processed his complaints, and the very next day, the father was found to have intracranial hemorrhage, and that, was when he was taken to the hospitals for surgery.

On the evening of the tenth, the father took a short leave of absence to the police station from the hospital to have his statements of being abused taken down, the police went to Chen’s place and tried to get him to the station, but he refused to go, insisted that he wasn’t caught in the act, and refused to answer the questions in the nighttime, and left the station.  Even though, the Chen’s restraining order had been extended until March of next year, but the police wasn’t notified, and the subprecinct’s manager of the domestic violence branch didn’t notify the subprecinct, so the officers there didn’t know, that there was this extension, and still allowed Chen to be released, and, tragedy happened afterwards.

The police suspected that Chen was angered by his father, pressing charges against him for the abuse, he’d gotten home angry, taken his anger out on his younger sister, then, he felt guilty, and attempted suicide by leaping off of the building, but the police were told, that the second eldest brother of the deceased had been diagnosed with bipolar, and would get into arguments in the house a lot, and they are waiting for the older brother, and the father to wake up, to clarify things, and now, the police had not ruled out the second eldest brother’s involvement in the case, but they still had to wait for the crime scene unit to process out the evidence, then, they will get a clearer look, at who might have killed Chen.

So here, you still have an unstable person, how C-R-A-C-K-E-D, and a woman murdered, her father, beaten into a coma, and it’s really very sad, but hey, that’s how it went, and, had someone done something before this, like notified the police, then, this may have been prevented, but these days, we’re too wrapped up in ourselves to care!

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Breaking the Cycle of Domestic Violence

From a victim to a survivor here, translated…

When I heard people tell me, “On the fact that B had died, we really don’t know how to make you feel better, so, that, was why we didn’t call.”, on the other end of the line, A started crying hard.

A is a hard working career woman, not only was she able to keep herself well economically, she’d also supplied more than her share of the household income. But, underneath her amazing work abilities, A had the life of an abused woman—after getting beaten by the husband, she’d reported it to the police, gone to the hospitals to get her wounds documented, left home, to get started on healing, later on, she fell into the soft words of B’s consoles to get home again.  Year after year, this was the same script that kept happening, again, and again, it’d made ALL who really actually tried to help A out feel helpless, like it wouldn’t be right, for them not to offer assistance, but, they can’t really help her out, because she keeps circling around in that same vicious cycle.

One time, we’d learned that A moved back in, I’d immediately called her up, to get her to move back out, told her, that IF she couldn’t make her mind up about leaving home, then, B may not do as they’d both agreed, go to the hospitals regularly to get checked, and the kids that grew up in this violent environment, it would be hard, for them to develop well psychologically. And still, the feelings still overcame A’s rationalism, in the end, she’d chosen to stay at home, with her abusive husband, and B, refused to check herself into the hospitals.

And, this only exacerbated, several years later, one day, A’s mother just so happened heard the rumors floating around A’s neighborhood, “We’d often heard a household getting too rowdy, followed by a woman’s crying.” She shocking realized, that the woman that the neighbors heard crying might be her baby girl.  She did some checking into it, and, it WAS her daughter, and so, the mother took her baby girl out of her abusive home.  A, who’d finally had enough of being abused regularly, finally made up her mind, never to return home again, and so, ever since, the status of A and B’s marriage became “separated”.

The days of being abused is just way too scary, A and the kids now lived independently and steadily, from day to day, with NO contact with B whatsoever. A short while ago, B who has NOBODY next to him died all of a sudden.  When A and the kids went to pick up the house, she’d found, that as her husband was starting to live alone, he’d started to change, had prepared for the children’s education and everything, and still, he’s already gone, and, no matter how much he’d saved up, it’s not going to be enough, to make up for that emptiness he’d left in them.

Had A been more stubborn on leaving, and never returning back home again, and break the vicious cycle of domestic violence earlier, maybe, it would’ve all ended differently. To every abused woman, leaving the home, making changes is never an easy choice, and yet, if you’re able to set up your minds, and end this vicious cycle, there’s still a good chance that you can rebuild your families again.

This, is still ALL in H-I-N-D-S-I-G-H-T, and, there’s a ton of “had…only…” involved in this “equation”, and, it is hard, for someone who’s been abused LONG term, to finally SNAP out of it, and, when this woman finally decided to make the changes, everything starts improving, but for this loser who’d abused her, his change came a bit too late.

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The Way A Man Loves

Love Gone Awry here…

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Didn’t Meant to

Didn’t mean to rape, but, you shouldn’t have dressed so provocatively, you’re just ASKING for it!  Didn’t mean to hurt you, my dearest, you shouldn’t have PUSHED me beyond breaking, otherwise, I wouldn’t have lost MY FUCKING temper, and gotten violent.

Didn’t mean to beat the CRAP out of you, it’s just that you know how TOUGH work’s been lately, and, you KNOW I’m already stressed, you shouldn’t have kept prodding, prodding, pushing me, and, I hurt you, because you were ASKING for it!  Didn’t mean to, so, won’t you forgive me, this, would be the very LAST time I will EVER hurt you…

Didn’t mean to?  Maybe you didn’t MEAN to, but I had, when I do something I MEANT it, and, when you hurt because of MY actions, you can be sure, that I MEANT to HURT you, and what I do, is still NOT A-B-U-S-E, because at least, I NEVER make apologies for the way I MISBEHAVED, unlike Y-O-U!

Didn’t mean to, yeah, right, that, is what you ALWAYS say, to get ME to take you back, and I had, from before, and that, was still NOT because I was WAY too STUPID to figure out, I just understood things a bit late is all…

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A Turbulent Love

They were, the MOST unlikely pair of lovers, in everybody’s opinions, and, they were way too incompatible for one another too, but still, fate, wanted to play a HUGE joke on them, and so, they “united”.

Thus started their turbulent love, the very first night she came home late from work, he’d thrown that vase that was one of their wedding presents at her, it nearly hit her head, and, she wasn’t going to just take it lying down, oh no, she grabbed an umbrella by the door, and threw it back at him too, and that nearly hit his legs, and, after that very first storm blew through their love nest, all is now, quiet, on the “western front”, because they’d made up.

A turbulent love, they’d shared, it’s a fatal attraction, I suppose, that drew them toward one another, and, because NOBODY has anything good to say about them being together, that was what driven them to move in.  And the problems surfaced after that very first week, he could NEVER pull the toilet seat up, and she’d left her used tampons all over the bathrooms, and, the smallest matters had gotten on both their nerves, and, before you know it, swords were being thrown at one another through mid-air.

A turbulent love, and, it too, ended, turbulently, as that, was the way it goes.  She’d said something insulting to him for the very last time, because he got mad, and the alcohol only exacerbated to how he’d interpreted her words too, and, he’d stabbed her several times with a pocket knife, which, was, ironically, a gift from her for his birthday too, and, once her blood started staining his pant legs, he was, wide awake again, and, realized what he’d done, he’d pulled the trigger on himself too………

 

 

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Threatening to Get Back Together

Dangerous lover alert!!!

Threatening to get back together, because I need you in my love, darlin’, I can’t live without you, you’re everything to me, now I know, I shouldn’t have gotten drunk and came home late that night, and beat the SHIT out of you, but, had I not gotten FIRED by my DICK HEAD boss, and as I’d left the office, I can feel my coworkers, laughing AT me, I wouldn’t have needed to go to that local bar to get WASTED, and, had you not NAGGED me nonstop after I got home from drinking, then, I wouldn’t have HIT you, and punched your eyes!

And now, after that nasty hangover, I saw things more clearly, and I realized, that I shouldn’t have hit you, and so, that, is why, I’m on my knees (if you want to make it believable, get on ALL FOURS!!!), begging you please, please forgive me, and I promise I will NEVER lose my temper, or beat the SHIT out of you again.

And, because you still wasn’t moved, I got MAD, because it’s MY incompetence that caused me to lose you, but, I don’t want to admit to myself, that I am, indeed, incompetent, and so, I projected my anger onto you.

Threatening to get back together, and, so what if you got back together, is the relationship mended?  Or, is it even MORE broken from before?  After all, you’d FORCED the other person to take you back, against her/his will, didn’t you?  So, how can you be sure, that her/his heart will forever BE true?

Threatening to get back together, and if you don’t, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll SET myself on F-I-R-E in front of you, so you can watch me B-U-R-N, and, after I die, you’d be left with the guilts, of NOT allowing me back into your life.

What DOES this sound like?  Emotional blackmail, abuse, THE V-I-C-I-O-U-S C-Y-C-L-E?  Hmmmmmmmmmmmm, what do Y-O-U think???

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A Father Took His Five-Year-Old Daughter to Jump a Ditch, and Was Forcibly Hospitalized

 

And that still makes you an UNFIT parent!!!  From the Front Page Sections, translated…

A man, Jiang, who’s been diagnosed as emotionally unstable, was displeased at how his wife kept ignoring him, he’d set his house on fire, then, used a screw driver, took his daughter hostage, and jumped, with her, into a deep ditch, and was in a stand-off with the police for two whole hours; and the police took advantage of the time when they’re handing him a cigarette, to carry the little girl who’s shocked away, and forced him into the hospital, after he was charged with public endangerment.

“Would daddy burn us to death?”, every time the child spoke of her uncertainties, the family would also fear; in order to prevent any more threatening behaviors from Jiang to his family, the families hoped he could get the complete care and hospitalizations he will require.  The Sanitary Department stated, that they will get a medical doctor’s opinion on the matter, then, see if there’s a need for forced hospitalization.

The man in charge of the Center for Domestic Violence Prevention, Lin pointed out, that last year, they’d listed the Jiang household as a high-risk family, and had sent social workers to visit them regularly, and giving them counsel and the situations are improving, and that Jiang had lost it two days ago, they’d already helped Jiang’s wife and kids by filing an emergency restraining order against Jiang.

The police investigated and found, that the thirty-eight year-old man had been unemployed and stayed at home for awhile now, and the household relied on outside charity, along with government assistance to get by; recently, Jiang’s personality had changed, and every time he’d gotten into a disagreement with his families, he would start throwing things, and had multiple times, set fires to his own place of residence.

Even though, the family had multiple times, scheduled him for hospital stays, but he’d always manage to sneak out.  The nurses from the public sanitations department had three-times, helped him to get hospitalized, but, he’d locked the bedroom doors from the inside, and, the nurses considered that he might be emotionally unstable, and so, they’d left him alone, and didn’t force their way into his room.

At the start of the month, Jiang first used a knife to threaten to kill his own wife, on the 24th, he’d set his own house on fire, the D.A. allowed him to make bail.  Two days ago, in the morning, Jiang was displeased at how his wife ignored him when she was cooking, he’d committed arson once more, and had used a screw driver, and forcefully took his own five-year-old daughter, and jumped into the ditch next to his house, claimed that he will take his own daughter to die with him.

Jiang had several times, pushed his daughter’s head under water as threats.  And, the patrol officers who were called to the scene worked hard to console him, wanted him to think more on his own, along with his daughter’s behalf, and asked his wife and made communication between the couple possible, but they’d still argued nonstop.

The police saw how shocked the little girl was, and was struggling and wailing in her father’s arms, and the police pretended to hand Jiang a cigarette, wanting him to calm down so they can talk; as Jiang reached for the cigarettes, the officer managed to get the child, and, the rest of the crew rushed up, and pulled him onto the ambulance that took him to the city’s care facility, and the child who was still under shock was sent back with Jiang’s eldest brother.

And so, because you were unstable, you jeopardized your own child’s life, what SORT of a father are you?  And, you SHOULD be forcibly hospitalized, whether or NOT you like it, because something IS wrong with you, after all, you’d made your families live in fear for their lives every single day, and that, is how there are still so many unstable adults, and, the ones who suffered the most are still the kids!

 

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Wanting to Keep Her Dignity, She’d Filed for Divorce at the Age of Ninety

Imagine the SHITS that this woman MUST’VE put up with, from the Front Page Sections, translated…

The ninety-year-old woman, Yu stated that her husband is authoritarian, must have things his ways, and that they’d lived separately for over twenty years now, and she wanted to fight for own freedom, to end their sixty-six years of marriage together; on the first trial, the judge allowed for the divorce, but the Highest Courts used the rule of “nothing majorly wrong with the marriage”, to toss out the previous rulings.  The elderly woman held a press conferences and cried, “When I’m still alive, I will NOT be his widow; and when I’m dead, I will NOT be buried alongside his family”, hoped that for the rest of her life, she could “live as a free and a dignified woman”.

The elderly woman already appealed, and now the case is being reviewed by the highest court, she’d had her walker yesterday, with a mask, accompanied by the women’s activist group, along with her two daughters-in-law to a press conference, and, she started shaking uncontrollably and cried as she got so moved when she told them what had happened.

Mrs. Yu said, that a lot of people asked her, why at her age, she’d insisted on divorcing?  Because her husband is a very traditional Taiwanese macho man, and, when she didn’t comply with him, he would verbally abuse her; in her household, she’s a woman without her own voice, and when they’d gone on outings together, she can “only follow behind him like a dog”.  Later she’d moved into the residence of her eldest son, and during the separations, she’d wanted to divorce, but the husband would NOT allow for it, he’d even torn up the divorce papers and flushed it down to the toilet, which forced her to go to court.

Mrs. Yu stated, that even though the first trial approved of the divorce, but the highest court ruled that “after the separation, they’d still met up or gone out together, and during which time, there had been arguments, but there’s nothing so major in the marriage that it couldn’t be continued”.  She’d claimed, that during her separation, she’d only gone with her husband to her grandson’s graduation, and another time was because he’d signed up for a tour, but when they met, they’d had an argument, which proved that there was NO more love left.

But the high courts stated, that eve3n though Mrs. Yu could NOT stand how her husband threw away the gift she’d given him and abused her dog, cussing her out, etc., etc., etc., but since 1990 when they’d separated, they’d still gone together to hang out with their children on holidays or weekends, and would give each other items, help each other out in daily living, and call one another up to show care and concerns, and back in 1990, 1992, and 2005, they’d gone abroad together, that the courts can’t rule that the marriage is beyond repair that there’s still hope.

And so, why can’t they just get divorced, under the rules of “irreconcilably difference”, after all, this woman HAD put up with this man’s BULLSHIT her whole life, and now, she wanted to do something FOR herself, and the courts do NOT allow for it, and that, would be a breach of HER basic human rights, wouldn’t it???

 

 

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